Wicked Thoughts

Where did we go wrong?

SCHOOL DAYS – 1957 vs. 2012

Scenario : Johnny and Mark get into a fight after school.

1957 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends.

2012 – Police called, and they arrest Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it. Both children go to anger management programmes for 3 months. School governors hold meeting to implement bullying prevention programmes.

Scenario : Robbie won’t be still in class, disrupts other students.

1957 – Robbie sent to the office and given six of the best by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

2012 – Robbie given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADHD – result deemed to be positive. Robbie’s parents get fortnightly disability payments and school gets extra funding from government because Robbie has a disability.

Scenario : Billy breaks a window in his neighbour’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1957 – Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.

2012 – Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care; joins a gang; ends up in jail.

Scenario : Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.

1957 – Mark gets glass of water from Principal to take aspirin with. Passes exams, becomes a solicitor.

2012 – Police called, car searched for drugs and weapons. Mark expelled from school for drug taking. Ends up as a drop out.

Scenario : Johnny takes apart leftover fireworks from Guy Fawkes night, puts them in a paint tin & blows up a wasp’s nest.

1957 – Wasps die.

2012 – Police & Anti-Terrorism Squad called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, investigate parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated. Johnny’s Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly in an airplane again.

Scenario : Johnny falls over while running during morning break and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. She hugs him to comfort him.

1957 – In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing footie. No damage done.

2012 – Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy and ends up gay.

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Calendar reform?: “The Hanke-Henry Permanent Calendar provides a comprehensive template for revising the contemporary Gregorian calendar. It adheres to the most basic tenet of a fixed (read: permanent) calendar — each year, each date falls on the same day of the week; in our case, every year begins on Sunday, January 1. The year is then divided into four three-month quarters. Each month begins on the same day (and date) each year. The first two months of each quarter are made up of 30 days; the third is made up of 31 days.”

One in 10 admit to having sex in their office, survey shows: “A surprising number of employees not only admitted to a flirtation with a colleague but said they’d gone as far as consummating the relationship on the premises, according to the Houston Chronicle. And if you haven’t had sex in your workplace, you’ve probably thought about it – with almost a quarter of those surveyed (22%) saying they fantasized about being involved in steamy scenes around the office. Almost half (41%) also said they suspected their co-workers had become intimate in their place of work. More than 1,000 anonymous employees replied to the the survey at jobs site Glassdoor which suggests steamy TV shows such as Mad Men may not be too far off the mark. A large number (37%) had been involved in office romances”

Summer babies are less likely to get into a good university and have a greater chance of leaving school at 16: “Babies born in the summer are less likely to grow up to gain a place at Oxbridge than those with autumn birthdays, research has shown. Summer-born children often get lower exam results than their older peers. They are also statistically more likely to leave education at the age of 16. Now figures, obtained by the BBC, have revealed students with autumn births are 25 per cent more likely to be offered a place at Oxbridge. The chance of someone born in October becoming an Oxbridge undergraduate is 30 per cent higher than for someone born in July. However, Oxford University insists there is no evidence that a student’s birthday ‘directly’ affects their chance of getting in. A Cambridge University spokesman said it did not take an applicant’s birth month into consideration in its admissions process.”

Catholic guilt’ is a myth: Baptists and Muslims ‘are most concerned about sexual sins and contraception’: “Catholics don’t feel any guiltier about ‘sexual sins’ than members of other religions, a survey says. Baptists, Muslims and Pentecostals feel the most guilt about using pornography, contraception and engaging in premarital or extramarital sex, which suggests that the concept of ‘Catholic guilt’ is false. Sixteen per cent of religious people feel guilty about most or all of these four ‘sexual sins’, compared to only 3 per cent of those who do not belong to a religion, according to the poll by YouGov.of ‘Catholic guilt’ is false. The survey found that using contraception would make 9 per cent of those who are ‘nominal’ (by name only) Catholics and 12 per cent of practising Catholics feel guilty, reported the Guardian.”

The black man who fooled a Cambridge college: “Over the course of six weeks, students using the 24-hour facility at St John’s College would often bump into the friendly bibliophile, who favoured the comfortable seats of the history section. It gradually became apparent, however, that the library visitor was not all that he seemed. Some students noticed that the man “pretended to read”, while others said he never changed his clothes and would fall asleep and snore in the audio-visual room. After the university authorities were alerted, he was challenged by a college porter and ordered to leave when he could not prove he was a student. It seems that the visitor was a homeless man who had been using the library as free lodgings for a month and a half. The interloper, described as a slim black man with dreadlocks and in his thirties, came and went by “tailgating” college members entering St John’s Working Library with their key cards. The library is locked when not staffed, but students can gain access 24 hours a day using their cards.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Irish Vasectomy

After having their 11th child, an Irish couple decided that that was enough, as they couldn’t afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn’t want to have any more children ….

The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a large firecracker, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The husband said to the doctor, “B’Jayzus, I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don’t see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem.”

“Trust me, it will do the job”, said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cracker and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: “1, 2, 3, 4, 5,” at which point he paused, and placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.

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A bit of cleverness

A clever example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly.

The representative from Israel began: ‘Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Moses: When he struck the rock and it brought forth water, he thought, “What a good opportunity to take a bath!” Moses removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water.

When he got out he found, his clothes had vanished. Moses assumed a Palestinian was the obvious culprit!

The Palestinian representative at the UN jumped up furiously and shouted, “What are you talking about? The Palestinians weren’t there then.”

The Israeli representative smiled and said quietly, “And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech.”

