Wicked Thoughts

I’ll have no. 4

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Doing good is good for you: “American scientists have found different types of happiness have surprisingly contrary effects on our genes. UCLA research found that people who derive their happiness from helping others have strong antibody genes, while people who get their kicks from self-gratification can suffer from low antiviral and anitbody gene expression. People who are do-gooders have high levels of ‘eudaimonic well-being’. They derive their happiness from a deep sense of purpose and meaning in life showed favourable gene-expression profiles in their immune cells. Those studied from this happiness group had low levels of inflammatory gene expression and strong antibody and antiviral genes. However, individuals who have high levels of ‘hedonic well-being’ – the type of happiness that comes from consuming goods and self-gratification – showed the opposite. This group of people showed high inflammation and weak antibody and antiviral genes.”

A French château which can be yours for just $725,000: “With its turrets, gabled roof, lush mature gardens and stunning views over the rolling French countryside, this grand château surely is the stuff of expatriate dreams. So it might come as quite a surprise that it is on the market for less than the price of a modest London flat. This luxurious French château is being advertised as a holiday home for a British family – for just £475,000. The 18th century manor house has been used as a holiday getaway for the last ten years but the English owners can no longer find the time to visit. They put it up for sale at €650,000 but have knocked €100,000 off because of a slump in French property sales. The spiral stone staircase is one of the most stunning features of the house: Elsewhere modern minimalism has been merged with traditional design. The château near the small town of Miramont in the Lot-et-Gironne region of south-west France is on the market for the same price as a one-bedroomed flat in London.”

Protestants are ‘more creative’ than Catholics and Jews because they don’t have an adequate outlet for their feelings: “Protestants are more creative than Catholics and Jews, new research has found. Researchers from the University of Illinois wanted to test a previously-held theory that introverted people who suppress emotions about sex and depravity are more creative than people who are more open and extroverted. They discovered that Protestants, or people who grow up in a Protestant communities, can channel suppressed emotions more effectively than their Catholic and Jewish counterparts. The research, led by Emily Kim along with Veronika Zeppenfeld and Dov Cohen, claims that its not that Jews and Catholics don’t suppress the same feelings about sexual taboos as Protestants, but they channel it into feelings of guilt, rather than through art or creative means. Kim et al said: ‘Protestants who had major problems or marked difficulties related to sexual taboos and depravity anxieties showed greater creative achievements in their lives. ‘They had more publications and creative accomplishments in other areas (and also) disproportionately chose jobs in the most creative occupations.”

‘Do you want to have sex with me?’ Young attractive woman propositions men on the street for social experiment: “A young and attractive woman who approached random men on the street for sex has revealed that half of them turned her down flat. Her first target is a man coming out of a grocery store, who not only rejects her – he gets angry and calls the police. It’s obvious that even the men who want to sleep with her seem suspicious – or think that the whole thing must be a joke. But some of them obviously want to hold on to the fantasy. After she assures him that she’s sober and in her right mind, he relents and says ‘you can come to my house if you want.’ ‘Pretty please?’ she says to a man who appears to be in his twenties. ‘You can just kind of lay there, and I’ll just do my thing.’ He hesitates, but agrees and is seen walking off camera with her. Her blunt behavior also leads to some very funny exchanges. ‘Mom, I’ll have to call you back,’ one guy says when she interrupts him mid-conversation. In total, Andrea had seven men take her up on her offer and seven rejections. But everyone she approached, even the men walking with girlfriends, seemed to be in a good mood when she left.”

Stay-at-home mothers are the happiest: Women who don’t return to work suffer less from feelings of boredom and worthlessness: “Stay-at-home mothers are more likely to think their lives are worthwhile than women who go to work, a study of national happiness suggests. They tend not to suffer from boredom, frustration or feelings of worthlessness, according to the research on Britain’s wellbeing. Full-time mothers gave the value of their lives a score of eight out of ten, compared to 7.8 for people in work. Data also revealed that married people are significantly more contented than cohabitees and much happier than single or divorced people. The findings will add further pressure on the Government to change the treatment of married couples where only one partner works. While those who stay at home scored the worth of their lives higher than those who go to work, scores for happiness, life satisfaction and anxiety levels were broadly the same.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Russian phone thief – Messes with wrong woman

This footage was taken from a subway station in Russia. You see a man come down the stairs and try to steal a phone from the woman leaning against the wall. Let’s just say this was not the right woman to mess with. The woman would appear to know Systema, the Russian martial art. The key move on this occasion would appear to have been a kick in the goolies.

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Woman sent birth certificate listing her as a man: “Sandra Doyle is quite positive that she is a woman. So she was startled to discover her gender listed as “male” on a copy of her birth certificate issued by the Queensland office of Birth, Deaths and Marriages. Ms Doyle, who now lives in Canberra, requested a copy of the document in order to get accredited as a security guard. What she received was an official certificate riddled with errors. As well as her gender reversal, her mother’s surname, age and birthplace, her father’s surname, and her grandmother’s full name were all incorrect. The section for siblings was also left blank, even though Ms Doyle has two older brothers and one older sister. The 45-year-old said she was baffled by the mix-up because her application for the certificate had been thorough. The 45-year-old said the BDM staff member she spoke to said the processing of birth certificates was done “offshore”.”

Saudi women with attractive eyes may be forced to cover even them up: “Women with attractive eyes may be forced to cover them up under Saudi Arabia’s latest repressive measure, it was reported yesterday. The ultra-conservative Islamic state has said it has the right to stop women revealing ‘tempting’ eyes in public. Women in Saudi Arabia already have to wear a long black cloak, called an abaya, cover their hair and, in some regions, conceal their faces while in public. If they do not, they face punishments including fines and public floggings. One report on the Bikya Masr news website suggested the proposal was made after a member of the committee was attracted by a woman’s eyes as he walked along a street, provoking a fight. The woman was walking with her husband who ended up being stabbed twice in the hand after the altercation.”

