Wicked Thoughts

JUST LOTSA NEWS TODAY

Many Brits think that eating cookies is dangerous: “Hundreds of council workers filled out a health and safety questionnaire about biscuit-related injuries, only to discover it was a hoax. Four councils were so taken in by the spoof survey they reported having specific policy rules on safe biscuit consumption. One council even claimed to have supervised tea breaks for safety reasons. A total of 813 over- cautious council employees clicked through to the online survey and 437 risk-averse workers actually took the time to complete it. The fictitious ‘British Biscuit Advisory Board’ was created as part of a £3million marketing drive by Fox’s biscuits for its Rocky bar. National TV ads and billboards highlighted its campaign to ‘ educate the public about responsible biscuit choices and promote safer biscuit- eating practices’ and a spoof ‘workplace biscuit risk assessment test’ – written in bureaucratic health and safety language – was created and issued to 5,849 council workers across the UK. Mike Driver, Fox’s marketing director, said: ‘We developed the idea of the British Biscuit Advisory Board as a parody of the nation’s obsession with health and safety, but we never thought it would be taken quite so seriously.’ But research by Fox showed the general public is just as health and safety obsessed, with an incredible one in five believing there is a need for more rules and regulations concerning safe biscuit consumption.”

The Nevada tortoise problem: “Clark County commissioners voted last week to stop picking up and caring for unwanted pet Mojave Desert tortoises as of the end of the year. The county has been funding the care of the cast-off tortoises at a 220-acre conservation center operated by state and federal agencies. About 98 percent of the 1,000 tortoises delivered yearly to the center are unwanted pets, county officials say, and all those extra tortoises have pushed the county’s yearly tortoise maintenance costs to $700,000. The county also pays $104,000 a year to a private firm that drives around collecting the critters. Federal wildlife officials spoke against the county discontinuing the programs, arguing the county should do its part to ensure residents don’t dump their pet desert tortoises in … well, the desert, where they’re likely to survive, since that’s where they come from. … County, state and federal officials agreed to meet and discuss how to deal with the growing volume of unwanted pets. County Commissioner Chris Giunchigliani suggested outlawing new pet tortoises, with existing pets grandfathered in.”

Idiotic change to Humpty Dumpty: “Accident-prone nursery rhyme character Humpty Dumpty has been given a happier ending thanks to some controversial tweaking of his story by the BBC. Britain’s public broadcaster changed the words to the 1810 rhyme for one of its children’s shows so all those who originally couldn’t “put Humpty together again” after his great fall could now make “Humpty happy again”. The change, broadcast on the CBeebies program Something Special last Friday, outraged Labour MP for Glasgow South Tom Harris who watched the show with his two young sons. Harris said it was “pathetic” that the BBC had rewritten one of the most famous nursery rhymes so children would not be upset at Humpty’s fate. “For goodness sake. Obviously children will find it far too violent, distressing and horrific that Humpty should not be put together again,” he said. A BBC spokesman said the changes were made for creative reasons. “We play nursery rhymes with their original lyrics all the time and the small change to Humpty Dumpty was done for no other reason than being creative and entertaining,” he said. It is not the first time the BBC has tweaked a popular nursery rhyme to ensure a more sanitised ending. A recent CBeebies cookery show changed Little Miss Muffet so the little girl no longer runs away from the spider but instead becomes friends with the eight-legged creature.

Pyramid ‘renovation’ may cause collapse : “Eager to attract more tourists, the town of Tiwanaku in the Bolivian Andes has spruced up the ancient Akapana pyramid with adobe instead of stone, in what some experts are calling a renovation fiasco. Now, the Akapana pyramid risks losing its designation as a UN World Heritage Site and there is concern the makeover could even cause its collapse. The pyramid is one of the biggest pre-Columbian constructions in South America and a building of great spiritual significance for the Tiwanaku civilisation, which spread throughout south-western Bolivia and parts of neighboring Peru, Argentina and Chile from around 1500 BC to AD 1200. Jose Luis Paz, who was appointed in June to assess damage at the site, said the state National Archaeology Union erred in choosing to rebuild the pyramid using adobe, when it was clear to the naked eye that the original was built of stone. “They decided to go freehand with the (new) design,” he said. “There are no studies showing that the walls really looked like this.” The pyramid stands in the Tiwanaku archaeological site, some 64km north of Bolivia’s administrative capital of La Paz.

Australian police not impressed by one-finger driving: “A man caught driving while using two mobile phones has told police it was ok because he had one finger on the wheel at all times. The one-fingered hoon was seen holding a mobile phone in each hand and driving his car with his knees while travelling through the Eastlink tunnel about 3.15pm Saturday. The 30-year-old Fitzroy man was pulled over by Chelsea Traffic Management Unit acting sergeant Rob Atkinson who had noticed the car swerving. The driver explained he needed to transfer information from one phone to another and that he had been driving with one finger. Act Sergeant Atkinson said it was one of the worst cases of careless driving he had seen in 10 years of policing. “I reinforced the danger of this type of driving, especially within the tunnel and issued the man with two penalty notices, one for careless driving and one for use hand held mobile phone while driving,’’ he said. The driver was issued with more than $500 fines and six demerit points.”

German police investigate kebab sauce after attack: “German police are investigating a chilli sauce to determine whether it was so spicy that it was capable of causing grievous bodily harm when used in an attack. Police took a sample of the sauce from a kebab stand in Bremen’s central train station after a kebab salesman threw it into the eyes of a customer during a fight over napkins. “Legally, the question of whether the spiciness of the kebab sauce constituted ‘normal’ or grievous bodily harm must be addressed,” local police in the northern city said on Friday. Officers broke up a scuffle that kicked off after a 23-year-old wiped his kebab-soiled hands on the stand because the salesman refused to give him a paper napkin. The seller responded by flinging a ladle of sauce in the man’s face. The victim’s eyes became bloodshot and police are investigating why the napkin dispute broke out, a spokesman said. Both men could end up facing charges, he added.”

Leech brings armed robber to justice: “A garden variety leech has brought a Lilydale armed robber to justice. Disguised by a large hood and carrying a stick, Peter Alec Cannon, 54, appeared at the back door of an elderly woman’s home in September 2001. He and another man then forced her to open a safe and escaped with $550 cash. Police investigated the robbery but the case went cold when no charges were laid. But, unfortunately for Cannon, forensic services officers found a leech in close proximity to the safe and the resulting DNA sample was recorded in the Tasmania Police DNA offender database. The disability pensioner would most likely have got away with the crime had he not been charged with drug offences late last year. He accordingly gave a DNA sample and the database identified the match. Cannon was charged with the 2001 crime as a result, and yesterday pleaded guilty in the Launceston Supreme Court to one count of aggravated armed robbery. Lead investigating officer Inspector Michael Johnston described yesterday’s result as a testament to DNA technology. “It’s a credit to the forensic officers who found the leech,” Inspector Johnston said. “And it’s a testament to DNA evidence and the legislation that allows us to keep such evidence in relation to unsolved crimes – this is a fantastic result.”

Cuba’s spy “walk-ins” target US, experts say: “In the six months after the 9/11 attacks, up to 20 Cubans walked into U.S. embassies around the world and offered information on terrorism threats. Eventually, all were deemed to be Cuban intelligence agents and collaborators, purveying fabricated information. A White House official complained bitterly and publicly in 2002 that Fidel Castro’s agents had tried to send U.S. intelligence on ‘wild goose’ chases that could cost lives at a time when Washington was reeling from the worst terrorism attacks in history.”

