Wicked Thoughts

Forza Italia!

It seems that the Minister for constitutional reforms in Italy, Maria Boschi (Lady in blue), did not choose the best outfit to sign on as Minister — but it is a photoshopped image. Below is another pic of the lady. Still quite a dish

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Archaeologists race to secure ancient burial site of three Egyptian kings that will make the treasure of Tutankhamun’s tomb look like a ‘display in Woolworths’: “An archaeology race is on to secure the ancient burial site of three Egyptian kings which contains relics that will outshine even that of Tutankhamun’s, it has been claimed. British archaeologist John Romer, 72, believes he has discovered the site where three ancient Egyptian priest kings – Herihor, Piankh and Menkheperre – were buried in Luxor, Egypt, almost 3,000 years ago. He claims the burial ground will yield such magnificent treasures that those discovered in the nearby tomb of Tutankhamun in the Valley of the Kings will seem like a ‘display in Woolworths’ in comparison. Like a plot out of an Indiana Jones movie, experts are now racing to secure the site called Wadi el-Gharbi, located in the cliffs on Luxor’s west bank, before the arrival of so-called treasure hunters and tomb-raiders. Romer told the Sunday Times: ‘Last week, three people were arrested by the army security services at Luxor for entering it.’

Lebanese restaurant owner places giant poster of SADDAM HUSSEIN in the window… and won’t remove it despite requests from police and council: “A Lebanese restaurant owner has placed a giant poster of Saddam Hussein in his eatery’s window. Ayyad Al-Hamdan, 43, the owner of This Is It in Harrow, north-west London, has sparked outrage among local residents by placing the picture of the ruthless Iraqi dictator on display. He has refused a request from council chiefs to remove the ‘offensive’ photograph, saying it is a political protest. Several people have left angry comments about it on the TripAdvisor review website. One Harrow resident said: ‘We live in a society where a cabbie can be told not to fly the St George flag in his car or people can’t display them in offices. And yet this guy gets away with posting a picture of Saddam Hussain in his window. It is utterly barmy.’

‘It’s a gift I’m thankful for every day!’ Woman who was gifted a Mother’s Day BOOB JOB by her family: “Whether scented soap, chocolates or just a cheerful bunch of daffodils, the majority of mothers will have woken up to a treat this morning. But last year, mother-of-four Kandy Noad, 35, from Staines, was the lucky recipient of a considerably more expensive gift – a brand new pair of 34DD breasts. 12 months on from the operation, Mrs Noad, who was desperately unhappy with the diminutive 34AA cup she had before, says the boob job has transformed her life. ‘I’ve never felt better and it has totally changed me,’ explains Kandy. ‘I feel so much more confident, I’ve lost weight and I feel like a new woman. According to Mrs Noad, being pregnant and breastfeeding her children Beth, 15, Chloe, 12, Daniel, seven, and Jamie, four, left her with what she describes as ‘shrivelled sacks’ instead of the pert bust she once had.”

China’s latest fad is breath of fresh air: Oxygen stations set up across the country so city dwellers can escape smog: “It is one of the most polluted countries on earth. So it may come as little surprise that the latest fad in China is literally offering its city dwellers a breath of fresh air. Numerous fresh air stations have been set up in some of China’s most polluted cities. The stations are stocked with individual air bags which provide users with pollution-free fresh air. And they have proved to be a big hit with one air station in Zhengzhou city in central China’s Henan province which was inundated with visitors. There was no shortage of takers as locals flooded to enjoy the free fresh air. It comes after just three of China’s 74 cities met the official air quality standards, according to the Ministry of Environmental Protection in China”

£33million watch is the most valuable in the world encrusted with 110 carats of rare coloured diamonds: “At a cost of £33 million, this new watch – believed to be the world’s most expensive – is proof that time really is money. The Graff Hallucination, designed by London jewellers Graff Diamonds, is a 110-carat watch coated in colourful rare diamonds. Graff Diamonds staff are said to have spent thousands of hours making the new ladies watch, which was unveiled at the Baselworld watch and jewellery fair in Switzerland this week. With a colourful layering of diamonds, it may not be the most efficient watch in the world, but it is certainly one of the most spectacular. Laurence Graff, the chairman and founder of Graff Diamonds, described the watch as a ‘sculptural masterpiece’.

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

GOLF DILEMMA

Imagine if you were playing in the club championship final and the match was halved at the end of 17 holes. You had the honor and hit your ball a modest two hundred fifty yards into the middle of the fairway, leaving a simple six iron to the pin

Your opponent then hits his ball, lofting it deep into the woods to the right of the fairway.

Being the golfing gentleman that you are, you help your opponent look for his ball. Just before the permitted five minute search period ends, your opponent says: “Go ahead and hit your second shot and if I don’t find it in time, I’ll concede the match.”

You hit your ball, landing it on the green, stopping about ten feet from the pin.

About the time your ball comes to rest, you hear your opponent exclaim from deep in the woods: “I found it!” The second sound you hear is a click, the sound of a club striking a ball and the ball comes sailing out of the woods and lands on the green, stopping no more than six inches from the hole.

Now here is the ethical dilemma: Do you pull the cheating bastard’s ball out of your pocket and confront him with it, or, do you keep your mouth shut?

