Wicked Thoughts

Cat owners will know all about this

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Rich Frenchmen still heading to London: “France’s high earning business leaders are flooding to the British capital in the face of rising tax rates and anti-business sentiment in their home country, UK estate agents have revealed. Socialist president Francois Hollande’s plans to make the wealthy contribute more to reducing the deficit have sparked the rise in interest from across the Channel in recent months. The French constitutional court yesterday blocked Mr Hollande’s proposal to tax those earning over €1m (£820,000) at 75pc, calling it unfair in the way it would affect different households. The setback to the flagship policy did not signal its end however, as ministers pledged to redraft and resubmit the plan. In addition, France is bringing in new levies on capital gains, higher taxes on €150,000-plus incomes, a rise in inheritance charges and an exit tax for entrepreneurs selling up.”

Snake goes to the races: “JOCKEYS found themselves blocked before Race 6 kicked off at the Sunshine Coast yesterday. A snake had set up camp in the middle of the course just metres from the finishing line and a jockey spotted it on the way to the barrier. It was then described as “pandemonium” for the next 10 minutes as officials and racegoers spent 10 minutes trying to usher the unwanted intruder off the track. Eventually it slid under the outside fence, where Sky Racing IT operator Morgan Koury casually picked it up and put it out of harms way. The slippery invader still had one trick left in its bag, landing a small bite on Koury. No harm was done and the race was eventually run and won by $1.50 favourite Major Mike. More drama followed later in the day when another snake was spotted near the 600m point, but it slid down a drain before any disruption.”

It’s a shark-eat-shark world: “A spectacular photo believed to have been taken off Kaiteriteri Beach near Nelson in New Zealand proves it’s a shark-eat-shark world out there – and that you should always watch your tail. The image, posted on social media site Reddit, shows a small school shark on the end of a fishing line being bitten into by a much larger blue shark just as it’s about to be lifted into the boat. Department of Conservation shark expert Clinton Duffy, a marine scientist, said the shot actually captured a common event. “Blue sharks often steal fish off people’s lines at this time of year and they also commonly eat other shark species.” The school shark, a juvenile, was likely about 80cm long while its bigger enemy was about two metres. Both were common species in New Zealand waters, although the blue shark was becoming a rarity due to the practice of shark-finning, Duffy said. And if you’re wondering why the sharks have white eyes – Duffy says that’s due to a special membrane that protects their eyes as they go in for the attack.”

High heels really DO make you look good: “Researchers at the University of Portsmouth filmed a group of women as they walked on a treadmill, both in flats and high heels. The women, in their 20s, each owned between four and 25 pairs of heels, which they wore at least once a week. A separate group of men and women were then shown 30-second clips of the film. All rated the participants as more attractive when they wore the heels. Researchers used a process known as point-light display, in which lit markers are placed around the body. It means the face and torso of each of the 12 participants were obscured, so the viewer could only see patterns of light. In a second experiment, the viewing group were asked to judge whether the video showed a man or a woman walking towards them. When the women wore flat shoes they were nearly twice as likely to be viewed as a man. The scientists also measured the differences in gait when the women wore heels and flats. They concluded that the women looked more feminine in heels, as they made them take shorter strides and swing their hips more.”

Homeless millionaire froze to death before he could be told about his fortune: “A long-lost relative of the reclusive and eccentric New York heiress Huguette Clark, who stood to inherit $19 million of her $300 million fortune has been found dead from hypothermia in rural Wyoming. Timothy Henry Gray’s body was discovered by children sledding under a Union Pacific Railroad overpass in Evanston, in the southwest of the state on Thursday, as the temperatures hit 10 degrees. Gray, 60, was the half great-nephew of Clark, who died in May 2011 aged 104 and tragically was unaware that he was potentially entitled to 6.25 percent of her copper mining fortune, which has been conservatively estimated at £307 million by the administrator of her estate. Tim Gray was an adopted great-grandson of former U.S. Senator William Andrews Clark, who made his reputation as one of the copper kings of Montana, who also diversified into banking, building, railroads and reserves special fame as the founder of Las Vegas.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Colonoscopies

An excerpt from Dave Barry, written in 2008 but still a hoot

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis. Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn’t really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, “HE’S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BUTT!”

I left Andy’s office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called ”MoviPrep,” which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America’s enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn’t eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes — and here I am being kind — like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, ”a loose watery bowel movement may result.” This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don’t want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, ”What if I spurt on Andy?” How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the hell the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn’t thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was Dancing Queen by Abba. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, Dancing Queen has to be the least appropriate.

”You want me to turn it up?” said Andy, from somewhere behind me.

”Ha ha,” I said.

And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, Abba was shrieking “Dancing Queen! Feel the beat from the tambourine . . .”

. . . and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

On the subject of Colonoscopies…

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous….. A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. ‘Take it easy, Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before!’

2. ‘Find Amelia Earhart yet?’

3. ‘Can you hear me NOW?’

4. ‘Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?’

5. ‘You know, in Arkansas, we’re now legally married.’

6. ‘Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?’

7. ‘You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out…’

8. ‘Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!’

9. ‘If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!’

10. ‘Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.’

11. ‘You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?’

12. ‘God, now I know why I am not gay.’

* And the VERY best one of all:

13. ‘Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?’

