Wicked Thoughts

Moose or mouse?

A Canadian struck up a friendship with a Scot while travelling in Europe and invited him to visit if he came to Canada. Having stayed a day or two in his home the Canadian invited him to his hunting lodge for the weekend. Giving a conducted tour of the lodge the Canadian pointed out the taxidermist’s work mounted high on the walls of the big central room, proudly stating they were his hunting trophies. The Scot was impressed and made suitable comment on these unfamiliar beasts until they reached the head of the moose. Puzzled at the lack of praise for such a large trophy the Canadian, after enduring a few moments of stunned silence, received the response “If thut’s ye’r moose, mon, I’d hate to see ye’r cat!”

Pork or sex?

A Catholic priest and a Jewish Rabbi were sharing a compartment on a long distance train trip. After a lengthy period of comfortable conversation, the Priest said, “Your religion forbids consumption pf pork or pork products, have you ever tried pork?.” The Rabbi replied, “Just between the two of us, yes I have.” After a few moments the Rabbi asks, “In your religion, the priests have to be celebate, have you ever had a sexual experience?.” The Priest replied, ” Just between the two of us, yes I have.” After a short pause the Rabbi says, “Beats the hell out of a ham sandwich, doesn’t it?.”

THE NEWS

Alert cop spots stolen car through new paint job: “An eagle-eyed police officer in Daylesford has recovered a car stolen during a test drive in Ballarat last night. The white Holden Commodore went missing during a test drive at a car dealership in Sebastopol about 4.30pm yesterday. Early this morning Leading Sen-Constable Ian Wallace was driving down the main street of Daylesford, and about 1.15am he noticed a red Commodore. The officer decided to run a check on the car’s number plate when he noticed is was not a local vehicle. The cancelled registration led the officer to make some more enquiries which revealed the car was actually the stolen white Commodore, painted red. Police have arrested a 19-year-old woman, a 19-year-old man and a 21-year-old man from Ballarat.”

Boob jobs good for you (as long as you are not mad): “More than 90 per cent of women who have cosmetic surgery such as boob jobs will feel better about themselves, a Sydney psychologist’s research reveals. But the remainder should not have been operated on in the first place. Tests on 120 women before and after cosmetic surgery found 8 per cent had body dysmorphic disorder, a rate four times higher than in the general population, The Daily Telegraph reports. “They think they are ugly when they are not,” clinical psychologist Julie Malone, who conducted the research, said yesterday. People with BDD who had cosmetic surgery felt no better about themselves, or in some cases worse. While she opposed non-medical breast augmentations, Dr Malone told The Daily Telegraph she advocated cosmetic and plastic surgeons screening for BDD and referred suspected sufferers to counselling. Groups representing cosmetic and plastic surgeons said the industry lacked the same level of regulation other disciplines were subjected to. Dr Malone said 92 per cent of women had an “increased sense of well-being” after surgery.

Teenager fired from job for calling it boring: “Kimberley Swann made the comment about Ivell Marketing and Logistics Limited in Clacton, Essex, England where she had begun working as an administrator. She claims she did not name the company online and was happy in the job. The 16-year-old was fired with “immediate effect” after posting the negative comment on the social networking site. “They were just being nosey, going through everything. I think it is really sad, it makes them look stupid that they are going to be so petty,” she said. Boss Steve Ivell told Sky News Online Swann posted comments about her job and invited other staff members to read them. “Had Miss Swann put up a poster on the staff noticeboard making the same comments and invited other staff to read it there would have been the same response”

Parking inspectors issue tickets to dead man in car: “City officials have some explaining to do after a man lay dead inside his parked car for several days while parking inspectors left tickets on seven occasions. Police in Gainesville, Florida, are investigating the death of local engineer John Waldo, 42, whose body was found in the back seat of his silver BMW 330i. He was last seen alive at an oyster bar on February 11. The car was ticketed seven times by parking inspectors, beginning the day after he was last seen alive.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

The world’s strangest laws

Did you know it’s illegal in France to name a pig Napoleon? Or that in Ohio you’re not allowed to get a fish drunk?