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

A fire-extinguisher stickup: “A man who was arrested Sunday at a Glendale Walmart is accused of trying to take about a dozen employees hostage while brandishing a fire extinguisher, according to police documents. Witnesses told police Herman grabbed a bottle of alcohol off the shelf and lobbed it through a window, breaking both the window and the bottle, according to the reports. Store employees told police Herman ordered them to sit on the floor of the break room and lock the door. When they told him it couldn’t lock, he shut the door and began to pace, according to the reports. Police arrived and observed Herman holding the fire extinguisher. After an officer asked him to put the extinguisher down, Herman is accused of raising it in a “threatening manner,” according to police documents. The officer deployed his Taser on Herman and took him into custody.”

Ex-wife cleans up: “A HIGH-FLYING businessman has lost his property fight with his ex-wife who will get the kids, the house, and the diamond jewellery despite siphoning more than $200,000 from their joint account to pay her debts. One payment of $100,000 went to her father who had agreed to pay for the couple’s wedding eight years earlier on the condition she give the money back if her husband ever “walked out”. The bizarre litigation came to a head in the Family Court, which handed the former wife 53 per cent of the property pool, including an $11,500 “prestige watch” bought for her by her ex-husband. She also received $1.7 million property, a $10,000 diamond bracelet and a $37,000 prestige car. Justice Stuart Fowler ruled in her favour after hearing she raised the children, including one child with a severe illness, while her husband was on regular overseas business trips.”

Breastfeeding an ‘offence to humanity'(??) “AN inner west cafe is facing a breastfeeding backlash after a nursing mother claims staff told her to stop and that the practice was “disgusting” and “an offence to humanity”. A nurse-in protest has been organised for lunchtime Tuesday at Newtown’s Satellite cafe after word of the weekend incident spread on Facebook. Regan Matthews said she was initially approached by an apologetic waiter and asked to stop breastfeeding her nine-month-old son while at the Wilson Street cafe on Saturday afternoon on the instruction of management. “I immediately said ‘No, that’s illegal to ask me that’ and he just said ‘Oh, OK’, and backed off,” she said. The owner then approached Ms Matthews and told her she was using her manager’s discretion to tell her to stop. “She said ‘It’s offensive’,” said Ms Matthews, who asked if any of about four other customers were offended. None said they were. “So I was like, ‘Look no one else is offended, what’s the problem?”‘ “And she said ‘It is offensive’ … and as she was walking away from me she said over her shoulder ‘It’s an offence to humanity’.”

Starbucks not good at spelling: “In a bustling coffee shop at peak hours, it can be hard to hear over the din of caffeine addicts craving a fix to start their day. Sometimes in the craziness of the rush, you can forgive a barista for not hearing your name right or having time to double check. But if they’re going to make something up, you’d hope they could come up with something better than an anatomical description. In these hilarious images submitted to Reddit and the Starbucks Spelling, Starbucks patrons see their names mangled into everything from innocent nonsense words to the type of things you’d rather not think about while downing your morning espresso. Ann-Louise becomes Anus, Igmar becomes Enema, and lots of people get names that aren’t even in the dictionary. The goof-ups have become so common and funny that blogs and Tumblrs have even popped up to track the epic failures.

Posh chocolate brands left with egg on their face: “Supermarket Easter egg costing just £5 beats Harrods and Hotel Chocolat in blind taste test: “It is often said that money can’t buy class, and lit looks like it can’t buy taste either as a cheap and cheerful chocolate egg has cracked the competition to be crowned the best tasting Easter egg for 2013. A £5 supermarket Easter egg has beaten luxury rivals costing up to £70 in an annual taste test. The Chokablok American Dreamcake egg sold at Tesco scored 84/100 to take the title of Good Housekeeping Easter Egg of the Year, impressing the judging panel with its ‘varying textures, enticing design and value for money’. The Chocablok American Dreamcake egg costs a bargain £5 and has been named as the winner of the annual Good Housekeeping Easter Egg of the Year”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

The luck of the Irish

Mick, from Dublin , appeared on ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’ and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 euros.

“You’ve done very well so far,” said Chris Tarrant, the show’s presenter, “but for a million euros you’ve only got one life-line left, phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?”

“Sure,” said Mick. “I’ll have a go!”

“Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?

a) Sparrow

b) Thrush,

c) Magpie,

d) Cuckoo?”

“I haven’t got a clue.” said Mick,

“So I’ll use my last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Dublin ….”

Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.

“Fookin hell, Mick!” cried Paddy. “Dat’s simple it’s a cuckoo.” “Are you sure?”

“I’m fookin sure.”

Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, “I’ll go with cuckoo as my answer.”

“Is that your final answer?” asked Chris.

“Dat it is.”

There was a long, long pause and then the presenter screamed, “Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you’ve won 1 million euros!”

The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.

“Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven’s name did you knowit was da Cuckoo that doesn’t build its own nest?”

“Because he lives in a Fookin clock!”

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Not so ecstatic “An Irishman who drew attention to himself by falling asleep in his car while it was still running in Sydney’s east has been charged after he was allegedly found to be carrying almost 1000 ecstasy tablets. Kingsford residents became concerned on Monday morning when they discovered a man asleep in a hire car in their street. They called police to Meeks Street where they found John Michael Phillips asleep in the driver’s seat with the car’s engine running. The 31-year-old, who is in Australia on a residential bridging visa, woke and then allegedly tried to drive off. He was stopped by the police, who then searched his car and found 984 ecstasy tables. They also breath tested Mr Phillips, who allegedly returned a breath analysis reading of 0.06. He was charged with supplying a commercial quantity of prohibited drugs, supply prohibited drugs, possess prohibited drugs and low-range drink driving.