How to avoid parking on the double yellow lines: “The driver of this car raised eyebrows when he left his Toyota Yaris perched on a kerb two feet above the road. The vehicle, driven by an elderly man, was considered to be so dangerous that police had to close the road. Julian Road, near the junction with Lansdown Road in Bath, Somerset, was closed to other traffic while officers were safe-guarding the car. The driver, however, was nowhere to be seen. Although it looked as though it would tip down onto the winding street below any moment, the the driver obviously thought it was stable enough to leave there. The unusual parking was spotted by IT worker Toby Willmott as he made his way to work in Bath. He said: ‘I just couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw this. ‘I don’t know how someone was able to even drive their car into such a position, let alone manage to get out of it while leaving it like that.”

Man sent to remove graffiti finds himself turned into a graffito: “Sent to clear up some unwanted graffiti, this workerman couldn’t have imagined he would be the inspiration for the next work on the very same wall. But this is the moment an artist decided to turn an image of the man sent to remove his artwork into art. Stencil artist – who is known only as ‘DS’ – created his first piece ‘Bad Kitty’ on a wall in London as an amusing comment on the ‘squeaky clean image’ of the Hello Kitty character. DS, who is 28, and from London, created his artwork in May but eight hours later he was surprised to see someone already in the process of removing it. Deciding to document the act of erasing his work, DS took photos of the moment and then used one to show the man that removed it. Amazingly the artwork featuring the mystery man has not been removed and is still on the wall in Essex Road, Islington, today.”

Ultimate in downsizing: The £17,000 micro-house that covers just 65sqft and has a kitchen, bedroom and shower: “He is famed for designing Europe’s largest skyscraper, The Shard in London, and now Italian architect Renzo Piano has gone back to grass roots to create a tiny 65 sqft micro-house with enough room for a kitchenette, shower, bed and even storage. The wooden structure is called Diogene, has a living space of just 2.5 metres by 3 metres and is currently installed at the Vitra Campus in Germany. The front of the building has a living room, separated from the bathroom in the rear, and the £17,200 micro-house also has a water collection system that harvests rainwater, and is powered by solar panels. The interior is split into two halves with a living room in the front, consisting of a pullout sofa, folding table, chairs and storage. In the rear of the house, behind a partition, is a small kitchen with electric stove and fridge, a shower and toilet, and more storage.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

5 Doctors Who Gave The World’s Worst Medical Advice

Going to the doctor can be an ordeal even before your bunions are properly diagnosed as leprosy — among those forces conspiring to test your patience are interminable waits, loud children, and shitty magazines.

Some medical professionals, however, seem to go out of their way to elevate the entire experience from “horrible” to “hellish” in a way you just can’t learn in medical school. Here are five real MDs who make Gregory House look like Dr. Dolittle.

#5. The Doctor Who Prescribed Fellatio

Some medical problems require creative solutions, and sometimes those solutions involve wrangling someone’s junk in your pie-hole. When a woman in Sacramento told her surgeon that her sensitive gag reflex might complicate an upcoming upper-gastrointestinal endoscopy, Dr. J. Peter Zegarra told her that she “should be giving her husband a blow job at least twice a week to address her issue.”

He then presumably high-fived her husband while an orderly played the riff from Motley Crue’s “Dr. Feelgood.”

Is this a thing doctors do now? You slip them a 20, and they tell your wife they need to give you a BJ or they’ll die? Needless to say, Zegarra ended up getting reprimanded by the California Medical Board. Moral of the story: Doctors, don’t learn your bedside manner from Menage a Triage 5: The Boner Emergency.

#4. Doctor Refuses to Give Birth Control Until Women Have Completed “Reproductive Duty”

Doctors have every right to be religious, but not to be complete douchenozzles about it. When a woman in Blenheim, New Zealand, went to see Dr. Joseph Lee to renew her birth control prescription, Dr. Lee said, “Nope,” and told her she couldn’t have the pill until she fulfilled her “reproductive job” by popping out at least four kids consecutively.

Instead, he instructed the woman to use the rhythm method, which is basically playing Russian roulette with the days of the week. And this isn’t a one-time thing: Dr. Lee has been saying the same thing to patients as young as 16, telling them that getting pregnant might be “their destiny.” So, good news, teen moms — you’re basically Jedi Knights!

#3. Doctor Charges Man $95 for Unasked 10-minute Lecture

A man in St. Louis was seeing an orthopedic surgeon when the doctor suddenly went into a 10-minute diatribe about the dangers of smoking. We should mention at this point that the patient was a 68-year-old man, not some clueless teenager, and that he’d come to the doctor because of a hurt ankle. The kicker came a few days later when the man got a $95 bill for a “smoking consultation”:

The hospital where Dr. Jeffrey Johnson works said it’s a common practice to bill for a consultation lasting for more than three minutes, even if the patient didn’t ask for it. Please keep this in mind the next time your doctor just opens the Wikipedia page for “cancer” and begins reading it out loud.

#2. Doctor Diagnoses Black Woman with “Ghetto Booty”

Terry Ragland from Tennessee went to see her local doctor because she was suffering from lower back pain. Was it sciatica? Spinal stenosis? Osteoarthritis? Nope: Upon examining her X-rays, Dr. Timothy Sweo offered his diagnosis: “Ghetto booty.” The doctor then explained to the stunned patient that there is no cure for ghetto booty.

After deservedly getting in deep shit, Dr. Sweo clarified that he meant to say the woman had a curvature of the spine that caused her posterior to protrude, but tried to put that in terms she could understand, which is presumably why he also delivered the diagnosis by rapping and breakdancing on the floor.

#1. Worst Brain Surgeon Ever Demands License Back

Veteran neurosurgeon Dr. Wlodzimierz Szepielow was suspended from practicing medicine in 2007 when a patient died under his care. In an attempt to prove he still had it, Szepielow scored an unprecedented 17.5 percent on his medical knowledge test and broke the air pipe of a plastic dummy while trying to give it CPR. That’s when the guy said “Welp, had a good run, time to retire,” right? Nope: He demanded his license back by complaining that the test was “too stressful,” because apparently being a brain surgeon is the chillest job ever.

