Too modern to sit on?

July 26, 2016 at 1:46 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Family wake up to find a saltwater crocodile left in their bathroom by a home invader: “A family who awoke to find someone had come into their house overnight and smuggled a saltwater crocodile into their bathroom thought it was a joke. Coralie Myers, 16, realised the 1.7 metre crocodile was in the bathroom of her Bees Creek, Darwin home early on Monday morning, and passed it off as a prank from a family member. ‘I didn’t want to go to close it but I really needed to go to the bathroom (it was) lucky we had another one in the house — only in Darwin.’ The reptile’s jaws had been bound but was otherwise unrestricted. ‘The croc didn’t creep me out, the fact someone came in to our house freaked me out,’ Coralie told The NT News. Senior wildlife ranger Tom Nichols said the creature was a female and in ill health. He said interfering with a crocodile was an offence. It was caught and taken to a farm.”

Bushwalkers rescue a dog from freezing waters in a rock pool – name her Miss Piggy and reunite her with her owner: “A group of bushwalkers have taken the internet by storm after rescuing a lost dog stuck in freezing waters in rugged bushland and reuniting her with her owner. ‘As we walked along the creek bed, we noticed a disturbance in one of the deep pools ahead,’ she wrote. ‘Thinking it might be a roo or a platypus, we approached quietly, only to see this forlorn little face looking back. It was honestly the saddest sight.’ They looped a rope around her head and shoulders and dragged her from the water. ‘It was completely exhausted from it’s attempts to struggle out of the deep section it had fallen into, and there’s no way it would’ve survived the night,’ Dangerm0use wrote. The group put together a makeshift harness using a large stick and a bag for Miss Piggy to sit in as they carried her through the bush. ‘I posted on a FB page for lost pets in the area surrounding where we’d found her, and miraculously, got a message about 30 mins later”

Siberian wildcats driven to the brink of extinction by predators and poachers hunting their fur: “Rare images of a wildcat on the brink of extinction have been caught by animal protection volunteers in Siberia. The endangered Pallas’s wildcats have been hunted by poachers for their fur which can be sold on the black market to be made into mittens. Native to remote regions of southern Siberia, as well as Central Asia and China, they are seldom seen, and known for their reclusive and solitary lives. ‘They are secretive and do not like to be seen, making these images rather special,’ reported The Siberian Times. This cat was caught on camera a whisker away from an animal camera trap as it surveyed the scene in the Altai Nature Reserve in mountainous southern Siberia. The short-clawed, cave-dwelling wildcat is listed in the Red Book of the Russian Federation and the Red List of the International Union for Conservation of Nature where it has the status of ‘near threatened'”

Girl, 7, who wrote to David Cameron because she was ‘sad he had to quit his job’ receives a kind reply from the former PM : “A bright seven-year-old who was upset when David Cameron resigned wrote to the former PM to tell him ‘I will miss you being Prime Minister’ – and received a response just a few weeks later. Charlotte McLellan wrote to Mr Cameron after he left his role as leader of the country following the Brexit vote and said she was ‘sad you have quit your job’. The intelligent youngster, described as ‘quite an individual’ by her mum, Nicola, was warned she might not receive a reply but was thrilled when Mr Cameron wrote back to tell her he was ‘profoundly grateful’ for her support. Nursery nurse Nicola, 36, who lives in Huddersfield, West Yorkshire, with Charlotte, Charlotte’s nine-year-old sister, Ruby and her husband, Andrew, 36, said Charlotte decided to write the letter herself. Charlotte said: ‘I always looked up to him as my leader. I always liked his speeches and what he was talking about. Nicola said she wasn’t surprised with Charlotte’s letter as she’s quite an affectionate little girl”

China unveils world’s largest float plane: “China has completed production of the world’s largest amphibious aircraft which will be used to fight forest fires and perform marine rescues. The aircraft, dubbed the AG600, is around the size of a Boeing 737 – far larger than any other plane built to take off and land on water. It has a maximum flight range of 2,800 miles and can collect 12 tonnes of water in 20 seconds. Its maximum take-off weight of 53.5 tonnes. The production is the latest effort in the country’s program to wean itself off dependence on foreign aviation firms. The Chinese plane, which is targeted at the domestic market, will be ‘very useful in developing and exploiting marine resources,’ local media reported, adding that it could be used for ‘environmental monitoring, resource detection and transportation’. Despite a history of delays and problems, China’s aviation industry has made rapid progress in the last year. It rolled out the C919, China’s first domestically developed narrow-body passenger plane, in November last year”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Logical

July 25, 2016 at 4:14 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Australia: Wild dogs set to be the environmental saviour of reef island: “A Queensland council is releasing dingoes onto a Great Barrier Reef island to kill feral goats that are destroying its endangered ecosystem. The four wild dogs, two of which have already been released on Pelorus Island, will not have a chance to become pests themselves, as they have been implanted with a time-activated poison, Hinchinbrook Shire Council said. The council manages Pelorus Island, part of the Palm Island group, which lies 15 kilometres off the coast between Townsville and Cairns. The rugged, four-square-kilometre island is home to rare littoral rainforest that is being eaten away by 300 feral goats, the council’s chief pest officer, Matt Buckman, said. Mr Jayo said previous exercises — “such as trying to trap [the goats] or trying to shoot them” — had proven close to impossible because of the difficult terrain. “We’ve also tried aerial shooting but the problem is there’s so much vegetation up on top that we can’t get a clear shot”