25. It is illegal for a cab in the City of London to carry rabid dogs or corpses.
24. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament.
23. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British monarch upside down.
22. In France, it is forbidden to call a pig Napoleon.
21. Under the UK’s Tax Avoidance Schemes Regulations 2006, it is illegal not to tell the taxman anything you don’t want him to know, though you don’t have to tell him anything you don’t mind him knowing.
20. In Alabama, it is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle.
19. In Ohio, it is against state law to get a fish drunk.
18. Royal Navy ships that enter the Port of London must provide a barrel of rum to the Constable of the Tower of London.
17. In the UK, a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants – even, if she so requests, in a policeman’s helmet.
16. In Lancashire, no person is permitted after being asked to stop by a constable on the seashore to incite a dog to bark.
15. In Miami, Florida, it is illegal to skateboard in a police station.
14. In Indonesia, the penalty for masturbation is decapitation.
13. In England, all men over the age of 14 must carry out two hours of longbow practice a day.
12. In London, Freemen are allowed to take a flock of sheep across London Bridge without being charged a toll; they are also allowed to drive geese down Cheapside.
11. In San Salvador, drunk drivers can be punished by death before a firing squad.
10. In the UK, a man who feels compelled to urinate in public can do so only if he aims for his rear wheel and keeps his right hand on his vehicle.
9. In Florida, unmarried women who parachute on Sundays can be jailed.
8. In Kentucky, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon more than six-feet long.
7. In Chester, Welshmen are banned from entering the city before sunrise and from staying after sunset.
6. In the city of York, it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow.
5. In Boulder, Colorado, it is illegal to kill a bird within the city limits and also to “own” a pet – the town’s citizens, legally speaking, are merely “pet minders”.
4. In Vermont, women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.
3. In London, it is illegal to flag down a taxi if you have the plague.
2. In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman’s genitals but is forbidden from looking directly at them during the examination; he may only see their reflection in a mirror.
1. The head of any dead whale found on the British coast is legally the property of the King; the tail, on the other hand, belongs to the Queen – in case she needs the bones for her corset.

Original report here

THE NEWS

British Keystone Kops again: “When an infra-red camera on the police helicopter identified a suspicious heat pattern coming from Colin Rowe’s workshop, officers were convinced it was the site of a cannabis factory. They obtained the necessary search warrant and forced the door to raid the property while the owner was out. But instead of finding an illicit drugs operation, the officers discovered nothing more sinister than a wood-burning stove. The heat source police regarded as highly suspicious was simply a stove used to warm the garage workshop where Mr Rowe restores cars in his spare time. Not surprisingly Mr Rowe was furious when he returned home to find the damaged door and the warrant, which had been posted through his letterbox without an apology. ‘I find it quite disturbing that Wild West Yorkshire Police can do what they want. I think it is disgraceful, I didn’t think the police would treat anyone like this without good reason,’ he said. College technician Mr Rowe, 41, who has no previous convictions, added:’I think it’s a pretty poor way for them to behave given that I’m not the sort of person who’s known to the police.’ Commenting on the damage, he said:’There was a big hole in the door which was large enough to get your arm through, the hinges were bent, there were bits of wood on the floor and one of my plant pots was broken.”

12-hour Viagra-fuelled orgy ends in death: “This was one bet Sergey Tuganov was determined to win. British newspaper, The Sun, reports the 28-year-old Russian man died after taking a bottle of Viagra pills for an apparent 12-hour sex romp. Two women told Moscow police they bet Tuganov $US4300 that he wouldn’t be able to satisfy them during a non-stop half day sex marathon. The mechanic died of a heart attack minutes after winning the wager, Moscow police said. “We called emergency services but it was too late, there was nothing they could do,” said one of the female participants who identified herself only as Alina. Medics said he most likely died from the quantity of Viagra he had ingested. There are 30 pills in an average 100mg bottle of Viagra.”

British oldster fined for `dangerous skating’: “A roller-skating pensioner has been fined 300 pounds after he was filmed skating along a street in Southport.Geoff Dornan, 71, of Ormskirk, Lancashire, was caught on CCTV skating through Chapel Street in October 2008.He said it was to keep fit but Sefton Council said his skating was a nuisance and a danger to the public.He was found guilty at North Sefton Magistrates’ Court of two counts of breaching a by-law but has since lodged an appeal. ”

Topless coffee shop gives neighbours the jitters: “Cup size has more than one meaning at a new US coffeehouse. Servers are topless at the Grand View Topless Coffee Shop, which opened its doors on Monday on a busy road in Vassalboro, in the northeast state of Maine. A sign outside says, “Over 18 only.” Another says, “No cameras, no touching, cash only.” On Tuesday, two men sipped coffee at a booth while three topless waitresses and a bare-chested waiter stood nearby. Topless waitress Susie Wiley said men, women and couples have stopped by, the Kennebec Journal reported. The coffee shop raised the ire of dozens of residents when it went before the town planning board last month. Town officials said the coffee shop met the letter of the law.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

The top 10 misquoted phrases in Britain

Top of the league is a “damp squib”, a term for failure named after a dud 19th century explosive mining device, which is often mispronounced as “damp squid.”

Others in the chart include “one fell swoop” which was originally uttered by MacDuff in Shakespeare’s Macbeth but which is often mistakenly repeated as “one foul swoop”.

Another favourite is the Shakespearean quote from Merchant of Venice “all that glisters is not gold” which we misquote as “all the glitters is not gold”. The misquote is so common it is now even used in the play itself.

