A modest proposal

July 20, 2016 at 3:29 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950’s for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce.

I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is our separation agreement:

–Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

–We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.

–You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

–Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. –We’ll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and the coal mines, and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.

–You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, Rosie O’Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move them.

–We’ll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.

–You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.

–We’ll keep the smart diverse and conservative Governors like Susanna Martinez & Niki Haley, greedy CEO’s and rednecks and you can keep Jerry Brown, Bernie Sanders & e-mail Hillary.

–We’ll keep Bill O ‘ Reilly, and Bibles and give you CNBC and Hollywood .

–You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.

–You can have the peaceniks, war protesters, Black Lives Matter people and all the sanctuary cities.

— When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help protect & provide them security.

–We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values.

–You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

–We’ll keep the SUV’s, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volt and Leaf you can find.

–You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors who’re willing to forgo payment.

–We’ll keep “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” and “The National Anthem.”, and a whole slew of Country songs.

–I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute “Imagine”, “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing”, “Kum Ba Ya” , “We Are the World”, & all of the anti establishment Rap songs.

–We’ll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

–Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin & Charlie Sheen, Barbara Streisand, Al Sharpton, Alan Grayson, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, and (Hanoi ) Jane Fonda with you.

P.S.S. And you won’t have to press 1 for English when you call our country

..

..

THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Researchers find drinking milk really does work best to extinguish the pain of a a red hot chili pepper: “Within seconds of eating a hot chili pepper your tongue starts to tingle, cheeks become red and beads of sweat will form on your forehead. Although this torturous experience is fleeting, researchers at New Mexico State University’s Chile Pepper Institute have discovered a fix that quickly extinguish the fire – milk. The team found a protein in this dairy product which replaces the chemical compound that makes chili peppers taste hot and gives you instant relief. ‘Capsaicin is the chemical compound found in chile peppers that makes them taste hot,’ said Paul Bosland, an NMSU Regents Professor and director of the Chile Pepper Institute. ‘It turns out that milk has a protein in it that replaces the capsaicin on the receptors on your tongue. It’s really the quickest way to alleviate the burning feeling.'”

Big pussy cat carries off a CROCODILE after an epic battle in a Brazilian river: “A jaguar who decided to cool off with a drink from a Brazilian river went back with more than it bargained for as it picked up a crocodile for lunch. The moment the mighty 220lb cat took down a crocodile was been captured by an astonished passer-by. Action shots by local Luiz Claudio show the Brazillian jaguar drinking at the water’s edge before slinking across and attacking the smaller predator before seemingly dragging it off to eat. The jaguar is largely a solitary, opportunistic, stalk-and-ambush apex predator. It proved its predatory prowess in the wild on this occasion with a blend of stealth and brute force. The powerful big cat wrestled with the juvenile croc in the water before taking control and biting the back of the crocodile’s head, delivering the fatal blow”

This $1 million Australian coin sold just 2 days after it went on the market: “At $A1 million, perhaps this coin made by the Perth Mint is small change for an Emirati sheikh driving his Bugatti Veyron around Dubai. But even the mint’s CEO, Richard Hayes, sounded a little surprised when the coin – made from 1kg of 99.99% pure gold, and with a 0.54 carat red diamond from Rio Tinto’s Argyle mine in Western Australia embedded in it – sold within 48 hours of going on the market last week. The coin, dubbed the Kimberley Treasure, is legal tender in Australia because it has Queen Elizabeth’s effigy on the “heads” side, and a red kangaroo holding the gemstone on the “tails” side”. The Kimberley Treasure sold to Tiara Gems and Jewellery DMCC chairman Ashish Vijay Jain, who plans to show off his newly prized possession in Dubai. “We are honoured to bring this prestigious collectable to Dubai, the luxury hub of the Middle East,” Jain said in a statement on news of the sale.”

Police seize jungle python after man shows it to fellow train passengers: “A JUNGLE python nicknamed “Bread” has been seized after a man revealed it to fellow passengers on a Central Coast train this morning. Police were called to meet a northbound train at Woy Woy Railway Station about 1am following reports there was a man with a live snake on board the train. Officers from Brisbane Water Local Area Command were told a 20-year-old man produced the three-feet long jungle python from a backpack and began to show it to fellow passengers. The man told police he did not have a permit for the snake, which was taken to Woy Woy police station. The man returned to the police station with the snake’s enclosure, a large plastic tub with a heat lamp, water bowl and shredded newspaper as substrate. Experts from the Australian Reptile Park are now examining the snake. Park general manager Tim Faulkner said the snake was in good condition and appeared to be raised as a hatchling rather than being wild caught”

5 to 1: The magic ratio for a happy relationship: “Marriage expert John Gottman, who has spent decades studying the habits of the healthiest and most successful couples, has actually been able to put a number to the frequency of positive and negative interactions between partners. The magic ratio? It’s 5 to 1. This means that stable and happy couples have five positive interactions for every negative one. In contrast, couples who ultimately divorced have just 0.8 happy encounters for every one negative interaction. Mr Gottman emphasises that for the magic ratio to truly work its magic, couples need to be sharing more positive feelings and actions every day, rather than just once in a while. This is backed up by other studies which found that for the first two years of marriage the happiness of married couples increased but afterwards it returned to the pre-marriage happiness level. The main culprit, you guessed it, was failing to regularly practise the magic ratio”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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