Council tickets ‘legally parked car’ after switching sign to ‘no stopping’: “Parking signs can be confusing at the best of times, but imagine leaving your car safely in a permit zone only to return to find it is under a no-stopping sign with a ticket on the windscreen. This is what North Melbourne resident Mark Anderson says happened to him when Melbourne City Council switched parking signs without warning. And, he says, he has the GPS data to prove it. Mr Anderson says he parked his Volkswagen Polo on Leveson Street about 3.30pm on Sunday, June 5. On Thursday, June 9, he was shocked to discover he had been stung with a $152 fine after a no-stopping sign had been erected in front of the spot because of roadworks. He wrote to the council to dispute the fine, expecting it to be overturned. Instead, he was told council records showed his car hadn’t been parked in the spot when the signs were changed at 5am on June 8. He could either pay the fine or fight it in court. He has a GPS tracker installed in the car and he says this has provided proof his car was parked in the bay when the signs were changed”

British mechanic goes on 15,000 MILE round trip from London to Mongolia to carry out a 10-minute repair with an £87 part: “A mechanic took customer service to a new level by going on a 15,000 mile round trip from London to Mongolia – to carry out a 10-minute repair with an £87 part. Dedicated Bentley specialist William Medcalf took two flights and then drove through the desert for more than seven hours to help stricken client Bill Cleyndert. Mr Cleyndert was taking part in the Peking to Paris motoring rally when a wheel bearing failed on his 1924 Bentley Super Sports. He was just two days into the journey in China and with no parts available his only hope was Mr Medcalf, who had prepared the car ahead of the 8,500 mile drive. After quickly sourcing the £87 part he set off from his base in West Sussex. After reaching their remote camp at 7.30am, he simply removed the wheel and replaced the bearing in a job lasting no more than 10 minutes”

Around the world in 11 days: Russian Orthodox priest, 65, sets new record after flying non-stop in hot-air balloon: “A Russian Orthodox priest has entered the record books after enduring 11 days of freezing temperatures and ferocious storms to become the fastest person to fly solo around the world in a hot air balloon. However, Fedor Konyukhov was less interested in his historic achievement and more excited by the prospect of his first shower in almost two weeks after he touched down in the Australian outback on Saturday. His 56-metre (184-foot) tall helium and hot air balloon had begun its journey 11 days and six hours earlier, starting out in Perth, before heading across Australia, over the South Pacific to Chile, Argentina and Uruguay before reaching Brazil on day seven. It would be the last time the intrepid explorer would see dry land again until he arrived on the Western coast of Australia today”

Man is arrested after attempting to STEAL the Olympic torch on the streets of Sao Paulo: “This is the shocking moment a man tried to steal the Olympic flame while it was passing through the Brazilian town of Guarulhos, in Sao Paulo. The man was arrested by officers from the National Public Security Force after lunging out at the torch this morning. The suspect, who has not yet been identified, tried to steal the flame on the Salgado Filho Avenue in the centre of Guarulhos. The incident did not affect the route which is expected to continue into the centre of Sao Paulo tomorrow. The suspect, dressed in black, lunges for the flame before being swiftly knocked to the ground. He slams into a female police officer, injuring her in the head, just a few paces in front of the torch bearer. Police officers then carry the man off the route and the torch procession continues”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

What the signs really say

July 24, 2016 at 3:41 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Top violinist says he is being extorted by porn star ex-girlfriend who’s suing him for $12m: “A world-famous violinist who is being sued by his porn star ex-girlfriend claims in a counter-suit she is a gold-digging extortionist after she accused him of forcing her to drink his urine. David Garrett, who is a Julliard-trained violinist, is being sued for $12million by his ex, 28-year-old Ashley Youdan. The brunette who works under the name Kendall Karson, claims in her civil court filing that Garrett, 35, forced her into rough sex that caused her to break a rib, wanted to hire a sex slave, had sex with transsexuals and used cocaine. Garrett met Youdan through The Luxury Companion, a Los Angeles escort service, in 2014, according to his counter-suit that was filed in a Manhattan court. The world famous violinist became ‘enamored,’ and Youdan started calling herself his fiancée despite his claim there was never a formal proposal for marriage”

Tiny house in Japan: “An extraordinary triangular house has been designed to allow a family to go effortlessly about their lives despite it being no wider than a parking space at one end. The space-saving two-storey project features modern decor throughout with plenty of natural light and even boasts a spare room. Crammed into the tiny 312.9 square foot (29.07 square metres) is a kitchen-diner, living room, bedroom, bathroom, play area and hallway. It was built at the end of a dead-end road on a acute triangular plot which is crossed by a river and another road in Suginami, Tokyo, Japan. It even has a allocated parking, a spare room and loft space, the latter is being used as a play area. The building design was led by Kota Mizuishi head of the Mizuishi Architect Atelier firm. The 43-year-old designed the wooden, steel and aluminum structure between March 2010 and November 2010 and it was built in just four months from December that year to March 2011”