Others mix up the 19th century nautical term “batten down the hatches”, instead saying “batting down the hatches”

The 14th century phrase “On tenter hooks” which derives from a wooden frame that hung wet clothes out to dry is often mistaken as “on tender hooks.”

The phrase “Find a pin and pick it up,” the first line of a poem in “The Real Mother Goose” book of nursery rhymes is now misquoted as “Find a penny pick it up”.

The top ten misquotes by British people are as follows:

1) A damp squid (a damp squib)
2) On tender hooks (on tenter hooks)
3) Nip it in the butt (nip it in the bud)
4) Champing at the bit (chomping at the bit)
5) A mute point (a moot point)
6) One foul swoop (one fell swoop)
7) All that glitters is not gold (all that glisters is not gold)
8) Adverse to (averse to)
9) Batting down the hatches (batten down the hatches)
10) Find a penny pick it up (find a pin pick it up)

Original report here

THE NEWS

Father stabs son for refusing to take his hat off in church: “US police said a 58-year-old man stabbed his teenage son after he refused to take off his hat at church. The father and his 19-year-old son got into an argument in Baltimore on Sunday afternoon. That is when police said the father went to a car, got a knife and stabbed his son in the left buttock and fled. The son was taken to University of Maryland Medical Centre for treatment. The father’s name was withheld pending his arrest.”

Dragon attack: “A Komodo dragon climbed a ladder into a park ranger’s hut and lunged at him, lacerating his hand and foot. The terrified victim was sitting at his desk when the beast crept inside. Screaming for help, he leapt on top of his desk clutching the neck of the still-snapping reptile on Sunday. Daniel Ngongo, a Komodo National Park official, said the man was attacked on Rinca, Indonesia, one of three islands where the world’s largest lizard can be found in the wild. The victim received severe injuries but was said to be doing well. Nurse Adi Palguna, said: “He seems to be recovering. “He’s been on antibiotics for the last three days, and there’s no sign of toxin poisoning.” The 46-year-old victim, Main, released his grip on the scaly creature and fled out the window as colleagues raced to his aid and used wooden sticks to force the dragon outside. Main, who like many Indonesians uses only one name, received more than 30 stitches, but appeared to be recovering. The beasts can grow up to 10ft long and weigh as much as 150lbs. They have shark-like serrated teeth and a bite can be deadly. The reptile’s saliva contains roughly 50 different known bacteria strains. The reptiles, believed to number less than 4,000, can only be found in the wild on the eastern Indonesian islands of Komodo, Padar and Rinca.”

Two British police officers given run-around by giant white rabbit : “Pcs Matt Jackson and Yasmin Mossadegh, of Kent Police, came across the two-foot long, 20lbs animal – the size of a small dog – hopping along a road in Canterbury at 2.20am on Sunday. They admitted that at first it seemed like “something out of Alice in Wonderland”. But detaining the albino rabbit before it caused an accident proved to be more of a handful than they first thought. After spending 10 minutes fruitlessly trying to grab the animal – even resorting to using their jackets as matador capes in a bid to snare the creature – they had to call on eight members of the public to help out. Pc Jackson said: “After several failed attempts trying to grab the rabbit, we removed our coats to try and cover it with a bullfighting technique. Again this failed. “Pet-loving members of the public who were passing by saw us struggling and rushed to our assistance. Now, with 10 pairs of hands at the ready, the rabbit’s time on the run was coming to an end.” The officers and members of the public pursued it for about 200 yards before it was finally caught. Pc Jackson added with a smile: “Inquiries are ongoing into unconfirmed reports that Bunny had an accomplice called Clyde who assisted in the hare-brained escape idea.” The rabbit has been nicknamed Tiny and is currently being cared for by staff at Barton Veterinary Hospital in New Dover Road. It is still unknown where the animal came from.”

Hungry, jobless ex-con wants to go back to jail: “In sign of the grim economic times in Taiwan, a jobless ex-convict freed two years ago has asked police to send him back to jail so he can eat. When police found the 45-year-old arsonist lying on a street in a Taipei shopping district, he requested a return to life behind bars, nostalgic for the 10 years he had already served, the China Post newspaper reported. The man had also contacted police separately with the same request, a spokesman said. Officers who found him bought him a boxed lunch but declined to send him back to prison, the police spokesman said. “We advised him to keep looking for work,” he said. “I don’t know why he can’t find a job. Maybe employers think he’s not suitable or that he’s too old.” Taiwan is in recession, with a slump in exports leading a record economic contraction in the fourth quarter of last year. Economists see more trouble ahead through most of 2009, given falling demand for Taiwan’s electronics goods in overseas markets.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Some news headlines

The following headlines are said to have been actually printed in newpapers

Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

Include Your Children when Baking Cookies

Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax

Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Deer Kill 17,000

Stolen Painting Found by Tree

Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire

Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter

Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Eye Drops Off Shelf

Teachers Strike Idle Kids

Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

THE NEWS

Car thief arrested after he locks himself in car: “A Thief has bungled an attempt to break in to a car in Adelaide, locking himself inside the vehicle as police arrived. Police said the man was one of two caught early this morning breaking into cars at Port Noarlunga, in the city’s southern suburbs. A 28-year-old was found hiding in some bushes while a 53-year-old was found hiding in one of the cars. “The man, while breaking in to the car, had locked himself inside and couldn’t get out,” a police spokesman said. Two men have been charged with illegal interference and theft and were refused bail. They were expected to appear in the Christies Beach Magistrates Court today.”

