What deep thinkers retired men are!

July 29, 2016 at 2:24 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking. My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, “Nothing.” The reason I said “nothing” instead of saying “just thinking” is because she then would have asked, “About what?” At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.

Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know? Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn’t really know, here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, “It might be nice to have another child.” On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, “You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts.” I rest my case. Time for another beer, and then maybe a nap.

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Snake bites dog on the penis and refuses to let go: “This is the excruciatingly painful moment a dog was bitten on the penis by a snake who just would not let go. The mutt, who appears to be standing on a path next to a field, is seen desperately trying to flee from the reptile’s clutches as it grips on to his genitals. Bowing his head to inspect the damage, the dog looks in pain as he tries to move the snake with his head. It is not clear where the video was filmed or why the person recording it did not step into help. The snake appears to have a red rope tied around its neck, but the reason for that is also unknown. The dog is also on a lead but may be tied to something out of shot.

Bikini-clad policewoman tackles and arrests pickpocket after he tried to steal her friend’s mobile phone: “An off-duty Swedish police officer gave a pickpocket the shock of his life – when she tackled him to the ground wearing only a bikini. Mikaela Kellner, a veteran of Swedish Ninja Warrior and police officer of 11 years, was sunbathing in a Stockholm park with friends when the unsuspecting pickpocket approached. It was only after he had left the group that one of her friends realised her mobile phone had vanished. ‘I just acted on instinct and didn’t think about it so much until after we had pinned him down,’ Kellner told The Local Sweden. But she confessed: ‘I would have stepped in no matter what my outfit. Had I been naked I would also have intervened. ‘Nothing will stop me.’ As well as her work as a police officer, she is a fitness enthusiast and spends her free time power-lifting and doing Crossfit. ‘He realised quite quickly that it wasn’t worth struggling.'”

Is this Britain’s most amazing make-over? Size 30 gran gets the face and body of her dreams: “A 25-stone [350lb] grandmother has finally got the glamour model body she always wanted after losing more than half of her bodyweight – and having size G breast implants – paid for by her loving husband of 24 years. Natalie King, 47, from Penzance, Cornwall, who at her heaviest was a size 30, always dreamed of becoming a pinup and even posed for London agencies in her late teens. But when the mother-of-six became pregnant for the first time at the age of 18, she put her modelling dreams aside to raise her family. With each pregnancy Natalie gained more weight until eventually she reached more than 25 stone – leaving her suffering with anxiety that left her virtually housebound. But after deciding to overhaul her unhealthy lifestyle, Natalie has shed 13 stone, dyed her hair blonde and invested in breast implants to finish off her glamorous new look.”

Two-year-old toddler sends pet pit bulls to sleep reading stories: “Bookworm River Bearde, 2, of Mission, Kansas, USA, was caught reading to sleepy pooches Ronnie, 4, and Macy, 6. As the inseparable trio lie side by side with their legs splayed on a bed, River recites pages from the children’s book ‘Farm Friends Giant Flap Book’. By the end of the video – captured by mum Jenna – both Ronnie and Macy were out for the count with their eyes closed and heads back on the pillow. Mrs Bearde said: ‘I was with River when he laid down and was planning on reading to him. ‘But he wanted to read to Macy and Ronnie and they quickly started falling asleep. ‘By the time he finished reading the book their eyes were shut tightly. ‘Only then would River let me read to him and pretty soon he was snoozing next to them. ‘River will read to anyone who will sit down with him”

Can YOU see what’s wrong with this map? Tricky teaser will put your geography knowledge to the test: “Do you know your USA from your Canada and Latvia from Lithuania? If the answer to that is a resounding yes, then check out this quiz. But how quickly can you do it? Five countries have switched places in this map of the world

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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