Unusual Japanese bikini: “If you thought you’d seen some racy bikinis this summer, brace yourself. A string-thin ‘bikini’ is taking the internet by storm having just landed in Japan as it’s hailed the hottest new piece of swimwear in the Far East this summer. The two-piece, by fashion house Buyma, lets wearers show a very generous amount of ‘under-boob’ and just about covers their nipples. Not only does the bikini top not encase the wearer’s breasts properly – like a bikini is supposed to – but it features a lot of unnecessary criss-cross straps across the chest and cleavage – as if to accentuate its lack of support in other, more vital areas. The bottom half, on the other hand, shows everything except your most intimate body part. It features a tiny piece of material at the front and widely spaces straps which encase your bottom – leaving your cheeks showing fully. Women in Japan are snapping up the bondage-inspired swimsuits from Pocket Tokyo, where it retails for around £28”

Is this the most bungled robbery ever?: “An alleged armed robbery went awry at a pharmacy on Thursday night when one of the men accidentally sprayed himself with pepper spray and his accomplice cut himself with a knife. One of the men walked into the pharmacy in Shoalwater, south of Perth, just before 6pm on Thursday and took several items and ran out of the store, police said. The second man then joined him and the pair were running through a shopping centre parking lot when the pharmacist caught up with them, police said. When the pharmacist confronted them, one of the men tried to spray him with pepper spray but the can was turned around the wrong way and he accidentally sprayed himself. The second man pulled out a knife but pharmacy staff told ABC that he ended up cutting himself. The men, aged 18 to 21, then fled on foot.

Fisherman enjoys a day out on the river – but something seems to be slowing him down: “At first glance it is difficult to spot anything wrong with this idyllic image of a fisherman enjoying a day out on an Australian river. But closer inspection of the baffling photo reveals one major, hilarious flaw. The photo was posted to the Barra Jacks fishing page with the invitation to spot what was wrong. Although the picture took some studying, many users eventually picked up that the keen fisherman had left his boat attached to the trailer. What was more baffling to many was not the photo, but how the mistake was made in the first place. ‘I’m racking my brain to figure out how someone could manage that,’ one commenter said. Another user was a little more blunt, saying: ‘Hahaha this **** still got the trailer on.’

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

More 1950s postcard humor

July 23, 2016 at 4:29 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Researchers find ‘irrelevant’ scribbles in Leonardo da Vinci’s notebook actually reveal the moment he first recorded the laws of friction: “He may be known for masterpieces such as the Mona Lisa and The Last Supper, but Leonardo di Vinci was also a man who envisioned ideas long before there was technology to build them. A new detailed study of notes and sketches in a one of his famous notebooks has found exactly where da Vinci first recorded the laws of friction. Previously deemed as ‘irrelevant’ by art historians, the 1493 document illustrates square blocks being pulled by a string which passes over a pulley that suspends a circular weight. Professor Ian Hutchings from the University of Cambridge was the expert to realize there is more to these scribbles than what was first believed. Hutchings describes them in his study, which illustrates ‘three square blocks being pulled to the left by a string which passes over a pulley and from which a circular weight is suspended.’ There is also a head of a an old woman by the words ‘cosa bella mortal passa e non dura’, which is translated as ‘mortal beauty passes and does not endure.’

Seal offers up a starfish in its mouth like a dog with a ball: “Seals are often called the ‘dogs of the sea’ but this one went out of his way to prove the similarities between his species and man’s best friend. Swimming in waters near Simonis Town, South Africa, the seal picked up a starfish with his mouth and presented it to a British diver as a gift. The underwater pictures show the seal swimming around with the diver, chewing on kelp and orange sponge before he picked up the starfish. The seal then brought the animal over to the diver, playing with it like a dog uses a chew toy. The images were captured by Manchester underwater photographer Caroline Robertson-Brown. Seals mostly eat fish but they will consume just about any type of meat they can get including squid, octopus, and shellfish. They normally swallow their food whole suggesting that this seal had no intention of eating the embattled starfish”

Forms of HIV carried by chimpanzees can infect HUMANS: Study supports theory AIDS epidemic started in primates: “The first strain of a virus considered the ancestor of HIV – the virus that causes AIDS – may have been passed to humans through a bite wound or scratch from a hunted chimpanzee whose blood seeped into a small cut. Experts believe it was passed to humans in the early 1900s, somewhere near a West African rainforest. Now a study has backed up this theory, by proving forms of HIV can cross between chimps and humans. The AIDS epidemic began in a rainforest in southeastern Cameroon in 1908 and not more than 70 years later when the virus started to be recognized in the early 1980s. For a book out earlier this year, which is subtitled ‘How AIDS emerged from an African forest’, David Quammen traced the history of AIDS by examining genetic samples from humans and chimps”

Chinese tear down Tibetan mountainside ‘city’ that’s home to 10,000 Buddhist monks and nuns: “Chinese government workers are dismantling buildings and evicting residents at Larung Gar, one of the world’s largest centers of Tibetan Buddhist learning, according to overseas-based Tibetan groups. London-based Free Tibet said government workers began removing residential buildings and evicting people who live at the academy, which sits 12,500ft up in western Sichuan province, on Thursday morning. Several exile Tibetan groups have said local authorities distributed an order in June to reduce the number of monks and nuns living there by half to 5,000, citing overcrowding concerns. The order also sought a clear separation between genuine monks and nuns studying at the site and lay people residing there, according to pro-Tibetan groups, which have characterized the government move as an attempt to better manage religious activity in the area.” [Note that this was in China, not Tibet]