Arkansas mum gives birth to 18th child: “An Arkansas woman has given birth to her 18th child. Michelle Duggar delivered the baby girl by Caesarean section on Thursday at Mercy Medical Centre in Rogers. The baby, named Jordyn-Grace Makiya Duggar, weighed 3.26kg and was 51cm long. “The ultimate Christmas gift from God,” said Jim Bob Duggar, the father of the 18 children. “She’s just absolutely beautiful, like her mom and her sisters.” The Duggars now have 10 sons and eight daughters. Jim Bob Duggar said Michelle started having contractions on Wednesday night. She needed the Caesarean section, her third, because the baby was lying sideways. Jim Bob said both baby and mother were doing well on Thursday night. “We both would love to have more,” he said.”

British woman fell to her death while chasing a feather: “A woman fell 80ft to her death over a cliff edge in Devon while chasing a feather, coastguards have said. The walker, who was in her 40s, had been following a coastal footpath when she spotted the bird feather and went to pick it up. As the wind caught it and blew it close to the edge, she ignored safety warnings and climbed over metal railings lining the cliff top. She then lost her footing and fell from the rocky outcrop to the beach below at Budleigh Salterton, Devon. Paramedics rushed to the scene and the victim, from Taunton, Somerset, was airlifted to hospital by Coastguards at 5pm on Saturday. But despite doctors’ efforts, she died of head injuries the following day at Dorset County Hospital in Dorchester, Dorset. A spokesman for Portland Coastguard said: “A woman had slipped down the cliff after she went to retrieve a feather. “She had been leaning over to pick up the feather and just toppled over. She received head injuries from which she later died.”

Greedy Greenie (no manners either): “A Greens politician has been told to stop bringing her husband to council meetings because he eats too much of the food. Councillor Prue Cancian was told not to bring her activist husband Chris Maltby to meetings of Waverly Coucil in Sydney’s eastern suburbs because the ratepayer-funded catering could not sustain it. The matter came to a head at last Tuesday night’s council meeting at which Mr Maltby, despite having been asked not to attend by general manager Tony Reed, again showed up. The Daily Telegraph has been told that at the end of the meeting there was no food left for the hungry councillors or their staff.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Moving To A New Office

The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items.

I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn’t considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, “I’m delivering him to my doctor’s office.”

The other driver leaned out of his window. “I hate to tell you, lady,” he said, “but I think it’s too late!”

THE NEWS

Photograph shows ‘giant snake’ lurking in Borneo river: “An aerial photograph that appears to show a gigantic snake swimming along the remote waterway has emerged, sparking great concern among local communities. But it is not clear whether the photograph is genuine, or a clever piece of photo-editing. Some suggested the ‘snake’ was in fact a log or a speed boat and others complained the colour of the river in the photo was too dark. The most common theory is that the photo has been manipulated on a computer. The image has even stumped the New Straits Times newspaper in Kuala Lumpur, which suggested readers decide for themselves. However, on the banks of the river, villagers are convinced of the massive serpent’s existence and have even given it a name, Nabau, after an ancient sea serpent which can transform itself into the shapes of different animals. Earlier this month scientists unearthed the fossil of a snake that was longer than a bus, as heavy as a small car and which could swallow an animal the size of a cow. The 45ft long monster – named Titanoboa – was so big that it lived on a diet of crocodiles and giant turtles, squeezing them to death and devouring them whole.”

Teenager whose face was burnt off regains his skin… but loses all his freckles: “A schoolboy who was turned into a ‘human fireball’ when an aerosol can exploded in his face during a camping trip has made a miraculous recovery. Aiden Kelly suffered horrific burns when the pressurised can exploded in his face as he leaned over a campfire. The 15 year old’s hair and face were set alight leaving him covered in scabs which doctors feared would never heal. But just weeks later his skin grew back – without his distinctive freckles. Aiden, from Havant, Hants, said: ‘I think it’s turned out quite well actually. ‘I really wanted to get rid of the freckles before because I didn’t think they looked very good. Then I got burnt – and this was the upside to it. ‘I could have ended up with a lot of scars all over my face, but now it looks as though it never even happened.'”

