WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS???
This is an oldie but it still gave me a laugh
A drunken man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a Padre. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the Padre and asked, ‘Say Padre, what causes arthritis?’
The Padre replies, ‘My Son, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of personal hygiene!’
The drunk muttered in response, ‘Well, I’ll be damned,’ Then returned to reading his newspaper.
The Padre, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?’
The drunk answered, ‘I don’t have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope has it.’
Odd news from around the world
Toddler ‘chewed snake’s head’: “A SLEEPY snake has come to a an untimely end after having its head half chewed off by a fearless toddler. Thirteen-month-old Imad Aleeyan, who has six teeth, was found chewing on the head of the 30cm snake by his mother in an Arab town in northern Israel, the child’s family said yesterday. “We rushed in and found the baby with a snake in his mouth, chewing it. It was really scary, just horrible,” the boy’s aunt, Yasmin Shahin, said. A neighbour who had rushed to see what was going on yanked the half-dead reptile out of the boys mouth and killed it, she said. “When he pulled it out, Imad started crying,” she said, describing the snake’s head as “very badly chewed” when it emerged from the boys mouth. They immediately checked the child for any bite marks but found none, with doctors at Rambam hospital in Haifa confirming he was unharmed. But Dr Boaz Shacham, an expert on amphibians and reptiles, said that from looking at images of the smashed-up serpent online, it appeared to be a coin-marked snake (hemorrhois nummifer), a non-venomous species which resembles a viper.”
City sticks with its puzzling sign: “CAN you decipher Perth’s most baffling parking sign? The sign at 108 James St, Northbridge, has left motorists unable to work out whether to pay or not. If it’s a little too complex, don’t worry even the council needed several days to clarify its meaning when contacted by The Sunday Times. City of Perth chief executive Frank Edwards blamed the confusion on trying to get a lot of information in a small space. It was the sign on the right that confused motorists this week. But being baffled was no defence against a parking ticket, Mr Edwards warned. He said the council believed the signs could withstand a legal challenge and would stay.”
A soggy high roller: “While professionals took care of the major cleaning yesterday, Mr Vater tenderly rubbed orange oil into the wood panelling on the rear of his Phantom Drophead Coupe. It is worth about $1.2 million, after all. Always a talking point, the Drophead and Vater have been making news for all the wrong reasons this week, after a soggy excursion that has car lovers around the globe talking. Bought just before Christmas – along with a Maserati for his fiancee, Lissi – Mr Vater parked it on Jetty Rd about two weeks ago. Top down to enjoy the sun, he didn’t think twice before strolling to the shops. But while he browsed books, a storm moved over the coast, dumping torrential rain on the street, pedestrians, and the inside of the Rolls. And, like all modern moments best forgotten, there was someone there to catch it on their phone. The video has had almost 25,000 hits on YouTube in less than a week. While some speculated online that the clean-up cost could be as much as $100,000, that good old country ingenuity meant it was a lot cheaper. “It was a wet drive home but I soaked it all up with four big towels,” he said. “It had a good bath.”
Umpire kills Bangladeshi cricket fan with bat: A cricket umpire killed a teenage spectator in Bangladesh by hitting him on the head with a bat in a dispute over a contested decision. Nazrul Islam, 15, ran onto the pitch during an amateur game in the remote northern district of Kishoreganj and started an argument with the umpire, who took one of the players’ bats and hit the teenager. Islam showed no serious injury from the blow during the game on Friday but suffered an internal haemorrhage overnight and died in the hospital the following day, local police chief Mosharraf Hossain said. “The two argued over a not-out decision by the umpire. He accused the umpire of bias. At one stage, the umpire became angry, took a bat and hit the young boy on the head,” Hossain said. The umpire was being sought for questioning but had gone into hiding, he said. Cricket is hugely popular sport in Bangladesh, which last year co-hosted the World Cup with India and Sri Lanka.”
Underwater oil rig ‘factories’ planned to beat catastrophic Arctic ice storms: “Oil companies are planning to create huge factories on the sea bed of the Arctic ocean in a bid to prevent extreme weather conditions from hampering their work. The giant underwater oil and gas plants will contain all the machinery needed to extract fossil fuels from beneath the waves. It is hoped the rigs would be serviced by a fleet of manned submarines. According to The Sunday Times, although oil companies already have some of their machinery underwater, the aim now is to move all of it to the seabed. The idea behind the seabed rigs is to protect them from ice and storms which batter the Arctic. This includes seas which freeze in winter and icebergs which can completely destroy a ship or a rig.
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