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

More P.G. Wodehouse: “The cult hit Downton Abbey has taken a battering, following poor reviews of the programme’s Christmas Day special in which heartthrob Matthew Crawley met a grim end in a car crash. But as the impeccably mannered stars of Downton begin to lose their allure, those in search of an aristocratic fix may find themselves turning to the comic and oversized figure of Lord Emsworth, one of the greatest humorous creations of novelist PG Wodehouse. A six-part BBC run of Blandings, based on Wodehouse’s much-loved accounts of the fictional life and times of Blanding Castle’s 9th earl, is designed to introduce a new family audience to his work. Set in 1929, with a starry cast, Blandings will follow the fortunes of the amiable, befuddled Emsworth, played by Timothy Spall, and his beloved pig, Empress.”

Toyboy ‘bashed’ over lousy lovemaking: “A WOMAN has been jailed for allegedly bashing her ‘toyboy’ lover because of his bad performance in the bedroom. The Florida woman allegedly striking her boyfriend after he ‘finished first and stopped pleasuring her’ during a love-making session in the victim’s home this week. Jennie Scott, 50, was booked into the Manatee County lockup on a misdemeanor charge stemming from the 11 PM encounter in the bedroom of Jilberto Deleon, 32, The Smoking Gun reported. Deputies were summoned to Deleon’s home by a witness who heard the couple arguing and saw Scott atop Deleon “punching and scratching him.” She also allegedly struck Deleon with a stick and threatened to hit him with a wrench before the tool was taken from her hand by the witness. Scott said that she was also mad at Deleon because she had “heard (him) having sex with another woman over the phone earlier in the day.” Scott struggled with deputies before being placed in a police cruiser, where she kicked a window until being warned that she would be maced unless she stopped.”

Lights to be turned off in France to save money and show ‘sobriety’: “Paris may lose its trademark glow next year after plans emerged to extinguish its street lighting at night to save money. French President Francois Hollande and his energy minister Delphine Batho are considering turning out the lights in and outside public buildings, offices and shops in the early hours of the morning. If the scheme goes ahead, late-night revellers in the city would be advised to carry torches if they venture out between the hours of 1 and 7am. Batho said the measure would save energy and money, and show ‘sobriety’, although the plan has proved unpopular with traders. But the proposal was not popular with businesses, who believe that it could kill trade and discourage tourists. ‘Visitors and locals follow the light, from one spot to another, all night long,’ French chef and culinary consultant Didier Quemener told Quartz. ‘My clients don’t want to be in the dark in the City of Light.'”

Dozen people rescued after falling into frozen lake trying to rescue man: “AN excursion to a frozen pond almost turned to disaster when a man fell through the ice and rescuer after rescuer also ended up in the freezing water. The drama, on a frozen pond in Wrightwood California, was caught on video. One person after another tried to save the man only to slip on the ice themselves. A crowd gathered on shore, frantically screaming for help. At one stage 12 people were in the water. Mickey Herman, who shot the video, said it was “total panic and chaos” as people screamed out for ropes and inner tubes to help those in the water. The drama ended after nine minutes when all the people were finally hauled from the water. No-one was hurt.”

Dog stays by master’s side as she spends hours trapped in a narrow pit on isolated farm: “FOR three hours while Susan Saunders, 65, was trapped deep in an outdoor dunny hole, her loyal blue heeler refused to leave her side. Simply named ” Dog”, the loyal 10-year-old stayed with his master, who was in agony in the narrow pit. The Gladstone woman became stuck in the 2.5m deep rudimentary toilet pit on Friday afternoon. She was alone on a rural property at Baffle Creek, north of Bundaberg, where she and her husband are building a house. About mid-afternoon, the sky began threatening rain so Mrs Saunders climbed on to the boat trailer to cover it when she slipped. “As she’s stepped backwards, she’s sort of over-balanced, taken another step and she’s gone,” husband Gary Saunders said yesterday. “She’d been in there two hours when I got back,” Mr Saunders said. “I couldn’t see her, and Dog came rushing over and I said ‘Where’s Mum?’ and he’s gone straight down to where she was and I’ve thought, ‘Oh Christ’.” “They placed her in a harness and pumped her full of drugs until she went limp and then unceremoniously popped her out of the hole,” Mr Saunders said. Meanwhile Dog refused to leave her company and trailed under the stretcher all the way to the waiting medical helicopter”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Apologies ….

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Englishman wakes up speaking Welsh: “An Englishman has woken up after a stroke and started speaking Welsh. Alun Morgan, 81, was evacuated to Wales during the Second World War and during his time there he never picked up the native tongue. His wife Yvonne was the only person who could understand him and had to translate for doctors. Morgan told the Bath Chronicle: “I don’t remember anything from the time of my stroke. “But gradually I started speaking a few words in Welsh. “This was strange because I’d not lived in Wales since I was evacuated there during the war.” Doctors have diagnosed Morgan with aphasia, a form of brain damage that causes a shift in the brain’s language centre. The most common cause of aphasia is stroke, but gunshot wounds, blows to the head, other traumatic brain injuries and brain tumours can also cause aphasia. It can also result in a disorder known as Foreign Accent Syndrome, which causes a sudden change to speech so that a native speaker talks with a foreign accent.”