Jonahs: “A couple whose wedding was ruined when the ceiling collapsed at their reception are now stranded in Malta after booking their honeymoon through collapsed travel company Low Cost Holidays. Keith and Sharon Clark’s wedding ended in disaster when they and another couple tying the knot that day had to be evacuated along with all their guests from Dundee’s Queens Hotel. Following their night of drama, the new Mr and Mrs Clark, from Aberdeen, hoped to forget their ruined reception and jetted off to Malta on Tuesday for a week’s honeymoon. Upon arriving at their hotel however, the couple received the devastating news that because holiday provider, Low Cost Travel, had ceased trading their booked and paid for accommodation was no longer available. The couple have to raid their spending money to fund accommodation and food and are now left with nothing till they fly home next week”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

In an era of “gender fluidity”

July 22, 2016 at 2:53 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Australia: Gold bullion worth $20,000 found in backyard in Kiama on NSW south coast: “Police have launched a public appeal to find the owner of $20,000 of gold bullion after a woman found it in her backyard on the state’s south coast. The woman discovered the gold in a package at her Kiama property last week and handed it in to police at Lake Illawarra police station last Thursday, July 14. Lake Illawarra Sergeant Jason Harrison said he was appealing for the gold’s owner to come forward, but he would be unable to describe its unique appearance. “I’m not going to describe the gold any further other than it is described as gold bullion and someone that is missing gold would be able to give us more details about possibly what it was contained in and how it might be formed,” Sergeant Harrison said. Sergeant Harrison said the bullion may not even come from the Kiama area and was possibly stolen and dumped or dropped in the backyard by the thief.”

‘Surprise! You’ve been drinking my breast milk!’: Woman gets revenge on office thief who stole her ‘cream’ from the fridge: “Writing notes on sandwiches or hiding food down the back of the fridge – they’ve long been a common workplace tactic to ensure your food doesn’t fall into the wrong hands. But as one woman found out recently, that doesn’t stop everyone. After discovering that a sneaky colleague had been stealing some ‘cream’ to add to their morning coffee all week, the woman decided to enjoy the last laugh. Placing a note on the bottle in the fridge, she let the office thief know that what they were using wasn’t cream, but was in fact her very own breastmilk. Posting a photo of her revenge to Reddit, the unidentified woman clearly enjoyed breaking the news to the unauthorised user that they had got more than they’d bargained for”

Miracle of teacher, 39, who survived when her car was crushed between two trucks: “A teacher whose car was crushed so badly that emergency services did not realise she was inside has told how she miraculously cheated death. Katie Holt’s VW Golf was mangled into such a small space that the recovery crews did not spot that it was there at first – let alone that she was trapped inside. The 39-year-old, who has just become a mother for the first time, was cut from the wreckage and airlifted to hospital where she was treated for skull and back fractures and a broken left arm. She spent ten days in hospital in December 2014 before returning home, and it took around two months for her to get her memory back and learn to walk again. The driver of the skip hire truck which hit her pleaded guilty to driving without due care and attention and got six penalty points. She has now received an undisclosed settlement from the insurers of the skip company after bosses admitted liability”

Man finds woman LIVING in his attic – who insists it’s actually HER house: “Davis Wahlman was stunned when he heard rustling around in the upper levels of his Green Lake, Washington home Monday night, and pulled on the door to his office, only to find it locked. In the unusual position of knocking on a door in his own home, he knocked a few times before a woman called out, ‘Jimmy? Is that you, Jimmy?’ according to KOMO. Minutes earlier, Wahlman had also heard rummaging around in his attic, and thought that was strange. But things got even more odd when the noises moved to his office, and then a dark-haired woman opened the door and Wahlman was confronted with the face of a total stranger. The woman then, according to the startled homeowner, insisted it was actually her house. ‘This is my house. I live here. I’ve been here for three days. Jimmy said I could live here, Jimmy said I could stay here,’ he said the woman told him. Wahlman, who had dialed 911 as soon as he heard someone in his office, tried to keep the woman engaged until police could arrive, but because Wahlman says they took almost 20 minutes to get there, the woman absconded before cops showed up.

Facebook flies internet plane: “Aquila is a high-altitude, long-endurance, unmanned solar-powered airplane. The wings are made from a cured carbon fiber that is stronger than steel for the same mass of material. Aquila has a wingspan bigger than a Boeing 737 airplane but weighs hundreds of times less(about a third of an electric car), because of its unique design and carbon-fiber frame. Aquila flies on solar power during the day and battery power at night. About half of Aquila’smass is devoted to batteries. At 60,000 feet, Aquila’s efficient aerodynamics allow it to loiter using approximately 5,000 Watts of power, about as much as three hair dryers. The batteries must supply that load for a longwinter night: up to 13 or 14 hours. The solar-powered aircraft is designed to beam internet access to hundreds of millions of people in hard-to-reach areas around the globe. However, Zuckerberg said the firm will not build the drones itself. ‘What we want to do is prove that this works, and then figure out ways to license the technology or give it away so that telcos and governments and nonprofits and crisis areas can offer this.’

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Detroit?