Seaweed car: “For Toyota, making green cars has just taken a new twist. A car built almost entirely of seaweed is just one of the Japanese company’s visions of the future unveiled in Melbourne. The 1/X concept joined the new Prius hybrid and Hybrid Camry Concept Vehicle in a preview yesterday before the Melbourne Motor Show, which opens on Friday at the Melbourne Exhibition Centre. The 1/X, pronounced one-Xth, gets its name because it uses hybrid-powered technology with a fraction of the environmental footprint of today’s cleanest cars. Although the 1/X is still a concept, Toyota is already developing the car’s potential, looking at sustainable seaweed as a source of materials. Tipping the scales at just 420kg, the 500cc 1/X is less than half the weight of a Corolla but delivers similar performance to the 1.8-litre petrol hatch. The four-seater would use a 500cc engine that could run on bioethanol or even plug in to a household power point. Toyota is aiming at a sub-4 litre/100km fuel economy by combining a plug-in hybrid powertrain with bioethanol.”

British water engineer who relies on divine intervention: “Steve Robinson, a water engineer, does not bother with high-tech radio waves to detect broken pipes – he uses the ancient art of divining with a couple of old welding rods. Mr Robinson, 47, from Upton, Wirral, who was taught his technique by a retired colleague, is so accurate that other workmates call on him for help. “I just hold the rods and let them go where they want,” he said. “When I hit water, they cross over.” His employers, United Utilities, said that divining rods were not standard issue but added: “We can’t deny that Steve has achieved some uncannily accurate results.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

I have a question

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, “How does this boat float?

The father replied, “Don’t rightly know son.” A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, “How do fish breath underwater?”

Once again the father replied, “Don’t rightly know son.” A little later the boy asked his father, “Why is the sky blue?”

Again, the father repied. “Don’t rightly know son.” Finally, the boy asked his father, “Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?”

The father replied, “Of course not, you don’t ask questions, you never learn nothin’.”

THE NEWS

Notorious Greek prisoner escapes by helicopter – again: “GREECE’S most notorious prisoner escaped from an Athens jail yesterday in a Hollywood-style helicopter getaway – for a second time. Vassilis Palaiokostas, 44, had escaped from the maximum security prison in 2006 in an operation involving helicopters and fast cars. He was arrested again last summer for allegedly organising the kidnap of an industrialist and was awaiting trial. “Palaiokostas and his Albanian accomplice escaped from Korydallos prison by helicopter,” said a police official who declined to be named. “The helicopter was then found in the northern Athens suburb of Kapandriti but there was no trace of the fugitives.” Palaiokostas was serving a prison sentence for multiple robberies and kidnapping when accomplices whisked him out of the prison courtyard three years ago. Police found him in August by tracing the marked ransom money”

Smart English Quiz star hated: “Gail Trimble operates the buzzer on University Challenge like the trigger on a sniper’s rifle. The student captain of Corpus Christi, Oxford, has wiped the floor with college after college. Before reaching the grand final – to be screened tonight – her team trounced Exeter University 350-15, a victory described by host Jeremy Paxman as ‘less like a general knowledge quiz and more like a cull’. But, rather than celebrating Miss Trimble’s success, many viewers have subjected her to vicious abuse. Some experts say this behaviour exposes the sinister hostility to brainpower in our dumbed-down, celebrity-obsessed age. While some have praised the 26-year-old as ‘very sexy with a gorgeous smile’, others call her ‘a hateful know-it-all’ and an ‘ annoying bitch’. They have taken particular exception to her saying ‘Oh, well done’, ‘Of course’ and ‘Quite’ to her teammates. One said she was a ‘horse-toothed snob’ who ‘ruins University Challenge every time she is on it with her “better than thou” attitude’. Another said Miss Trimble was ‘so brain-rupturingly irritating and smug’ that they hoped science would come up with ‘a screen that you can reach through and punch those inside’. ‘She could easily win University Challenge on her own, but I get the feeling she may well celebrate alone as well.’ [There is a social class issue there too. She speaks in an upper class way]

Doctors cause disease outbreak: “Police in India have arrested two doctors on homicide charges for allegedly spreading hepatitis B by injecting patients with used needles. At least 34 people have died in an outbreak of the disease in the town of Modasa in western Gujarat state, the Press Trust of India news agency said. Hepatitis B is an infectious virus that is spread through blood and bodily fluids. “The two doctors arrested today are charged with culpable homicide as many of the patients treated by them were found hepatitis B positive and some have died,” Modasa police chief K.K. Maysorewala said. Six other doctors were earlier arrested on charges of criminal negligence. Gujarat state health minister Jaynarayan Vyas said he had ordered emergency steps to tackle the outbreak, including 600,000 anti-hepatitis B vaccines.”