“Smart” TVs too complicated: “Consumers are ignoring the ‘smart’ features of their TV and simply want access to online video services such as the BBC’s iPlayer, new research has found. Although manufacturers have given their latest sets the ability to tweet, view websites and even download apps, research firm NPD says all consumers really watch to do on their TV is watch TV. ‘The Internet connected HDTV screen has so far failed to break beyond the bounds of its TV-centric heritage, with little use for the big screen beyond the obligatory video services,’ said John Buffone, Director, Devices, NPD Connected Intelligence. The research is a major blow for TV manufacturers who have invested millions in creating internet connected sets that can run apps. The biggest problem, according to NPD, is confusion among TV owners. ‘The challenge may be that too much choice is creating a complex user experience,’ it said. ‘it’s no wonder that most connected consumers are currently stopping short of exploring options beyond video. According to Luke Peters, Editor of T3 magazine, smart TVs are simply too complicated.”

A “British” doctor with two convictions for sexual assault

Nearly 1,000 doctors could still be practising in Britain despite convictions for possessing child porn and drug trafficking: “Hundreds of doctors convicted of serious crimes – including obtaining indecent images of children – have been allowed to continue to practise, it has emerged. A total of 927 have kept their jobs despite being found guilty of offences including trafficking drugs, kerb crawling and causing death by dangerous driving. And thousands of patients have been kept in the dark about their doctor’s serious convictions. It is believed that some of the medics who have not been struck off the professional register after being found guilty of downloading child pornography are still treating minors. But the General Medical Council says that it cannot automatically strike off those on the sex offenders’ register in case doing so breaches their human rights. The figures obtained under the Freedom of Information Act also reveal that none of the physicians’ patients has been informed about their convictions. It found 25 had been convicted of actual bodily harm and three for grievous bodily harm. Three doctors were found with indecent images of children, two of causing death by dangerous driving and two of trafficking drugs.”

Teenagers warned against dangerous new ‘salt and ice burn’ craze that leaves them disfigured: “Inflicting serious burns on yourself would not be most people’s idea of fun. But doctors in Detroit have voiced concern over the number of teenagers being injured while taking part in a dangerous new craze which involves them burning themselves by holding a piece of ice to a layer of salt on their skin. In extreme cases the ‘game,’ called the ‘salt and ice challenge,’ could cause permanent damage to muscles and bones. Adding salt to ice can reduce its freezing point to as low as – 17 C° which can cause serious injuries – with some teenagers reportedly turning up to hospital with first degree burns after taking part in the craze. Dr Ryan Shear of Botsford Hospital in Detroit said that in extreme cases this could even impair the ability of the injured person to move parts of their body. Dr Shear said he has dealt with three or four cases of burns inflicted by the ‘salt and ice challenge’ in the past six months and warned that children should not leave them untreated in case they get infected.”

Woman refuses to wear protection, harness or even clothes as she tightrope-walks in the dark: “These amazing pictures capture bare-devil Hayley Ashburn, 24, highlining naked between two 80ft cliffs against a Thai sunset. With no harness of safety net, one slip could have been fatal. Ms Ashburn, 24, from San Francisco, USA, discovered the spectacular spot while travelling by boat along the coast looking for somewhere different from the popular climbing area of Tonsai. Highlining is an extreme sport in which athletes like Ms Ashburn (pictured) traverse a narrow, springy band of rope suspended high above the ground. Unlike tightrope walkers who usually carry a long pole to help maintain their balance and perform on a heavy steel cable pulled tight so that it barely moves, highlininers balance using their arms and walk on a type of rope known as tubular nylon webbing, which is hollow like a straw and much stretchier than steel cable. This flexibility causes the line to swing and bounce when walked upon, making highlining the more difficult of the two activities.” Mai Leung, Thailand, is not the usual choice for climbers, but then again, slacklines aren’t your avergae climbers”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Deft dog

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Eating asparagus could prevent a hangover: “Research suggests that tucking into a few asparagus shoots may be all that is required to prevent a hangover. According to research by the Institute of Medical Science, and Jeju National University in South Korea, amino acids and minerals found in the vegetable may alleviate hangover symptoms and protect liver cells against toxins. As part of the study, which was published in the Journal of Food Science, researchers analysed the components of young asparagus shoots and leaves and compared their biochemical effects on human, and rat, liver cells. Lead researcher B.Y. Kim said: ‘Cellular toxicities were significantly alleviated in response to treatment with extracts of asparagus leaves and shoots. ‘These results provide evidence of how the biological functions of asparagus can help alleviate alcohol hangover and protect liver cells.’”

World’s largest building nears completion: “A thousand kilometres from the nearest coast, a towering glass wave rolls over the plains of Sichuan, the roof of what Chinese officials say will be the world’s largest standalone structure. The 100-metre-high New Century Global Centre is a symbol of the spread of China’s boom, 500m long and 400m wide, with 1.7 million square metres of floor space, big enough to hold 20 Sydney Opera Houses, according to local authorities. By comparison the Pentagon in Washington – still one of the world’s largest office buildings – is barely a third of the size with a mere 600,000 sq m of floor space. Lower costs and government subsidies are still fuelling double-digit growth in Chengdu, the capital of Sichuan province. The Global Centre will house offices, conference rooms, a university complex, two commercial centres, two five star hotels, an IMAX cinema, a “Mediterranean village”, a skating rink and a pirate ship, among other attractions. Despite Chengdu being around 1000km from the sea the complex has a marine theme, with fountains, a huge water park and an artificial beach, accented by the undulating roof, meant to resemble a wave.”

