IT WON’T WORK THIS TIMEAugust 14, 2016 at 12:49 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment
Once there was a little boy that lived in the country with his father. They had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer and cold in the winter – and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek.
One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen and the little boy decided that that was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away. That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why.
The dad replied, “Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn’t it son?”
The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, “Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn’t get into trouble because he told the truth.”
The dad replied, “Well, son, George Washington’s father wasn’t in the cherry tree.”
Odd news from around the world
Teen burglars caught passed out in car: “A pair of 17-year-olds in the Central California community of Winton were arrested and released to the custody of their parents on Friday after passing out in a haze of marijuana smoke outside a construction site. Police said they were in their SUV packed with copper wire and other items from the property. The youths also had a loaded gun, which investigators determined had been stolen in March of this year. They were spotted in their car by a sheriff’s deputy shortly after midnight on Friday. ‘There was a strong odor of marijuana coming from the vehicle,’ police said. ‘They were passed out and he had to wake them up.’ The youths, who police said were gang members, were arrested on suspicion of participating in a criminal street gang, possessing stolen property and having a loaded firearm in the vehicle.
Talking parrot masters a perfect meow… and leaves three cats utterly baffled: “A white parrot fluent in feline strolls up towards three moggies, and dumbfounded they sit back shell shocked into silence. Parrots are expert mimickers and are well-known for imitating human speech, but it is clearly not the only language they can learn. In a comical YouTube video the bird wanders over to the cats on top of a bed. Then at the unknown location it perfectly copies a moggy’s meow. The three cats are absolutely taken aback, almost unable to say a single word. One utters a quiet meow in shock but the rest stay silent. And when another gets a little too close for the parrot’s liking, true to form the bird hisses at it, just like a cat. The felines are so intrigued in the bird they are likely holding off thoughts about the animal as a potential next meal, for now at least. Astonished viewers have joked about the bird’s impressive skills. Mieah Chan posted: ‘I love how all the cats know better than to mess with him. I’m sure they’ve all been nipped by the beak before.’
Father-to-be waiting in hospital accidentally undergoes a haemorrhoid operation: “A man waiting anxiously for the birth of his baby outside a hospital ward in China was ushered into theatre by doctors and given an operation on his haemorrhoids in a case of mistaken identity. The expectant father, named Mr Wang in reports, was mixed up with another patient on Monday who had completed the paperwork for the procedure and was waiting to be operated on. Doctors at the Shenyang Hunnan Xinqu Hospital in China asked Wang to accompany them. However, the father to be thought he would be taken to a room to aid in his wife’s birth. ‘I really never knew I had haemorrhoids,’ the 29-year-old said. Wang confirmed that his wife gave birth to a healthy baby via Caesarian section. The hospital reportedly offered the man 5,000 yuan (£580) compensation for the mix up although negotiations between both parties are still on going.
A massive 300-pound alligator was removed from a garage in Texas: “The reptile — which was 8 feet, 9 inches long — was discovered by Doug Dallmer in his garage on Thursday night, KPRC reported. Dallmer told the station: ‘I took two steps in and his head was literally right there.’ ‘You know it’s hot outside when even the alligators are finding shade.’ The gator was removed – but not without the creature putting up a fight. The alligator was filmed rolling around and making noises in the garage. While the reptile thrashed about, it knocked over a number of items. Fulshear police wrote: ‘UPDATE: The alligator was safely removed from the garage by R6 Outfitters (Alligator Removal) and will be released to an alligator farm in El Campo, Texas.”
Sleeping naked is good for you, mainly because it lowers skin temperature which activates good fats to help burn calories: “Skip the flannel pajamas and over-sized t-shirts – experts say sleeping au naturel is better for your health. Researchers found that sleeping naked is not only comfortable, but it regulates your skin temperature, preventing you from waking in the middle of the night. Forgoing clothes at bedtime also keeps bacteria that thrive in warm moist areas at bay, and it boosts your immune system if you sleep naked with your partner. Only 12 percent of Americans sleep naked, according to a poll from the National Sleep Foundation, but it is highly recommended by both researchers and doctors. The human body is designed to decrease in temperature during sleep, and not only does sleeping in the nude keep you comfortable through the night, but it determines when your body is ready to fall asleep and when it is time to wake up. One study found that even the slightest cooling of the skin helps individuals fall into a much deeper sleep, according to Seeker”
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