Family left locked in British bank after staff close up and leave: “A family found themselves locked inside a high street bank after hours when staff simply forgot about them and left for home. Balbera Kaur, 53, her daughter Chaz, 29, and 16-month-old grandson Rio, went to the NatWest bank in Fulwood, Lancashire, last Tuesday to close a relative’s account. They were asked to wait in a side room by a staff member while he went off to make some photocopies of forms, but he did not return. When Mrs Kaur’s daughter went to investigate, after waiting half an hour, she realised that everyone had gone home. The bank was deserted. She pressed a buzzer on the counter which set off the building’s alarm. Altogether they were trapped inside the building for an hour. They were released when a cleaner, who had started her shift early, opened the door to discover them inside. Firemen and police responding to the alarm arrived shortly afterwards”.

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Drunkest guy ever

If you haven’t seen it yet, the video is here

A famous “streak”

Streaker Melissa Johnson skips past Richard Krajicek (left) and Mal Washington at the 1996 men’s final at Wimbledon

Spot the Gecko

More like him here

THE NEWS

Rubber kid: “A US toddler is alive after falling nine metres from an apartment window and landing on concrete and rocks. The 22-month-old boy was alert and crying after the three-storey plunge in Antioch, California that left him with just a cut on his abdomen, a bruised lung and a bump on his head, Contra Costa County Fire Captain Charles Thomas said. The boy appeared to have climbed onto furniture near an open window, then fell after pushing against the screen. He landed on concrete and a bed of rocks.”

PA: Policeman arrests “pot head”: “A police officer arrested a man in a convenience store in the US after noticing a bag of marijuana stuck to his forehead. The 29-year-old was spotted walking away from the toilets of the shop in Lebanon, Pennsylvania, looking anxiously at the inside of his baseball cap. When the man approached the officer, he looked up, and the officer noticed a small plastic bag stuck to his forehead that appeared to contain marijuana. The officer retrieved the bag from the man’s forehead and asked, ‘Is this what you’re looking for?’ a police news release states.”

British oldster test-drives car over edge of cliff: “An elderly woman has had a lucky escape after the disabled-adapted car she was test-driving plummeted over the edge of a 100-foot hillside in Highcliffe, Dorset. The woman, who is in her 80s, pressed the accelerator instead of the brake and sped through a park bench, sailed through the air, and came to rest half-way down the slope on a cushion of gorse before emerging unscathed. The woman, who has problems with her legs, had been trying to get used to newly-fitted hand-controls in her green Perodua Myvi. She was driving round the car park of the Cliffhanger Cafe, in Highcliffe, Dorset, when she tried to pull into a disabled bay facing out to sea. But instead of coming to a stop, the car lunged forwards and toppled over the cliff, rolling down a steep slope and into a patch of gorse. Martin Jeffreys, 63, from New Milton, Dorset, said: “It’s miracle she wasn’t hurt – the car literally flew through the air.”

British handyman turns his rented apartment into a mini-Versailles: “Next time you remind yourself to do those little jobs around the house, spare a thought for Adrian Reeman. The DIY addict has spent 23 years painstakingly turning his council flat into a replica of the Palace of Versailles. His humble ninth floor flat in a tower block in Southampton now resembles the grand palace on the outskirts of Paris – only a little bit smaller. Adrian, 59, has no formal training in building and design, and carried out all the renovations virtually for free. The former Merchant Navy chef recreates the decor of the infamously lavish palace using wood that he finds in skips and objects he picks up at charity shops. His two bedroom flat is now covered in opulent wooden panels, ornate glass fittings and elegant scroll work from ceiling to floor. Amazingly, Adrian has never been to Versailles but now he’s finished his flat, he belives there’s no need for him to go. ‘It is just the same as the Palace of Versailles – just a little bit less roomy,’ he jokes.

Croc basks on TOP of crocodile trap: “The saltwater saurian pictured was spotted lounging on top of a croc trap at the creek, just past the northern suburbs of Darwin. Northern Territory News reader Lee Abraham was fishing for barra and crabs at the creek with some mates when they spotted the lounging reptile on the trap up from the boat ramp. The croc was making fun of attempts to catch it and its brethren. “It didn’t seemed phased by our presence,” he said. The experienced fisherman from Millner said the croc was not a monster but it was worth being careful. “It wasn’t too big but we were only in a 12-foot tinny so didn’t hang around. Pretty funny actually seeing the croc sitting on the outside of the trap … we all had a laugh.” It remains to be seen whether the Territory needs to revise its crocodile trap design to take into account this apparent evolution of the species, enabling it to beat the cage.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Puppy size

Snopes would no doubt call this story a “Glurge” but they can go and get glurged

You will know precisely what this little girl is talking about at the end.

‘Danielle keeps repeating it over and over again. We’ve been back to this animal shelter at least five times. It has been weeks now since we started all of this,’ the mother told the volunteer. ‘What is it she keeps asking for?’ the volunteer asked. ‘Puppy size!’ replied the mother. ‘Well, we have plenty of puppies, if that’s what she’s looking for.’ ‘I know….. we have seen most of them, ‘ the mom said in frustration…

Just then Danielle came walking into the office. ‘Well, did you find one?’ asked her mom. ‘No, not this time,’ Danielle said with sadness in her voice. ‘Can we come back on the weekend?’

The two women looked at each other, shook their heads and laughed. ‘You never know when we will get more dogs. Unfortunately, there’s always a supply,’ the volunteer said. Danielle took her mother by the hand and headed to the door. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll find one this weekend,’ she said.

Over the next few days both Mom and Dad had long conversations with her. They both felt she was being too particular. ‘It’s this weekend or we’re not looking any more,’ Dad finally said in frustration. ‘We don’t want to hear anything more about puppy size, either,’ Mom added.

Sure enough, they were the first ones in the shelter on Saturday morning . By now Danielle knew her way around, so she ran right for the section that housed the smaller dogs.

Tired of the routine, mom sat in the small waiting room at the end of the first row of cages. There was an observation window so you could see the animals during times when visitors weren’t permitted. Danielle walked slowly from cage to cage, kneeling periodically to take a closer look. One by one the dogs were brought out and she held each one. One by one she said, ‘Sorry, but you’re not the one..’

It was the last cage on this last day in search of the perfect pup. The volunteer opened the cage door and the child carefully picked up the dog and held it closely. This time she took a little longer.

‘Mom, this is it! I found the right puppy! He’s the one! I know it!’ She screamed with joy. ‘It’s the puppy size!’

‘But it’s the same size as all the other puppies you held over the last few weeks,’ Mom said.

‘No not size… The sighs. When I held him in my arms, he sighed,’ she said. ‘Don’t you remember? When I asked you one day what love is, you told me love depends on the sighs of your heart. The more you love, the bigger the sigh!’

The two women looked at each other for a moment. Mom didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. As she stooped down to hug the child, she did a little of both.

‘Mom, every time you hold me, I sigh. When you and Daddy come home from work and hug each other, you both sigh. I knew I would find the right puppy if it sighed when I held it in my arms,’ she said.. Then, holding the puppy up close to her face, she said, ‘Mom, he loves me. I heard the sighs of his heart!’

THE NEWS

British mother faces jail for faking son’s illness and claiming benefits: “A mother who convinced doctors that her son was the “sickest child in Britain” is facing jail for falsely claiming £130,000 in disability benefits. The woman kept her son confined to a wheelchair fitted with oxygen bottles, fed him a deliberately unhealthy diet and allowed him to undergo an unnecessary exploratory operation. She claimed the boy, now aged 8, had cerebral palsy, cystic fibrosis, the throat disorder dysphagia and was allergic to all types of food. She also doctored his urine samples to make it appear he had diabetes. He was believed to be so ill that he was singled out for praise by a leading children’s charity and even met Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, at a charity event. Her lies fooled health professionals as well as the boy’s own father. Doctors fitted him with a permanent feeding tube so that he could be fed through a food pump he had to wheel around behind him. In six and a half years the child spent at least six weeks of every year in hospital. The deception, which had earned her £20,000 a year in benefits as well as a Motability car, was finally uncovered after she claimed to have been raped by a stranger, in an attempt to avoid a hospital appointment at which doctors would have discovered the boy was not suffering from diabetes.”

