Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn’t you say?

October 24, 2009 at 6:37 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Some actual newspaper headlines

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.

——————————————————————

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

You sure?

—————————————————————————-

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Now that’s taking things a bit far!

———————————————————–

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

What a guy!

—————————————————————

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

No-good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so’s!

——————————————————

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

See if that works any better than a fair trial!

———————————————————-

War Dims Hope for Peace

I can see where it might have that effect!

—————————————————————-

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Ya think?!

———————————————————————–

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Who would have thought!

—————————————————————-

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

They may be on to something!

————————————————————————

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?

———————————————————-

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

He probably IS the battery charge!

———————————————-

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Weren’t they fat enough?!

———————————————–

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

That’s what he gets for eating those beans!

—————- ———————————

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Do they taste like chicken?

————————————————–

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

———————————————–

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Boy, are they tall!

————————————————

And the winner is…

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Did I read that right?

———————————————–

THE NEWS

Man asks for jail to escape nagging wife: “A SICILIAN builder transferred from prison to house arrest tried to get himself locked up again to escape his nagging wife, Italian media reported. Santo Gambino, 30, did time for dumping hazardous waste before being moved to house arrest in Villabate, outside the Sicilian capital, Palermo, Italian news agencies said this week. But Gambino went to the police station and asked to be put away again to avoid arguing with his wife, who accused him of failing to pay for the upkeep of their two children. Police charged him with violating the conditions of his sentence and made him go home and patch things up with his wife.”

Montana tradition: “When Greg Barkus roared out of the August night and ran his speedboat into the cliffs on Flathead Lake’s northeastern shore, he wasn’t necessarily alone behind the wheel. His hand, some say, was joined on the throttle by the firm grip of Montana culture, a way of life with a strong tradition of drinking and driving. “Montana’s heritage of drinking is absolutely pervasive,” said Brenda Simmons. “You can’t live in Montana and not be touched by it.” The defendant, Barkus (whose blood alcohol content registered twice the legal limit, a finding his attorney has challenged), has a previous arrest for driving under the influence. The prosecutor’s deputy attorney has a previous arrest for DUI. The original judge’s ex-husband – who was city attorney in a nearby town – has a previous arrest for DUI. Even Barkus’ own defense attorney has a previous DUI arrest. The lawyer’s case, however, was dismissed, in part because the arresting officer was not available to testify – he had been killed by a drunken driver. “To have that many people involved whose personal or professional lives have been touched by DUI, that really says something about who we are as a state,” said Ken Peterson.”

Another remarkable survival by a baby: “A baby was found alive in the wreck of a car that killed two adults yesterday. A motorist who stumbled upon the single-car smash on a stretch of road in the Central West found the 11-month-old boy in a baby capsule. Miraculously, he was in the back of the Toyota Prado, bruised and battered but not seriously injured, The Daily Telegraph reports. The accident occurred at 3.40pm yesterday on Narromine Rd, Tullamore. Police believe there was only one car involved in the crash. “It suggests that the car was heading westbound when it left the road and hit a concrete drain before rolling on its roof,” a police spokesman said. “A 30-year-old man and his 38-year-old wife suffered severe injuries and died at the scene.” [That the car didn’t burst into flames is probably the luckiest part]

Can’t speak English? You’re nabbed: “A Texas police chief has apologised after at least 39 people received traffic tickets because they couldn’t speak English. “I was surprised and stunned that that would happen in the city of Dallas because we are a very, very diverse city,” Dallas police chief David Kunkle said. “I apologise to the Spanish speaking, Hispanic community.” The incident came to light after a woman went to court to challenge a ticket issued by a young officer which cited her for being a “non-English speaking driver”. Mr Kunkle said his department reviewed its records and found that 38 similar tickets had been written in the past three years by six different officers. All fees will be refunded and the police will ask for all convictions to be reversed, he said. Mr Kunkle said the misunderstanding of state law could have stemmed from an effort to shift to an electronic citation system. Lists of citations were distributed that included a federal statute which requires drivers of commercial vehicles to have sufficient proficiency in English to operate the vehicle safely.”

Man Pleads To La-Z-Boy DWI: “A Minnesota man arrested last year for drunkenly driving a motorized La-Z-Boy lounge chair pleaded guilty this week to a DWI charge. Dennis Anderson, 62, was nabbed after driving his chair into a parked car, according to a Proctor Police Department report. A subsequent blood draw showed Anderson’s blood alcohol content was .29, more than three times the legal limit. Anderson’s customized vehicle, seen in the police evidence photos on the following pages, is powered by an eight horsepower Kohler lawnmower engine, and has a stereo, headlights, a built-in cup holder, and a “Hell Yeah It’s Fast” bumper sticker. The ride, however, does not have a seat belt. Anderson, pictured above, controlled the La-Z-Boy via a steering wheel protruding from its seat cushion. The vehicle’s headrest was adorned with the logo of the National Hot Rod Association. Following his guilty plea, Anderson was sentenced to 180 days in jail and ordered to pay a $2000 fine.” [More details of the chair here]

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.