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Drunk Japanese man falls onto railway and has leg severed by train but stays passed out for six hours: “The government worker from Saga Prefecture had apparently passed out on a platform at Karatsu Station following a boozy night with friends and had fallen onto the tracks. As he lay next to the railway line, his left leg was almost completely severed just below the knee by a train pulling into the station for the night. The train driver had not noticed him and incredibly it is believed the man remained asleep with his leg hanging off and the train on top of him for the entire night. Despite the extent of his injuries, the man who is in his fifties, was reportedly chatting to emergency workers after they finally arrived to take him to hospital. Japanese authorities said they believed the man had been out drinking with co-workers until around 8.30pm on Wednesday night. He had hoped to catch the 9.38 train to Saga but had failed to get aboard.”

Meet the oldest paper girl in the world: “When her grandson decided to give up his paper round, former Post Office worker Beryl Walker offered to take over his duties. Thirty-five years later and the 88-year-old is still doing the paper round in Gloucester. She has delivered some of the biggest news stories of the last three decades. Now, after clocking up thousands of miles delivering over a million newspapers on her bike, Beryl has been awarded the Guiness World Record for the oldest paper girl in the world. “If it’s five foot of snow, rain, sun, anything – she’ll be out there,” says a neighbour. Beryl gets up at 6am every morning, has a grapefruit for breakfast and then hops on her bike ‘Hercules’ to deliver papers to homes in Gloucester. She works six days a week and cycles over eight miles a day.”

The book Scientologists kept you from reading for 27-years: “A book Scientologists have kept off the shelves of American book stores for 27-years that alleges church founder L. Ron Hubbard was a fantasist with a predilection for bizarre sexual rituals is finally to be published. Written by British journalist Russell Miller in 1986, ‘Bare-Faced Messiah’ cuts a swath through the many myths the Scientologist chief built up around himself and exposes him as a charismatic charmer, who targeted celebrity devotees. Miller alleges that Hubbard lied about his service in World War 2 and that instead of the millions of members the church claims to have – in fact only counts around 25,000 people as followers. Now finally, it has been printed by Silvertail Books, with a newly written introduction from Miller. The Church wanted Bare-Faced Messiah’s publication halted on account of the copyright issues arising from Armstrong handing over Hubbard’s papers to Miller.”

One way to get pesky tenants out: “Police say an 86-year-old man shot his grandson in the head and then killed the grandson’s girlfriend before fatally shooting himself in New York City. Authorities say Heriberto Pagan, of Brooklyn, shot his 47-year-old grandson, Micheal Feliciano, in the cheek outside of a Staten Island house in Park Hill about 6:15 p.m on Friday evening before shooting 28-year-old Claritle Christina Huerta in the head inside the house. Huerta died at a hospital. The New York Daily News reports that Pagan ‘snapped’ because he felt his grandson and his girlfriend were taking advantage of his 69-year-old daughter Mildred Feliciano by living in her Staten Island home. A judge recently approved Mildred Feliciano’s request to evict her son Micheal who has multiple drug related charges. The court marshal has yet to receive the eviction notice.”

Woman is reunited with man she fell for on a plane: “A New York City woman who decided a guy she met on a flight was the man of her dreams managed to reconnect with him despite forgetting his name thanks to Twitter. Emily Domesek had some help from the kind folks at American Airlines, who she initially tweeted at to help her in her quest. They were slow to lend a hand, but when they did her message went viral. ‘Dear @AmericanAir: just got off my flight with my future husband, but didn’t catch his full name,’ Domesek tweeted in the first of a string of correspondences with the airline. And her persistence paid off. The airline declined to directly contact the mystery man, but they did give Domesek a platform that reaches over 780,000 followers on which to ask the public for help. ‘To close the book on this story. The universe brought us together & he’s amazing. FULL STOP. #romance CC: @AmericanAir,’ she wrote.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Mr Moth

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Infidelity starts three to five years into a marriage, says new survey: “Three to five years into a marriage is the most common time for the man or woman to have an affair, a new survey has claimed. According to research by AshleyMadison.com, the most commonly-used extra-marital dating website in the world, the ‘seven-year itch’ is a thing of the past. Not only does infidelity start much sooner than this, the site also concluded that a couple’s first pregnancy is likely to prompt an affair. Interestingly, the research showed that it is equally both men and women who are likely to cheat at this time. AshleyMadison has 25 million members in 35 countries around the world. It’s founder, Noel Biderman, says the time when a couple first have a child is so difficult, it can prompt one of the spouses to cheat. ‘Sexual desires and attractiveness may decrease during and after the birth of a first child and trigger affairs,’ he says.” The average age of AshleyMadison members is 30-40, with an equal amount of men and women seeking affairs.”

Alice in Wonderland’s house for sale: “This is the house where Lewis Carroll met the real-life Alice and stared into the looking glass that transported his much-loved character into another world. And all of it, including the famous mirror that the adventurous child walked through in the second volume of the author’s much-loved series of novels, could be yours for £1million. The three-storey, five bedroom house in Charlton Kings, Gloucestershire, a suburb of Cheltenham, was home to Alice Liddell and was where Carroll – whose real name was Rev Charles Lutwidge Dodgson – stayed for four days in the 1860s. The house still features the giant, ornately framed mirror that is said to have inspired the idea behind the second volume of his stories, Through The Looking Glass, and What Alice Found There. The property, last sold in 1981, was built for the Liddell family in 1862 and the daughters of Henry Liddell, the dean of Christ Church College in Oxford, were sent to live there when their mother was expecting her fourth child.”