Car thief was a bear: “Police officers investigating an attempted car theft were surpised to catch the young culprit in the act – a wild bear. A couple in the Colorado Mountain Estates subdivision near Florissant thought someone was trying to steal their car early Wednesday, The Denver Post reports. When deputies from the Teller County Sheriff’s Office responded at about 2:30 a.m., they discovered a young bear in the car. The bear was as surprised to see the deputies as the deputies were to see the bear. One of the two deputies took some pictures of the bear, opened the car door, and the bear was gone in a flash, said Mikel Baker, spokesperson for the Sheriff’s Office. According to Baker and Teller County Sheriff Kevin Dougherty, this bear — like so many others — was very smart and had learned how to open car doors.”

Foolish black waves toy gun at cops: “A man who allegedly waved a toy pistol out of a car window during a drive-by of the Cairns police station yesterday did not have to wait long to learn the folly of his drunken action. Just minutes after the incident, about seven police cars carrying officers in bullet-proof vests swarmed on the man’s Holden Commodore station wagon, heading it off near the Tobruk Pool in Sheridan St about 4pm. A 39-year-old man, who had allegedly been a rear passenger in the vehicle, was put on the ground, handcuffed and placed under arrest. Two other women and a man in the car were also taken in for questioning. The man, who was allegedly heavily intoxicated, was disarmed without incident and the hand gun turned out to be a plastic toy pistol, Sgt Bishop said. “Luckily it turned out that way but if he had behaved the wrong way there could have been tragic consequences,” he said. No charges had been laid last night.”

Big fish came with a big risk: “It is a fishy tale with a twist: when Tim Smith landed a record-breaking Nile perch it was a case of the champion angler being the one who got away — from an attacking crocodile. Mr Smith, 39, an art teacher at Northern Ireland’s famous Portora Royal School in Enniskillen, was so focused on his battle to land the enormous fish while on holiday in Uganda that he failed until the last moment to see a predatory crocodile eyeing him up for a meal. He was fishing from a small boat on the Victoria Nile, a mile downstream from the famous Murchison Falls, when the huge Lates Niloticus — a freshwater species that reaches a maximum size of six feet — grabbed his bait. “For the next 45 minutes this fish took me up and down the river,” he recounted from the safety of behind his teacher’s desk back home. “Suddenly the boat lurched and I nearly fell out. I didn’t really know what had happened.” He was standing at the back of the small open fishing boat beside the engine with his feet wedged against the stern, straining into the fish. “The next thing is the crocodile launches itself at me, mouth wide open,” he said. Fortunately it had misjudged its jump and fell short, hitting the side of the boat. “If it had launched itself another foot I’m sure it would have got hold of me,” Mr Smith said. “It obviously hit the front of the boat to try and knock me out and then went to the other side. This thing was attacking the boat. “When you realise something that size is trying to eat you it’s really quite daunting. I just fell back into the centre of the boat, still holding the rod.” Luckily the Nile perch was still snagged on Mr Smith’s hook. The fish made one final dive to get away from the crocodile and the Mr Smith was able to get close enough to his catch to grab it and tie it to the side of the boat. “I pulled up the anchor as fast as I could. By the time I got the engine started the crocodile was just coming around. I slammed the engine into gear and the crocodile dived and disappeared,” he said.”

American Hindu monk opens India’s first surfing ashram near Mangalore: “Surfing, a sport with devout followers from South Wales to New South Wales, has never caught on in India — despite the country having more than 4,500 miles of coast and giant waves during the monsoon. That could now change as the world’s first surfing swami sets his sights on popularising the pursuit across the subcontinent — a land that the holy man says has waves as attractive as those in the surfing mecca of Hawaii. Swami Bhakti Gaurava Narasingha, 64, an American Hindu monk who has been living in India for four decades, has opened the country’s first surfing ashram — religious community — near Mangalore on the southwest coast. At the Kaliya Mardana Krishna Ashram, ripping down the face of a glassy, peeling wave on a plank of polystyrene is considered a form of meditation. Set near the beach amid rice paddies and coconut groves, the commune has already attracted a handful of global surfing superstars, hundreds of Western amateurs, and scores of curious villagers. “For some people, surfing is almost a spiritual thing,” Swami Narasingha said, explaining the link between the sport and his interpretation of Hinduism. “It’s to do with a very mellow connection to the ocean.” Life at the ashram does not conform to the all-night party culture often associated with surfing, nor does it fit the common preconceptions of monastic life. Swami Narasingha — who also goes by his given name Jack Hebner — does not drink or smoke and is a strict vegetarian. His followers are expected to live similarly abstemious lives.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

You may be Taliban if…

(This is an oldie but goldie:)

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon “unclean.”

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can’t think of anyone you haven’t declared Jihad against

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.

10. You’ve always had a crush on your neighbor’s goat.

THE NEWS

British corner shop worker told to stop singing in her store – or pay for a performing licence: “Music police have told a grandmother to stop singing behind the counter of the corner shop where she works – or pay for a licence. Sandra Burt began serenading customers at the A & T Food Store in Clackmannan, near Stirling, after the owners were contacted by The Performing Right Society and told they would have to pay an £80 annual fee to keep the radio on in the shop. They decided not to bother and now 56-year-old Sandra sings tracks ‘from anyone from The Noisettes, to the Rolling Stones’ as she stocks the shelves and weighs customers’ purchases. Now, however, the PRS, which collects royalties on behalf of music industry bosses and artists, has told her that her ‘spontaneous outbursts of joy’ constitute live public performance, and she could have to pay annual fees of ‘four figures’. Gareth Kelly, music sales advisor for PRS, said that Mrs Burt was getting up to ‘mischief’ to get round the radio licence fee. He said: ‘Using any copyright material in your store, without paying for it, is illegal. The PRS said that Mrs Burt could be judged to be giving daily performances, which would require individual daily licences, taking the annual cost up to ‘four figures’.”

19th century bottles of wine being sold: “Bottles of an 1875 armagnac vieux that had been forgotten in the large wine cellar of the Tour d’Argent restaurant in Paris are to be auctioned. The restaurant, which dates back to 1582, is selling 18,000 bottles from its 450,000 collection. The four bottles of armagnac vieux have been valued at €400 (£365) to €500 each. The sale, by the auction house Piasa, is on December 7 and 8. It will include three bottles of Clos du Griffier cognac from 1788. Most of the bottles in the restaurant cellar are registered on a computer but there are still surprises, such as the armagnac.”

The calmest place on Earth: “The calmest place on Earth has been discovered, not on a tropical island or a remote mountain valley but on top of a vast icy plateau in Antarctica. Scientists pinpointed a site, known simply as Ridge A, high up on the Antarctic Plateau, several hundred miles from the South Pole. The atmosphere at the site is so still that the stars have lost their twinkle because there is no turbulence in the atmosphere to distort the starlight. Hardly any weather passes by: few clouds, barely a wisp of wind and no falling snow. The air is 100 times drier than the Sahara and the winter averages -70C (minus 94F), which also gives Ridge A the accolade of the driest and coldest place in the world. Despite the Antarctic’s reputation for blizzards, the storms tend to be confined to the continent’s valleys and coastline as cold air runs down from the high icesheets like water rushing down from mountains. High on the vast Antarctic Plateau all is peace and calm, though. At 4,053m (13,300ft) Ridge A is so high that the scientists also discovered that it lies at the head of all three of the Antarctic’s huge glaciers, each the size of Western Europe. This hardly makes Ridge A the ideal tourist destination, but for astronomers it is paradise. A team of Australian and US scientists trawled through data from satellites, ground weather stations and computer climate models to find the ideal location for an astronomical telescope that would not suffer from the weather.”