Daring Dragonfly lands on nose of hungry frog but avoids becoming its dinner: “This gutsy dragonfly toyed with certain death by landing on the nose of a frog that could have easily gobbled it up for dinner. Living life on the edge, the dragonfly perched right between the eyes of the unfazed frog and they sat together in a pond in Indonesia. The dragonfly’s unusual resting spot was captured on camera by amateur photographer Adhi Prayoga in his garden pond. Mr Prayoga, 41, said: ‘The frog would normally swallow the dragonfly down in one gulp, but he actually seemed quite happy for him to be sitting on his head. ‘He was so lucky – I couldn’t believe how fortunate he was to have picked such a placid frog to land on.’ Perhaps it was frog breeding season, when frogs do not feed at all, explaining why the insect got away with the daring manoeuvre.”

This is the best beach in the world?? “A remote beach in Sicily, Italy, has been named as the best beach in the world by a survey of travellers. Rabbit Beach came top in the first annual awards for the world’s best beach based on millions of reviews and ratings by international tourists on the TripAdvisor website. Rabbit Beach, on the island of Lampedusa off the south coast of Sicily, was described as an unspoiled nature reserve that can only be accessed by boat and one of the few places in the Mediterranean where loggerhead sea turtles go to lay their eggs. “Rabbit Beach’s is clearly a big hit with travellers and it’s easy to see why with its stunning turquoise water and white sand,” said TripAdvisor spokeswoman Emma Shaw, adding that the award would be a boost for Sicily’s tourism. A spokeswoman for TripAdvisor said the best beach awards were based on the quality and quantity of traveller reviews and ratings for beaches on the website gathered over a 12-month period. [These ratings must come from Europeans who have never seen a tropical beach]

Heroic story reveals stolen machine: “POOL shop owner David Fricker was reading his local paper last week when he looked at the front page photo and immediately thought: “That’s my forklift”. Mr Fricker’s new $5000 forklift had gone missing from his Pool Lovers business at Birkdale, on Brisbane’s southern bayside, 17 months ago. The story that caught his eye told of a heroic teenage boy who had used a forklift to save his father, whose leg was crushed and trapped under a fallen gum tree. The boy, 13, told how he had driven the forklift down a hill through bush and mud to lift the tree trunk and release his stricken dad, who was then taken to hospital. Mr Fricker said when he saw the forklift in the photo he instantly recognised the machine as his. Mr Fricker called police who tracked down the vehicle in the picture. A man is due to appear in Cleveland Magistrates Court on March 5 on a charge of possession of property suspected of being stolen.”

Russian bus driver rams cars which cut him off: “HIS name is Alexei Volkov. He is a bus driver from Zelenograd. And he’s as mad as hell, especially with drivers who cut him off on the roads. Volkov has been in more than 100 traffic accidents, though “accidents” may be a misnomer. He’s caused most of them with his in your face – or in your rear-end – driving style. If someone cuts him off, Volkov just smashes into them. To ram home his point, he then posts the dashcam video of his exploits online. In an inteview, Volkov boasted that the courts have taken his side in any case that’s gone that far. Most people seem to sympathise with him. As he told one Russian news site: “Take my latest accident. What could I do? Swerve to the left in the oncoming traffic or suddenly brake and maybe injure the passengers? “In both cases my licence would be revoked and I’d have some serious problems. While the happy bastard would just leave the scene. “I am not interested in such outcome. The cops just grin”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Cool shoppers

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

When acne kills: “An acne pill banned in parts of Europe has been linked to the deaths of seven British women. The latest data from the UK’s medicines regulator reveals that during the past three years, seven women in the UK have died while taking the drug, and there have been 83 reports of suspected side effects such as depression and hair loss. Six of the deaths were attributed to blood clots or other vein blockages and one was as a result of a fall. None of the deaths or side effects has been directly attributed to the drug, but all have been reported to the MHRA through its ‘yellow card’ scheme, which allows doctors and patients to record suspected drug reactions. Last month, regulators in France, where the pill is also prescribed as a contraceptive, announced they were suspending the use of Dianette after data linked it to the deaths. The European Medicines Agency, which regulates medicines across Europe, has also launched a review of its safety. Charlotte Porter, 17, died in March 2010 of a deep-vein thrombosis after taking Dianette for acne.”

Disneyland rabbit loses it: “A video has surfaced showing Disneyland’s ‘White Rabbit’ character getting physical with two young sisters and cursing at them after the girls pulled his fake tail. In the video recorded by the girls’ father, teenager Alexis Carlos tugs on the ‘Alice in Wonderland’ character’s costume tail as he appears to be entertaining other children. Then her sister, 14-year-old Jocelyn, takes a turn. The White Rabbit then swings around and walks briskly over to Jocelyn, where the teen said he held her by the arm and the neck. ‘He told me,”Don’t you ever do that again or I will call security, and tell your stupid friend to stop doing it too,”‘ Jocelyn told ABC10 News. ‘He told me, “Don’t even start your s**t with me” and then turned around and pushed my sister out of the way,’ Jocelyn said. The character is seen shoving someone at the end of the video.”

Gopher rider, 60, ‘wielded axe, threw explosives’ in bizarre city rampage: “A 60-year-old man who allegedly was wielding an axe and throwing small explosive devices from his gopher has been arrested in the city this morning. About 2.30am, the man allegedly rode past a group of units in Sturt St on his motorised ‘gopher style’ scooter and let off an explosive device at the front door of one of the apartments, police say. He also allegedly threatened the victim with a small axe before riding away. There was no substantial damage caused to the units. Police searched the area, and located the man on his Gopher in Whitmore Square. The 60-year-old Adelaide man was arrested and charged with arson and aggravated assault, and has been refused bail.”