Deadly eggs: “A young Tunisian man has reportedly died after winning a bet to eat 28 raw eggs in one sitting. Dhaou Fatnassi, 20, from the town of Kairouan, swallowed the eggs after his friends challenged him to do so for an undisclosed sum of money. The young man then experienced stomach pains and was taken to hospital but was pronounced dead on arrival, Shems FM reported.”

Police find car burglary suspect by following his FOOTPRINTS in the snow: “Police in Idaho were able to crack the mystery of the parked car burglar in a case that the Scooby Doo gang could have solved – by following the suspect’s footprints. Police in the town of Idaho Falls said Mother Nature aided them in the arrest by blanketing the area with some Christmas Eve snow on Monday morning. At about 5:45am, police said they began following tracks in the fresh snow that were suspiciously going from car-to-car on Holbrook Drive. KIFI-TV reported that the footprints led the officers straight to a nearby home where they found the suspect, 20-year-old Cade Thomas Dixon. Dixon was taken into custody and charged with burglary. Sgt Grimes said that Dixon was booked in the Bonneville County Jail, and bond was set at $15,000. Police accused Dixon of trying to enter more than 100 vehicles during his alleged Christmas Eve crime spree, but only two of them had been unlocked. From those vehicles, cops said a small amount of cash and a GPS unit were taken from those cars.”

The amazing gift giving dolphins: “Dolphins in a popular Australian resort have been spotted giving presents to human visitors. Researchers revealed the astonishing find in a new research paper analysing the animals at the Tangalooma Island Resort in Australia. On 23 occasions over the past several years, wild dolphins were observed giving gifts to humans, including eels, tuna, squid, and even an octopus. ‘Gift giving has become an established but infrequent part of the culture of the provisioned dolphins at Tangalooma,’ the researchers say. Each evening staff members from the resort wade into the ocean to feed the wild dolphins fish. In 1998, an adult male dolphin named Fred was observed giving a dead moray eel to one of the staff members. Since then, staff members have documented an additional 22 other events.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

The Postman

One Monday morning the postman is walking through the neighbourhood on his usual route, delivering the mail.

As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway.

His wonder was cut short by David, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer, wine and spirit bottles for the recycling bin.

‘Wow David, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,’ the Postman comments.

David, in obvious pain, replies ‘Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sundaymorning.

We had about 15 couples from around the neighbourhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. We all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing ‘WHO AM I?’

The Postman thinks a moment and says, ‘How do you play WHO AM I?’

Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and come out one at a time covered with a sheet with only the ‘family jewels’ showing through a hole in the sheet.

Then the women try to guess who it is..’

The postman laughs and says, ‘Sounds like fun, I’m sorry I missed it.’

‘Probably a good thing you did,’ David responded. ‘Your name came up 7 times.’

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

‘Don’t ring me when I’m out robbing’ … the text message that brought burglar undone: “POLICE are used to dealing with suspects who carefully cover their tracks. But sometimes solving a crime is a little more simple. When officers picked up Stuart Gibbs hiding in the shed of a house he was intending to burgle, they checked his phone for any potential clues. They could hardly believe their luck when they saw a message sent to a friend two hours earlier which said: “I’ve told you 20 times – don’t ring me when I’m out robbing.” The 24-year-old father of two was jailed for 18 months at Leicester Crown Court after admitting attempted burglary. He also pleaded guilty to a string of other offences including dangerous driving, driving when disqualified, handling stolen goods and possessing cannabis.”

Taxi vandalized but correct address given for offenders: “A MAXI taxi driver allegedly had his windows smashed, seats torn, and door ripped off after challenging two males over a fare evasion in Logan this afternoon. Police said the maxi taxi had pulled up to the intersection of Kingston Rd and Chambers Flat Rd, Loganlea, about 1.40pm when the pair jumped out without paying the fare. When the driver called out to the men, they returned to the vehicle but instead of settling the fare they allegedly set about “destroying” the taxi, police said. “They basically smashed the windows and seats, and ripped the door off. The vehicle looked pretty banged up,” a police officer said. The males who were intoxicated at the time – then ran off but were nabbed when police attended the address they previously gave to the driver. They are expected to be charged with fare evasion and wilful damage.”

Provisional driver snapped with both feet hanging out the window: “A ROGUE P-plater photographed hurtling down a Melbourne freeway with both legs outside the driver’s window has come forward to police. Shocked motorists snapped the “ludicrous” Volkswagen golf driver literally putting his feet up as he cruised down the Eastern Freeway about 7am on Christmas Eve. Motorist Stewart, from Heathmont, photographed the driver speeding down the Eastern Fwy on Monday morning. “I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I thought: if his right foot’s outside the window, how is he accelerating? Then I saw both feet out of the window and I thought: bloody hell,” Stewart said. He said he saw the driver travelling over the speed limit before he pulled up next to the packed car, when the driver pulled his feet in just before the EastLink tunnel. “He looked very young. Insp Rankin said the man’s “selfish behaviour” meant he would be unable to control his vehicle in case of an emergency. “Assuming he was on cruise control – which is an assumption – he couldn’t brake, he couldn’t stop the vehicle; he’d even have difficulty turning the wheel, so absolutely ludicrous behaviour.”