Breast enlargement patients stay awake to guide procedure: “WOULD madam care for something a little larger? Breast enlargement patients are being given the chance to oversee their own operations and decide just how big they really want to be. The move follows surgical advances that allow the operation to be done under local anaesthetic — so the patient stays awake. Besides allowing women to choose their perfect size and shape, the new approach cuts costs by 40% because there is no need for an anaesthetist. Dr David Morrison has treated 50 patients with “awake breast augmentation” at his clinic in Washington, US, where he charges about £2,750 — about £1,200 less than with a full anaesthetic. He said: “Since the patient is awake you can sit her up so she can look in a mirror and decide if they are too big or too small. We use saline implants so you can alter the size of them. You really bring the patient into the decision-making.” Related techniques are already being introduced to Britain with several clinics offering “awake surgery” in which a substance called Macrolane is injected into the breasts to enlarge them.”

Batty Britain again: “Today’s edition of You Couldn’t Make It Up comes from Yorkshire, where a farmer has been fined £150 for ‘failing to meet the psychological and ethological needs’ of a cow. Ronald Norcliffe’s offence was to keep his cattle in a barn without electric light. When did that become a crime? If ever a case illustrated the absurdity of Britain’s grotesque punishment culture, this is it. As I said here on Tuesday, all sense of reason and proportion has been jettisoned in the relentless pursuit of ‘criminals’ by our bloated, self-righteous, self-perpetuating, self-justifying bureaucracy. Mr Norcliffe, 65, managed to fall foul of both the Kirklees environmental health police and the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs. Officials from both organisations visited his small farm at Scammonden, West Yorkshire, to carry out tuberculosis tests. Mr Norcliffe has one cow and one calf. When neither animal was found to be infected, the inspectors asked where he kept the cattle in winter. Mr Norcliffe said he used a barn underneath his house. He was told this was unsuitable because it had no electric light and the barn doors were kept closed. He was served with something called an ‘improvement notice’. After three follow-up visits, they decided to nick him. Mr Norcliffe has managed to run his farm for 30 years without the ‘help and assistance’ of officials. He doesn’t even have electricity in his house, which in other circumstances would see him hailed as an eco-hero for his minuscule carbon footprint. Cattle have been sleeping in the dark for centuries. Since when did the provision of electric light in barns become an essential element of animal welfare? As for not keeping the door open, Mr Norcliffe explained that he didn’t want the cows getting cold.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Plastic fantastic

It’s British model Jo-Emma Larvin soaking up the sun in Marbella. She’s 30 so the waist is nearly as amazing as the boobs. A lot of lettuce leaves must have gone into that. Liposuction removes fat from outside the abdominal wall only. It can’t get at fat inside the abdominal wall

More here

THE NEWS

Drunken Jack tars: “To judge from historical records, most British sailors appear to have been mostly drunken, most of the time. The language of drinking is suffused with sailing terms: even landlubbers get “three sheets to the wind” when “the sun is over the yardarm”. In 1731 the Royal Navy’s allowance of eight pints of beer per sailor was altered to half a pint of rum. It was amazing that they could stand up, let alone stand up to the Napoleonic fleet. The ration was reduced further to one eighth of a pint in 1851, still a potent slug given that navy rum was 94.5 per cent proof. The Royal Navy continued to issue grog — watered rum — to seamen until 1970. Drink was traditionally seen as a palliative to the harshness of naval life: “Rum, sodomy and the lash”,was Churchill’s description of navy life… After a hard day of lashing and sodomy, every sailor deserved his restorative tot of rum. Maritime drinking was not restricted to the British. In Moby Dick, Herman Melville included a drinks list for a whaling voyage that included “550 ankers of Geneva (gin) and 10,800 barrels of beer”. Meville was impressed that harpooners “so fuddled” with drink could still “stand up in a boat’s head and take good aim of flying whales… and hit them, too”.

An expensive way to save money: “It’s called the iQ and it’s the Toyota for buyers looking for a small car that will help them evade the various congestion charges and emissions-based taxes spreading like a plague throughout Europe. But don’t confuse it for a cheap small car. Drive got behind the wheel of a range-topping iQ in Britain this week and at a converted rate of $20,000 it’s priced more like the much bigger Corolla. However, it’s worth running through the standard equipment, designed to appease those downsizing from larger vehicles; keyless entry and engine start, trip computer, leather steering wheel with controls, six-speaker single-CD audio, climate control, rain-sensing wipers, auto headlights, 16-inch alloy wheels and engine stop/start technology. There are nine airbags and a five-star NCAP crash rating. There’s also a stylish space-age triangular dash console and Toyota has done a fine job aesthetically with all the hard plastics. With its Toyota Europe-designed stubby, cuboid shape, the iQ was created to be as smart as a Smart in the urban environment. And with a length (2985 millimetres; 9’6″) not much greater than Mercedes-Benz’s decade-old micro car, the iQ is just as adept at finding the nooks and crannies in which to park. A spin-on-a-sixpence turning circle further boosts its city-friendly credentials. You don’t necessarily feel as though you can drive through the narrowest of gaps, though. Perhaps the most surprising aspect of the iQ is its 1.7-metre width.”

Florida Everglades fear rise of the people-eating super-snakes: “An invasion of giant snakes has turned Florida into a potential spawning ground for hybrid super-serpents capable of devouring humans. The discovery of African rock pythons close to the Everglades wetlands is a worrying development for wildlife officers already troubled by the rising population of Burmese pythons, bred from pets dumped illegally in the wild. Kenneth Krysko, a herpetologist at the Florida Museum of Natural History, speculates that should the two species mate, they could create genetically superior offspring more aggressive, powerful and resilient than their parents — possibly with the ability to strike down human prey. Rock pythons are “so mean, they come out of the egg striking . . . this is one vicious animal”, he told National Geographic News. “The arrival of the Burmese python was the biggest, most devastating problem that Florida could ever have imagined. Now we have a worse one.” Native to South-East Asia, Burmese pythons — which can grow up to 20ft long and weigh more than 200lb — have gained a place in the Everglades in the past decade. Tens of thousands are now believed to prowl south Florida, preying on native wildlife, including alligators. A new report by the US Geological Survey finds that eight other alien constrictors — including reticulated pythons, the world’s longest snakes, and green anacondas, the heaviest — are on the loose, posing a high-risk environmental threat.”

Amazing footage of miracle escape: “A security video camera has captured shocking footage of a train running over a baby in a pram. CCTV footage obtained by the Herald Sun shows the pram rolling away from the baby’s mother, tipping onto the tracks and being hit by the train. Witnesses fearing the worst were stunned when the six-month-boy was hauled from the tracks with little more than a bump on his head. The near-miss happened at Ashburton station, south-east of Melbourne, as a city-bound train pulled into the station just after 4pm yesterday. The baby was strapped into a three-wheeler pram that rolled forward and toppled on to the tracks. The pram was carried 30m as the desperate driver tried to pull up the 250 tonne train. It ploughed into the pram at about 35km/h, dragging the child along beneath the front carriage. Witnesses watched in horror, fearing the baby had no hope. But he was safely back in his mother’s arms when ambulance officers arrived minutes later. Ambulance Victoria intensive care paramedic Jon Wright said the distraught baby bounced back with just a bump to the side of the head…. Mr Wright said the narrow escape showed how careful parents have to be. “Luckily he was strapped into his pram at the time, which probably saved his life. I think the child’s extremely lucky,” he said. “Fortunately the train was slowing as it pulled into the station,” Mr Wright said.” [Video at link]

Dumb bimbo: “Kristen Bell, a member of the all-star voice cast of new animated film Astro Boy, has just returned to Los Angeles after a promotional tour in Australia. The actress, who plays the Peter Pan-like orphan Cora alongside characters voiced by Nicolas Cage, Charlize Theron, Freddie Highmore and Nathan Lane, says she was disappointed when she landed in Sydney. ”I, like every other stupid American, assumed the kangaroos would meet us at the airport and they would want to hug us as much as we wanted to hug them,” Bell said in an interview in Los Angeles. ”That’s really the perspective we have here. Going there kind of opened my eyes that that’s not the case.” [After all, tourists are greeted by buffaloes at American airports, aren’t they?]