Szepielow is now threatening to sue the Fitness to Practice panel for how they described his skills — we imagine their official report consisted of a GIF of a penguin repeatedly falling down — while at the same time insisting they should hire him to assess other doctors. Are we sure this guy didn’t operate on his own brain at some point?

Original story here

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Bungling bank: “A BANK in the US says a bad GPS navigator is the reason it repossessed the wrong house – and threw out all the possessions inside. Homeowner Katie Barnett says her McArthur, Ohio, home was wrongly repossessed while she was away with her family last month. When they returned to the house, the locks had been changed and many of their belongings were missing. Ms Barnett wants the First National Bank of Wellston to give her $US18,000 ($19,400) for the lost items. She says the bank wants her to show receipts for everything that’s missing. First National CEO Anthony Thorne says the bank wants to compensate the family “fairly and equitably” but the items Ms Barnett is claiming doesn’t match up with what the bank’s employees removed. The bank says the house it meant to clean out was on the same street

Brave five-year-old girl hailed a hero for scaring off thug by dialling emergency after he broke into house and punched her mother: “A five-year-old girl has been hailed a hero after she scared off an intruder who had broken into her home and attacked her mum by dialling 999. Brave Celina-Jayne Boxall grabbed the phone and told police someone was in her house as a thief stormed in and punched her mother in the face. The cowardly attacker was so stunned by the schoolgirl’s quick-thinking actions that he ran off empty-handed from the house in Hinckley, Leicestershire. Incredibly, the dramatic incident is not the first time Celina-Jayne has saved the day with an important 999 call. Just weeks earlier, she dialled for an ambulance after her four-week-old baby brother stopped breathing and turned blue. As mum Stevie Boxall, 28, tried to resuscitate her baby, the schoolgirl dialled 999 and ambulance crews were sent out to revive the tot.

Raped Indian woman gets revenge: “A woman has confessed to the brutal murder of doctor Satish Chandra after surrendering at the Govind Nagar police station. The doctor was found dead with his throat and genitals slit, at a government guesthouse on July 21 in Govindnagar, Kanpur. The next day, a courier boy turned up with a parcel at Govindnagar police station. On opening the packet, the police were shocked to find male private parts and investigations linked it to Chandra’s murder. Preeti has confessed to the crime, claiming Chandra was exploiting her physically and mentally over the past 13 years and was now eyeing her sister. Talking about the murder, she said: “He called me to the guesthouse on July 21. I mixed sedatives in his alcohol and after he became unconscious, I slit his throat and genitals with a surgical knife,” she confessed.”

Abandoned New York power station now used for zombie movies and gang initiations: “Just three kilometers north of the upper reaches of Manhattan, where the city gives way to the Hudson Valley, an eerie relic of industrial America rusts quietly on the banks of the Hudson River. The Glenwood Power Station was built in 1906, designed by the same architects who created the majestic Grand Central Station, but today it’s better known as the ‘Gates of Hell’. The massive building is shrouded in mystery, a decaying monument to America’s industrial past, but it once powered the city’s newly-built subways, pumping energy to the electrified rails and moving New Yorkers about their modern city. In 1968, new technologies rendered Glenwood’s turbines obsolete and the station was finally abandoned. Its skeletal form rusts and topples and some allege it’s become the scene of brutal gang initiations and other deviant activities. The building makes the perfect backdrop for creepy thrillers and zombie movies”

Outrage after Indian boy selling candy and cigarettes on the streets in Mexico City is humiliated by heartless government inspector: “A 10-year-old Indian boy in Mexico was heartlessly humiliated by a city inspector for selling cigarettes, candy and snacks on the street. The inspector, Juan Diego Lopez, caught Manuel Diaz Hernandez illegally selling cigarettes, candy and snacks Monday from a wooden basket in Villahermosa, Mexico – the capitol city of the Gulf state of Tabasco. In a video captured by witnesses, the inspector grabs the basket and makes the boy throw out all the candy before swiping the cigarettes himself. After the incident the video was posted online and in just one week the story went viral, one video getting over a million views, which has caused an outpouring of support for the targeted boy. On Wednesday the city announced that they had fired Lopez. Then the governor of Tabasco, Arturo Nunez, said that he would be giving the boy ‘a scholarship as well as all medical and psychological help’ in an announcement Thursday.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Dogs are people too

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Pregnancy prank in Egypt sends men running for cover after baby pops out and chases after them: “A heavily ‘pregnant’ woman is seen grabbing her stomach as she staggers along a seafront promenade. Her partner anxiously tries to hold her up and calls a few men sitting on the wall for assistance as his wife goes into labour. The unsuspecting bystanders rush over and the mother, wearing a ankle-length blue dress grabs one of their hands as she flails around in distress. She is gently led over to lean against her partner on a nearby car as the men continue to fuss around her. She then dramatically throws her arms back and is guided to the pavement by the group. Suddenly, she opens her legs and a small person wearing a diaper with a bald patch emerges from under her dress. The baby then chases the men who have run away in horror at his appearance. The amusing scenario is repeated several times- in one case the woman lifts her dress and the little person springs out. The reaction seems to always be the same – the men sprint in horror from the scene.

It’s the real Iron Man! : “Standing in a room filled floor to ceiling with old irons, pensioner John Rollins shows his astonishing collection of the trusty household appliance. The 74-year-old has one of Britain’s largest collections of irons – amassed during three decades of scouring fairs, antique shops, and auction houses. He now owns a staggering 800 irons – which includes irons in all shapes, makes, sizes and colours, ranging from the first one he ever bought, a box iron right up to modern day steam irons. And his record breaking array of gas irons numbers no less than 240. But his passion for collecting irons has not quite stretched to using them – his second wife Avis, 67, still does all the ironing in the house.