The Great Train of China: “The first trains have taken to the track on the world’s longest high-speed rail line which stretches a staggering 1,400 miles across China. The line, which runs roughly the equivalent distance of a journey between London and Gibraltar, will halve the travelling time from the country’s capital Beijing to Guangzhou, an economic hub in the south. The first train along the 2,298km track set off from Beijing at 9am with a train heading in the opposite direction an hour later. Trains on the line will travel at 186mph with the journey taking around eight hours. The fastest journey time between the two cities had been more than 20 hours before the line opened. There are stops in other major cities including provincial capitals Shijiazhuang, Wuhan and Changsha, along the route. The line is the latest development in the country’s expensive high speed railways program.”

‘Dystextia’: “Imagine you were a devoted husband, waiting to hear from your wife about her due date after a visit to the obstetrician, and you saw these messages on your phone: ‘Every where thinging days’ and ‘Some is where!’ That’s what happened last December to a man,from Boston who knew that autocorrect – known for its bizarre replacements – was turned off on his 11-week-pregnant wife’s phone. Happily, he recognized that his wife, 25, needed to get to the emergency room. When she did, doctors noted several signs of a stroke, including disorientation, inability to use her right arm and leg properly and some difficulty speaking. Fortunately, her symptoms went away quickly, and the rest of the pregnancy went just fine after she went home from the hospital on low-dose blood thinners. The authors describe the phenomenon as ‘dystextia,’ which is the word used by other doctors in an earlier case involving a migraine, and symptoms of a stroke diagnosed for other reasons.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Angry tomcat

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Lost, blind dog finds way back to owner: “A BLIND dog that was lost and alone in Alaska as winter temperatures dipped far below freezing has been found and returned home. After walking 16 kilometres, eight-year-old Abby was found and returned to her owners. “It’s a miracle,” McKenzie Grapengeter told The Fairbanks Daily News-Miner. The dog disappeared on December 13 and turned up at the home of veterinarian Mark May on December 20. To May’s surprise, the dog had no signs of frostbite. “She’s no worse for wear but quite an adventure,” May said. The Grapengeter family hadn’t tagged or put a microchip in the dog, but the community used social media to track down Abby’s owners. “They’ve given us the most amazing Christmas gift we could ever ask for,” Grapengeter said. “Everybody just assumed it was some kind of scaredy-cat, but there it was in front of the door in our dog lot and it was blind,” May said. “It was sitting there, all the way from 14 mile on the winter trail down into this neighbourhood, I guess by just sniffing, so I picked it up and brought it in.”

Assaulted for a packet of noodles: “A HOMELESS man has been injured after he was assaulted by another man who tried to steal a packet of noodles off him near a church. The 32-year-old man had been sitting behind a church in Northbridge when he was approached by another man at 10pm on Christmas Eve. Police said the offender tried to steal a packet of noodles from the homeless man when an altercation took place and the homeless man was assaulted. The homeless man then followed the alleged offender to a nearby supermarket, where another altercation occurred before he flagged down a passing police car. The victim was taken to hospital with a possible broken jaw and severe bruising to his face.”

The ultimate long-legged girl: “The world’s tallest teenage girl walks hands in hands with her boyfriend, the picture of young love despite a staggering 1ft 4in height difference. Elisany da Cruz Silva, 17, measures an unbelievable 6ft 8in tall and has to bend down to plant a kiss on her 5ft 4in lover Francinaldo da Silva Carvalho, 22. The youngster, from Salinopolis in Brazil, has a form of gigantism because of a tumour on her pituitary gland, which regulates growth. Doctors have since removed the tumour. The aspiring model told Vietnam-based broadcaster BTV: ‘What really attracted me was his personality, the way he acts with people and the way he acts with me. ‘The only thing that really affects us is when we hang out holding hands – it seems like he is my little brother or son. ‘But I didn’t choose him, God did.'”

Daredevil tackles 450ft-tall frozen waterfall: “This is the terrifying moment a daredevil climber dices with death as he scales a gigantic frozen waterfall. The stunning photos capture Walter Hungerbühler ascending the Al Kaida route in the village of Wolfenschiessen, central Switzerland. The 450ft-tall frozen waterfall is rated as Wi6 – one of the toughest grades. Walter, who lives in the village, has scaled many frozen waterfalls before. He seized the opportunity to climb the Al Kaida route during a cold snap. But he ran the risk of ice breaking and melting. Walter said: ‘During the ascent, the whole icefall ‘settled’ (released tension) with ‘whoom’-sound; scary when you are climbing but a good sign you are safe. Wolfenschiessen is nestled in the mountains above Lake Lucerne. The region is famous for its majestic vistas.”

Nutty European regulations: “A kickabout in the park might leave many dads suffering after their exertions, but it could have deadly consequences for toddlers – according to EU officials. Toy footballs now have to be stamped with a warning that they are a choking hazard for the under-threes, despite the balls being bigger than an adult’s head. The brightly coloured plastic balls with a circumference of 25in – just under the size used in the Premier League – come with the caution: ‘Warning! Not suitable for children under three years. Choking hazard.’ One manufacturer, Bellco Sports, which sells tens of thousands of its £1 balls every year in high streets all over the UK, confirmed it has had to comply with the EU regulations and brand them with the warning. The balls bear the CE mark, which stands for Conformité Européene – translated as European Conformity – to show that they comply with EU legislation and are passed as meeting ‘harmonised levels of safety’.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Important to get your pronunciation right

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Police Grinches in Australia: “AN iconic Ipswich Christmas truck has been taken off the roads after police deemed the vehicle a distraction to other drivers. The Sapar Christmas truck is covered in Christmas lights and does the rounds of Ipswich each year, with those on board handing out treats to passersby and playing Christmas music. On Saturday night however, the truck was pulled over by police in Brassall and issued with an infringement notice for “using lights to dazzle other road users”. Ipswich residents expressed their displeasure at the truck being taken off the roads on the Police Media Facebook page this morning, claiming the drivers had done nothing wrong and dubbing police as the “Scrooge of the highway patrol”. A Police Media release however indicates the truck was accompanied by two motorcycles and the three vehicles made a number of traffic offences while driving through the area.”

