Redneck Churches

October 8, 2016 at 3:37 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

1. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if…
The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

2. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if…
People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch ’em.

3. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if…
When the pastor says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering” and five guys and two women stand up.

4. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if…
Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

5. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if…
A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because “It ain’t never been in a hole it couldn’t get out of”

6. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if…
The choir is known as the “OK Chorale”.

7. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if…
In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

8. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if…
People think “rapture” is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

9. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if…
The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized ” Wheeling ” washtub.

10. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if…
The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob’s Barbecue.

11. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if…
The collection plates are really hubcaps from a ’56 Chevy.

12. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if…
Instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call.

13. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if…
The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

14. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if…
The communion wine is Boone’s Farm “Tickled Pink”.

15. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if…
“Thou shall not covet” applies to huntin’ dogs, too.

16. You know You’re in a Redneck Church if…
The final words of the benediction are, “Y’all come back now, Ya hear”.

God Bless and don’t fergit ta say yer prayers

..

..

THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Woman dedicates her life to saving wombats… but reveals the cuddly critters can get cranky: “Looking after cute and cuddly wombats is a tough job but somebody has to do it. For three decades Roz Holmes has cared for wombats in Cessnock, NSW, nursing them back to health after they have been hit by cars or attacked by dogs. Mrs Holmes opened Cedar Creek Wombat Rescue because, while everyone loved the adorable marsupials, nobody wanted to care for them when they were injured. ‘We’ve been doing it for well over 35 years. Everyone likes the cute babies but not many people wanted to care for the adults,’ she told Daily Mail Australia. ‘But if we start letting them all die and the vets euthanise them, there’s going to be none left one day.’ Most wombats had a ‘lovely temperament’, Mrs Holmes said, but they could get cranky and the job did not come without its occupational hazards”

Strange field of rocks: “Hickory Run State Park in Pennsylvania is home to a remarkable boulder field that measures a whopping 720,000 square feet. The weight of the rocks is so great that they’ve depressed the ground they sit on by 12 feet over the years. The surreal nature of the phenomenon is heightened by the fact that it’s surrounded by lush evergreens. A slight element of mystery surrounds the formation of the field, but geologists broadly agree that the rocks – which are around 300million years old – came from the surrounding ridges and were broken up during the freezing and thawing of ice during an ice age that occurred about 20,000 years ago.

Heron defeats an eagle: “A heron displayed some impressive martial arts skills when it went into battle with an eagle at a South African nature reserve. The African fish eagle found itself under attack by the angry Goliath heron when it refused to budge from a lagoon. The dramatic scenes unfolded at Zimanga Game Reserve in South Africa. Professional photographer Max Waugh, 40, saw the scene unfold in front of his eyes. His incredible pictures show the Goliath heron, which is also known as a giant heron, rising into the air feet first to chase off the incoming eagle. The eagle wasn’t ready to give up his perch without a fight and rose to meet the heron in the air. With wings outstretched and legs poised, the heron drives the eagle away from the lagoon. Goliath herons are solitary foragers and are highly territorial towards others entering their feeding territories. They can weigh up to twice as much as African fish eagles, which hunt by swooping down to snatch prey from the water with their large clawed talons”

Young mugger takes on great-grandfather, 85 – only to get a nasty surprise when he turns out to be a former BOXER: “Great-grandfather Ernie Hanratty was held up by Daniel Rose as he returned from his morning shopping trip in Stanley, County Durham. But Mr Hanratty turned on his attacker and grabbed his wrist, leaving Rose with nothing more than two newspapers in a plastic bag. Former removal man Mr Hanratty was a talented amateur footballer and even tried out for Newcastle United in the 1950s. He was also a keen amateur boxer. The father-of-two, whose wife Mary died in 2003, described how Rose grabbed his jacket lapel and said: ‘Give me 20 quid and I’ll go’. Mr Hanratty replied,’You’ll b****y go but you’ll not be getting any £20′ and grabbed Rose around the wrist. He said: ‘I’ve got a strong grip and he knew he wouldn’t be getting any money from me. When I let go of his wrist he couldn’t get away fast enough.’

Pretty pussy: “The world’s fluffiest cat is getting its very own park as part of a drive to save the species which is hunted for its luxuriant fur. The 12-square-mile area within Sailyugemsky Nature Park in Russia’s Siberian Altai Mountains will be a scientific zone where the furry felines can be studied and protected. The Pallas’s cat – also known as the Manul Wildcat – is a protected species in Russia but illegal poaching still goes on. It is also hunted for its fur in neighbouring Mongolia leaving it under threat of extinction in many border areas. The rare and reclusive animal is about the size of a house cat but with thick, dense hair patterned with black rings and spots. Despite their cuddly appearance the cats are wild and notoriously solitary which makes observing them very difficult. The cats are native to remote regions of southern Siberia, as well as Central Asia and China.

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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