Blondes may have more fun but it’s BRUNETTES who make the better lovers, men say: “Brunettes vs blondes: it is an age-old battle that is regularly contested. But while blondes are often cited as being more fun, it is brunettes who make the best lovers. According to the latest study, almost six of ten people (58 per cent) say brunettes are better in bed. The results showed that just 16 per cent of men asked about bedroom prowess chose blondes as the best lovers, followed by women with black hair (12 per cent) and red hair (9 per cent). Speaking about the new results, hairdresser Russell McGrath, operations director at Michael Van Clarke London, said: ‘Until now, brunettes have had fun quietly. ‘But now they’re outshining the blondes and are enjoying a sexier approach to life. ‘We find women often come into the salon asking to go brunette for a sexier look – from Elizabeth Taylor to Audrey Hepburn and Anne Hathaway, brunette starlets have inspired women for decades.”

New Zealand kicks obese chef out of the country because at 286 pounds he is too heavy: “An obese chef has been told he is too fat to live in New Zealand, even though he has lost 66lb since moving there six years ago. and his wife Marthie are now facing deportation from their Christchurch home and are living with his sister in Auckland as they fight the decision. w Zealand is the third most obese nation in the developed world, coming behind the US and Mexico. Albert is five feet ten inches tall and has a body mass index of 40, making him clinically obese. His wife Marthie said that his weight had not stopped Albert from working 40 hours a week as a chef. She added that their annual visas have been approved every year since 2007 with little problem. t at the start of May the couple were told they must leave as Albert’s health was no longer acceptable. Immigration New Zealand said that an applicant’s BMI must be under 35.”

Turkey clears bird of spying for Israel: “Authorities in eastern Turkey have cleared a small bird detained on suspicions of spying for Israel. The kestrel was discovered by residents of Altinavya, a village in Elazig province, wearing a metallic ring stamped with the words “24311 Tel Avivunia Israel”. Suspicious that the bird may have been on a spying mission for the Jewish state, villagers turned the bird over to local authorities, according to Turkish media. So great was the level of concern medical personnel at Elazig’s Firat University initially identified the kestrel as “Israeli Spy” in their registration documents. Intensive medical examinations – including X-rays – determined that the bird was, indeed, just a bird. There were no sign of microchips that might transmit information back to Israel, local media reported. The kestrel was allowed to fly off after authorities determined there was no need to press charges.

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Strange hat

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Squirrel infected with the BUBONIC PLAGUE closes major US campgrounds: “A plague-infected squirrel has forced the closure of numerous Los Angeles campgrounds. Routine testing of a squirrel trapped July 16 revealed this week that it had fleas carrying the bubonic plague, forcing the closure of a handful of campgrounds in Los Angeles, according to officials. Known as the Black Death, the disease killed millions across Europe during the Middle Ages. This is the third such case in the past six years. Of the four reported cases in Los Angeles since 1984, none have been fatal after being treated with antibiotics. Officials have closed Broken Blade, Twisted Arrow, and Pima Loops of the Table Mountain Campgrounds in the Angeles National Forest for at least seven days while flea control measures are enacted, according to a public notice. Further testing of squirrels will be done before the campgrounds are reopened.

Farcical scene in Britain as it takes seven firefighters, a police car and an RSPCA officer THREE HOURS to rescue a cat from a tree: “Emergency services were called when the ginger and white cat had been marooned up the tree for more than 48 hours. A fire engine and a hydraulic platform were sent to the scene in Cheltenham, Gloucestershire, along with a police car and an RSPCA inspector for the rescue operation lasting two hours. After two hours trying in vain to reach the cat the fire brigade deployed their hydraulic lift. When the fire brigade decided to deploy their hydraulic lift, the police car blocked the street to enforce a one-hour road closure. ‘They were worried the cat would fall so were there with tarpaulin ready to catch it. ‘But every time they tried to get close, the cat would go further up the tree.’

Man on a rail track as a train speeds over his body in reckless stunt: “Somehow the masked daredevil in this video survived after lying on a railway in Holland as a high-speed train sped over his body. The footage begins with the young man talking to the camera wearing a white mask before walking over to the rail line. Moments after he lies down, the train whooshes over him. He then stands up with obvious delight and performs a victory dance for the camera.

Armoured ‘temple’ train decorated in gold leaf and equipped with altar, belfry and choir that’s taking officials to religious celebration in Ukraine: “By car, by train, by foot, thousands are descending on Kiev this week to mark a special anniversary. But no ordinary train will do for Ukraine’s religious leaders as they prepare to celebrate the 1,025th anniversary of the ‘baptism of Kievan Rus’ – the medieval kingdom that first witnessed the conversion of the region’s pagans to Christianity. A special armoured ‘temple wagon’ – kitted out with church fixtures, including a belfry and choir – has been laid on to transport Russian president Vladimir Putin, Russian Orthodox Church leader Patriarch Kirill and other dignitaries to mark the religious milestone. The customised five-carriage train contains a vestry in place of a conductor’s compartment; an altar, lectern – and even a 50-litre container for run-off holy water. Modern Kiev is the birthplace of Christianity in what is now Russia, Belarus and Ukraine.”

Chipped breakfast bowl bought for 50p at a car boot sells for £20,000 after experts realise it’s a relic from Imperial China: “To the untrained eye this small white bowl looks like nothing out of the ordinary. And when it was snapped up by an unsuspecting couple at a boot sale for a mere 50p, they had no idea of its astonishing value. But this plain and slightly chipped bowl has just sold for nearly £20,000 at auction after sparking a bidding frenzy from the Far East. The antique turned out to be an 18th century relic from Imperial China. And even when experts confirmed it was a celadon jade bowl – a term which denotes the ceramic’s is pale greyish shade of green – with the mark of Chinese Emperor Qianlong on the bottom of it, they only valued it at £1,500. But such is the desire for Oriental antiques at the moment, largely down to the newly-rich Chinese buying back their heritage, the item sold for 10 times that amount.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Surprised by beauty

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

German tourist rescued after being stuck in Australian mudflats: “AN afternoon waterfront stroll for a German tourist turned into a major drama – and embarrassment – when he had to be rescued after being stuck in the mudflats for three hours. Emergency services were called to help Sebastian Palzer, 22, as onlookers watched on in bewilderment at the Cairns Esplanade. Mr Palzer, who was crying, also yelled at waiting media about respecting his privacy. After being rescued, the 22-year-old was hosed down by a waiting fire truck before being taken by ambulance to Cairns Base Hospital. “He is now very embarrassed because of the public attention and feels silly,” Mr Noble said. “Luckily, they were able to wash his passport so he can go home again.”