Snoozing man with bag of drugs arrested outside police station: “An alleged drug dealer has been arrested in Sydney’s south after falling asleep opposite a police station with a bag of drugs lying next to him. Officers spotted the sleeping man outside a business on Montgomery Street in Kogarah, directly across from the police station, about 11.30am on Sunday. They also noticed a plastic bag containing a white powder lying on the ground next to him. A police spokesman said the officers woke the man and searched him, finding a further three bags of white powder, believed to be methylamphetamine, or ice. They allegedly also found three tablets, believed to be ecstasy, a gold watch and more than $2000 cash. The man was arrested and taken to St George Police Station, where he was charged with supplying a prohibited drug, two counts of possessing a prohibited drug, two counts of having goods in custody, possessing equipment for administering prohibited drugs, and breaching bail.”

Study: Women with large breasts are smarter: “A study by a Chicago university sociologist of 1,200 women found that large-breasted women tend to have higher intelligence. The study divided the women into five groups ranging from virtually flat-chested to extra-large breasts. The results revealed that the big-breasted women had an overall higher I.Q.—about 10 points—than the lesser endowed members of the study. Women with average-sized breasts also beat out those that were in the smallest size group. Society has also depicted women such as glamor queens and sex-goddesses Marilyn Monroe, Jayne Mansfield and Jane Russell as sexy, but dumb. Yet all who knew them personally attested the three were very smart women. The Chicago sociologists believe their study suggests intelligent men prefer larger-breasted women for reproductive partners because the offspring from the union would be more likely to produce higher intelligence children and pass on the genes for large breasts to girls and higher intelligence to both sons and daughters.”

Snake fights back: “This is the moment a snake fought back against its predator, coiling itself around the beak of an attacking heron. As the heron spotted the snake crawling through the grass it quickly bundled over looking for an easy meal and was expecting to gobble it down as usual. But the snake had other ideas – and rather than being fast food it tightly wrapped it’s long body around the heron’s beak before it had the chance to bite. ‘The stalemate lasted about 15 minutes with the stubborn snake refusing to let go. ‘The Heron changed his technique thrashing his head about banging the snake on the ground until its grip eventually began to wane. ‘In the end the snake became tired and the Heron gulped down the snake like that last delicious string of spaghetti.”

A Christmas sandwich: “It contains more than 3,000 calories and is stuffed with eight sausages, a kilo of turkey, masses of vegetables and a whole box of stuffing. This is surely Britain’s largest ever Christmas sandwich, and one cafe in Birmingham will give you a year’s supply of bacon butties if you can wolf it down in under 45 minutes. But is doubtful you would ever want to see another bap again if you managed to rise to the challenge. The gut-busting bloomer, priced at £15, is packed with potatoes, sprouts, six carrots, the sausages wrapped in bacon, the turkey meat, stuffing, a whole jar of cranberry sauce – all wrapped in an 800g loaf of bread. Not only that, the challenge comes with a boat of gravy, a 450g Christmas pudding and a pint-and-a-half of tea. The owners of the B.E.S.T cafe in Erdington, Birmingham, Dominic Riley, 29, and Richard Hollis, 31, decided to come up with the idea in the spirit of Christmas.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

DUI

With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving.

As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a “social session” out with friends. Well two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice white wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit. That’s when I did something that I’ve never done before – I took a cab home.

Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don’t know where I got it and now that it’s in my garage I don’t know what to do with it.

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Worshipper leaves half a billion dollars in cheques at sacred Jerusalem’s Western Wall… but they’re expected to bounce: “A worshiper found his prayers for financial security were answered at Jerusalem’s sacred Western Wall. The man discovered an envelope containing $500m of cheques stuffed into one of its cracks of the holy landmark. The iconic wall in Israel’s capital has for centuries been a focal point for worshipers of numerous religions, who tuck slips of paper with prayers written on them into the historic structure. The envelope, discovered on Wednesday, was filled with more than 500 signed cheques – some written for $1m. Rabbi Shmuel Rabinowitz, who oversees the wall, said most of them were Nigerian, with some from Europe, Asia and the United States. But the cheques were not addressed to anyone and would most likely bounce if someone attempted to cash them in.”

Dentist ‘did not discriminate’ when he fired too-attractive assistant: “IF you think an employee is ‘irresistibly’ attractive, it’s okay to sack her – at least in the minds of seven male US judges. An all-male Iowa Supreme Court ruled today that a dentist acted legally when he fired an assistant because he and his wife viewed the woman as a threat to their marriage. The court ruled 7-0 that bosses can fire employees they see as an “irresistible attraction,” even if the employees have not engaged in flirtatious behaviour or otherwise done anything wrong. Such firings may be unfair, but they are not unlawful discrimination under the Iowa Civil Rights Act because they are motivated by feelings and emotions, not gender, Justice Edward Mansfield wrote. An attorney for Fort Dodge dentist James Knight said the decision, the first of its kind in Iowa, is a victory for “family values” because Knight fired Melissa Nelson in the interest of saving his marriage, not because she was a woman.”