Old ‘dazzle camouflage’ to be revived: “Two antique ships are set to be repainted with special ‘dazzle’ camouflage as part of an art project marking the 100th anniversary of the First World War. Modern artists are designing a unique pattern for the vessels, which are currently docked in London and Liverpool after being taken out of active service. The dazzle ships are based on the paint used to disguise British and American warships during the Second World War. They were decorated with black and white jagged lines in a bid to make it more difficult for the enemy to work out their exact position and the direction they were travelling. Dazzle camouflage, used during the First World War, was an example of the collaboration of art with national defence. Inspired by cubist and vorticist artworks, painter Norman Wilkinson proposed painting ships with jagged stripes and lines in a bid to cut down on the number lost to the Germans.”

Offroad tricycle: “Called the Juggernaut, the $2500 bike can ride with ease across snow and ice, and easily ride across curbs and steps. The father and son inventors claim its two front wheels give the bike far more stability. ‘The rider has the stability of three wheels, but rides in a more efficient upright position,’ the firm says. ‘The rider steers with more stability over curbs and steps without any special skills or training. ‘A rider can bank into a turn like riding a bicycle due to the shoulder-width distance between the two front wheels and the front suspension. The idea came from experiencing the challenges of carrying a surfboard on a bike with a surf rack to a local surf break and having to dismount to push the bike up stairs and through deep sand, the firm said. The company experimented with several designs, and now Rungu Trikes roll through deep sand and up short flights of stairs.”

‘I fell in love with his dog first’: “An animal lover met her husband-to-be on a dating site after falling for the online profile picture of his black pet Labrador. Katie Beddo, 31, from Darlington, County Durham, immediately thought ‘his owner must be a bit of a laugh to do that’, and decided to get in touch. Farmer Richard Craggs, 30, had been on Match.com for months without success, so for a laugh switched his profile image to one of his pet pooch George. But when dog-lover Katie spotted it she was so smitten by the cute Labrador she contacted Richard to praise him for his wit and adorable pet. Five years on and the pair have married, have a 12 week-old daughter Bethany and live together at Katie’s home. Primary school teacher Katie said: ‘I always wanted a dog so when I spotted George online it made me laugh and think ‘Aww how cute!’ Richard’s pet George is a working dog and helps him out on his brother and parent’s family-run farm”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

This Tiny Dog Wants ALL The Food — and is prepared to fight for it

While there appears to be plenty of food for both the bite-sized, chihuahua mix named Sadie and the big dog named Foxey, tiny Sadie wants it ALL

Video of the confrontation here

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Pet cats infect humans with TB for first time: “In the first ever recorded cat-to-human transmission, two people in England have contracted tuberculosis from pet cats thought to have ventured into badger setts. Both people were responding to treatment. Veterinarians believe domestic cats could be catching the disease by venturing into badger setts or from rodents that have been in badger setts. According to PHE, transmission of the bacteria from infected animals to humans can occur by inhaling or ingesting bacteria shed by the animal or through contamination of unprotected cuts in the skin while handling infected animals or their carcasses. However, PHE said it believed the risk of transmission from cats to humans was “very low”. Professor Danielle Gunn-Moore, a researcher in feline medicine who has been studying the presence of TB in cats, warned that people had become complacent about watching for the warning signs of the disease because there have been relatively few cases in recent years.”

Pope Francis accepts resignation of ‘bling bishop’: “Vatican City: Pope Francis has formally accepted the resignation of Germany’s controversial bishop of Limburg, the Vatican says. Franz-Peter Terbartz-van Elst, nicknamed the “bling bishop” by the international media, had been under fire for his luxury lifestyle and was indefinitely relieved of his clerical duties by Francis last year. The Roman Catholic bishop had faced outrage over an ostentatious building project at his official residence, which included a museum, conference halls, a chapel and private apartments, in the ancient town of Limburg in central Hesse state. The project was initially valued at €5.5 million euro ($8.4 million) but the cost ballooned to €31 million ($47 million), including a €783,000 ($1.2 million) garden and a €15,000 ($22,800) bathtub – using the revenue from a religious tax in Germany.”

Could taking paracetamol (Tylenol) during pregnancy harm your baby?: “A study showed that children who had been exposed to paracetamol for more than 28 days before they were born had poorer motor skills, worse communication skills and more behavioural problems by the age of three. The survey of more than 3,000 siblings showed the same trend was seen with paracetamol taken for less than 28 days, but this trend was weaker. Tests using ibuprofen showed no long-term effects on the child. The Norwegian Institute of Public Health looked into the possible effects of the drug which is the most commonly used medicine in pregnancy. The study examined data from the Norwegian Mother and Child Cohort Study to investigate the effect of paracetamol during pregnancy on development, behaviour and temperament at three years of age. By comparing children who were exposed to paracetamol during pregnancy with unexposed siblings of the same sex, researchers could control for a variety of genetic and environmental factors”

Do it for Denmark! Hilarious video calls on couples to travel and have more sex to boost the country’s population: “Couples in Denmark are being encouraged to travel to help boost the country’s falling birth rate in a hilarious new advert. The Do It For Denmark! clip explains how getting away from it all boosts men and woman's libidos – with a therapist claiming nearly half of couples have more sex when on holiday. And the tongue-in-cheek video says 10 per cent of all Danish children are conceived while abroad – with the producers Spies Travel offering a free holiday to anyone who conceives on one of its ‘ovulation discount’ trips. ‘The birth rate is at a 27-year low, and there are not enough children being born to support the ageing population."