A baby buggy for dad: “Skoda has unveiled the ultimate baby buggy – an incredible one-off pram fitted with sports suspension and 20-inch alloy wheels. Engineers at the Czech car maker thought of the most luxurious modifications they could add to a humble pram. The result is a pushchair that has wing mirrors, high-spec brakes with brake lights, and headlights. It was created by a team of Skoda engineers who were given the task of bringing car qualities to everyday objects. It rolls on a set of wheels which have been fitted with all terrain tyres, with extra comfort provided by the sports seat and hydraulic suspension. The high performance all terrain buggy has been described as the ultimate baby carrier that is ‘fit for a king’. According to a survey of 1,000 fathers, two thirds say they would spend more time behind the wheel of a buggy if they had access to a more stylish model.

When a horse can’t turn around: “A girl who took her pet pony for a paddle in the sea dismounted and watched in horror as it panicked and drowned in front of her. The youngster had taken the ten-year-old horse Charlie for a ride to cool off in the water in Falmouth, Cornwall. But when she got off the pony it swam out to sea going ever further out as it got more and more distressed. Despite her efforts to reach him he died. Experts say horses cannot turn while treading water and will often just swim in a straight line. Members of Penzance coastguard rescue team and a lifeguard on Marazion beach tried and failed to rescue the pony. The pony’s owner, Bonnie Reynolds, of Penzance, said the ordeal had left her daughter traumatised. She said: ‘What horses do when they go out of their depth, if they haven’t got anyone to turn them, they will just swim in a straight line as they haven’t got the movement in their legs, without ground, to turn themselves.

Strange strawberry again: “Strawberries are certainly a versatile fruit, but not many take the shape of an animal. Matthew Edmonds, 11, was stunned when he went to pick up couple of strawberries from his family garden in Portchester Fareham in Hampshire and spotted a rather unusual looking piece of fruit. Instead of its usual heart-shape, the strawberry instead had a distinct likeness to a guinea pig. ‘I decided to leave it for a few more days so it could grow bigger and it just began to look more and more like an animal. ‘I didn’t want to eat it so I’ve just kept it. Matthew’s discovery came just a few weeks after another keen gardener found a strawberry which resembled a man’s penis.”

Are online critics actually loyal customers?: “People who write negative reviews on websites are often a retailer’s most valuable and loyal customers, American research suggests. Retail specialists at MIT and Northwestern University found the harshest of critics may not have brought the product they were complaining about, but had strong feelings about a service or brand. The study, which is the first to take an in-depth look at the behaviour of customers who write negative reviews online, has disproved popular theories that peeved competitors or oddball customers make the harshest critics. Professor Eric Anderson of Northwestern University and Professor Duncan Simester of MIT, examined over 325,000 online reviews written by customers of a large clothing company and examined more than 7,219 book reviews on Amazon.com to produce their study, ABC News reported. The experts concluded that a firm’s most loyal customers are also their most negative reviewers, or to quote a French maxim, ‘your best friends are also your harshest critics.’

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Spoonerisms: remembering William Spooner

On the anniversary of the birth of the Rev William Spooner, we honour his unintentional comic interchange of sounds, known as spoonerisms.

Spooner, who died in 1930, was an Anglican priest and scholar, he studied at New College, Oxford, before lecturing there for 60 years in history, philosophy and divinity.

He was apparently an amiable, kind and hospitable man though absent-minded. He also had a keen intellect, which is where his problems began. His tongue barely kept up with his thought processes resulting in an unintentional interchange of sounds, producing a phrase with a meaning entirely different from the one intended. Spooner is said to have disliked the reputation gained for getting his words muddled. Some examples:

Calling a famous Irish play “The Ploughboy of the Western World. (Playboy)

“Blushing crow” for “crushing blow.”

“The Lord is a shoving leopard” (Loving shepherd).

” A well-boiled icicle” for “well-oiled bicycle.”

“I have in my bosom a half-warmed fish” (for half-formed wish), supposedly said in a speech to Queen Victoria.

A toast to “our queer old dean” instead of to “our dear old Queen.”

Upon dropping his hat: “Will nobody pat my hiccup?”

“Go and shake a tower” (Go and take a shower).

At a wedding: “It is kisstomary to cuss the bride.”

Paying a visit to a college official: “Is the bean dizzy?”

“Such Bulgarians should be vanished…” (Such vulgarians should be banished).

Addressing farmers as “ye noble tons of soil”.

And, the classic: “Mardon me padom, you are occupewing my pie. May I sew you to another sheet?”

Disciplining an unruly student: “Sir, you have hissed all my mystery lessons and been caught fighting a liar in the quad. Having tasted two whole worms, You will leave by the next town drain” (down train)

“The weight of rages will press hard upon the employer”.

“Kinkering Congs Their Titles Take” (Conquering Kings)

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Would-be thief breaks into store and steals cash machine, dumps it after discovers it’s broken and empty: “A WOULD-BE thief who broke into a shop and hauled an ATM into the back of his hatchback has found the machine broken and empty. Police are hunting a man who broke into a store on Bryants Rd at Loganholme about 11.10pm on Wednesday night. Police say the man broke in through the back door of the Asian Gifts and Groceries store and stole the ATM, managing to get it into his dark-coloured hatchback. It was the only thing he stole, but it was quickly dumped when he realised it’s worth. The man was wearing a brown hooded jumper with a white pattern on the front, tracksuit pants and a balaclava. Police are still hunting the man.”