“Green Comet” visits neighborhood: “Astronomers are keeping a close eye on a greenish comet fast approaching Earth’s vicinity, reaching its nearest point to us on Feb. 24. Comet Lulin will streak by the earth within 38 million miles — 160 times farther than the moon — and is expected to be visible to the naked eye. Discovered only a year ago, the comet gains its green colour from poisonous cyanogen and diatomic carbon gases in its atmosphere. This will be the comet’s first visit to the Earth’s inner solar system. A comet is a clump of frozen gases mixed with dust. These “dirty snowballs” cast off gas and dust whenever they venture near the sun. Comet Lulin, which is formally known as C/2007 N3, was discovered last year by astronomers at Taiwan’s Lulin Observatory. On Jan. 28, Swift trained its Ultraviolet/Optical Telescope and XRay Telescope on Comet Lulin. “The comet is quite active,” said team member Dennis Bodewits, a NASA Postdoctoral Fellow at the Goddard Space Flight Center in Greenbelt, Md. The telescope data “show that Lulin was shedding nearly 800 gallons of water each second,” enough to fill an Olympic-sized swimming pool in less than 15 minutes.

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

City girl

Amy, a city girl, marries a farmer.

One morning, before he goes out to the fields, the farmer says to her, “The artificial insemination man is coming to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a big nail into the two-by-four over the cow’s stall. You show him where it is.”

The farmer leaves, and a while later, the artificial insemination man arrives. Amy takes him down the rows of cows until she sees the nail.

She says, “This is the one, right here.”

The man says, “How do you know?”

Amy says, “By the nail over its stall.”

The man says, “What’s the nail for?”

Amy says, “I guess it’s to hang your pants on.”

THE NEWS

British police in chemical suits rush to deal with mystery spillage… that turned out to be BBQ Sauce: “When police responded to reports of an unidentified chemical spillage, they were determined to take no chances. All they knew was that a projectile hurled through a car window had shattered, showering the scene in a pungent-smelling liquid…. officers arrived in full protection suits, ready to deal with whatever chemical threat was lurking on the quiet North London street in the early hours of Friday morning. So imagine their embarrassment when their hi-tech monitoring equipment identified the substance as … HP sauce. An onlooker in Cheddington Road said: ‘It was all very dramatic. ‘The bottle smashed the driver’s window and had spilt inside the car. ‘There were fire engines and ambulances with their lights flashing. ‘The road was sealed off and we all thought we’d have to be evacuated – a female officer was even taken to hospital as she got some of the liquid on her suit. ‘But then one of them told us it was only brown sauce – it was hilarious.”

Strange effects of the financial crisis: “The US economic crisis has not only triggered severe job cuts and forced millions from their homes – Americans are also getting fatter, divorcing less and executing fewer prisoners. The collision of modern American life with the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression has had some strange and unintended consequences. In Alpine, Utah, for example, a school has cancelled the entire 6th grade, with the year’s teachers at Mountainville Academy dismissed just before Christmas and the 12-year-olds merged with the 7th grade. And after years of debate over the morality of execution, it appears that money, and not their consciences, has finally focused the minds of many politicians previously in favour of capital punishment. A slew of states are considering abolishing the death penalty altogether, because it is so expensive. The execution process is ten times more costly than keeping an inmate in prison for life. Appeals also cost the state enormous sums in legal fees and guarding a death row inmate is much more expensive than for a prisoner in the main section of a jail:.

How the British defeated the Spanish Armada: “In the mid-16th century, a clergyman in the Weald had pioneered a way of casting cannon in iron, instead of the bronze which was in short supply. So instead of a system of “making do” that had prevailed under her father, Henry VIII, Queen Elizabeth’s fleet had sets of smaller, uniform cannon, all cast identically and taking the same size shot. They could be fired reliably, by trained gunners, in unison, creating a deadly and devastating broadside barrage that could penetrate the oak hull of the enemy. The gun carriages were innovative too: the muzzles could be pushed through the gunholes, minimising the risk of fire, and the recoil kicked the cannon back far enough for reloading – which was consequently two or three times faster than previously. It was the beginning of a navy which would take command of the seas up to Trafalgar and beyond, and laid the foundations of an empire.”

New Rolls: Is this the perfect car for billionaires downsizing? The pinnacle of motoring snobbery, Rolls-Royce, has released pictures of a baby Rolls that will hit the road next year. Rolls-Royce says it’s not a concept car but an “experimental model”, which means that unlike a concept vehicle the 200EX is driveable and a forerunner to an imminent production car that will then be known as the RR4. The new baby Rolls-Royce is designed to put a modern slant on the brand, mixing fine wood, wool and leather with state-of-the-art technology such as a fighter jet-style head-up display. However, the company says the car will be recognisable as a Rolls, with the long bonnet, a modern interpretation of the trademark grille and “Spirit of Ecstasy” bonnet ornament.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

The man at the top of the world

Babu the Builder!! Do you want this job!!!!!