July 21, 2016 at 2:46 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Can you tell if your olive oil is REALLY extra virgin?: “Around 80 per cent of olive oils labelled extra virgin in stores globally aren’t actually extra virgin, according to an industry expert in Madrid. Despite rampant deceit, the United States’ olive oil consumption has almost tripled over the last 25 years, leading the FDA to consider testing all imported oils as of 2017. ‘There is a lot of fraud in this industry’, Maria Ubago from Albea Blanca tells me when we meet in Madrid. Albea Blanca became an award-winning Spanish olive oil brand within just one year of being created in 2014. Instead of bottling oil from their own olive mill, Maria Ubago was hired by the company’s director to undertake comprehensive research on Spanish growers and only purchase the very best oil to sell under Albea Blanca’s brand. For olive oil to be extra virgin, the acidity level must be below 0.8 per cent. The acidity is affected by how many hours are left in-between picking the olives and taking them to the mill to be cold-pressed”

Simple trick to get the last of the Heinz ketchup out of a glass bottle; “Getting ketchup out of a glass bottle is a risky game, with your fries either being left starved of tomato sauce or drowned in the red condiment. However, the king of ketchup, Heinz has revealed there is, in fact, a knack to getting the perfect serving on your plate. Fans of the brand will probably be aware that there is a small ’57’ embossed on its glass bottles which is actually the secret to the tomato sauce release. ‘The sweet spot to tap on the Heinz bottle is the embossed 57 on the neck. All you need to do is apply a firm tap where the bottle narrows, and the ketchup will come out easier.

Man’s Audi is covered with pink paint and scrawled with messages telling owner he is ‘a wifebeater’ and ‘not a man’: “A furious woman got her very public revenge on her ‘wifebeater’ partner by covering his Audi with pink paint and scrawling messages on the top which read: ‘You’re not a man.’ The normally-white vehicle was spotted by stunned residents in a suburban street in the village of Flackwell Heath, High Wycombe, Buckinghamshire. One eyewitness said the flash car – which neighbours had not previously seen in the area – appeared to have been defaced with bright emulsion. The perpetrator then appeared to have used their hands to daub words including ‘wifebeater’ and b****’ all over the vehicle. The car has now been removed from the street and is apparently being cleaned up”

The ‘unbreakable’ glass that could finally mean an end to cracked phone screens: “Corning has revealed its newest version of Gorilla Glass, and it can withstand drops from more than half a meter higher than the previous model. According to the firm, the glass can survive a fall from 1.6 meters high onto a rough surface – about equal to the height you reach while taking a selfie. Corning points to a recent global study, which found that more than 85 percent of smartphone owners have dropped their phones at least once per year. And, over 60 percent of these drops are from between waist and shoulder height. Gorilla Glass 5, Corning’s newest version of its ultra-durable glass, is built with this in mind. Lab tests have shown that the glass survives up to 80 percent of face-down drops from 1.6 meters high”

Is there anything duct tape can’t do? Fisherman saved by DIY leg bandage after he was bitten by a shark: “A Gold Coast man bitten by a shark while he was running a charter fishing trip on Wednesday afternoon used padding and duct tape to treat his wound so his customers could keep fishing. Scott van Burck, 31, was about 20 kilometres – or an hour and a half – off the coast of Main Beach when a customer caught a one-metre reef shark, reported the Brisbane Times. After helping pull the catch aboard, it flipped and bit Mr van Burck on the calf. Deckhand Adrian Gray told 9News he used pliers to pull the big fish off his colleague. Instead of panicking, the experienced fisherman applied some padding to the wound and secured it with duct tape, and decided to call his mum instead of an ambulance. Luckily, his mother Tiana van Burck called emergency services for her son, and an ambulance met the fishing group at Muriel Henchman Drive in Main Beach just before 1pm”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

A modest proposal

July 20, 2016 at 3:29 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950’s for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce.

I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is our separation agreement:

–Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

–We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.

–You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

–Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. –We’ll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and the coal mines, and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.

–You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, Rosie O’Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move them.

–We’ll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.

–You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.

–We’ll keep the smart diverse and conservative Governors like Susanna Martinez & Niki Haley, greedy CEO’s and rednecks and you can keep Jerry Brown, Bernie Sanders & e-mail Hillary.

–We’ll keep Bill O ‘ Reilly, and Bibles and give you CNBC and Hollywood .

–You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.

–You can have the peaceniks, war protesters, Black Lives Matter people and all the sanctuary cities.

— When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help protect & provide them security.

–We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values.

–You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

–We’ll keep the SUV’s, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volt and Leaf you can find.

–You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors who’re willing to forgo payment.

–We’ll keep “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” and “The National Anthem.”, and a whole slew of Country songs.

–I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute “Imagine”, “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing”, “Kum Ba Ya” , “We Are the World”, & all of the anti establishment Rap songs.

–We’ll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

–Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin & Charlie Sheen, Barbara Streisand, Al Sharpton, Alan Grayson, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, and (Hanoi ) Jane Fonda with you.

P.S.S. And you won’t have to press 1 for English when you call our country

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Researchers find drinking milk really does work best to extinguish the pain of a a red hot chili pepper: “Within seconds of eating a hot chili pepper your tongue starts to tingle, cheeks become red and beads of sweat will form on your forehead. Although this torturous experience is fleeting, researchers at New Mexico State University’s Chile Pepper Institute have discovered a fix that quickly extinguish the fire – milk. The team found a protein in this dairy product which replaces the chemical compound that makes chili peppers taste hot and gives you instant relief. ‘Capsaicin is the chemical compound found in chile peppers that makes them taste hot,’ said Paul Bosland, an NMSU Regents Professor and director of the Chile Pepper Institute. ‘It turns out that milk has a protein in it that replaces the capsaicin on the receptors on your tongue. It’s really the quickest way to alleviate the burning feeling.'”