A crashed plane that was not as it seemed: “Emergency services in the Canary Islands have been ridiculed after mistaking a shipping vessel in the sea for a crashed plane. The services tweeted at 3.01pm that a plane had landed in the water two miles off the coast of Jinamar in Gran Canaria. Shortly afterwards, international news agency Reuters reported the official announcement, with the news then featuring on the BBC, Sky News and other news outlets. At 3.09pm, the service’s Twitter account announced the mistake. Shortly afterwards, Reuters reported that a ‘big tugboat pulling a ship’ had been mistaken for an aeroplane by the services. In English, the first tweet, at 3.01pm, read: ‘Canaries air control has confirmed that a plane has fallen into the sea two miles off the coast of Gran Canaria near Jinamar. The number of passengers is not known.'”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

No sympathy

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Women banned from serving lunch to world leaders: “Blonde waitresses have been ditched in favour of more sober-looking men to serve world leaders their food at the Nuclear Security Summit currently taking place at The Hague. Dutch newspaper Algemeen Dagblad quotes the director of the catering company, Hans van der Linde, saying: “If 20 gentlemen are serving and three platinum blonde ladies, then that spoils the image. The personnel needs to act in as reserved a manner as possible, and you can’t achieve that by adding a couple of pretty, conspicuous ladies to the mix.”

100-year-old farm car could fetch $1 million: “A rare Mercedes more than a century old that was rescued from a harsh life on Australian farms has been tipped to reach $1 million at auction. The 105-year-old classic started life as a car for the sheep station manager at Isis Downs in Queensland, and spent 50 years in the bush before an Australian collector recovered the car in the 1960s, restoring it to condition fit for display. Automotive connoisseurs around the globe will watch with interest when Bonham’s auctioneers put the car under the hammer at the Mercedes-Benz museum in Stuttgart in July. Early estimates surrounding the vehicle suggest it could be worth €480,000 to €680,000, potentially more than $1 million locally. The 5.3-litre car was one of the first vehicles to transmit its power via a driveshaft as opposed to a chain or belt used in early automobiles.”

Crows are as intelligent as CHILDREN: Study reveals birds are as clever as a seven-year-old human: “Crows have a reasoning ability rivalling that of a human seven-year-old, research has shown. Scientists came to the conclusion after subjecting six wild New Caledonian crows to a battery of tests designed to challenge their understanding of cause and effect. The tasks were all variations of the Aesop’s fable in which a thirsty crow drops stones to raise the level of water in a pitcher. In the ‘water displacement task’, crows worked out how to catch floating food rewards by dropping heavy objects into water-filled tubes. They demonstrated an ability to drop sinking rather than floating objects, solid rather than hollow objects, to choose a high water level tube over one with low water level, and a water-filled tube over one filled with sand. The crows failed on two more difficult tasks, however. Nevertheless, the birds’ understanding of the effects of volume displacement matched that of human children aged between five and seven, claimed the scientists.

Super fit personal trainer and champion bodybuilder told she’s OBESE by bungling NHS nurse who claimed her BMI was too high and told her to ‘eat less move more’: “As a professional bodybuilder and personal trainer, Anita Albrecht’s toned physique is her living. But on a routine visit to an NHS clinic she was stunned to be told she needed to lose weight. After being asked to step on to the scales, she was informed she was borderline obese based on her body mass index. A nurse then told her she needed to begin a 1,000 calorie-a-day diet, which is half the recommended amount for a woman. Miss Albrecht, 39, yesterday said: ‘The information the nurse has given me is actually dangerous. ‘A thousand calories a day is only for people who are severely obese who are not active. They should only be on that for a maximum of 12 weeks – generally as a precursor to surgery.’”

‘Monster rat’ measuring a metre long terrifies Swedish family: “A gigantic rat measuring 100 cms from nose to tail has terrorised a family in Sweden after gnawing a tunnel into their house and setting up shop in their apartment in Solna, northwest Stockholm. The rat, who had been living behind the Bengtsson-Korsås family’s dishwasher, was discovered after the family cat began acting fishy. Assuming they had a pest problem of smaller proportions, they attempted to coax what they thought was a small mouse out of hiding. But it wasn’t until the rodent “rushed out of the garbage bag” and ran around the kitchen floor, that the family realised their uninvited house guest wasn’t your average house mouse. Exterminators were called in to solve the hefty problem with giant, industrial sized traps.

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Pretty pussies

Desert Lynx kittens

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

How putting your hand on your heart can make you MORE likely to tell the truth: “It is often seen during sporting events or anywhere the national anthem is played. However, putting your hand on your heart is far more than a patriotic act, researchers have found. They say it could actually make you more likely to tell the truth – and appear more trustworthy to others. Michal Parzuchowski and Bogdan Wojciszke of the University of Social Sciences and Humanities in Sopot say they found people more likely to tell the truth with their hand on their heart. ‘Four studies demonstrated that the emblematic gesture associated with honesty (putting a hand on one’s heart) increased the level of honesty perceived by others, and increased the honesty shown in one’s own behavior,’ the team wrote. ‘Target persons performing this gesture were described in terms associated with honesty, and appeared more trustworthy to others than when the same targets were photographed with a control gesture.'”

