Remembering Bob Hope and his one-liners

Tribute to a man who DID make a difference

“I still chase women, but only downhill.”

“That’s the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.”

“You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”

“I don’t feel old. In fact, I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.”

“I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.”

“Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it’s called at my home, ‘Passover’.”

“Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.”

“I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.”

“When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, ‘Congratulations, you have an eight-pound ham.’”

“I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.”

“Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.”

“That’s how I learned to dance, waiting for the bathroom.”

“I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn’t for the stuff the audience threw at me.”




Odd news from around the world

Belgian fries are the fastest: “After a late night, there’s little that satisfies a craving for greasy food more than a portion of French fries. Now, thanks to an ingenious invention, you can satisfy your craving without even leaving the pub – thanks to a new vending machine which serves up portions of fries while you wait. The intelligent machine registers an order and immediately gets to work, dropping a portion of frozen French fries into some piping hot oil until cooked. It even adds a splash of beef dripping to make the fries extra tasty. While the new coin-operated apparatus in Belgium is not the first of its kind, it is said to be the only one that uses beef fat to cook its chips. The beef fat used in the cooking process is considered by many Belgians to be the premiere frying sauce, lending a hearty taste to the crispy potatoes. It takes just 90 seconds for the machine to cook the £2.20 portion of chips and customers can choose from a selection of sauces to accompany their tasty snack.”

Fatty’s breakfast eaten by a journalist: Unhappy fatty (above): “On Monday morning, the president of the Liberal party’s Northern Tablelands state electorate conference, James Ellis, hosted a breakfast at the Armidale Bowling Club. The star attraction was NSW energy minister Chris Hartcher. Attendees were charged the modest ticket price of $40 per head, with breakfast thrown in. The event was significant enough for the local paper, the Armidale Express, to send cadet reporter Samantha-Jo Harris to cover. But things turned decidedly ugly when Harris made the fateful decision to devour a plate of bacon, eggs, sausage and tomato placed in front of her while listening to Mr Hartcher’s speech. Harris says no-one took umbrage at the time but clearly Mr Ellis was not impressed, firing off a terse email to her boss, Express editor Lydia Roberts. The problem, Mr Ellis explained, was that the Liberals “had paid for strictly 40 seats at this event. Everyone paid – including senior cabinet ministers who were present (as this was a fundraiser). This meant that I forwent a meal so that somebody else wouldn’t”.”

Topless reporter surprises Canadian mayor: “The mayor of Kelowna, British Columbia, is taken aback when a talk radio presenter chatting with him about women’s rights removes her top mid-interview. Mayor Walter Gray asked interviewer Lori Welbourne what she was doing when she told him to hold the microphone, took off her halter neck top and asked about his views on women baring their breasts in public. Ms Welbourne, host of On the Rocks Talk, began by citing the case of a New York City woman who took off her blouse in a restaurant, only to be told by the owner that her actions were against the law, except on the street. Mayor Gray said that if a woman in Kelowna did the same thing, someone would probably phone the police thinking it was illegal, although bylaws against women baring their breasts have been repealed. The interview ended with the surprised Mayor declining the offer of a drink with Ms Welbourne.” [Video at link]

Hot-air balloon ‘scared horse to death: “Sir Richard Branson’s Virgin hot-air balloon flights firm was accused today of terrifying a horse to death by flying too low over her paddock. Sir Richard Branson’s Virgin hot-air balloon flights firm was accused today of terrifying a horse to death by flying too low over her paddock. Eighteen-year-old thoroughbred mare Della bolted as the huge balloon’s burners ignited overhead and she fell to the ground. A vet was called but could do nothing to save Della, who had to be humanely destroyed. Her distraught owner Liz Jones, a 52-year-old accountant with the town council in Henley-on-Thames, Oxon, said seven other horses in nearby fields also stampeded in terror when the red Virgin balloon passed low overhead after aborting a touchdown at Henley Rugby Club. Mrs Jones, of St Mark’s Road, Henley, criticised the balloon pilot, saying he shouldn’t have used the burners when that low over livestock. She said there was a ‘massive roar’ as the flames came out of the gas canisters to make the balloon rise. “Horses are flight animals – such a sight and sound will immediately put them into a panic. It is pure instinct.”

Advanced technology in Ancient Rome: “A Roman goblet could be an 1,600-year-old example of nanotechnology, according to experts. The mysterious Lycurgus Cup is made of dichroic glass and appears green when lit from the front and turns bright red when a light is shone on it from behind. The chalice, which is on display at The British Museum, London, uses similar techniques to ‘modern’ nanotechnology – the manipulation of materials on an atomic and molecular scale. Scientists only solved the mystery of the colour-changing chalice in 1990, after being baffled by its behaviour for decades, Smithsonian Magazine reported. After putting broken fragments of glass under a microscope, scientists found the Romans had impregnated it with particles of sliver and gold, which they ground down to tiny proportions – around 50 nanometres in diameter – a thousand times smaller than a grain of salt. The precise amount of metals has lead experts to hail the Romans as ‘nanotechnology pioneers’ who really knew what they were doing.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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