An artificial future

July 6, 2016 at 2:42 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer..

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of ‘cocktails’, ‘highballs’ and just a good old-fashioned ‘stiff drink’.

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research.

This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

A very cuddly big cat: “When he was volunteering at Cheetah Experience in South Africa, Dolph Volker bonded with 10-month-old cheetah cub Gabriel. He spent a lot of time with the cub, feeding him, playing and cuddling him. When he returned to the sanctuary, Mr Volker was reunited with the big cat, and their embrace is adorable. Gabriel was straight in for some cuddles. The wild animal purrs and plays like a house cat, cuddling and licking his best friend. ‘The only injury I got the entire time I knew him were dew claws to my forehead, that and his scalp grooming which is like rubbing sandpaper on it; making it raw. I picked scabs off my scalp four days after I left.’ Volker describes Gabriel as ‘the most affectionate and interactive cat, wild or domesticated’, he’s ever met, and admits he was ‘loved by a cheetah'”

Medieval knights COULD move with all that armour: “In a new study published in Historical Methods: A Journal of Quantitative and Interdisciplinary History, researchers suited a 30-year-old male subject with an accurate replica of a 15th century harness. The researchers then analysed the participant’s performance in a series of armour training activities detailed in Fight Books known to be practiced by the famous knight Jean le Meingre, known as Boucicault. These training activities included pull ups, running, jumping on horseback without the use of stirrups, and even doing somersaults. The team examined both the energy cost of movement and the range of motion allowed by the armour during each action using measurements of pulmonary gas exchange and 3D kinematics. Based on analyses of these tasks, the researchers determined that the armour allowed for nearly a full range of movement, including in gait, sitting down and standing, and combat activities”.

Accused jihadi recruiter ‘cancelled trip to Syria two days after he was told there would be no toilet paper and fighters washed in dirty buckets of water’: “The man accused of sending Australian ISIS recruits to Syria cancelled his own trip two days after hearing fighters in the country had no toilet paper. Hamdi Alqudsi, 41, was planning to travel to Syria when his alleged recruits sent him WhatsApp messages detailing the squalid conditions fighters lived in, a court has heard. In the messages the men revealed they slept on spongy mattresses, used dirty toilets, had no toilet paper and used buckets of water to wash instead of showers, reported The Daily Telegraph. He said his father was having an operation on his knee and he therefore needed to stay home to care for his sick mother and brother.

GOATS could be man’s new best friend after scientists find they rival dogs in ability to ‘talk’ to humans: “New research suggests that goats may in fact rival dogs in their ability to ‘talk’ to humans. The study found the horned ruminants use similar methods to dogs to communicate their intentions or desires to humans. While it can be easy to spot an animal in distress, it is often harder for people who work closely with animals to know when they are content. The researchers discovered that the goats were more likely to point their ears forward and keep their tail up when they were in a positive state. Biologists at Queen Mary University of London found the goats use their gaze in the same way as dogs when they face a problem they cannot solve. For example, if they cannot reach a tasty morsel of food placed just beyond their reach, the goats will gaze repeatedly between the snack and a human in the same room. Dogs have been found to use similar approaches to communicate that they would like some help to get the food”

Cyclist ‘is saved by his penis’ after he is struck by lightning: “Doctors have hailed a man’s penis a miracle after his genitals saved his life after he was struck by lightning. Zoran Jurkovic, 41, from the small eastern Croatian village of Petrovci was listening to his headphones when a thunderstorm formed overhead and after being struck on the head by a bolt, it earthed itself through his penis. The medics said that it was a miracle that the lightning charge had bypassed Zoran’s chest and missed his heart. At the time he was wearing his work overalls, which included a high visibility jacket and thick old rubber boots. Because of the boots, the electricity was not able to earth through his feet, but after striking him on the head doctors claimed that instead of passing through his body – and most likely destroying his internal organs and stopping his heart – the electricity had followed the cables of the headphones. They said it had then left his body by earthing through his genitals with the help of a small radio clipped to his belt”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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