Henpecked family in fear of ‘holy terror’ pheasant: “An unpleasant pheasant is terrorising a Cambridgeshire farming family and leaving visitors and pets fearful of attack whenever they venture out of doors. In scenes worthy of a Hitchcock film, a furious pheasant is besieging a farmhouse and leaving a terrified family too fearful to venture outside without protection. Farmer’s wife Anne-Marie Hamilton said their feathered terrorist has also been menacing visitors to Wood Farm, attacking vehicles and chasing cats and dogs. A delivery driver was trapped at the farm in Weston, Cambridgeshire, for 20 minutes after the male bird blocked his path, flew at the bonnet and then chased his van. Mrs Hamilton, who described the pheasant as “a complete lunatic”, said family and visitors can only venture into the farmyard armed with “a big stick’ to deter the pheasant from attacking. “It’s an absolute nightmare,” said Mrs Hamilton. “Even when you can’t see him, you can hear him lurking about. He’s never far away so you can’t let your guard down. He’s a holy terror.”

Sleuths investigating deaths of 15 decapitated flamingos believed to have been attacked by yobs at German zoo admit it was probably a FOX: “Sleuths at Frankfurt Zoo investigating the death of 15 decapitated flamingos say they have found the culprit – a fox. Keepers found nine of the long-necked, pink birds dead in their enclosure on Friday, and another six on Saturday, some of which were beheaded as they slept. Zoo director Manfred Niekisch has voiced relief that the killings last week weren’t the work of a human, as initially feared. He says tests show the killer was a fox. The zoo now plans to lock the birds up at night, erect an electric fence and set live fox traps to prevent future flamingo massacres. Mr Niekisch said flamingos don’t normally cry for help when attacked.”

Who is the creepy Staten Island Clown?: “A mysterious clown has been showing up in public places across Staten Island for several days and residents of the New York City borough are reacting on social media with everything from laughter to fear to outright anger. The clown has thus far been known to hang out near train stations, in front of bank in broad daylight and behind trees at dusk, where he smiles and slowly waves at passersby while holding little balloons. While the clown hasn’t broken any laws, he’s caused a ruckus from Staten Islanders who can’t help but associate it to the blood-thirsty killer clown of Stephen King’s It. The haunting trickster first started cropping up on Staten Islanders’ newsfeeds in the last week or two. Last Sunday, comedian Vic Dibitetto posted a video he took of the clown to Facebook. It shows the clown waving and pointing at drivers in broad daylight as they pass a TD Bank drivethru. ‘Funny, how?’ Dibitetto wondered.”

Holland’s Queen Maxima proves to be a distraction for David Cameron, Barack Obama and Francois Hollande: “Holland’s Queen Maxima proved to be a distraction for David Cameron, Barack Obama and Francois Hollande at the Nuclear Security Summit in The Hague. The 40-year-old appeared to court more attention than her husband King Willem-Alexander last night at the Royal Palace Huis ten Bosch. The monarchs greeted their international guests before the official dinner. As Britain’s Prime Minster David Cameron shook the King’s hand he was making eye contact with the blonde-haired queen. Similarly French President Francois Hollande directed his gaze at the mother-of-three as he greeted her husband. US President Obama appeared to share a light moment with the Queen as she smiled while he laughed – again her husband looked on.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

I know I shouldn’t — but:

His lawyer’s got a hard job ahead of him. Realistically, it looks like Pistorius hasn’t got a leg to stand on.

Oscar clearly misunderstood when his girlfriend told him that on Valentine’s Day he had to take her out.

Oscar Pistorius is pleading not guilty due to temporary diminished responsibility. He claims he was legless at the time of the incident.

Whatever happens in court, he still has a career. The IOC say he’s a front runner at the next Olympics for pistol shooting.

Police reconstruction indicates that Pistorius lost it when, for his Valentine’s Day gift, his girlfriend gave him a pair of socks.

New Valentine’s Day card: “Roses are red, violets are glorious. Never creep up On Oscar Pistorius.”

Too many Oscar Pistorius jokes already. Trying to come up with a new one is like taking a shot in the dark.

Looks like he has an expensive lawyer. I hope he can foot the bill.

New evidence has been found outside the Pistorius home that completely acquits him of his girlfriend’s murder……………. Footprints!

She didn’t notice Oscar sneaking up behind her. It was the silence of the limbs.

I see what Pistorius is doing. He is going to jail for 25 years and when he gets released… Bam! President of South Africa. That’s how it works over there, right?

When Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able-bodied athletes, who knew he meant OJ Simpson?

First Tiger Woods, then Lance Armstrong, and now Oscar Pistorius. I think Nike should start telling their athletes ” Just Don’t Do It.”

Hollywood are doing his life story; it’s now going to be called Blade Gunner.

If found guilty he’s gonna have to take it on the shin.

And finally,

Anyone making jokes about Oscar Pistorius is just prosthetic!

