New element

August 28, 2014 at 12:32 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Scientists at CERN in Geneva have announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element is Governmentium (Gv). It has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lefton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons or protons, it is inert. However, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes in contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that normally takes less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons, but twice as many morons.

All of the money is consumed in the exchange, and no other by-products are produced.

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THE NEWS

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Legendary Belgian Trappist beer falls foul of EU labelling rules: “Westvleteren, a legendary Belgian Trappist beer, has fallen foul of European Union labelling rules. The West Flemish beer, often voted the “best beer in the world” by experts, has come in unlabelled bottles since 1945, a simplicity that has become a mark of its authenticity and rarity. Currently Westvleteren’s three beers – a Blonde, the darker 8 and internationally famous 12 brew – list their basic ingredients on the crown cap of bottles that are sold by Monks of Saint Sixtus Abbey on a restricted basis but that turn up illicitly in bars selling at £8 for just over half a pint. But under EU legislation from next year, the beer must also give the origin of ingredients meaning that a label will have to go on the bottle because there is not room on the cap. Many fear that the renowned Westvleteren 12 “will never be the same” once the bottles are labelled although the full-bodied dark beer will remain strong, at 10.2 per cent ABV, and scarce with a restricted production of 63,000 cases a year.

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Healthy glow from vegetables is more attractive than a tan, scientists find: “Achieving a healthy sun-kissed tan is the reason many people head to the beach in the good weather. But a new study suggests that eating the recommended five-a-day of fruit and vegetables is likely to bring a much more attractive glow than sitting out in the sun. Researchers at Leeds and St Andrew’s universities discovered that the change in skin pigmentation brought about by eating vegetables like carrots, broccoli or melon makes skin look far healthier. The red and yellow pigments found in bright fruit and vegetables increase skin yellowness while tanning makes skin turn brown. Researchers asked 60 volunteers to rate how attractive they found faces based on pigmentation caused by ‘carotenoid coloration’ from fruit and veg, or ‘melanin coloration’ caused by the sun. More than three quarters of people said the healthy glow from a healthy diet was preferable to the colour of a tanned face.”

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