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

A story from Australia’s wild North (Rednecks eat your heart out!)

A WOMAN accused of performing a sexual act on a man when he crashed in Darwin’s rural area is outraged at the allegation and says it is “absolutely wrong”.

Allyson White said the standout burn mark left by her seatbelt across her chest was proof the claims of “amorous activities” with the driver were not true.

“I was not sucking his d*** – and it’s pretty obvious that wasn’t the case … you only have to look at the mark on my chest,” she said. “Clearly I had my seatbelt on, so it’s impossible that I’d be leaning over sucking his d*** unless he is hung like a donkey or I’ve got a f****** rubber neck. “If it was true I’d just cop it sweet and think ‘how embarrassing, I got caught sucking someone’s d***’ – but it is not true and that’s what is p****** me off. “It didn’t happen like that at all – he was just going too fast.”

Police told in Thursday’s Northern Territory News how they believe a driver crashed his car while involved in “amorous activities” with his female passenger. They said the 33-year-old man was distracted by the woman and veered off the road, smashing his single cab Hilux ute into a concrete drain on Pioneer Rd in Humpty Doo.

But Ms White said it was a lie and she wanted to set the record straight. Even the unnamed driver’s statement to police had no hints of any fellatio taking place.

“I don’t understand where that story has come from,” she said. “It may have looked bad when police first arrived as my girls were hanging out all over the place. I also had a $5 note wedged between my boobs so they probably just assumed I was a sex worker or something and he’d already paid me. “But $5 is a bit cheap for a head job.”

Ms White, 34, said she had been at the Howard Springs Tavern celebrating a friend’s birthday when they decided to go back to a friend’s place in Humpty Doo.

Original story here

THE NEWS

Jealous Australian cop smashes window: “A Victorian police officer has avoided a criminal conviction for smashing a work colleague’s car windows with a cricket bat after seeing him kiss another officer, a court has been told. Andrew Griffin, 37, a senior constable with Ballarat Police, pleaded guilty to one count of criminal damage at Ballarat Magistrates Court yesterday and was released on a six-month good behaviour bond without recording a conviction. The court was told Griffin was off duty when he damaged a male work colleague’s car with a cricket bat after he saw him kissing a woman work colleague, with whom Griffin was in a casual relationship. Prosecutor Leesa Thompson said Griffin and the two colleagues had been out in Ballarat on the night of January 9 when the male colleague dropped the female colleague home. She said Griffin did not trust the male colleague with the woman and drove to her residential street where he saw them in the car. The court was told Griffin started abusing the male colleague and slammed his wrist in the window. The colleague apologised, telling Griffin they could sort it out. Ms Thompson said Griffin drove off, but returned a short time later to speak to the woman. The colleague was still with her. She said Griffin produced a cricket bat from his car and hit the colleague’s car windows, causing $725 damage. Griffin, who has been in the police force since 2001, is expected to face a disciplinary tribunal to determine his future.”

Coma mother wakes after hearing gurgles from 11-week-old son: “As she lay in a coma after contracting the lethal food poisoning bacteria E.coli, Karen Morrisroe-Clutton felt ill enough to slip away and die. But when she heard the gurgling of her newborn son, she knew she had to fight on. She credits her husband Paul with saving her life, by playing her recordings of 11-week-old Oliver’s voice. ‘I knew that I was dying,’ she said. ‘I confess that at one stage I gave up. Frankly, I wanted to die. ‘But then I heard Ollie. I remember lying there thinking that I wanted to hold him, to see his face and to stroke his little hands. ‘I knew that I had to live and that he needed his mother.’ Mrs Morrisroe-Clutton, a librarian, fell ill at the end of July after eating a vegetarian burger from a fish and chip shop in her home town of Wrexham. She spent five weeks unconscious in a critical condition before doctors began reducing her sedation and slowly eased her from the coma. It was during this crucial time that Mr Clutton, 33, a business adviser, started playing his wife tapes of Oliver’s voice. ‘I was having all this treatment but I knew it wasn’t working,’ said Mrs Morrisroe-Clutton. ‘But when Paul played the tapes it changed. It is the most natural thing in the world for a mother to feel those pangs of love when you hear your child. I turned around and said: “I can’t do this. I need to live”.’ Mrs Morrisroe-Clutton was discharged after 67 days in hospital and is back home with her husband and Oliver, who is now five months. Apart from some slight liver damage, which will repair itself, she is almost back to full health.”

A fishy piece of legislation: “Can a nation truly be free when its citizens can’t pay someone to let a small school of carp nibble on their toes? OK, it’s not a question that we hear debated that often in the so-called mainstream media, where most of the attention goes to marginal matters like the public option and military policy in Afghanistan. But while the people remain distracted, the state Legislature is preparing to move forward with a bill that would deny every New Yorker of their God-given right to a fish pedicure. For those who don’t read cosmetology trade journals: A fish pedicure involves the use of small carp called garra rufa. Placed in a warm footbath, the toothless fish will absolutely go to town ‘chewing’ off the dead skin found on the average human foot. It’s the pedicure sensation that’s sweeping the — well, several nations in Asia and Eastern Europe. It has, however, been banned in more than a dozen U.S. states.”

The 4WD vehicle with seats made of whale penis leather: “If four-wheel-drives weren’t politically incorrect enough, a Russian car maker is offering one with whale penis leather trim. The €1 million ($1.5 million) Dartz Prombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition armoured car has been developed by the same company, RussoBaltique, that built armoured vehicles for Tsar Nicholas, Vladimir Lenin and Leon Trotsky. On its official website, the company says the whale-penis leather is the same as that used by Greek shipping magnate Aristotle Onassis on the yacht Christina O. The leather is not the only tacky accessory on the Prombron, which Dartz claims is the world’s most expensive SUV. The bulletproof windows are gold-plated, the exhaust is made of tungsten, the gauges are encrusted with diamonds and rubies and the exterior has a Kevlar coating. The car also comes with three bottles of the world’s most expensive Vodka, RussoBaltique, although the website does warn prospective buyers not to drink and drive. The vehicle is being specially prepared for the ultra-exclusive Top Marques luxury motor show in Monaco next year. Dartz’s armoured vehicles weigh roughly 4 tonnes, are powered by V8s putting out between 300kW and 400kW and are “rocket grenade-proof” according to the website.”

The moment a young mother pushes pram in front of an oncoming train at level crossing: “This is the moment a mother recklessly pushes a pram over a railway crossing in front of a moving train. The impatient mother ignored a red warning light at the level crossing, and began to cross the uneven tracks, while other pedestrians waited patiently for the train to pass. As she crossed, the tracksuit-clad woman realised the Sprinter was accelerating towards her and broke into a run to reach the other side. The incident,which left observers stunned and horrified, was captured on CCTV at Wareham station in Dorset. It has now been realised by Network Rail as part of a new safety campaign, Would It Kill You To Wait? This year 12 people have died at crossings, with five of these in September alone. Another 189 incidents have been classified as ‘narrowly avoiding’ a collision. The unidentified woman had been crossing at a spot known for near misses. Councillor David Budd, who supporting a campaign to install barriers at the crossing,said there had been 10 ‘near misses’ at the crossing in the past year.’