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Mystery of the killer dog disease: UK death toll hits 21: “A MYSTERY disease killing dogs across the country continues to claim victims and baffle vets. Nearly 50 pets of various breeds are feared to have contracted it in the last 18 months, with 21 dying. Symptoms include skin lesions on the legs and chest, lethargy, loss of appetite and vomiting. Within days, the illness attacks the kidneys, often leading to a long drawn-out death. Half of the confirmed cases have centred around the New Forest in Hampshire, although others have occurred as far afield as Yorkshire, Cornwall, Worcestershire, County Durham, Surrey and Dorset. Experts have been left perplexed by the outbreak, but think the disease is similar to Alabama Rot. Alabama Rot is the common name for idiopathic renal glomerular vasculopathy, a disease which surfaced in greyhounds in Alabama in the 1980s. It is believed to be caused by a rare form of E.coli.”

The most ridiculous vehicle ever: The Prombron SUV: “MOVE over Hummer, there’s a new beast in town. The Prombron SUV by the eccentric Latvian-based car maker Dartz Motor is going global. After conquering the US market, the insane car model is on its way to dominate China. The “six-zero” price tag means only members of high society have access to the monster vehicle, which have been snapped up previously by Kanye West and Kim Kardashian to ferry their precious offspring around. The Chinese market apparently has a bunch of uber rich dying to get their hands on the ridiculous machine. The Prombron is armoured to war-grade, allowing it to withstand attacks from grenades and landmines and comes in a variety of models. The four-tonne vehicle has bulletproof windows, Bang & Olufsen televisions and sound systems, diamond and ruby encrusted gauges, an exterior coating of reinforcement material and is powered by a Mercedes-Benz AMG-sourced V-12 engine.”

Flatworm invasion could wipe out Britain’s ENTIRE snail population: “The New Guinea flatworm, a vicious predator that overwhelms snails in a ‘gang attack’, was spotted in Europe for the first time this month. Experts fear that it could soon travel into Britain, hidden in one of the thousands of potted plants imported every month. There are no known methods for controlling the flatworm. The flatworm, also known as Platydemus manokwari, eats a variety of invertebrates including land snails. It is relatively large, about 40 to 65 mm in length and about 4 to 7 mm wide. Its body is however quite flat, being less than 2 mm in thickness. The worm has had several effects on the environments it is introduced to. In the Pacific Islands, several native land snails have either gone extinct or their numbers have drastically reduced.

Is this Britain’s least punctual plane? The Wizz Air Luton to Budapest flight that has NEVER left on time: “The flight hasn’t left on time on one single occasion since it first launched back on June 1, 2013. That equals a staggering 293 consecutive late departures, according to flight data specialists EUclaim. The flight makes 927 mile journey every day except Christmas Day and has left passengers delayed by anywhere between two minutes and 12 hours and 18 minutes. On one occasion the A320 plane was even cancelled altogether. Flight delay compensation specialist Bott & Co said passengers on nine of the late-running Wizz Air flights would be able to claim compensation under EU Regulation 261/2004. Fifteen individuals from the qualifying flights (in June, July, October and November 2013) have already approached the law firm to represent them against the airline and are in line to receive €250 (£215) each.

Supermarket builds cash machine just 15 INCHES off ground: “The ATM has been installed outside a Sainsbury’s Local in Nottingham and, since it is the only one available outside the store, customers have been left with little choice but to use it. It means they have to squat or kneel to get down to the level of the keypad.’ Musician Steve Drury, 27, was one of several who spotted the ATM and posted a picture on social media. ‘I couldn’t believe it,’ he said. ‘It was just so low to the ground and a man using it was squatting to try to get his money out. ‘The poor guy must have done his back in. It looked incredibly uncomfortable.’ Sainsbury’s were unable to shed any more light on the situation, saying merely that the cashpoint ‘is located on a hill, which caused it to be built so low to the ground’. When asked to clarify, a spokesman refused to explain further, saying merely: ‘Our statement says it all’.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Spectacled monkeys

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Underground bunker where 600 workers process U.S. government pensions by HAND: “Six hundred workers are processing government pension papers in an underground bunker entirely by hand in a staggering example of state inefficiency that is costing taxpayers millions. Staff at what has been dubbed the ‘Crazy Cave’ take up to 61 days just to deal with one single case because of the archaic process that is the same speed as 37 years ago. Each file is sent in on paper, entered into a computer, printed out on paper – and then put back into a computer again. Bosses have been asking for things to be automated since 1979 but nothing has been done despite $100m being spent to see if it was possible. The cave is so badly run that the cost of processing each claim – at least 100,000 a year – has even increased from $82 to $108 over the years. Federal retirees also suffer because it takes months for them to get their benefit cheques whereas it should take a matter of days. The cave is located in Boyers, PA, and in its report the Washington Post called it the ‘sinkhole of bureaucracy’”

Dead leaf on branch comes alive and reveals itself to be a spectacular insect: “At first sight it looks like nothing more than a fallen leaf, brittle and brown with a few insect bites taken out. But closer inspection reveals that the piece of foliage is in fact a cunningly camouflaged insect which has managed to blend in with its jungle surroundings. Seconds after its hiding place was disturbed, the animal – a sort of grasshopper known as the leaf katydid – spreads its wings to reveal vibrant autumnal patterns on the inside. The insect was found blended into its surroundings in the Sipaliwini region of Suirname, a South American country north of Brazil. ‘When the insects fall to the ground, they often play dead when approached by a predator.’ ‘Their bodies are replicas of leaves that have been chewed up, torn, rotten, dried up, partially decayed, or covered by fungi. But the best part is that no two individuals are alike.’