Driver’s £80,000 Bentley wrecked after it is driven into a wall when she left it at car wash: “A marketing executive who left her £80k Bentley at a car wash had to return 15 minutes later following a call from the police informing her it had been driven into a wall. Jessica Sawyer, 30, handed over the keys to the black soft-top convertible valet at the Wash and Shine car wash in Cheetham Hill, Manchester, as she went to work. But just 15 minutes later she was called by police after the car crashed into a wall in the reception area of the car wash. The collision left the vehicle’s bodywork completely wrecked to the tune of £48,000 and also destroyed part of the car wash building. Officers told Jessica that the driver may have mistaken the accelerator pedal for the brake on the automatic car. They were however unable to speak to him as he fled the scene and has still not been traced.”

Japanese women paid to put adverts on their THIGHS to catch the attention of men: “An advertising agency has hit upon a unique way of catching the attention of people living in ad-saturated Tokyo – use women’s thighs as a living billboard. Consumers in the Japanese megalopolis are notoriously hard to reach because of the sheer abundance of billboards, neon signs and huge TV screens pumping out commercials, so the WIT agency decided to put ads on a place men are happy to pay attention to. ‘It’s an absolutely perfect place to put an advertisement as it’s what guys are eager to look at and girls are OK to expose,’ said Hidenori Atsumi, the CEO of WIT. And it’s proving popular – so far more than 3,000 women have signed up to the scheme, which uses temporary tattoos of products or company logos. ITV reports that in order to be a walking billboard, participants must be 18-years-old and are required to have at least 20 friends on social media networks.

Man wins $1 million following fortune cookie advice: “THEY’RE the post-dinner treat renowned for their cryptic messages, but a fortune cookie was right on the money for one US man with the message “You will soon come into a lot of gold.” The advice inspired Massachusetts resident William Johnson to buy a $11 scratch lotto ticket the following day. He waited a few days before scratching the results, but when he did, found himself $1.08 million richer. He chose to collect the money in cash, receiving a one-off payment of $699,000 according to the Massachusetts State Lottery. Mr Johnson and his wife are now deciding what to do with the money, but are thinking about buying a lake house, the Lottery reports.”

Armed robber who broke into Indonesian house interrupts crime to feed and cradle crying baby while mother is tied up: “A violent armed robber who broke into a house interrupted his crime to feed and cradle a crying baby. The robber, who is a father, became perturbed during the robbery when he heard the baby crying and asked the tied-up mother what the child needed. As the mother and the baby’s nanny remained bound at their home in Tangarang, 20 miles west of the Indonesian capital, Jakarta, the robber then proceeded to mix baby formula, feed the child and rock him in his arms until he fell asleep. Jakarta police senior commander Herry Heryawan said the burglar, Kojek Mista, was unable to ignore his fatherly impulses and had to interrupt his crime – in which he and four other violent men, broke into the house with guns, swords, knives and crowbars – to care for the baby. The crooks were arrested at a house in west Jakarta later, when police seized two motorcycles, a machete and a crowbar, among other items.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Not hot enough?

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Man who had testicle removed discovers ‘cancer’ was actually varicose vein: “A man who was diagnosed with testicular cancer and had a testicle removed has claimed doctors ruined his life after it emerged he only had an enlarged varicose vein. Kevin Ratcliffe underwent radiotherapy for six months, had the inside of his left testicle removed, and was warned his treatment may affect his chances of having children after he was told he had a malignant tumour. The 23-year-old went to hospital for a check-up and doctors revealed he had never had the disease and the tumour was an enlarged varicose vein and a cyst. Despite previously being told he had beaten cancer by specialists at the Royal Shrewsbury Hospital, it emerged doctors had recorded the fact Mr Ratcliffe didn’t have cancer on his notes shortly after his misdiagnosis, but no one had bothered to tell him.”

A houseful of woolly pigs: “A Tasmanian couple has been ordered to get rid of dozens of pigs living in their east coast home. The home of miniature pig breeders Vicki and Morry Jackson has been taken over by more than 40 pigs. Mrs Jackson has spent eight years developing new breeds of woolly pigs, which are unique because of their long hair. For the past year, most of them have lived inside because of heavy rain, which has turned the Jacksons’ backyard into a muddy mess. Some are in pens that were once bedrooms and others roam free in the main living area, where the wooden floor is covered in pig feed and mud. The distinctive animals all have names and are a novelty for visitors to the small north-east town of St Marys. But neighbours have complained to the Break O’Day Council about their smell. The couple has to get rid of all but 10 pigs by the end of this month or risk a $650 fine if a State Government order is issued.”

Driver charged over car with no steering wheel: “A South Australian man is facing charges after he was allegedly caught using vice grips instead of a steering wheel to drive a car. Police said they saw a white Holden sedan being driven dangerously with two blown tyres on Sudholz Road in the Adelaide suburb of Gilles Plains. When the car was pulled over, police said there was no steering wheel and the driver was allegedly using a pair of vice grips to steer. The car was found to be unregistered and uninsured and already subject to a defect notice. Police also allege the vehicle was involved in a hit-run crash in Folland Avenue at Northfield just minutes before it was pulled over. A 38-year-old Northfield man is facing charges including driving while disqualified and returning a positive drug test.”

Tic-tac defense beats cellphone fine: “IN the end it was a simple case of mistaken identity – a box of Tic Tacs that somehow got mixed up with a mobile phone. Bondi mum Marina Alexiou yesterday walked smiling from Waverley Court after a magistrate declared she deserved the “benefit of the doubt” over a mobile phone fine. The primary school teacher faced a $298 fine after police pulled her over and accused her of handling a mobile phone while driving with her children along Old South Head Rd, Edgecliff, in December. She claimed she was holding a packet of Tic Tacs which her daughter had just handed her. Ms Alexiou told the court she was holding the box of sweets while she was stopped at lights waiting to turn into Edgecliff Rd, to drop her two children off at school. “I was looking at the box and reading ‘freshness in two calories’, which amused me,” she said. Highway patrol officers stopped her and accused her of using her phone while driving.