Out-of-hours Swedish police turn away murder suspect: “A 45-year-old man wanted in connection with the 2011 killing of a gang leader in Malmö tried to turn himself in on Monday, only to be told that the local police station was closed. He has been on the run since a warrant was issued for his arrest just days after the November 2011 killing of the 31-year-old leader of the Brödraskapet Wolfpack gang (‘The Wolfpack Brotherhood’). But when the suspect finally showed up at a Malmö police station on Monday night to turn himself in after nearly 15 months at large, he was amazed by the response he received, the Sydsvenskan newspaper reported. Upon ringing the bell on the door shortly after 6pm, he was informed that the police station was closed. “Closed? I’m suspected of murder and a wanted man – you guys really want to get ahold of me,” he said into the intercom. But instead of being let in to the station, he was instead directed to another police station. When he had made his way there, he was placed under arrest”

Do not store bullets in oven: “A young woman trying to make an evening snack ended up at the hospital Monday night after a round of ammunition exploded inside an oven, police said. Eighteen-year-old Aalaya Walker just wanted some waffles. What she didn’t know was that her friend Javarski “JJ” Sandy, 25, had placed a magazine from his .45-caliber Glock 21 in the oven. It’s unclear why he would do that. Walker preheated the oven shortly after 9 p.m. She heard an explosion a short time later. She picked fragments of at least one round from her chest and leg. She rode the bus to St. Anthony’s Hospital, where she met with officers. They sought out Sandy, who was at his apartment in the 200 block of 24th St. N. He stated that he does not have a temperature gauge on the oven so he estimates the temperature based on how far the knob is turned,” an officer wrote in a report. “I observed that the inside of the oven was damaged.” Police described Walker’s wounds as “superficial.” They did not make any arrests.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Something to Offend Everyone!

Report from Britain

I’ve just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said ‘I’ve not eaten for two days.’I told him ‘I wish I had your will power.’

I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently “Blacks” and “Mexicans” were not the correct answers.

A fat girl served me in McDonald’s at lunch time. She said ‘sorry about the wait.’ I said ‘don’t worry fatty, you’re bound to lose it eventually.’

I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said ‘Any Change?’ I said ‘Nope, you’re still black.’

Snow in the forecast! The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, fat chance with a face like that!

An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks “What is wrong??” The boy says “Me ma is dead.”“Oh bejaysus”the man says “Do you want me to call Father O’ Riley for you?”The boy replies “No tanks,mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.”

Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I’ve found that a bacon sandwich works best!

Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such an immense shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself I’m going to take that.

Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him “Where am I?” The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back. “You’re in that feckin basket.”

I had a Trivia competition shot to pieces until the last question which I got wrong. The question was “Where do women have the curliest hair??” The answer I should have given was Fiji.

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

The latest weapon against superbugs? An antibiotic made from human SWEAT: “An antibiotic created from sweat could fend off hospital superbugs and deadly strains of TB, researchers say. A chemical called dermcidin is activated in salty, slightly acidic perspiration and perforates the cell membrane of harmful microbes, eventually killing them. Scientists hope to develop new drugs based on the molecule to control a host of bacteria after uncovering its atomic structure. About 1,700 types of natural antibiotics are known to exist, and researchers, writing in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, investigated how they work. They found that dermcidin is spread by sweat glands, so if our skin becomes injured by a small cut, a scratch or the sting of a mosquito they rapidly and efficiently kill invaders. These substances, known as antimicrobial peptides (AMPs), are more effective in the long term than traditional antibiotics as germs are not capable of quickly developing resistance against them.”

Schoolgirl beats male rivals in wrassling: “A Massachusetts schoolgirl has overcome scores of male rivals to win an individual wrestling championship for the first time in the state’s history. Danielle Coughlin, a senior at North Andover High School, took the title in the 106lb weight class on Wednesday, beating Winchester’s Jordan Darby 5-3 – and there were no special rules about where or what the wrestlers could grab. She said she had to twist her mother’s arm to let her compete but she finally agreed and now her hard work has paid off. Coach Carl Cincotta welcomed Coughlin, who he describes as ‘mentally and physically tough,’ onto the wrestling team in her freshman year but warned her she wouldn’t be getting any special treatment. She said this was fine by her. ‘I would be offended if he went easy on me because I was a girl,’ she told the news station. Wrestlers are required to steer clear of private parts during matches, and boys tend to wear protective gear. The same rules apply in mixed-sex competitions”

Pedophile in strange disguise: “A paedophile who sent vile sexual messages to a 14-year-old girl arrived at court driving his mobility scooter wearing a cape, balaclava and sunglasses in a bizarre attempt to hide his identity. Police raided the home of Alan Bray after the teenager’s parents reported his behaviour on Facebook and illegal child porn images were then found on his computer. The 41-year-old, who told his victim he would leave his wife for her, turned up at Leeds Crown Court yesterday and wore the strange outfit to avoid photographers. Bray, who lives in the city, was made the subject of a three-year supervision order and told to take part in a sex offenders’ treatment programme after admitting sex offences. He has pleaded guilty to inciting a child to engage in sexual activity and 10 of making indecent photographs of a child. He was also told to sign the sex offenders’ register for five years.”

Crashed and ancient — but still worth £10,000: “Battered, covered in rust and long overdue a service, this Mini might not look like much – but it could soon fetch £10,000 at auction. The old banger, which has spent the past 40 years rusting away in a barn, is a 1959 Morris Mini Minor Saloon – the 15th oldest-surviving Mini in the world. It was purchased by its owner 54 years ago but he locked it away a few years later following a crash which badly damaged the front of the vehicle. Although he had every intention of repairing the vehicle, which was originally cherry red but was painted blue, it has remained in his barn ever since. It only came to light last month when his family decided to do a clear-out following the death of the unidentified owner who was from Bicester in Oxfordshire. The car, which was the 529th of its type ever built, comes with its original engine and has just under 47,000 miles on the clock.”