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Cake confusion

More here.

There’s definitely gold at the end of this rainbow

THE NEWS

Backslash: web creator Sir Tim Berners-Lee apologises for his strokes: “A light has been shone on one of the great mysteries of the internet. What is the point of the two forward slashes that sit directly in front of the “www” in every internet website address? The answer, according to the British scientist who created the world wide web, is that there isn’t one. Sir Tim Berners-Lee, who wrote the code that transformed a private computer network into the web two decades ago, has finally come clean about the about the infuriating // that internet surfers have cursed so frequently. The physicist admitted that if he had his time again, he might have made a change, or more specifically, two. “Really, if you think about it, it doesn’t need the //. I could have designed it not to have the //”, he said, speaking at a symposium on the future of technology in Washington DC last week. Sir Tim ruefully explained that when he started devising the network almost 30 years ago he could not have predicted the hassle that has been caused by his small error in thinking about the way a web address is written. “Boy, now people on the radio are calling it ‘backslash backslash’,” Sir Tim told his audience, even though he knows they are, in fact, forward slashes. Nowadays web browsers such as Explorer usually fill in the slashes if you start the address with “www”. But Sir Tim still laments the amount of additional printing that those two strokes have created over the years — an unimaginable legacy of printer ink and paper that has been wasted on those unnecessary characters.”

London translation company seeks fluent speakers of ‘Glaswegian English’: “A translation company has placed an advertisement in a Glasgow newspaper seeking Glaswegian interpreters. “Translation company seeks speakers of ‘Glaswegian English’ with knowledge of vocabulary, accent, nuances, to meet interpreting needs of clients who find it an unexpected challenge,” it read. A proud Glaswegian might reply indignantly: “Awayinbileyirheid, yabamye.” (“I must take exception to the position you are taking.”) Today Translations, based in London, said that it had placed the advert in response to requests from visitors and foreign businessmen. The company said that Glasgow was the only city in the UK for which it had sought interpreters, although Liverpool and Newcastle were possibly next on the list. Jurga Zilinskiene, the owner of the company, is a Lithuanian who has lived in Britain for many years and speaks fluent English. She told The Times yesterday that she ran into difficulties this summer when she was in Lanark on holiday and spent some time with Glaswegians. She had particular difficulties over the meaning of the word “baltic”. Every Glaswegian knows that this the way to describe rotten seasonal temperatures but, to a Lithuanian, it can only refer to a well-known sea. “We could have a laugh about it when we realised the misunderstanding … but that was usually a good bit later,” Ms Zilinskiene said.”

Burning bunnies fuel Swedish rage: “Forget bunny boiling jealous rages and rapacious butchers. The biggest threats to Peter Rabbit’s Swedish cousins are the cold, the cull and their flammable cadavers. The city of Stockholm shoots thousands of wild rabbits spread across the green spaces of the Swedish capital and sends their bodies to be burned as heating fuel, a practice which has enraged animal rights groups. City official Mats Freij said Stockholm killed 6000 wild rabbits last year and has culled 3000 so far this year, but said a subcontractor decided to use the cadavers as fuel. “One should put this in the perspective that we (humans) are actually cremated ourselves and that generates a completely different reaction,” Mr Freij said in response to criticism. Animal Rights Sweden spokeswoman Lise-Lott Alsenius questioned whether the practice was humane or ethical and suggested neutering the male rabbits as an alternative method of holding down the population. “One at least has to evaluate what the alternatives are to just simply shooting them,” she said.”

Hoax, stunt or breakthrough? Kellogg’s ‘laser-etched’ cornflakes: “Is this a marketing stunt, an elaborate hoax or a bizarre attempt by one of the world’s biggest food producers to protect an iconic breakfast cereal from imitators? The British PR office for Kellogg’s claimed on its Twitter feed today that it has succeeded in etching its brand into individual corn flakes so they stand out against any copies. “Now you’ll always be able to tell your Corn Flakes from your corn fakes!” Kellogg’s UK announced on Twitter, with a link to an image of branded cereal. Kellogg’s claims the image, which looks like a badly doctored photograph, shows the result of a laser process that directs a concentrated beam of light onto the flake, using mirrors to control the burn. The UK’s Daily Telegraph today quoted a food technologist named as Helen Lyons as saying: “We want shoppers to be under absolutely no illusion that Kellogg’s does not make cereal for anyone else. “We’ve established that it is possible to apply a logo or image onto food, now we need to see if there is a way of repeating it on large quantities of our cereal,” Ms Lyons said.”

A bladeless fan (???): “The company that revolutionised vacuum cleaners has taken aim at another household item, the fan. British company Dyson has created a fan that uses suction and acceleration, rather than rotating blades, to expel air. Not only is it bladeless, but it is small and compact and can be used to distribute both hot and cold air. However, you will pay for the privilege. Resembling a large lollipop or magnifying glass in its shape, the Dyson Air Multiplier draws in air and amplifies it 15 times. The ring that expels the air is hollow and is not covered by a grill. Air speed can be adjusted using a dimmer. It is available in two sizes, the larger model stands at 55 centimetres high and will retail for $399. The smaller model is 50 centimetres high and retails for $379.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

The five stupidest inventions

Life has published a brilliant list of the thirty ‘dumbest’ inventions, from Yodelometers (‘measuring the pitch of the human yodel’) to the Hubbard Electrometer (‘calibrating the pain felt by your tomatoes’). It’s definitely worth checking out the full list, but here’s a pick of the five best, starting with…

“Shoot first, look later”: That seems to be the ethos behind the ‘Curved Barrel Machine Gun’, invented in 1953, for shooting round corners. Ahem.

The Anti-Bandit Bag: If some dastardly scoundrel tries to grab your briefcase, simply pull this handy chain to release the bottom and the entire contents will spill on the floor. Making it, presumably, easier for the thief to find your wallet. Whoops.

The Baby Cage: Remember when Michael Jackson dangled his small baby out of a hotel window? Remember how it didn’t go down so brilliantly? That (along with the ominous name) may well have had something to do with the lack of success met by the ‘Baby Cage’ when it was launched in 1937. Put simply, wire cages were attached outside the windows of tenement buildings, to give baby a bit of fresh air. Fifteen floors up…

The Rainy Day Cigarette Holder: A tiny umbrella to jauntily suspend above your cigarette. Honestly, we’ve got no idea why this didn’t catch on. No idea.

The Shower Hood: A plastic hood to cover the faces of ladies who like to shower with a face caked in make-up. Or: for the woman who wants to give the Psycho-style attacker a fright of his own.

Original story here

THE NEWS

Mayan year 2012 stirs doomsday theories: “Apolinario Chile Pixtun is tired of being bombarded with frantic questions about the Mayan calendar supposedly ‘running out’ on Dec. 21, 2012. After all, it’s not the end of the world. Or is it? Definitely not, the Mayan Indian elder insists. ‘I came back from England last year and, man, they had me fed up with this stuff.’ It can only get worse for him. Next month Hollywood’s 2012 opens in cinemas, featuring earthquakes, meteor showers and a tsunami dumping an aircraft carrier on the White House. At Cornell University, Ann Martin, who runs the ‘Curious? Ask an Astronomer’ website, says people are scared. … Chile Pixtun, a Guatemalan, says the doomsday theories spring from Western, not Mayan ideas.”

Johnie the crocodile is Australian family’s pet: “When Johnie the croc wants walkies, her owner makes it snappy. Johnie – a female – rules the roost at the Lowing home. Her favourite time of the day is meal time, the Herald Sun reports. “She’s just like a cat or dog in that she knows when the fridge door opens there is a good chance of a snack, so she shuffles in for a feed,” Vicki Lowing said. Johnie has her own heated pool which takes up most of the lounge room. Ms Lowing’s passion for reptiles began as a girl growing up in the country. Her property on the western outskirts of Melbourne is also home to pythons and blue-tongued lizards as well as cats, horses, turtles and chooks. And two other crocs – Fovian and Jilfia, both 2. So how did Johnie get her name? Simple. No one was game to look at her undercarriage when she was young and once she started responding to Johnie, it was too late to change.