British restaurant customer told he can’t carry soft drinks because of ‘health and safety’: “A customer was stunned to be told that he was not allowed to carry a tray of soft drinks in a restaurant because he needed special training. Tim Bannister, 35, had offered to carry a tray of drinks at a waterside restaurant called Nautical Nellies in Southampton to help out a busy waitress. But he was told he could not carry them because of ‘health and safety’. Mr Bannister, a technical adviser at chemicals firm AkzoNobel, told The Sun: ‘It was embarrassing but also laughable. The incident happened in November when Mr Bannister was dining with friends at the restaurant. He offered to carry the four drinks a few yards to the table because it was busy.

Muslim cleric puts a Fatwa on Christmas: “AN IMAM at Australia’s biggest mosque has issued a fatwa against Christmas, warning followers it is a “sin” to even wish people a Merry Christmas. The ruling, which followed a similar lecture during Friday prayers at Lakemba Mosque, was posted on its Facebook site on Saturday, according to media reports. It appears the post is no longer on the page. The head imam at Lakemba, Sheikh Yahya Safi, told the congregation during prayers they should not have anything to do with Christmas. The fatwa reportedly warns: “Disbelievers are trying to draw Muslims away from the straight path.” It says Christmas Day and associated celebrations are among the “falsehoods” for a Muslim to avoid.”

Chicken soup really CAN fight a cold, say scientists: “Chicken soup is good for the soul, they say. And as a homespun remedy for everything that might ail you during winter, there are few things as deliciously soothing. But could such a broth be more than just a cold comfort? According to the latest scientific study, the answer is yes. Research in the American Journal of Therapeutics showed that a compound found in chicken soup – carnosine – helped the body’s immune system to fight the early stages of flu. More than a decade ago, Dr Stephen Rennard, of the University of Nebraska Medical Center, Omaha, wanted to find out why his wife’s recipe for chicken soup, handed down through generations, was so healing. Using blood samples from volunteers, he showed that the soup inhibited the movement of the most common type of white blood cell, neutrophils, which defend against infection.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

A dubious bargain

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Japanese man jailed for 12 cent theft “A court in Japan has jailed a 66-year-old man for a year for stealing 10 yen (12 cents) from a temple offering box, reducing his original sentence by eight months. A district court ordered Masafumi Tsuruhara to spend 20 months in prison earlier this year after being caught taking the coin at Kongou-buji Temple in Wakayama, western Japan. Tsuruhara appealed to Osaka High Court, insisting he had just been “playing with it”, press reports said on Friday. A judge on Thursday said the sentence was “too heavy”, they added. A court spokeswoman confirmed the jail term had been reduced to one year. “It’s 10 yen, but it is still cash,” the judge was quoted by local media as saying. “The motive is selfish. His criminal responsibility cannot be treated lightly.” Under Japanese law, theft is punishable by up to 10 years’ jail or a fine of up to 500,000 yen.”

Turks have the best airline food? “Ryanair has been voted Europe’s least popular short-haul airline by the readers of the British consumer publication Which?. More than 5500 travellers rated dozens of airlines in the survey, giving each a mark out of five for categories including check-in process, baggage allowance, seating allocation, punctuality, food and drinks and value for money. Only those airlines receiving at least 30 votes were included in the final results. The most popular airline was deemed to be Swiss, which received an overall score of 82 per cent. The carrier received full marks in five categories. Second in the table was Turkish Airlines with a score of 78 per cent – German carrier Lufthansa came third, Aer Lingus fourth and KLM fifth. Swiss’s passengers praised its seating allocation and staff, while Turkish Airlines was the only carrier to receive more than three stars for its food and drink.”

Piranha has the most powerful bite of any animal in history: “Outsized jaw muscles allow the black piranha to exert bite force equivalent to 30 times its bodyweight, a feat unmatched in the natural world, according to results of a finger-risking study. Other animals like the great white shark, the hyena and the alligator can deliver more forceful bites, but their crunching power becomes much less impressive when viewed in relation to their overall size and weight, researchers said. In fact, relative to their size, piranhas outperform even prehistoric monsters like Tyrannosaurus rex and the whale-chomping megalodon, a massive shark that preceded the great white, said the study. The black piranha has jaw muscles of an ‘extraordinary’ size and a highly modified jaw-closing lever, said the team. Published in the journal Scientific Reports, the research saw scientists catch 15 black piranhas in Brazil’s Amazon River basin and risk their digits by teasing a customised force gauge between their serrated jaws.”