British cyclist killed by a pothole: “The best friend of a fun-loving cyclist who died after falling from his bicycle has hit out after telling how he was ‘killed by a pothole’. Christian Brown, 40, sustained serious head injuries when he came off his bicycle while riding along an A-road in Lincolnshire on February 12. He had been in a critical condition in the intensive care unit at Hull Royal Infirmary, where he underwent surgery on his head injuries, but tragically died on Monday. Mr Brown, who was wearing a helmet, was riding with a group of cyclists on the A631 at North Willingham when he fell off his bicycle. ‘I heard that one of the group shouted ‘Pothole!’ but Chris saw it too late and went straight into it. ‘Chris was riding a very light carbon fibre bike, so you can imagine the force of the pothole to be so powerful that the bike would just disintegrate and Chris would be propelled off of it. ‘We have complained about the potholes in this area around 26 times in the last six months, and still nothing has been done.'”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

The undead

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

The ‘leftover’ women: China defines official age for females being left on the shelf as 27: “China has upset its young female population by labelling those who fail to marry by the time they are 30 as ‘left over woman’. The Communist government ordered its feminist All-China Women’s Federation to use the derogatory term in several stinging articles about the growing number of educated, professional, urban and single females aged 27-30 who have ‘failed’ to find a husband and are now deemed ‘undesirable’. ‘Pretty girls do not need a lot of education to marry into a rich and powerful family. But girls with an average or ugly appearance will find it difficult,’ reads one article titled ‘Leftover Women Do Not Deserve Our Sympathy’. The derogatory name has been picked up by the state media and stuck, causing an outcry among millions of ambitious young and educated females who claim they have been thrown on the scrap heap – and who bemoan the low quality of suitors.”

The Norwegian version of excitement: Watching wood burn: “In most places across the world, the topic of firewood would hardly be expected to set the nation’s imagination alight. But in Norway, a television programme on the subject of wood caused quite a stir, after splitting the country straight down the middle on how it should be stacked. Nearly a million people, 20 per cent of the Norwegian population, tuned in to the programme when it was aired during prime time on Friday night. But the angry responses started almost as soon as it had begun. According to the New York Times, he said: ‘We received about 60 text messages from people complaining about the stacking in the programme. ‘Fifty per cent complained the bark was facing up, and the rest complained that the bark was facing down. One thing that really divides Norway is bark.’ One viewer, niesa36, wrote on the Dagbladet newspaper website: ‘I couldn’t go to bed because I was so excited.'”

Oddest book titles: “The announcement of the shortlist for the Diagram Prize for Oddest Book Title is a humorous reminder of just how inventive, not to mention downright bizarre, authors can be. While the first winner in 1978 – Proceedings of the Second International Workshop on Nude Mice – takes some beating, this year’s six nominees have certainly done their best to stay esoteric and baffling, with titles including God’s Doodle: The Life and Times of the Penis and the wonderfully British How Tea Cosies Changed The World. Previous winners such as Estonian Sock Patterns All Around the World by Aino Praakli and The Great Singapore Penis Panic and the Future of American Mass Hysteria by Scott D Mendelson show that we’re spoiled for choice when it comes to book titles that raise a snigger or a quizzical eyebrow.”

The driver who failed their test 107 times: Hapless learner sets new record for flunking the theory test: “Many of us know someone who has struggled to pass their driving test. But spare a thought for the hapless learner who has set a record for failure. The unnamed 28-year-old, from London, has flunked the car theory test 107 times and is still yet to pass. They have so far spent £3,317 trying to pass the exam, which costs £31 a time. The test includes a 57-minute multiple choice exam, with a pass mark of 43 out of 50, and a hazard perception test with a pass mark of 44 out of 75. Once you’ve passed both parts of the theory, there’s still the practical to overcome. One determined 40-year-old logged a record number of practical driving tests – passing on his 37th attempt. The unnamed man, from Stoke-on-Trent, forked out at least £2,294 trying to pass – which could have paid for a reasonable second-hand car. An AA Driving School spokesman said: ‘This is an unusually high number of test attempts, but it is important to remember that everyone learns at their own pace. Their determination to pass highlights how important learning to drive is to most people.”

Sperm donor mum tracks down her son’s ‘global family’ as she goes online to find six-year-old’s 11 lookalike siblings: “With their similarly shaped faces and shared blond hair and blue eyes, it’s easy to guess that the three boys are brothers. But Max Silverwood and half-brothers Liam and Grant come from three different families – and have nine other siblings around the world. Their remarkable global ‘family’ has emerged after six-year-old Max’s mother Ellie Silverwood tracked down the other offspring of the sperm donor she used. The only information she had for the anonymous man was that he is Danish and had the donor alias ‘Dane 1421’. Miss Silverwood, from Oxford, conceived Max with a donor because her now ex-husband was unable to have children. As her son grew, she began to wonder more and more about what Max’s siblings might look like if he had any. She joined the Donor Sibling Registry, a US-based website which allows families of donor children to locate each other, registering her interest in contacting anyone related to Dane 1421.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

An obnoxious New Yorker…

A New York smoothie walks into a bar and luckily finds a seat next to a very attractive woman.

He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, ‘Is your date running late?’

‘No’, he replies,’I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it..’

The intrigued woman says, ‘a state-of-the-art watch? ”What’s so special about it?’

The NYC smoothie explains, ‘It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.’

The lady says, ‘What’s it telling you now?’

Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties.’

