I Voted Democrat Because…

March 23, 2009 at 12:20 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I voted Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whoever I want. I decided to marry my horse.

I voted Democrat because I believe oil companies’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 18% isn’t.Democrat Logo

I voted Democrat because I’m not concerned about the slaughter of millions of babies so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.

I voted Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

I voted Democrat because I believe that people who can’t tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don’t start driving a Prius.

I voted Democrat because when we pull out of Iraq I trust that the bad guys will stop what they’re doing, because they now think we’re good people.

I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

I voted Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

I voted Democrat because I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.

A Liberal is a person who will give away everything they don’t own.” — Ron, the Gregarious Hermit.

THE NEWS

Son takes his father’s ashes to the doctor to stop endless appointment reminders: “A son got so fed up with hospital staff sending letters to his dead father that he took the ashes to an appointment. Andrew Wild, 44, received more than 20 reminders asking his father Peter to attend kidney clinics at the University Hospital of North Staffordshire – despite repeatedly telling them he had died in 2007 – so he took the urn to one of his own appointments. He said: `The consultant asked how I was feeling. I said I was OK, then produced dad’s ashes and asked, “But what can you do for him?” `He was gobsmacked. I know it was morbid but I couldn’t think of what else to do.’ The hospital has apologised.”

Monster prehistoric creature had circular jaw, claws on head: “Hurdia victoria has a segmented body covered with gills and a huge three-part carapace, or shell, that projects out from the front of its head, according to the study published in the peer-reviewed journal Science. “This structure is unlike anything seen in other fossil or living arthropods,” said lead author Allison Daley, who has been studying the fossils for three years as part of her doctoral thesis at Uppsala University in Sweden. “The use of the large carapace extending from the front of its head is a mystery. In many animals, a shell or carapace is used to protect the soft-parts of the body, as you would see in a crab or lobster, but this structure in Hurdia is empty and does not cover or protect the rest of the body. We can only guess at what its function might have been.” Hurdia and Anomalocaris are both early offshoots of the evolutionary lineage that led to arthropods, a large modern group that contains spiders, crustaceans, insects, millipedes and centipedes. The Hurdia specimens reveal exquisite details of its gills, some of the best preserved in the fossil record. “Most of the body is covered in the gills, which were probably necessary to provide oxygen to such a large, actively swimming animal,” Daley said.”

Five warnings not enough: “An over-height semi-trailer passed five warning signs before tearing down pipes and lights in the Tugun bypass tunnel on the Gold Coast yesterday and closing northbound lanes for three hours. Police said the semi-trailer, which was carrying a crushing plant machine, hit the entrance to the south side of the tunnel about 9am Queensland time. The driver could face charges. “It was loaded to the point were it was too high to go under the tunnel and part of the load has collided with the top of it,” said NSW police Senior Constable Mark Warrall. “It damaged the machinery and the tunnel and the driver kept going to the other side of the tunnel and then pulled up.” A goldcoast.com.au reader witnessed the accident and said the truck hit the tunnel at speed. “I was behind the truck when it hit the tunnel and was amazed the driver wasn’t hurt,” said Jude.”

Germans send TV licence demand to 16th century mathematician: “A German mathematician who died 450 years ago has been sent a letter demanding that he pay for a TV licence. Germany’s GEZ sent the bill to the last home address of algebra expert Adam Ries, who bought the property in 1525. “We received a letter saying ‘To Mr Adam Ries’ on it, with the request to pay his television and radio fees,” said Annegret Muench, who now heads a club honouring the mathematician, which uses the house as its HQ. Miss Muench returned the letter to the GEZ with a note explaining the request had come too late, as Ries had died in 1559. But she still received a reminder a few weeks later. This was not the first time the GEZ had sent a bill to those in the afterlife. Last year, a school named after the poet Friedrich Schiller, who died in 1805, received a reminder asking him to declare all radios and televisions in his home and pay the corresponding fees.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.