The Man Who Gave Up Sex for Golf

August 18, 2016 at 11:58 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes.. “Boy,I’d give anything to sink this putt”, the golfer mumbles to himself.

Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, “Would you be willing to give up a quarter of your sex life to sink the putt?” Thinking the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, the golfer also feels that maybe this is a good omen, so he says, “Sounds good to me,” – and promptly sinks the putt!

Two holes later, he mumbles to himself again, “Gosh, I wish I could get an eagle on this one.” The same stranger is suddenly at his side again and whispers, “Would it be worth giving up another quarter of your sex life to make an eagle?” Shrugging,the golfer replies, “Okay.” And, amazingly, he makes the eagle.

On the final hole, the golfer needs another eagle to win. Without waiting for him to say anything, the stranger quickly moves to his side and says, “Would winning this match be worth giving up the rest of your sex life?” “Definitely,” the golfer replies, and, sure enough, he makes the eagle – and wins the match.

As the golfer is walking to the club house, the stranger walks along beside him and says, “I haven’t really been fair with you because you don’t know who I am. I’m Satan, and from this day forward you really will have no sex life at all.”

“Nice to meet you,” the golfer replies. “I’m Father O’Malley.”

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Boy, 10, drags german shepherd off his mum: “Oscar Arrowsmith, 10, dragged his mother’s german shepherd off her when it snapped and went into “kill mode”. He ran towards Dana Lyall’s screams as she shielded the family’s older dog from the usually placid Lexi, who had started a fight, in their Cockatoo home near Melbourne in 2012. “She lunged and lunged again and again – it happened six times until Oscar dragged her and locked her in the bathroom. To this day, Ms Lyall cannot understand why the dog didn’t turn on her son. “He’s just a skinny little reedy thing. There’s nothing of him. So for him to be able to do that is just amazing,” she said. “Without a doubt, if Oscar wasn’t there that dog would have killed me.”

Goldfish are off the scale in Perth’s lakes and rivers: “GIANT goldfish — tipping the scales at up to 2kg each — are causing havoc for native fish in West Australian waterways, say researchers. Academics at Murdoch University say the goldfish, often unwanted pets disposed of in suburban Perth lakes or rivers, are destroying habitats for native breeds of fish. The goldfish populate lakes and rivers across the South-West and travel up to 230km a year. The goldfish monitoring revealed most of the fish — about 60 per cent — left the river for a wetland to breed and spawn. “There’s quite a narrow connection in the river into that wetland and that gives us a much better chance if we target that spot and control the species,” Dr Beatty said. Dr Beatty said introduced species such as goldfish could disturb habitat and consume eggs of native fish. Goldfish have also been found to spread a disease affecting the skin of native fish.

Is THIS the most beautiful engagement ring ever?: “From dream dresses to picture-perfect flower arrangements and table settings, many brides-to-be often take to Pinterest for wedding inspiration. The ‘visual bookmarking’ website is a gold mine for everything nuptial, whether that be the dress, the invitation, the decorations or, of course, the engagement ring. And one ring reigns supreme. An 18 Karat white gold ring from Raymond Lee Jewelers [sic] has over 77,000 pins, even though it retails for around $10,500 AUD ($8,000). Cut in a classic and intricate shape, the ring has a 1.30 Karat diamond, with diamond accents and details around the edge. The simple style has been frequently described as ‘exquisite’ or ‘stunning’ on Pinterest.”

Teenager is outraged as a Freshers’ magazine sent by UCAS tells her boyfriend to start university as a ‘free agent’: “An 18-year-old fashion blogger was stunned when a leaflet sent by UCAS told her boyfriend it is better to be single at university. Lauren Rosenbaum, from Fife, in Scotland, shared her surprise on Twitter yesterday and said the higher education application website were not going to ‘steal her man’. Max Brooks, 17, is going to Naiper University in September but after going into clearing Miss Rosenbaum wasn’t eligible for the Journalism course she wanted to do so is taking a gap year before hopefully joining him at Naiper in 2017. The booklet explains that ‘university is all about new experiences and meeting new people, so save the heartache now and start your university life as a free agent. Trust me, you won’t regret it’. It is believed UCAS sent it to all students to start in September”

World’s largest aircraft finally takes to the skies for a successful maiden voyage: “The world’s largest aircraft branded ‘the flying bum’ has taken to the skies in a successful maiden voyage – the first since a revamp in Britain. The 302ft-long Airlander 10 – part plane, part helicopter, part airship – loomed overhead at Cardington airfield in Bedfordshire as the sun started to set on this evening. Photographers and plane spotters baked in the sun as they waited to see the aircraft, whose bulbous exterior has earned it the less-than-glamorous nickname ‘the flying bum’, take off. Crowds clapped and cheered as the craft soared above them during its first outing from the First World War hangar where it was revealed in March after undergoing ‘hundreds’ of changes by Hybrid Air Vehicles (HAV) over two years. First developed for the US government as a long-endurance surveillance aircraft, the British firm launched a campaign to return the craft to the sky after it fell foul of defence cutbacks”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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