The woman giggles and replies: ‘Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!’

The NYC smoothie smiles, taps his watch and says: “Goddam thing’s an hour fast!”

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Just trying to be helpful

I have just been fired from my job with the Emergency Call Centre.

A guy called Abdul phoned and said “I’m depressed and lying on the railway track waiting for the train to come, so I can finally meet Allah.”

Apparently, “Remain calm and stay on the line” was the wrong response…

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Dog’s love affair ended by croc in Australia’s wild North: “A DOG has been eaten by a giant crocodile while enjoying a romantic swim with his girlfriend. The 4m saltie is believed to have killed seven dogs over the past few months. The dogs were swimming just offshore near a commercial fishing lodge when the crocodile struck. Ms Maczkowiak said the attack was witnessed by several people on shore. “They heard it and saw it,” she said. The croc is believed to have been a dark-skinned male named Bismarck by fishermen. Ms Maczkowiak, who has a five-month-old boy, said Vegas was a trained guard dog and probably approached the saltie to see it off. “I’m devastated,” she said, “I loved that dog.” She said the crocodile had been living near the lodge for more than 10 years and had grown huge.”

Tasmanian whisky? For France? “A TASMANIAN distillery is about to send its first order of single-malt whisky to France on the back of exposure at a major whisky event in Paris. Burnie-based Hellyers Road Distillery has received an order from spirits wholesaler La Maison du Whisky for a container of its single-malt varieties for distribution throughout France. Mr Littler said the distillery had participated in the Whisky Live Paris event for the past three years. It had provided the perfect platform for the minnow Tasmanian operation to road-test its product against the world’s leading whisky brands. “Single malt consumption in France defies the traditional demographic perception of what constitutes a whisky drinker,” Mr Littler said. “Predominantly it is younger people of both sexes driving growth in consumption. “French youngsters love the fact that Hellyers Road is a small outfit from Australia whose brand delivers romantic notions of a boutique product emanating from a small island state on the other side of the world.”

Cat chases off crocodile: “A PEEPING tomcat which strayed into an Indian zoo seemed indifferent to being a whisker away from death as it stared-down a curious crocodile. The clash of the predators was caught on film by a couple on holidays in Jaipur, India. The pair spotted the ginger and white moggy strolling into the Gharial crocodile enclosure to sit by the water as if it owned the place. One of the pond’s inhabitants began to glide through the water to what it thought could be a tasty treat as onlookers desperately tried to scare the cat away. But the tom had different plans. The croc edged closer only to be slapped twice on the snout by unsheathed paws. Somewhat startled by the defiance, the croc took a second take. It decided the furry fiend was too much trouble and retreated back to deeper water. With victory secured, the triumphant tom simply strolled away.” [The croc was a gavial, which primarily eats fish]

Sydney student adopts red fox as pet: “TO most inner west residents urban foxes are viewed as pests or a curious oddity half glimpsed while driving at twilight. But to St Peters’ Leonie Bunch the fox has become a passion, as well as a slightly unusual housemate. The 23-year-old student and emergency services dispatch operator adopted red fox Alistair (Ally) six months ago after approaching Canterbury-based Sydney Fox Rescue about foster care. Not-for-profit organisation Sydney Fox Rescue rescues and re-homes foxes in an effort to reduce the number of wild foxes preying on native wildlife. We can’t put him back in the wild because he’ll target native wildlife but he’s perfectly happy here, he’s nosy and curious and likes to roam the house and he has scheduled play dates in the parks where he sees all his favourite dogs.” Ally was found as a kit (a baby fox) in a Campbelltown back yard early last year but has since grown to embrace inner west life, complete with a backyard run, a “fox room” in the rear of the terrace and is “fairly toilet-trained”.

No central heating at Buck House? “The Queen may live in a 775-room palace but, it seems, she has the same concerns as any other pensioner when it comes to the rising cost of heating. With temperatures plunging in the northern winter, Her Majesty might have been expected to have a roaring log fire on the go. Instead, the ornate fireplace in her Audience Room at Buckingham Palace boasts a rather ancient-looking two-bar electric fire, for sale at most electrical stores for £29.99 ($44). The Royal family is famously hardy when it comes to the cold. Visitors to Balmoral often complain about the draughts. This picture also shows how carefully the Queen manages her budget. In recent years a backlog of essential repairs at the Royal palaces has built up as finances were squeezed by successive governments. The Queen has responded with cost-cutting measures including a pay freeze for aides and the scrapping of the Christmas party for palace staff.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

5 Riddles…

1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven’t eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away ?

4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words
Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?

5. This is an unusual paragraph. I’m curious as to just how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd.

THE ANSWERS TO ALL FIVE RIDDLES ARE BELOW:

1. The third room. Lions that haven’t eaten in three years are dead.

2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held under water; and hung).

3. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecuing.

4. Sure you can name three consecutive days, yesterday, today, and tomorrow!

5. The letter “e” which is the most common letter used in the English language, does not appear even once in the paragraph.

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

US woman gives birth to two sets of identical twins: “A Texas mother has beaten one-in-70-million odds by giving birth to two sets of identical twin boys. The four brothers were delivered at 31 weeks to Tressa Montalvo, 36, via Caesarean section at The Woman’s Hospital of Texas in Houston, according to a news release from the hospital. Tressa and Manuel Montalvo Jr. were not using any fertility drugs and had just hoped for a little brother or sister for their 2-year-old son, Memphis, according to the release. Ace and Blaine were born at 8:51 a.m. on Feb. 14 and weighed 3 pounds, 10 ounces (1.64 kg), and 3 pounds, 15 ounces (1.79 kg), respectively. Cash and Dylan followed a minute later, weighing 2 pounds, 15 ounces (1.33 kg), and 3 pounds, 6 ounces (1.53 kg), respectively. Manuel Montalvo said in the release that they’re not done yet – he still wants a girl.”