Restaurant owner in India places tables around coffins after opening business on site of old cemetery: “Some restaurant atmospheres are plain dead – but one Indian restaurant owner claims business has flourished since opening his eaterie at the site of an old cemetery. Rather than ripping out the graves to make way for his restaurant, owner Krishnan Kutti even chose to preserve the coffins and place tables around them at the ironically-named New Lucky Restaurant. The coffins are the remnants of a Muslim cemetery and the cafe has now become a popular hang-out for both young and old. Kutti said: ‘The graveyard brings good luck. Our business has been flourishing because of these graves. It gives people a unique experience. ‘We have maintained the graves as they were. Our customers don’t seem to mind.'”

Vietnam gets a taste for the Big Mac: Country’s first McDonald’s serves 400,000 customers in first month: “Ho Chi Minh attracts thousands of adventurous travellers each year, who head to Vietnam’s largest city to experience the French colonial architecture, life on the bustling Saigon river and – of course – the world-famous cuisine. But today there is a surprising new addition to Ho Chi Minh’s culinary offerings as the glowing yellow arches of McDonald’s take their place on the city’s skyline. America’s most famous fast food joint set up its first outlet in Vietnam last month and has already served over 400,000 people, according to business reports out this week. Heading up the Asian franchise company in charge of the export is the Prime Minister’s son-in-law Henry Nguyen, who spent time flipping burgers in the USA as a teenager and says that it has always been his dream to open a McDonald’s in his home country. The outlet opened to a hungry crowd on Feb 8, and within 24 hours had served almost 22,500 customers.”

Customs officials intercept shipment of cocaine bound for the VATICAN: “A cocaine shipment bound for the Vatican has been seized by German law enforcement. Customs officers at Leipzig Airport found 340 grams of the Class A drug, valued at €40,000 (£33,470), stuffed into 14 condoms and hidden in a shipment of cushions coming from an unnamed South American country. The package was addressed simply to the Vatican’s postal office, meaning any of the Catholic mini-state’s 800 residents could have picked it up. A sting operation arranged with Vatican Police did not manage to lure in a possible recipient for the drugs. The bust was made in January but has just been revealed today by German newspaper, Bild am Sonntag. The investigation has been taken over by Interpol’s Vatican office.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Church Ladies With typewriters. They’re wordprocessing now but are still inspired

Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies writing. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals..
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The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water.
The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help .
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Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs .
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Woman too trim for gym: “A woman whose body was considered too trim has fallen foul of the “no gymtimidation” policy of a large American health club franchise. Tiffany Austin, who was recovering from a car accident, was told to put a shirt over her halter top after other users complained at the Planet Fitness gym in Richmond, California. The chain, which has 5 million members, prides itself on what it describes as its “unique, hassle-free environment”. It has registered its “Judgment Free Zone” as a trademark. “I jumped on the treadmill, put in my earphones and began walking,” she said. But a member of the gym staff approached her to say that other, less well-honed gym users had complained. The incident is the latest in which Planet Fitness’ attempt to appeal to Americans of all shapes has caused controversy, with other well-chiselled individuals having complained about how they have been treated at the chain.”

Tasmanian whisky named world’s best single malt: “Tasmanian distillery Sullivan’s Cove has been named the world’s best single malt whisky at the World Whiskies Award held on Thursday night in London. Sullivan’s Cove’s French Oak Cask variety was judged the global winner, as well as Australia’s best, from a high-quality pool of single malt entries. They included Scotland’s Bunnahabain, Aberfeldy, Glenkinchie and Glenlivet distilleries, as well as Japanese powerhouse Yamazaki. The World Whiskies Award is considered the most prestigious in the world for whisky producers and the manager and part-owner of Sullivan’s Cove, Patrick Maguire, said it would put Australia and Tasmania firmly on the world whisky map. “We’ve won Australia’s best, Australasia’s best and southern hemisphere’s best in the past but to win the overall best whisky globally is incredible stuff.”

Britain’s super-sub: Navy unveils James Bond-style mini submarine: “The Royal Navy’s newest submarine – a miniature sub which can launch underwater that James Bond would be proud of, has been spotted moored off of Gibraltar. The submarine is intended to launch underwater in order to carry commandos to their destinations covertly so they can perform attacks or infiltration near the water. Attached to a large nuclear sub, the mini pod can carry up to around eight elite commandos in heavy assault gear and is designed to be as stealthy as possible. The pod can be seen attached to the topside of the nuclear submarine, the HMS Astute, currently off the coast of Gibraltar. The pod will be in use by Special Boat Service commandos in their covert operations, and the miniature submarine will likely make their activities hard to predict or anticipate.”

Birds spoilt for choice of partner are more likely to ‘divorce’ or be promiscuous: “Birds of a feather might flock together, but they also cheat on each other and get ‘divorced’. A new study has found that birds living in populations with a biased sex ratio are more inclined to separate, be promiscuous and have multiple partners. Birds in female-dominated populations are more likely to dump or ‘divorce’ their mates, while promiscuity increases in predominantly male environments, scientists claim. A joint study by the University of Sheffield and the University of Bath claims to have proved, for the first time, that rates of infidelity in birds are affected by the adult sex ratio of the population they live in – a theory previously discounted by biologists. The study examined mating behaviour and bonding of 197 different species of bird and found the divorce rate is higher in species with a female-biased sex ratio.”