Big pussy cat carries off a CROCODILE after an epic battle in a Brazilian river: “A jaguar who decided to cool off with a drink from a Brazilian river went back with more than it bargained for as it picked up a crocodile for lunch. The moment the mighty 220lb cat took down a crocodile was been captured by an astonished passer-by. Action shots by local Luiz Claudio show the Brazillian jaguar drinking at the water’s edge before slinking across and attacking the smaller predator before seemingly dragging it off to eat. The jaguar is largely a solitary, opportunistic, stalk-and-ambush apex predator. It proved its predatory prowess in the wild on this occasion with a blend of stealth and brute force. The powerful big cat wrestled with the juvenile croc in the water before taking control and biting the back of the crocodile’s head, delivering the fatal blow”

This $1 million Australian coin sold just 2 days after it went on the market: “At $A1 million, perhaps this coin made by the Perth Mint is small change for an Emirati sheikh driving his Bugatti Veyron around Dubai. But even the mint’s CEO, Richard Hayes, sounded a little surprised when the coin – made from 1kg of 99.99% pure gold, and with a 0.54 carat red diamond from Rio Tinto’s Argyle mine in Western Australia embedded in it – sold within 48 hours of going on the market last week. The coin, dubbed the Kimberley Treasure, is legal tender in Australia because it has Queen Elizabeth’s effigy on the “heads” side, and a red kangaroo holding the gemstone on the “tails” side”. The Kimberley Treasure sold to Tiara Gems and Jewellery DMCC chairman Ashish Vijay Jain, who plans to show off his newly prized possession in Dubai. “We are honoured to bring this prestigious collectable to Dubai, the luxury hub of the Middle East,” Jain said in a statement on news of the sale.”

Police seize jungle python after man shows it to fellow train passengers: “A JUNGLE python nicknamed “Bread” has been seized after a man revealed it to fellow passengers on a Central Coast train this morning. Police were called to meet a northbound train at Woy Woy Railway Station about 1am following reports there was a man with a live snake on board the train. Officers from Brisbane Water Local Area Command were told a 20-year-old man produced the three-feet long jungle python from a backpack and began to show it to fellow passengers. The man told police he did not have a permit for the snake, which was taken to Woy Woy police station. The man returned to the police station with the snake’s enclosure, a large plastic tub with a heat lamp, water bowl and shredded newspaper as substrate. Experts from the Australian Reptile Park are now examining the snake. Park general manager Tim Faulkner said the snake was in good condition and appeared to be raised as a hatchling rather than being wild caught”

5 to 1: The magic ratio for a happy relationship: “Marriage expert John Gottman, who has spent decades studying the habits of the healthiest and most successful couples, has actually been able to put a number to the frequency of positive and negative interactions between partners. The magic ratio? It’s 5 to 1. This means that stable and happy couples have five positive interactions for every negative one. In contrast, couples who ultimately divorced have just 0.8 happy encounters for every one negative interaction. Mr Gottman emphasises that for the magic ratio to truly work its magic, couples need to be sharing more positive feelings and actions every day, rather than just once in a while. This is backed up by other studies which found that for the first two years of marriage the happiness of married couples increased but afterwards it returned to the pre-marriage happiness level. The main culprit, you guessed it, was failing to regularly practise the magic ratio”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

A smart answer

July 19, 2016 at 10:22 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

A friend walked into his philosophy final in college. A chair sat on top of the desk. The professor handed out a piece of paper, and said, “Prove to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that this chair doesn’t exist.”

My friend wrote down something, handed it in, and walked out of the room. He came in later to apologize to the professor for his sarcastic answer.

“Don’t be,” the professor said, “I saw all sorts of explanations all day, but yours was by far the best.”

What my friend wrote: “what chair?”

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

The bottled water con rumbles on: “Consumers are copping markups higher than 55,000 per cent for the glorified tap water marketed under ‘purified’ or ‘organic’ branding. Bottled tap water sells for more than $1 a litre while the same stuff costs just $0.002 a litre straight from the faucet. Pureau Water markets itself as ‘Australia’s purest and best tasting water’ and sells in Coles supermarkets for around $1.11 for one litre. It is essentially tap water that is treated in a ‘purification process’ which Pureau said ‘removes contaminants including chlorine, bacteria, salt, fluoride, and heavy metals’. Chlorine is a salt that is added to all tap water to purify it and fluoride is added to water to prevent tooth decay. Owner Warren Peffer told Fairfax that is was so cheap to sell tap water he was essentially just charging for plastic bottles”

Chinese tourists stand on a flimsy raft and dip meat dangling from sticks into a lake teeming with crocodiles: “Terrifying photos have emerged online of Chinese tourists- some of them children- standing on a rusty metal raft feeding crocodiles. The photos sparked outrage after they were posted to Twitter on Friday. The holiday makers scrambled aboard the make-shift cage floating on top of plastic barrels. They dangled chunks of meat from flimsy sticks only centimetres above the powerful jaws of three-metre crocodiles. The reptiles leapt out of the water to snatch their lunch. The reptiles are used for crocodile farming. Elephant Kingdom owner Uthen Youngprapakorn told the Mirror: ‘We don’t put more than 15 people in a cage at a time. But they can hold more than this. … There have never been any problems and visitors are very happy. We always watch everything very closely.’ Elephant Kingdom will be closed for 90 days while officials perform safety checks, the Mirror reported”