Palestinian American gets up to 25 years for stolen US$5 million lottery ticket: “A MAN convicted of possessing another man’s winning US$5 million ($5.4 million) lottery ticket has been sentenced to up to 25 years in prison. The prosecutor’s office says Andy Ashkar, who is of Palestinian descent, was sentenced Tuesday morning to between eight-and-a-third and 25 years for having the ticket that was stolen at his parents’ convenience store in Syracuse in October 2006. Prosecutors say Ashkar had stolen the winning scratch-off ticket from the real winner, Robert Miles. Lottery officials say they’re close to determining whether the ticket belongs to Miles. Mr Miles has said he took the ticket in October 2006 to Ashkar’s parents store. Ashkar told him the ticket was only worth US$5000, gave him US$4,000 in cash and took the rest “as the store’s cut”, the Post-Standard reports. Mr Miles says he protested but that Ashkar fled the store”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

From late at night

Jay Leno

Al-Qaida’s No. 2 man in Yemen was killed this week by a drone strike. He was doing a cover shoot for Rolling Stone and they were able to pinpoint him.

President Obama told a group of school children that broccoli was his favorite food, and they believed him. Then he told them Obamacare would reduce the deficit and the kids all busted out laughing.

According to a new study, inactivity can kill you. You can die from doing nothing. Believe me. These findings scare the hell out of the Congress.

President Obama told a group of school children that broccoli is his favorite food. You know, it’s one thing to lie to the voters, but when you’re lying to kids, come on.

NSA leaker Edward Snowden says he may seek asylum in Russia. Well, he should really love the freedom and openness of that society.

According to The Washington Post, the NSA has been monitoring phone calls and emails of people in Mexico. So apparently it’s not enough to spy on American citizens, they feel they have to spy on FUTURE American citizens as well.

Now that marijuana is legal in the state of Colorado, in Denver they’re talking about taxing it up to 35 percent. Suddenly those drug cartels don’t seem so greedy anymore, do they?

President Obama is currently on a week-long trip to Africa, where he will promote freedom, democracy, and economic opportunity. I guess he figured it hasn’t worked here — so try it somewhere else.

The Girl Scouts announced that their pension plan has a $347 million deficit. The Girl Scouts are $347 million in debt, so in addition to teaching girls about camping it also is preparing them for careers in government.

President Obama gave a big speech on climate change. He believes global warming is getting worse because apparently he’s sweating a lot more during his second term.

In the middle of all these scandals, President Obama got some good news today. The IRS ruled that he can write off the first half of his second term as a total loss.

David Letterman

It turns out the Pakistani police pulled Osama bin Laden over for speeding. Pulled him over and wrote the guy a ticket. So listen. I don’t want to hear any more of this nonsense about Pakistan being lenient on Osama bin Laden, OK?
Conan

In an interview about the New York elections, Eliot Spitzer, who you remember was caught frequenting prostitutes, described himself as a feminist. And Anthony Weiner described himself as a photographer.

President Obama’s approval rating is down to 44 percent. You can tell Obama’s getting desperate because today he gave a speech entitled “Hey, guys, the Twinkie is coming back next week.”

Detroit quarterback Matthew Stafford signed a new contract paying him $76 million. They’re paying him $62 million just to live in Detroit.

Pakistan now says Osama bin Laden was able to hide by wearing a cowboy hat. A Pakistani authority said, “I guess he just got lost in a sea of other Muslims wearing a cowboy hat.”

Republicans are already trying to paint Hillary Clinton as too old to be president. In fact, a new ad claims she’s so old that she could be a Republican.

In New York, the new front-runner in the New York City mayor’s race is Anthony Weiner. Some analysts say it’s due to name recognition. Actually, I think a few people recognize more than just his name.

Jimmy Fallon

Political experts say that Eliot Spitzer’s decision to return to politics could hurt Anthony Weiner’s chances of becoming mayor. Or as Spitzer put it, “See? I’m making things better already.”

Political experts are saying Joe Biden needs to start doing more fundraising if he wants to run for president in 2016. A lot of people are saying they’d definitely donate to a Biden campaign. Most of them are Republicans, but still.

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Death of beer drinking ‘king’ after downing six litres: “A ‘beer drinking king’ has died in Spain moments after lifting the trophy of a tournament where participants vie to swill the most pints of lager in 20 minutes. Spectators in Murcia watched with open mouths as Joaquín Alcaraz Gracia, 45, knocked back six litres of beer in record time last Wednesday. But their awe turned to horror as he lifted the coveted trophy and immediately began to vomit ‘without stopping’. Minutes later he passed out and never woke up, according to witnesses. Municipality vice president Pedro Rodríguez added: ‘He vomited a lot but I sat with him for ten minutes, and he was sleeping and snoring away.’ However, he was not sleeping but suffering from a massive heart attack. Paramedics were called and he was rushed to hospital. But medics were unable to revive him.”

Wonderful Japan: “DOZENS of Japanese train passengers pushed a 32-tonne train carriage away from the platform to free a woman who had fallen into the 20cm gap between the train and platform during the busy morning rush hour yesterday. The act of heroism was captured by a newspaper photographer, whose photo of the rescue ran in the Yomiuri daily’s evening edition. A public announcement that a passenger was trapped prompted about 40 people to join train officials to push the carriage, whose suspension system allows it to lean to either side, according to the Yomiuri newspaper, Japan’s largest daily. The unnamed woman in her 30s was then pulled out uninjured to applause from onlookers at JR Minami-Urawa station, just north of Tokyo. After just an eight-minute delay, the train went on its way.” [That short delay is the real marvel. Anywhere else nothing would have happened for hours while official “investigations” went on]

France the most tolerant of brief swimwear: “THERE’S one country in the world where 91 per cent of the population say tiny triangle swimmers for men are totally acceptable. Australia is not that place. The survey, taken across 21 countries, quizzed more than 8000 consumers who had taken a beach holiday in the previous year or planned to in the coming year. Among other questions, it asked holiday-makers whether Speedos were an acceptable form of beachwear. Unsurprisingly, most Australians said they would never wear budgie smugglers in public. But in France, despite only 13 per cent of men saying they would actually put on the tiny tight bathing suit, 91 per cent said it was fine for others to don the iconic swimwear. You’re most likely to see people actually wearing budgie smugglers in South America – with 22 per cent of people saying they’d pull them on for a day at the beach. The United States is divided on whether budgie smugglers actually rate as swimwear with only 50 per cent saying they are acceptable.” [Speedos were invented in Australia so the fitter Australian politicians sometimes still wear them!]