Babu Sassi, a fearless young man from southern India is the cult hero of Dubai’s army of construction workers. Known as the “Indian on the top of the world”, Babi is the crane operator at the world’s tallest building – the 819-meter (2,687 ft) Burj Dubai. His office, the cramped crane cab perched on top of the Burj, is also his home – apparently it takes too long to come down to the ground each day to make it worthwhile. When the building is completed, its elevators will be the world’s fastest.

Stories about his daily dalliance with death are discussed in revered terms by Dubai ‘s workers. Some say he has been up there for more than a year, others whisper that he’s paid 30,000 dirhams ($8,168) a month compared with the average wage of 800 dirhams a month. All agree he’s worth it.

THE NEWS

British financier orders partners to eat burgers after one complains about hotel food: “Damon Buffini, the millionaire chairman of private equity firm Permira, gave partners in his firm a dressing down and ordered them to eat burgers – after one of them complained about the standard of food at a five star hotel. Mr Buffini lectured the partners, many of whom earned tens of millions of pounds during the boom years, for failing to appreciate “how lucky they were”. The incident happened at the firm’s annual week away at the Pennyhill Park in Surrey. Mr Buffini – who was raised by his single mother on a Leicester council estate – was appalled to overhear colleagues complain about the food at the five-star hotel, which charges more than 1,000 pounds a night for suites. He ordered that the kitchen serve burgers the following evening and, during dinner, took it upon himself to personally admonish his staff for their attitude.”

Atlantis found? “This is the amazing image which could show the fabled sunken city of Atlantis. It shows a perfect rectangle the size of Wales lying on the bed of the Atlantic Ocean nearly 3r miles down. A host of criss-crossing lines, looking like a map of a vast metropolis, are enclosed by the boundary. They seem too vast and organised to be caused naturally. And last night the possibility of an extraordinary discovery had oceanographers and geophysicists captivated. The site lies 620 miles off the west coast of Africa near the Canary Islands – a location for Atlantis seemingly suggested by the ancient philosopher Plato. He believed it was an island civilisation sunk by an earthquake and floods around 9,700BC – nearly 12,000 years ago. The “grid” showed up on Google Ocean, a Google Earth extension that uses a combination of satellite images and marine surveys…. Google today claimed the criss-crossing lines were sonar data collected as boats mapped the ocean floor. But the internet giant said “blank spots” within the lines could not be explained”.

Blind man gets letter addressed to Mr Blindman: “A blind man has refused to accept an apology from a company that sent him a letter addressed to “Mr Blindman”. Paul Harris had registered as blind a few months before Kier Building Maintenance wrote to him about modifications to his home. “I expected to be called by name, not Mr Blindman,” he said. “No apology will ever let me forgive them.” Details of his condition had been put in the wrong column on the company’s database”.

Government railroad fines student $200 for 64c fare shortage: “Translink is investigating the case of a university student who may have been wrongfully fined $200 for letting his go card run just 64c into the red. The male passenger, 22, who wants to remain anonymous, was fined yesterday afternoon when he ‘touched off’ at Roma Street station with a go card which was 64c in the red. A TransLink spokesman said he was still awaiting specific details of the case but he should not have been fined if he started the journey in the black. He said the case was being investigated. “If there was a balance on the card at the start of the journey, he’ll be all right,” the spokesman said. The passenger complained to TransLink this morning but was told he’d be fined, no matter how little he owed. “The security guard made a crack that he’ll have to fine me $200 for no reason and we had a laugh about that,” he said. “Then he looked at the readout and said `I shouldn’t have made that joke, I am going to have to fine you’.” He said he understood the security guard was only doing his job, and had only positive experiences with Queensland Rail before. “Sixty-four cents is absolutely minuscule,” he said. “If TransLink is worried about that, they’re just trying to make money.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Some psychological research

A study conducted by UCLA’s Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected

THE NEWS

Prawo Jazdy: mystery motorist who bamboozled Irish traffic police: “The identity of one of Europe’s most notorious drivers, who racked up dozens of speeding and parking offences in a crime spree across Ireland while continuing to elude the courts, has been uncovered by police – with the help of a dictionary. Prawo Jazdy, presumed to be one of the hundreds of thousands of Poles lured to Ireland during its economic boom, was the Scarlet Pimpernel of motoring, leaving a trail of multiple identities and vehicles across the data base of the Republic’s Garda Siochana. With not a single conviction by 2007 and more than fifty offences recorded, the police decided to take a closer look at Mr Jazdy. The result was unexpected and embarrassing: in a letter that is now doing the rounds of Garda e-mail inboxes, a traffic division official wrote that it had come to his attention that officers inspecting Polish driving licences were recording Prawo Jazdy as the licence holder’s name. “Prawo Jazdy is actually Polish for ‘driving licence’ and not the first and surname on the licence,” he wrote.”