Florida law turns foreign tourists into illegal drivers: “State officials in Florida plan to amend a new state law that has turned thousands of unwitting foreign tourists into illegal drivers and may make it hard for them to collect insurance claims if they get in auto accidents while visiting the state. “We will work with the legislature to amend the law this year so it does not burden international visitors to our state, who make up an important part of our tourism industry,” a spokesman for Governor Rick Scott wrote in a statement on Tuesday. The law, which went into effect largely unnoticed on January 1, requires foreign drivers to have an international driver’s permit from their home country. The intent was to make sure all drivers in Florida held a license translated into English, but many frequent visitors from Canada, England and other English-speaking countries have visited the state without realising they needed the documentation.”

US businessman says French workers are useless: “The chief executive of a US tyre company has delivered a crushing summary of how some outsiders view France’s work ethic in a letter saying he would have to be stupid to take over a factory whose staff only put in three hours work a day. “The French workforce gets paid high wages but works only three hours. They get one hour for breaks and lunch, talk for three and work for three,” Mr Taylor wrote on February 8 in the letter in English addressed to the minister, Arnaud Montebourg. “I told this to the French union workers to their faces. They told me that’s the French way!” Taylor added in the letter, which was posted by business daily Les Echos on its website yesterday and which the ministry confirmed was genuine. “Titan is going to buy a Chinese tyre company or an Indian one, pay less than €1 per hour wage and ship all the tyres France needs,” he said. “You can keep the so-called workers.” Goodyear Tire & Rubber Co’s Amiens Nord plant employs 1250 people, who have been battling demands they work more shifts or accept layoffs. The site now faces closure. Talks last year with Titan over a possible rescue fell down after a failure to reach a deal with unions on voluntary redundancies.”

A Rolls Royce SUV! “Rolls-Royce is planning to break with more than a century of tradition by building a radical 4X4 off-roader. More than 100 years after the ultimate luxury British car firm was founded, bosses want the famous Spirit of Ecstasy that adorns bonnets to sit atop a ‘Chelsea tractor’. Detailed design plans have been drawn up by executives, who accept the controversial idea will divide opinion. It comes as Rolls-Royce, whose boutique factory is based in the Earl of March’s estate in Goodwood, Sussex, prepares to launch a new two-door coupe called the Wraith at next month’s Geneva Motor Show. It will go on sale in Autumn priced around £225,000. Rolls-Royce already builds four versions of its range-topping Phantom and two versions of its smaller ‘baby’ Ghost. Porsche broke the 4X4 mould when it launched its Cayenne sports utility vehicle.”

Family at war over £200,000 inheritance loses every penny in four-year legal dispute: “A bitter battle over a family will ended yesterday with the two sides spending more on lawyers than the £200,000 at stake. Daphne Burgess left that sum when she died four years ago at the age of 80. But she had cut her son Peter out the will, leaving her estate to her daughters Julia Hawes and Libby Burgess. Peter managed to overturn that decision yesterday – but only at what a leading judge described as a calamitous expense. The hearing, which pitched Peter and Libby against Julia, lasted six days and called on 26 witnesses. Julia, a former Milton Keynes magistrate, insisted her mother was of sound mind when she decided to write her son out of the will she wrote two years before her death in 2009. Libby and Peter, who runs a recruitment company, argued in return that their mother was in the grip of dementia and lacked the legal capacity to make a valid will.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

This weirdness is London Fashion week

Fashion for whom?

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Sheep kidnapped in New Zealand (headed for a brothel?) “FOUR New Zealanders have been arrested and charged after police found 11 sheep hog-tied in a car. The animals were discovered in the small four-door hatchback on the outskirts of Hastings at about 1am on Wednesday during a regular police patrol, Hawke’s Bay Today reported. Constable Darren Cooper said it was only luck that none of the sheep died. The sheep have since been returned to their owners. The men will appear in Hastings District Court this week on charges of theft and ill-treatment of animals. Ill treatment of animals carries a maximum penalty of six months in jail and/or a $25,000 fine.”

Israeli researcher on the hunt for £1BILLION of looted Nazi gold in Berlin lake: “The German government is backing a bid by an Israeli researcher to find a billion pound fortune in looted Nazi gold in a lake near Berlin. Legend has it that 18 crates of gold and platinum were dumped by an S.S. squad in the Stolpsee lake in Brandenburg in the closing days of the Second World War and lie in less than 50 feet of water. They were allegedly dumped in a secret operation codenamed ‘Operation Nibelung’ after the vast treasure of the mythical Burgundians whose stories are told in Wagner’s opera cycle The Ring of the Nibelungen. The lake lies in what was former East Germany and was the scene of frantic dives organised by the Stasi secret police desperate for treasure to sell in order to buy much needed foreign currency. The treasure has a conservative value of around a billion pounds. But if it is there, it lies under at least six feet of lake-bottom sludge and the Israeli team which arrived on its shores this week have brought along sophisticated sonar gear in a bid to locate it.”

Artificial tropical resort: “With sandy beaches, clear blue water and palm trees, this looks like a spectacular and luxurious sun-kissed resort. Holidaymakers can be seen relaxing in swimming shorts and bikinis. Even the occasional flamingo can be spotted. But not everything is as it seems at Tropical Islands. The ‘resort’ is actually located on the site of a former Soviet military air base in Krausnick, Germany. Tropical Islands is inside a hangar built originally to house airships designed to haul long-distance cargo. And despite it looking like temperatures are through the roof – outside the giant hanger it is actually snowing. As these incredible pictures show, the resort contains a beach, a lagoon , water slide and adventure park. Guests can enjoy numerous restaurants, evening shows and can also relax in a sauna.”