Kitten nearly dies from vegan diet: “A KITTEN has almost died after its owners fed it a strict vegan diet. The horrific case at a North Melbourne animal hospital has prompted a warning about the dangers of people “forcing ideologies” on their pets. Lort Smith Animal Hospital veterinarian Leanne Pinfold said the kitten was brought in this month by its owners, who were believed to be vegan. She said the kitten’s diet of potatoes, rice milk and pasta had caused it to become critically ill. “It was extremely weak and collapsed when it came in. It was almost non-responsive,” Dr Pinfold said. The kitten was given fluids via a drip, placed on a heat pad and fed meat. It remained in hospital for three days after which the kitten’s owners were given meat to feed their pet at home, she said. Dr Pinfold said as obligate or true carnivores, cats needed meat to survive. She said people who wanted a pet that did not eat meat should consider other animals, such as rabbits.”

Magician scares the life out of passersby with creepy but hilarious “cut in half” illusion: “Magician and stand up comedian Andy Gross took his split-man prank out for a stroll recently, scaring the bejeezus out of innocent passersby. In a hilarious video, the joker appears to be cut clean in half and carrying his legs. He first marches into a park, surprising two women sitting on a bench having a refreshment. One of the women is so terrified when the man approached them in two separate pieces, she sprints at full pelt to a sandpit and falls over face first. The other woman bolts to her parked car screaming, and then speeds away. In the creepy footage, the legless torso then walks down the pavement and frightens another couple of women out for a stroll. Gross doesn’t give away the secret behind the illusion, leaving you guessing. In fact, he ramped up the scare-factor by growling at the unsuspecting strangers as he walks around holding his sawed off legs.” [Video at link]

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

A pencil sharpener for parsnips

The time saving invention could put an end to the tiresome process of slicing the skin off vegetables with a knife or a peeler. The Karoto operates just like a pencil sharpener, all a user has to do is insert the vegetable and twist

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Surprise! “Miracle” cure turns out to be bad for you: “Health supplements containing the ‘miracle ingredient’ from red wine could undo the positive effects of exercise, experts have warned. A daily dose of the antioxidant resveratrol cancelled out many of the benefits of a two-month-long exercise programme, a study found. With exercise alone, blood pressure and levels of ‘bad’ cholesterol and other harmful blood fats were lowered. But if combined with a course of supplements, most of the positive effects vanished, research published in the Journal of Physiology reports. Resveratrol has become increasingly popular as study after study has credited the compound with health-boosting properties, from extending life and battling obesity to warding off heart disease and obesity. However, most research is carried out on mice or rats, rather than in the human body.”

Healthy lifestyle protects sex life: study: “CLEAN living is key to men remaining virile after the age of 45, according to new research which shows sex, drugs and rock and roll is an oxymoron. It is almost inevitable that men will start experiencing erectile dysfunction as they get older. But those who are fit and healthy are at least risk, according to the research published in the latest issue of the Medical Journal of Australia. The likelihood of erectile dysfunction increases by 11.3 per cent every year once men hit the age of 45, say the researchers. But smoking, heavy drinking, sedentary lifestyle and conditions such as diabetes, heart disease and depression dramatically increase the risk. “Current heavy smokers are 86 per cent more likely to have erectile problems than other men and being obese doubles the risk. “Men can influence their sex lives later on in life. When other men might be losing their ability to achieve an erection, fitter, healthier non-smokers can lower their risks.”

The tuna that caught the fisherman “IT was an awesome catch – a 105kg tuna. But when Hawaiian fisherman Anthony Wichman finally hauled the whopping fish on board, his boat capsized under the weight. Unbelievably it got worse from there. Sky News reports the 54-year-old was thrown into the sea where his leg became caught in the fishing line, dragging him under water. Wrestling his way free before his breath ran out, Mr Wichman managed to climb back on board the wreckage of his sunken boat. He called his wife. She sent out a distress call. The US Coast Guard helicopter rushed to rescue Mr Wichman. He was taken to hospital with minor injuries while his friends arrived on a second boat to rescue his vessel and tow it back to port. The tuna? Remarkably, that was still attached to the line.”

Big crocs “too fussy” to catch: “WHO would have thought crocs were such fussy eaters? Frustrated wildlife rangers have changed the menu in a bid to catch the second of two wayward saltwater crocodiles spotted in the Mary River. A 2.6-metre specimen was sighted near Maryborough last week close to where rangers have been trying unsuccessfully to trap a 3.5m croc for 14 months. Both are hundreds of kilometres south of their usual habitat, traditionally between Cape York and Gladstone. Department of Environment wildlife director, Rebecca Williams, said whole chickens were being used instead of wild pig meat to entice the crocodiles into traps. The two animals are declared crocodiles of concern under the Crocodile Management Program due to their location south of the Boyne River. If caught, they will be transferred to a farm or zoo. Fishing enthusiasts using that section of the Mary River are urged to be “croc wise”.

Memory lapse doubles Vic lotto winnings: “For one lucky Melbourne woman, a memory slip paid dividends after she accidentally purchased two Tattslotto tickets for the same draw, and won both. The accidental lapse netted the woman in her 30s a cumulative total of more than $800,000 in division one prizes. The winner, who has chosen to remain anonymous, was stunned at the news and outlined plans on how she would spend the small fortune. “Half of that $835,000 will go towards the mortgage … I guess it’s a good thing we won twice so there’s some prize money left over,” she said. The woman purchased both tickets from Melbourne Central, but from two different stores.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.