Thai computer programmer is third best Scrabble player in the world despite speaking NO ENGLISH: “He is one of the world’s best scrabble players but this brainbox cannot speak a word of English. Thai wordsmith Komol Panyasophonlert, 31, is ranked third in the world after memorising 90 per cent of the entire language. He learned how to play from a tatty handbook he found lying around at home when he was 14 and trains by reading the dictionary for six hours a day. But remarkably, Komol can only utter a handful of words in broken English, can’t string a sentence together and relies on Google Translate for written communication. He said: ‘Scrabble isn’t really about speaking fluently and knowing grammar. It’s more about logic, memory, maths and being able to outsmart your opponent. ‘People are surprised that I can’t speak English but being able to remember words is the most important thing”

Bored chemist cons her way into becoming the official Miss Macedonia by setting up the country’s first contest and giving herself the crown: “A Macedonian woman is stirring up controversy in the Balkan nation after she entered herself into an international beauty pageant and was recently sat behind the country’s president at a VIP cultural event. Dunavka Trifunovska, 34, was ridiculed after she appeared at the Miss Grand International contest last October and left people scratching their heads after she appeared at the summer festival alongside several dignitaries. When Trifunovska learned that her country was not represented at the Miss Grand International, she set up a fashion company and obtained a licence to organise a national event in Macedonia. However, she sent herself as the official Miss Macedonia 2015”

7-Eleven clerk disarms shotgun-wielding robber: “A US convenience store clerk is being hailed a hero after he was caught on camera disarming a would-be robber who pointed a shotgun at his face. In the footage, the clerk at a 7-Eleven in Frederick, Maryland, never flinches as he grabs the barrel of the gun and wrestles it out of the suspect’s hand. Police obtained information the next day that led them to arrest 18-year-old Ryan Wages and charge him with the robbery attempt, Fox 5 DC reported Saturday. “(The man) pointed it at my employee and started screaming at my employee, screaming in his face, and (my employee) grabbed (the gun) and took it out of the guy’s hands,” store owner Abdul Ayub told the paper. “And the guy ran out of the store, so now the police have the gun and he didn’t get anything.” Deputies told the paper that they were able to determine that the shotgun wasn’t loaded”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Irish generosity

July 18, 2016 at 5:01 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

As good as this bar is,” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there’s a wee place called McTavish’s….The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he’ll buy the fifth drink.”

“Well, Angus,” said the Englishman, “At my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two.”

“Ahhh, dat’s nothin’,” said Paddy Sheehan, the Irishman. “Back home in me favourite pub in Galway, the moment you set foot in the place, they’ll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you’ve had enough drinks, they’ll take you upstairs and see dat you get laid, all on the house!”

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. “Did this actually happen to you?”

“Not meself, personally, no,” admitted the Irishman, “but it did happen to me sister quite a few times.”

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

BBC staff refuse to travel to cover Rio Olympics because they are frightened of catching Zika virus: “BBC staff are refusing to cover the Rio Olympics from Brazil because they are frightened of catching Zika virus. A dozen employees are threatening to follow sports journalist Richard Conway who is said to have told bosses he is bowing out. The BBC is the UK’s only free-to-air broadcaster of the event and fears are growing that its coverage could be affected. ‘Obviously they can’t force anyone to go, and they absolutely wouldn’t because it’s such a sensitive topic, but it is a real headache. ‘Losing someone of Richard’s calibre is a big blow, and it could get worse if more follow his lead.’ A BBC spokesman said: ‘All deployments to Rio will be on a voluntary basis and, as with any major staff deployment, there will be people who are unable to travel for a variety of reasons. ‘We have plans in place to ensure that we provide our audiences with the best possible coverage of the Olympic Games in Rio. We will not discuss individual staff members.’

Schools are told to call transgender children ‘zie’ rather than ‘he’ or ‘she’ in case they cause offence : “Teachers are being told to call transgender children ‘zie’ rather than ‘he’ or ‘she’ to avoid giving offence under new official guidelines. The Boarding Schools Association has told teachers to learn a ‘new language’ as part of official guidance which is aimed at ‘queering the education system’. The advice aims to help teachers navigate the ‘minefield’ of gender identity and deal with children and young adults who do not want to be referred to by male or female pronouns. As part of it teachers have been told to address children by their ‘pronoun of choice’, including they or ‘zie’. Alex Thompson, deputy chief executive of the Boarding Schools’ Association, said the guidelines hope to help school staff who may be ‘in the dark’. Last month teachers at Britain’s leading girls’ schools were told to stop calling pupils ‘girls’ or ‘young women’ in case it offends those questioning their gender identity”

Provocative video shows bikini-clad women on sun loungers in a bizarre bid to entice young Russian men to study in their home town: “A video of women in bikinis and skimpy dresses has been released in a bid to entice young Russian men to study in their home town. Education officials launched the clip to encourage school leavers to favour universities in Tyumen in south-central Russia over more glamorous establishments in Moscow and St Petersburg. But instead of focusing on facilities, staff and educational courses, the crude footage showed female students sunbathing in bikinis and horse riding in tight clothes. The video was intended to show off the benefits of studying locally in the Tyumen Oblast region. The video does also show a male medical student – riding a skateboard in his white medical uniform. And at one point, a sexy female student can be seen on horseback wearing a white T-shirt with the logo: ‘Study in Tyumen'”