Underpants’ thief terrorises plane passengers: “An underpants’ thief is reportedly terrorising plane passengers in Papua New Guinea. Women travelling with the national carrier Air Niugini are fed up with one or many baggage handlers nicking their knickers. Four women, who wish to remain nameless, said their best undergarments were stolen from luggage when travelling on domestic flights leaving the capital Port Moresby. One tourist on a brief stay in PNG said her bag’s lock was broken and the only item missing were g-strings and lace hipster briefs. ”I could not believe it. I was shocked, it’s just too creepy,” she said. ”I have travelled all around the world and this is the first time something like this has happened,” she said. Another woman visiting her mother in Lae, on PNG’s northwest coast, discovered her pink panties were gone. ”What makes it weirder is that I had much more valuable items to steal than my underpants,” she said. Air Niugini officials said they would get to the bottom of the issue.

Utah father-to-be misses birth of his son after being arrested for grabbing nurse’s breasts: “A father missed the birth of his first son after being arrested for groping a nurse on the way to the delivery room. Police said Adam Manning sexually assaulted the nurse as she wheeled his wife into the delivery room. The 30 year old had told the nurse she was “cute” then reached round to grab her breasts. Police in Ogden, Utah, were called to the hospital and arrested Manning on charges of forcible sexual assault. When later asked about his actions he said he had no idea why he carried out the assault. Police confirmed that he missed the birth of his son. Ogden Police Lieutenant Lt. Loring Draper said Manning had looked the nurse ‘up an down’ after arriving at the McKay-Dee hospital and made a comment about her appearance. Police said Manning had first tried to touch the nurse’s neck before launching the sex assault. ‘After the second time, the nurse asked what he was doing,’ Draper said. ‘The wife responded that he was just drunk.’ Draper said it is unclear whether Manning drove to the hospital intoxicated or if he was taken there by someone else.”

Fish fingers swimming around in London’s Sea Life aquarium: “Fish fingers swimming around with marine life have been confusing visitors to London’s Sea Life aquarium. The models, complete with heads, fins and tails, have been causing a stir at the London-based attraction after they were added to the waters following a survey which found that one in 10 children think a fish finger is a real fish. The unusual fish have been bobbing around in the waters alongside other marine animals with some people actually believing they’re real, say the aquarium. “In a recent survey we carried out with schoolchildren, one in 10 actually named a fish finger as a real fish, so we decided to put the public to the test”, said Toby Forer, general manager of the London Sea Life Aquarium. “We’ve had a lot of fun watching people trying to decide whether our fishy fish really were the source of their frozen tea time favourite but the reasons behind the joke are deadly serious. “Although awareness of the issues that face our marine life has grown in recent years, partly due to high profile documentaries and the kind of campaigning work we do here, there is still a lack of basic marine knowledge. In the survey, 125 seven-year-olds were asked to name three fish in a questionnaire. One in ten listed fish fingers. The top three answers were goldfish, clownfish and fish fingers.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

An Australian tourist in Bali

THE NEWS

German man’s butt gets stuck in train door: “A German man mooning at railway staff in a departing train got his trousers caught in a carriage door and ended up being dragged half naked along the platform, out of the station and onto the tracks. The 22-year-old journalism student shoved his backside against the window of a low-slung double-decker train when staff forced him off in Lauenbrueck for traveling without a ticket, a spokesman for police in the northern city of Bremen said. “It’s a miracle he wasn’t badly hurt,” the spokesman said on Monday. “This sort of thing can end up killing you.” Instead, dangling by his trousers, the man got pulled along for about 200 meters, all the while managing to keep his legs away from the wheels of the train. The ordeal ended when a passenger pulled the emergency brake. Rescues services were called in, causing rail services between Bremen and Hamburg to be suspended for over an hour, delaying 23 trains. The man — unharmed except for cuts and bruises — now faces charges of dangerous interference in rail transport, insulting the train staff, and may face a sizeable compensation claim for the delays he caused, police said.”

A new Mona Lisa: “The ghost of a fingerprint in the top left corner of an obscure portrait appears to have confirmed one of the most extraordinary art discoveries. The 33 x 23cm picture, in chalk, pen and ink, appeared at auction at Christie’s, New York, in 1998, catalogued as “German school, early 19th century”. It sold for $21,000. Now a growing number of leading art experts agree that it is almost certainly by Leonardo da Vinci and worth about £100 million. Carbon dating and infra-red analysis of the artist’s technique are consistent with such a conclusion, but the most compelling evidence is that fragment of a fingerprint. The fingerprint corresponds to the tip of the index or middle finger, and is “highly comparable” to one on Leonardo’s St Jerome in the Vatican. Importantly, St Jerome is an early work from a time when Leonardo was not known to have employed assistants, making it likely that it is his fingerprint. Professor Kemp has rechristened the picture, originally sold as Young Girl in Profile in Renaissance Dress, as La Bella Principessa after identifying her, “by a process of elimination”, as Bianca Sforza, daughter of Ludovico Sforza, Duke of Milan (1452-1508), and his mistress Bernardina de Corradis. He described the profile as “subtle to an inexpressible degree”, as befits the artist best known for the Mona Lisa.If it is by Leonardo, it would be the only known work by the artist on vellum although Professor Kemp points out that Leonardo quizzed the French court painter Jean Perreal about the technique of using coloured chalks on vellum in 1494.” Carbon-14 analysis of the vellum gave a date range of 1440-1650.”

Nowhere to walk your dog in some parts of Britain: “Scores of councils in England and Wales have used new powers to ban dogs from parks, open spaces and beaches, often without owners being aware of the restrictions. In many council-run areas, owners are also being made to keep dogs on leads. Fines for breaching the law vary from £25 to £80, but if a council decides to bring a prosecution in a magistrates’ court, the penalty rises to a maximum of £1,000. The Kennel Club has been inundated with complaints, and has raised concerns with ministers and opposition parties. Emily Jeffrey, external affairs officer for the club, said that the problem arose from powers in the Clean Neighbourhood and Environment Act 2005, although many councils had only recently started using them. The club has no problem with councils who clamp down on owners who allow their pets to foul parks, ban dogs from children’s playgrounds or limit the number of dogs a person is allowed to walk in a public area, she said. But it is dismayed about dogs being banned or forced on to leads in areas where they have traditionally been allowed to run freely. Ms Jeffrey added: “All councils have to do is to put a small notice in a local newspaper setting out the areas where dogs are to be excluded or restricted. How many people read these notices? Owners can go to a park one day and the next day they find a new rule and they risk a fine. “There is no appeal and we would like to see a statutory appeals process. Some of our members are worried they are running out of places to give their dogs a good run.”

China jails corrupt government official: “A government official whose taste for expensive cigarettes and very large cars triggered an online furore in China has been sent to jail for corruption. The sentencing of Zhou Jiugeng is testimony to the growing importance of the internet in China as a forum for open debate in a country where all other media are much more closely controlled and censored by propaganda mandarins. Mr Zhou, a former director of the property management bureau of a district in the southern city of Nanjing, was convicted of accepting 1.07 million yuan (£100,000) and 110,000 Hong Kong dollars in bribes from contractors and other officials. He was sentenced to 11 years in jail. The downfall of the official with a position in one of the most potentially lucrative sectors of government in China came late last year after he told local media that property developers should be punished for selling flats [apartments] at below cost. That remark sparked public anger since many people were already complaining about the rising cost of buying a home. Within days of Mr Zhou’s remark on property prices, photographs appeared on the Internet showing him at a conference smoking cigarettes costing 1,500 yuan (£150) a carton and wearing what appeared to be an expensive Vacheron Constantin watch on his wrist. It also emerged that he drove to work in a Cadillac.”