1950s voted most desirable era by modern women who are desperate for men to make more of an effort: “Addicted to Mad Men? Got a hankering for a dapper gent? Well you aren’t alone. A new survey has revealed that modern women regard the men of the 1950s as the most desirable of all time – and would love their 21st century counterparts to make more of an effort with their manners and appearance. Unlike modern males, men in the 1950’s regularly held doors open for women, and had a wardrobe full of well-pressed two piece suits. None, needless to say, wore fake tan or tried a ‘pejazzle’ – the male equivalent of the TOWIE-inspired vajazzle. The survey, undertaken by men’s grooming brand, Scaramouche & Fandango, revealed that 61 per cent of women think that the coiffed but manly men of the 50’s are a vast improvement on today’s incarnation. What’s more, although 79 per cent of men surveyed felt that they behaved in a gentlemanly way towards their partners, only 52 per cent of women agreed. Old-fashioned manners proved overwhelmingly popular among women”

Photographer caught out by cheeky animal: “One Russian wildlife photographer captured this perfect Kodak moment at a reserve in Kabardino-Balkaria – but another didn’t. As the fellow photographer was checking his camera the goat poked its head up from behind a rock and… he missed it. Igor Shpilenok did manage to snap it though, and his picture perfectly illustrates the dangers of ‘chimping’ too much. Chimping is a colloquial term used in digital photography to describe the habit of checking every photo on the camera display (LCD) immediately after capture. Stare too much at the back of your camera and you might miss a great photo opportunity – like this man.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

This may be the funniest video I have ever seen

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Latin America is world’s happiest region “As the richest country in the world, you’d expect that Qatar would also be the happiest. And you’d also expect Japanese people to be extremely positive, seeing as though they have the highest life expectancy. But clearly wealth and good health do not guarantee happiness after both countries failed to make the top ten most positive countries. The poll of nearly 150,000 people around the world found that seven of the world’s 10 countries with the most upbeat attitudes are in Latin America. Gallup asked about 1,000 people in each of 148 countries if they were well-rested, had been treated with respect, smiled or laughed a lot, learned or did something interesting and felt feelings of enjoyment the previous day. In Panama and Paraguay, 85 per cent of those polled said yes to all five, putting those countries at the top of the list. They were followed closely by El Salvador, Venezuela, Trinidad and Tobago, Thailand, Guatemala, the Philippines, Ecuador and Costa Rica. The people least likely to report positive emotions lived in Singapore”

Little boy is ‘as sharp as ever’ after he wakes up from seven-hour operation ordered by judge: “Seven-year-old Neon Roberts was said to be ‘as sharp as ever’ as he recovered in hospital with his family following a judge’s decision on Tuesday to order the surgery immediately. Doctors had earlier told the High Court it was ‘highly likely’ Neon would die without the procedure, but his mother Sally Roberts, 37, refused to give her consent because she feared side effects such as mutism. Mrs Roberts, who sparked a nationwide hunt when she went on the run with her son to prevent treatment, is due to return to court today to argue that Neon should not be made to have radiotherapy following the operation. Last night, however, she was by her son’s bedside. She said her son was in ‘amazing spirits’. ‘His sense of humour is amazing. He is doing so much better than he was after the first operation.’ Mrs Roberts’s brother Tony Leese visited Neon with his sister after the surgery. He said: ‘You know the first thing I heard him say? The nurse was holding his hands checking his reactions and asking him questions, telling him to squeeze his hands to answer. And Neon goes: “I can still talk, you know.” ‘It was a witty remark to make. He’s as sharp as ever.’”

Fishermen catch a Porsche: “A deep-sea fishing crew was amazed to net a Porsche Cayenne SUV. The ocean is full of surprises, and some Chinese fishermen got a huge one when they found a Porsche in their nets. The Cayenne SUV – which sells from around $110,000 here – was landed while the crew was recently fishing off the Coast of Beihai. The Cayenne was covered in seaweed and barnacles, with its state pointing to it having been underwater for at least two years according to experts called in to assess it. Reports on CarNewsChina.com suggest that the waters and coastal areas around Beihai are a hotspot for smugglers bringing in luxury goods to escape the huge import tariffs China imposes. It’s believed the smuggler possibly pushed the Porsche overboard after spotting a customs patrol. The vehicle, which would have netted the smuggler a sizable profit, sold to a Beihai scrap metal dealer for 4000 yuan ($650).”

Police seeking men intent on “horticultural pursuits”: BUNDABERG police are searching for two men believed to have links to an ongoing mystery investigation. Police released the images of the two men on Thursday, saying they want to talk to them in relation to an undisclosed investigation. “We just don’t know who these two are. “We don’t want to frighten anyone. This is not a serious crime. It’s not murder or anything like that.” Det Sgt Self said the main focus was tracking down the pair and also identifying the uniform one of the men was wearing in the photos. He said it was important to note the uniformed man, shown three times, shaved his head over the period of time the pictures were taken.” [A shovel and fertilizer in the picture. What COULD they be for?]

Psychiatrist convicted of manslaughter after one of her patients killed man with an axe: “A French psychiatrist has been convicted of manslaughter six years after one of her patients hacked an elderly man to death. Danielle Canarelli, 58, was handed a one-year suspended prison sentence for her ‘grave error’ in failing to recognise that her paranoid schizophrenic patient Joël Gaillard posed a public risk. The doctor, who has over 30 years of experience and currently works at Marseille’s Edouard-Toulouse hospital, was also ordered to pay 8,500 euros to the victim’s children, in the groundbreaking case that could affect the way patients are treated. The court said Canarelli should have requested Gaillard be placed in a specialized medical unit or referred him to another medical team, as one of her colleagues suggested. Her stubborn refusal had equated to a form of “blindness”, the court president Fabrice Castoldi said. Gaillard had already been forcibly committed to a secure hospital on several occasions for a series of increasingly dangerous incidents.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.