Bungling robbers fail to raid shop after their bag of stolen cigarettes proved too HEAVY: “A pair of bungling armed robbers were thwarted in a shop raid after they stuffed so many cigarettes into a bag it proved too heavy to lift. Hilarious CCTV footage of the foiled attempt in a West Midlands Asda store has now been released by the police after the three criminals were jailed last week. Crook Lee Anslow, 28, raided the shop wielding a wrench with accomplices Paul Ferguson, 35, and 21-year-old Reece Jones. Anslow jumped on the counter and threatened a security guard, while Ferguson and Jones started filling a large builder’s bag with £9,000 worth of cigarettes. But a quick-thinking member of staff triggered an alarm and police arrested them at the scene after the gang were unable to lift the bag over the counter of the cigarette kiosk”

Stupid theater management destroyed their own business: “A cinema has been forced to close its doors after recieving social media threats for turning away a three-year-old cancer-stricken girl because she was wearing a backpack filled with medication. Addison Wilson-Mitchell, from Batemans Bay on the NSW south coast, was in isolation for 43 days following a bone-marrow transplant as part of her intensive cancer treatment. When she was allowed to venture to the movies to see Ice Age on Friday, the young cancer sufferer was refused entry into the Bay City Cinemas because her backpack was against house policy. Her bag contains her medication, a change of clothes and vomit bags in case Addison suffers a side effect from her treatments. The family tried to enter the theatre room after purchasing their movie tickets but were told by staff they couldn’t take the bag in because the cinema has a strict ‘no backpack policy’. The cinema has pinned a handwritten sign on the gate, claiming the decision to close since the weekend was: ‘Due to threats against our business and staff members. ‘We can no longer guarantee the safety of our patrons or staff. So sadly, we will be closed until further notice.’

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

A certain inconsistency

July 17, 2016 at 9:45 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Florida man battles to keep his beloved 13-foot-long, pizza loving alligator after authorities tell him the 47-year-old reptile has got to go: “A 13-foot-long alligator who eats pizza and is nicknamed ‘Gwendolyn’ is too big to be a man’s pet anymore, it emerged this week. Now, David Van Buren, of Coconut Grove, Florida, is trying to hang on to his longtime companion of 47 years. Van Buren was a nine-year-old boy when he got the alligator, and went to college with him, according to a report from WSVN. He discovered that the ‘female’ reptile was in fact male after 20 years together, the TV station said. Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission spokesman Lorenzo Velo told WSVN: ‘Unfortunately, Gwendolyn the alligator is not in the proper caging it is supposed to be. ‘Mr. Van Buren has been advised about this right now, and at the moment, we are investigating the whole situation.’

A hedge worth crowing about! Cockadoodle the sculpted yew has watched over this cottage for 100 years: “When it comes to ruling the roost, Cockadoodle the sculpted yew has more experience than most. For well over 100 years, he has watched over this grade II-listed cottage thanks to successive owners who have passed down the topiary tradition. Today he is around 20ft tall – almost as high as the cottage – and has become so famous he is visited by tourists and schoolchildren. When he was first pictured in 1910, he was missing quite a few feathers, and by the middle of the 1920s, his head had been pruned to a few twigs. But now there’s not a gap to be seen in his plumage – and his spectacular comb is positively bristling with pride”

91-year-old woman fills out crossword that turns out to be $116k artwork in German museum: “A 91-year-old woman reportedly used a ballpoint pen to fill in the blank spaces on a $116,000 crossword artwork on display in a German museum. The work, by avant garde Danish artist Arthur Koepcke was on loan to the Nueus Museum in Nuremberg from a private collector, the BBC reported. The woman, who was visiting the museum with a group of seniors, reportedly told police she was following instructions on a sign next to the artwork, which read: “Insert words”. “The lady told us she had taken the notes as an invitation to complete the crossword,” a police spokesman told UK paper The Telegraph.

Confused kangaroos: “The story behind this photo is actually quite interesting. Turns out the photo was from last August in Tasmania. The person who took the pic was Bernadette Camus, a senior wildlife keeper at Bonorong Wildlife Sanctuary. Bonorong is about half an hour northeast of Hobart, and has lovely open range areas where native wildlife can roam. But the Bonorong kangaroos had never seen snow when this picture was taken. While the Tasmanian highlands see regular heavy snow each winter, Bonorong is down at sea level. Snow is extremely rare at that elevation. A white ground cover was news to the ‘roos. Turns out it was kangaroo feeding time. The roos weren’t too impressed that their grass was covered and were waiting not so patiently for some hay and pellets. “They were mainly just confused,” she explained. “They were actually pretty chill. They have fur so they would have been fine.”

Masked robber runs face-first into a glass door after storming an electrical goods store: “The 40-second clip begins with a hooded man lobbing a stone through the door before he and a second man run away. The robber hurtles into the shop when the door is smashed – knocking over a sign as he goes – and loots the till. He then makes his way along the shelves, pocketing several mobile phones. When he goes to make his getaway however he barges straight into the door and falls flat on his back. He then gets up and hastily runs out of the shop – but not before tripping one final time.

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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