A tricky business catching sturgeon in Wisconsin: “They use a chainsaw to skillfully cut through the 18-inch thick ice, in such a way the sunlight illuminates the water below the hole. It then takes the strength of three men to push the cut-out chunk of ice under the surface and out of the way, in temperatures as low as -14C. The heavily regulated sport – which often proves fatal – sees just a limited number of licences issued each year. Each fish can weigh up to 100lbs, and be more than 40 years old. Fisherman may only catch fish measuring more than 3ft long. He said: ‘Sturgeon spearing is a unique sport that is only allowed on very few lakes in Wisconsin and Michigan. The team mark and cut out a hole to strict regulation size, and then cover it with a shack to alert others to the hazard and improve visibility in the water. Each spear is a long, wooden pole, with a detachable head that comes off when a sturgeon is hit. Line attached to the head is then used to play and catch the fish. Ivo, from Berlin, Germany, added: ‘The decoy is put into the water in order to attract sturgeons and help gauge the size of the fish. ‘You then have to wait, and finally decide about the size of the sturgeon before spearing.”

Belarus: Guard gets two years in prison for failing to protect border from teddy bears: “A Belarusian border guard was sentenced to two years in prison Monday for failing to report a border crossing by a Swedish plane that parachuted hundreds of teddy bears into the country carrying pro-democracy protest messages. The sentence was announced by the Belarusian Supreme Court, which said the unnamed officer would be sent to a maximum-security facility, Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty reported.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

I’m guessing that this mailbox is for a gun owner

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

“Haunted” antique mirror: “THIS Victorian-style mirror might look harmless enough, but if its owner is to be believed, it has brought bad luck, misery, financial problems and illness upon its home. Mrjoiee, from London, England, is trying to sell the spooky mirror on eBay, and has left none of its supernatural abilities to the imagination. The mirror was posted on the online auction site last week, with the ominous warning: “Since we put it up in our flat we have had nothing but bad luck, misery, financial problems and illness.” The pair rescued it from a tip run when their landlord left it out with the rubbish. Mrjoiee describes himself and his flatmate waking up, “screaming in pain”, and having a constant feeling of impending doom when they were home. “Truthfully, we both love the look of the mirror … but just being around this mirror gives me the creeps and makes me feel sick to my stomach.” “I would ideally like it to go to somebody who has experience with the paranormal/supernatural and knows what they are getting themselves in for.” The mirror had not received any bids at the time of writing.”

Spooky amateur photo: “AN innocent reflection or a window to a poltergeist? That has been the question gnawing at an amateur photographer who uploaded some pictures she took of a landscape photograph framed in an old window, only to be stunned to discover what looks like the ghost of a small boy staring back at her. “I said ‘Oh my God, what is that?”‘ the photographer, who wishes to remain anonymous, said. But what really raised the hairs on the back of her neck was the realisation the old window she used for the frame was from a boarding school in western NSW that dates back to 1886. She took several pictures, mostly from the same angle, but the ghostly figure that looks as if it’s riding on the back of the dilapidated horse-drawn carriage only appeared in one frame. “I waited for the clouds to come over so there was no reflection because it was (framed) behind the original glass of the window,” she said. Despite being a sceptic to all things paranormal, the woman said the photo later strangely left her with a sense of “calm”. She took the unexplained picture on a small Lumix digital camera and maintains it has not been doctored or manipulated in any way.”

Dumb luck: “TWO brothers who celebrated a $75,000 winning lottery ticket by buying marijuana and meth then accidentally blew up their house. The explosion sent one of the brothers to hospital with second-degree burns on his hands, arms and chest. The other brother was sent to jail, The Wichita Eagle reports. The brothers were in a Wichita house on Friday night when one went to the kitchen to refuel the butane torches they planned to use to light their bongs. He emptied two large cans of butane lighter fluid, leaking butane into the air. “The butane vapour reached the pilot light in the furnace, and as you might expect, ka-boom,” said Sgt Bruce Watts of the Wichita Police Department.”

Policeman refereeing football match tackles teenager as he ran across the pitch chased by officers: “An off-duty police superintendent who was refereeing an amateur football match tackled a suspected criminal when he ran onto the pitch chased by other officers. Paul Beddow was officiating a Sunday league game when two men ran across the pitch in Hartlepool, County Durham. The pair were being tailed by officers after abandoning their Fiat car and trying to flee on foot following a police chase. But 46-year-old Superintendent Beddow was on hand to help his colleagues and dragged one suspect to the ground by his hood while players helped catch the other man yesterday morning. The men were being chased after the car they were travelling in failed to stop for police. Five men in their late teens and early 20s have been arrested in connection with the incident and were being held in police custody.”

Roadworkers can’t spell “Welsh”: “Bungling workers have been slammed after they erected a sign for a historic Welsh bridge – but misspelled it ‘Whelsh’. Sign-makers were unable to get the basic word right on the road sign in Shrewsbury, Shropshire. A yellow sign was put by the roadside to advise drivers that the town’s Grade II listed Welsh Bridge was closed on Sunday for roadworks. Bill Ball, from the Queen’s English Society, yesterday criticised the glaring blunder by National Grid workmen, branding it a ‘sad reflection of modern standards in education’. He said: ‘It’s unbelievable they could make such a fundamental error. ‘Everybody has words they can’t spell, that is understandable – but this is a basic error. ‘Spelling countries in the United Kingdom correctly is something you should be able to do in primary school. ‘They should be ashamed of themselves.'”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.