New fish lure: “A new fishing aid that attracts fish by glowing green in murky water has attracted big interest from anglers. The usual bait is dipped in EctoPlasm, a brown gel that reacts with the water to produce a halo. It also gives off flavours such as white chocolate and peach, which fish apparently find irresistible. The gel comes in a bottle that provides 150 dips and works with all kinds of bait, attracting several species of fish including carp, bream and pike. Darren Conway, the general manager of Vision Baits, said: “We spent nine months trialling it and tweaking the flavours . . . greens and blues seem to be the colours that most attract fish. We sold out of our first order in 13 hours and have had to get some more in. Word has got around very quickly.”

Sweet trail leads to youths’ arrest: “Five Florida teenagers face charges over a burglary after police followed a trail of sweet wrappers from the crime scene back to one of their houses. Three of them face armed burglary charges and two others charges of resisting arrest and tampering with evidence.”

Giant rat caught in China: “The rat, which weighed six pounds and had a 12-inch tail, was caught at the weekend in a residential area of Fuzhou, a city of six million people on China’s south coast. The ratcatcher, who was only named as Mr Xian, said he swooped for the rodent after seeing a big crowd of people surrounding it on the street. He told local Chinese newspapers that he thought the rat might be a valuable specimen, or a rare species, and had to muster up his courage before grabbing its tail and picking it up by the scruff of its neck. “I did it, I caught a rat the size of a cat!” he shouted out afterwards, according to the reports. Mr Xian is believed to still be in possession of the animal, after stuffing into a bag and departing the scene. The local forestry unit in the city identified the nightmarish creature as a bamboo rat from initial photographs, but said that it would need to examine the rat more closely before making a final identification. Chinese bamboo rats rarely grow beyond ten inches and are found throughout southern China, northern Burma and Vietnam. However, the Sumatra bamboo rat, usually found in the south-western Chinese province of Yunnan and in the Malay Peninsula can grow up to 30 inches long, including tail, and can weigh up to eight pounds.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Women

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. “I may look like just an ordinary man,” he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I’ll inherit $200 million.”

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

THE NEWS

Spanish wife pays the price for her illicit passion: “Adultery can be a costly business, as one Spanish woman found out when the Supreme Court confirmed the ruling of a lower court and doubled the amount of “moral damages” she had been ordered to pay to her cuckolded husband. The woman, who conceived three children by her lover, had pretended for years that they were fathered by her husband. Neither man can be named, in terms of a court order to protect the identities of the children. In 2001, after years of suspecting that his second wife might be unfaithful, the unfortunate husband finally discovered the truth: she had kept a secret lover for six of the fourteen years the couple had been together. Worse was to come when DNA tests showed that three of their four children had been fathered by the lover. At that point the husband took his wife to court, demanding compensation. The court in Valencia, southeastern Spain, ordered her to pay E100,000 for the suffering she had caused her husband. She decided to fight the decision, but judges at the Supreme Court not only agreed with the lower court but ruled that the original penalty was “insufficient and unjust”. The fine was doubled, meaning that she must now pay her husband E200,000 as recompense for her years of illicit passion”.

Giant sausage kidnapped: “Butcher Mark Nolan says he has little information which could lead to the kidnappers of a 40kg fibreglass sausage from the roof of his Toowoomba shop. The two-metre tall advertising sign was pulled from the roof of the shop in a 30-minute heist on Monday. Mr Nolan said he had received one mysterious phone call telling him his reward of 10kg of sausages was inadequate. “They said they wanted more than 120 sausages,” he said. Mr Nolan said he had not reported the call to police because he presumed it was a hoax call after the sausage-napper offered a meeting at The Big Orange. The butcher said even he was under suspicion from some sections of the community. “Some people think I’ve been flogging my own sausage,” he joked.

Really slow justice in India: “It will take at least 466 years for the Delhi High Court to clear its backlog of cases, even if it continues at its current average of spending less than five minutes on each one. That was the damning conclusion of an annual report on the operations of the court, which has highlighted the failings of India’s judicial system – once the pride of the largest democracy in the world. The Delhi High Court heard 332,141 cases between April 2007 and March 2008 according to the report by Chief Justice A.P. Shah. That worked out as four minutes and 55 seconds per case – given that the court worked for only 213 days of the year and for five hours and 15 minutes of each of those days, the report said. It also meant that the court was left with a backlog of 74,599 cases at the end of March 2008, including at least 600 that were more than 20 years old.”

Keen smoker on aircraft: “A man kicked walls and broke free from restraints before finally being subdued and handed over to Singapore police after attempting to smoke on a Qantas flight. Qantas cabin crew restrained the burly man, believed to be in his 40s, after a toilet smoke alarm went off. The man was restrained by his hands and mid-section twice after he managed to break free of the restraints once. He continually yelled and kicked walls throughout the flight. The man, on flight QF32, was handed over to authorities during a scheduled stop in Singapore”.

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.