Weird electric car : “It may not give you ‘The Drive of Your Life’, as its makers Peugeot may try to claim, but the latest micro electric car is creating huge excitement in the automotive industry. The Peugeot BB1, a cross between a scooter and a car, is powered by two electric motors which are mounted in the rear wheels. A silver prototype BB1 had residents and tourists stopping to take a closer peak when a prototype version rolled into Paris today. Inspired by Peugeot’s electric VLV from the 1940s, the new all-electric BB1 represents the car firm’s view for the future of electrical-based urban mobility. At just 2.5m long, the bubble-shaped BB1 can amazingly seat four people in saddle-like seats and its packaging miracle is achieved by rethinking the driving task. There are no pedals so the driver sits more upright with the rear passenger’s legs around the driver’s torso, motorbike pillion-style. There is no room for a steering wheel either and the driver uses handlebars to control the mini vehicle, which is undoubtedly a real head-turner. And the rear-wheel driven car is powered by two electric engines which give it plenty of poke. It can reach 0 to 19 mph in 2.8 seconds and 19 to 37 mph in an impressive four seconds, with a top speed of around 65mph. The power for the vehicle is provided by two lithium-ion battery packs supplying energy to the respective electric motors located under the right and left-hand rear seats, with a comfortable range of 75 miles.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Prince Philip speaks for a lot of people

Britain’s Prince Philip says he is baffled by modern television remote controls and ends up lying on the floor by the set to operate it instead. The husband of Queen Elizabeth bemoaned the design of televisions and praised people’s tolerance for coping with them, in a clip on the official Royal Channel on the video-sharing website YouTube.

“I think people are very tolerant, the way they go on tolerating these ghastly things,” the 88-year-old said, before laying into television set design. “You used to put it on the floor and then they put the controls on the bottom so you had to lie on the floor. And then if you wanted to record something, the recorder was underneath. “So you ended up lying on the floor with a torch in your teeth, a magnifying glass and an instruction book. “Either that or you had to employ a grandson of age 10 to do it for you.”

His comments were made in an interview celebrating the 50th anniversary of a Design Council prize in his name. “To work out how to operate a television set you practically have to make love to the thing,” he said. “And why can’t you have a handset that people who are not 10 years old can actually read?”

The no-nonsense prince is known for his interest in technology and is hardly afraid to speak his mind on a variety of subjects.

Britain’s The Times newspaper described televisions as an “unspoken disaster zone”. It said that while cars, telephones and computers had become easier to operate, and televisions had grown flatter, sharper and with clearer sound, “the remote controls have merely grown”. “Nobody ever uses half those buttons. A remote revolution is long overdue,” it said.

Original story here

THE NEWS

Top chef ‘poisons’ diners: “In the world of haute cuisine it ranks as the ultimate heresy. A food writer has had the temerity to accuse Ferran Adria, often described as the world’s best chef, of inadvertently poisoning diners with additives. Adria, who presides over El Bulli, near Barcelona, inspires a reverence usually reserved for rock stars as he experiments with frozen foams and oyster cubes that many regard more as art than cookery. His restaurant is booked for years in advance but Jörg Zipprick, a German food writer, is unimpressed with this high temple of “molecular gastronomy” and says menus should carry health warnings informing diners of the additives in the dishes. “These colorants, gelling agents, emulsifiers, acidifiers and taste enhancers that Adria has introduced massively into his dishes to obtain extraordinary textures, tastes and sensations do not have a neutral impact on health,” says Zipprick, adding that some have a laxative effect. Molecular cooks also use polysaccharides from seaweed, which Zipprick says are suspected of causing intestinal cancer. Adria’s response is that the chemicals he uses have been part of haute cuisine for years and he denies his dishes pose any risk to health. Zipprick is not the only one querying Adria’s use of ingredients more often associated with food processing than with haute cuisine… Some diners claim to have found it too much. Bill Buford, the American journalist, said his wife almost walked out after being served a wafer called “electric milk” that “incinerated her tongue”, while a student in his twenties was quoted (in a book about El Bulli) saying “the meal … was an experience and art. I enjoyed it enormously and it made me vomit”.

Wis. woman strips to avoid arrest: “Police say a Wisconsin woman stripped in front of her children in an attempt to avoid arrest for shoplifting, then scuffled with officers and exposed herself through a squad car window. Julia E. Laack, 36, of Sheboygan was charged Friday with felony battery of a peace officer, resisting an officer, shoplifting and two counts of disorderly conduct, the Sheboygan Press reported. The criminal complaint alleges Laack stole a bag of beef jerky and a lighter at a convenience store Thursday afternoon. Police went to her home. The complaint said she refused to come to the door and began screaming and swearing at three children in her house, telling one that the incident was all his fault. Police entered and tried to calm her down. With her children present, the complaint said, she stripped to her underwear and told the officers they couldn’t arrest her because she would be naked. Laack struggled with the officers as they tried to arrest her, the complaint alleged, kicking one in the groin and spitting in the mouth of another. While in the squad car on the way to the police station, the complaint said, Laack exposed her buttocks against the rear window. The complaint said Laack had a preliminary blood-alcohol level of 0.112 percent. The legal blood-alcohol limit for driving is 0.08 percent. Laack remained in jail Friday night.”

929 gallons of moonshine found in NC mountains: “North Carolina authorities say they have found 929 gallons of moonshine under a shed in the mountains. State Alcohol Law Enforcement officials say 63-year-old Roger Lee Nance of Wilkesboro was arrested Wednesday on charges including possession of non-tax-paid liquor for the purpose of selling. Agency director John Ledford says it’s one of the biggest mountain busts he can remember. Spokeswoman Patty McQuillan says Nance stored moonshine in different-shaped containers under a shed in his backyard and was arrested following a two-month investigation.”

An exceptional mother in Australia: “Queensland mother Dale Chalk, who was the first woman in the world to have two separate sets of quads, has now delivered a set of IVF twins. Proud father of 11 children under seven years old, ambulance driver Darren Chalk, said yesterday the latest additions to his family were doing well, the Courier-Mail reports. Mrs Chalk, 31, who has had 12 children through in-vitro fertilisation by the privately run Queensland Fertility Group, returned from the Royal Women’s Hospital at the weekend to their Strathpine home in good health. The twins, believed to be a boy and a girl, are in the Royal Women’s Grantley Stable neonatal intensive care unit. “We’d love to have more children, but medically, that’s it,” Mr Chalk said. The Chalk’s oldest daughter, Shelby, is now six. The first set of quadruplets – Emma, Ellie, Samuel and Joseph – were born 13 weeks premature in August, 2004. They will start school next year. In October 2005, the second set – Sarah, Alice, Matthew and Milly – were delivered, but Milly did not survive. In 2007, the family welcomed their newest baby, Tiger-Lilly.

A homosexual point of view? “Curvy women have no place on the catwalk, iconic German fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld was quoted as saying, after a magazine said it was banning skinny models in favour of “real women”. “No one wants to see curvy women,” Lagerfeld was quoted as saying on the website of news magazine Focus yesterday. “You’ve got fat mothers with their bags of chips sitting in front of the television and saying that thin models are ugly,” he said. The world of fashion is about “dreams and illusions”, he said, dismissing as “absurd” the debate prompted by Brigitte magazine which said it would no longer feature professional models on its pages. Brigitte, one of Germany’s top women’s magazines, said last week it would only publish photographs of “real women” after readers complained they could not identify with the models depicted.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.