Fancy a Chocosamosa? Man creates samosa filled with chocolate: “A creative cook has made the leap from kitchen experiment to culinary business with his idea of a chocolate filled samosa and is now selling them to the supermarket chain Morrisons. Ajay Kainth wanted to add a new twist to the traditional Asian pastries so started experimenting with flavours. His Chocomosas come in three rather tempting tastes – chocolate and nuts, coconut and chocolate and peanut butter and chocolate. Ajay said: ‘I like experimenting with new things and one day I made up the recipe and it worked. ‘Samosas sell all-year round but I wanted to create something unique and with a twist that will make my brand stand out and bring the outdated look of Asian food and packaging into the modern world.'”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

American news networks screw up their geography

AMERICAN TV news networks have made a series of embarrassing stuff-ups in their coverage of the search for missing Malaysia Airlines flight MH370. It was a double whammy for Texas’ KXAN news, who not only misspelt the word ‘search’ in their infograph, but mistakenly placed Perth in Tasmania.

Meanwhile, over at Fox News, a graphic placed an unusual emphasis on Port Hedland and the Pacific Ocean became the Coral Sea.

The boffins at CNN last night placed Kuala Lumpur, the capital of Malaysia, in Indonesia.

It didn’t stop there. This morning a reader sent us this egregious error posted on CNN’s website yesterday.

The prime Minister of Australia is Tony Abbott

Original story here

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Vietnamese children cross river in plastic bags to reach school: “Parents in a flood-hit village in Vietnam have resorted to transporting their children to school inside large plastic sacks to keep their uniforms dry. Footage has emerged of a man helping primary school pupils cross a river in full flood by putting them in a plastic bag. The bizarre school run was filmed by a teacher in Sam Lang village, Dien Bien Province, near Hanoi in northern Vietnam. n this incredible clip, a man can be seen carefully wrapping up each child in a plastic bag before launching himself neck deep into the raging torrent. Once at the other side the perfectly dry child is then unwrapped by the man who returns for more. ong Thi Minh, a teacher at a village preschool, filmed the perilous journey last year on her mobile phone when the nearby suspension bridge was out of use because of the floods.

Is this the future of the village shop? Giant VENDING MACHINE in pub car park dispenses everyday essentials for rural community who lost their local store: “It may not provide that great village shop tradition of a catch up with the latest gossip or a chat about the weather. But despite the lack of a human touch, this automated shop is a lifeline for residents. The giant vending machine opened this week in Clifton, Derbyshire, which has been without a village shop for 14 years. The machine, which contains chiller compartments, stocks essentials such as bread, milk, eggs, toiletries, pet food – and umbrellas. Residents select their items, pay by cash or credit card and take the goods from the dispenser. Electrical engineer Peter Fox invented it after the village shop closed down. Unable to interest a firm in developing the machine, he spent three years building one himself. ‘The problem with vending machines is that they can’t handle the range, weight, or delicacy of a wide range of products such as milk, eggs, bread, washing powder and so on. Our shop can handle all of these and many more besides.'”

Serving God is more satisfying than working in a bar: “Vicars, farmers and secretaries are among the happiest jobs in Britain, according to an official study. Despite earning much less than doctors, lawyers or bankers, they have higher job satisfaction. However, pub landlords, builders and cleaners were said to be the least happy in their work. Clergy, including vicars as protrayed by Dawn French in the Vicar of Dibley, have the highest life satisfaction, while pub landlords, like Al Murray’s, character have the lowest. David Cameron ordered the creation of the wellbeing survey, arguing there was more to a successful country than economic data. Ministers believe that by giving people information about the levels of happiness enjoyed by different lifestyle they can make choices to improve their own wellbeing. Now it has been shown that earning more money does not buy you happiness at work. Asked to rank their life satisfaction out of 10, the clergy come top with an average of 8.291, despite an average income of just £20,568, according to the Cabinet Office.

British council leaves 13 FOOT long pothole in road because ‘It’s not a pothole: “A 13-foot-long crater has been plaguing villagers for more than a year – because the council claim it’s not a pothole and so can’t be simply fixed. The hole, which has opened up on the C175 between the villages of Yetlington and Thistleton, in Northumberland, has already dealt hundreds of pounds worth of damage to locals’ vehicles and many feel they are taking their lives into their own hands when they try and navigate through it. Northumberland County Council claim it has taken so long because it’s not technically a pothole, but rather a collapsed carriageway, meaning it is far more complicated to repair. The crater has been nicknamed Lake Windemere – after Britain’s largest lake – because of its size and how often it is filled to the brim with rainwater. The 13 foot long area of road has been in disrepair for more than a year but has still not been fixed”

A single strand from Elvis’ famous quiff goes up for auction: “The single piece of the world-renowned quiff, which is set in the middle of a framed golden record, will go under the hammer in Wooler, Northumberland tomorrow. It has come from the collection of a late Elvis fan who lived in Gosforth, Newcastle. Auctioneer Jim Railton has not placed an estimate on the item, saying: ‘It will make whatever it makes. It could sell for £50 or £500.’

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.