An oldie but Goldie

May 30, 2016 at 2:57 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a
sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale’

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

‘You talk?’ he asks.

‘Yep,’ the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says ‘So, what’s your story?’

The Lab looks up and says, ‘Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so… I told the CIA.

In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.’

‘I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running…

But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.

I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.’

‘I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.’

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

‘Ten dollars,’ the guy says.

‘Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?’

‘Because he’s a Bull Shitter. He’s never been out of the yard’

..

..

THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Are sharks just misunderstood? New study finds ocean predators ‘have personalities’ and are sensitive to their environment: “Researchers at Macquarie University’s Department of Biological Sciences in Sydney led the study, which placed Port Jackson sharks in unfamiliar environments and measured how each of them reacted. ‘Over the past few decades, personality research has shown that nearly 200 species of animals demonstrate individual personality,’ lead author of the study Evan Byrnes said. Port Jackson sharks are nocturnal sharks found in South Australia, and often in the waters off of Port Jackson. During the study each shark was placed in a new tank and given shelter. They were then timed on how long it took them to emerge from the shelter and explore their new surroundings. The second behaviour test focused on their ability to handle stress. Their behaviours were consistent as each trial was repeated, proving that some sharks are better at reacting to stress and bolder than others”

Stunning ‘skeleton’ superyacht features stacked terraces with no walls, a dance floor, outdoor cinema and swimming pool: “An American designer has given the traditional superyacht a complete makeover with a new concept that uses a series of stacked open-plan terraces instead of enclosed decks. Each terrace on board the stylish and unconventional vessel, called La Petit Terrasse, has a unique shape and diverse uses – from an open-air cinema and fitness area to a dance floor and outdoor grill. Inspired by Mediterranean villas, the elegant 148ft yacht was designed with an Italian fashion mogul in mind and could even be used as a floating catwalk if it is ever built. Desautel set out to create a luxurious home on water while exploring what a series of floating terraces would look like in the form of a superyacht.

Russian family sit down to dinner with a 300lb BEAR at the table: “The idea of sitting down for dinner with a 300lb bear is enough to put most people off their food. But for one family from Russia this wild idea is actually a way of life that extends far beyond sharing the odd meal at the dinner table. Standing at more than seven foot, the large mammal is so domesticated the family often sit down together in the evenings to watch television. Stepan gets through more than a bowl of porridge a day his favourite dish is a can of condensed milk thanks to a sweet tooth. He also stocks up on a hefty 25kg of fish, vegetables and eggs – meaning dinner time at the Panteleenko’s is never a breeze. Svetlana and Yuriy adopted Stepan when he was aged just three months. The couple say that because they have known the bear so long his temperament is extremely gentle and he can often be found cuddling up to them on the sofa”

Metal detector enthusiast unearths 2,000-year-old Roman lead ingot worth up to £250,000: “A metal detecting enthusiast has fulfilled the dream of every amateur archaeologist after he unearthed a 2,000-year-old Roman ingot. Jason Baker discovered the ‘very rare’ find – known as a pig – on a rally organised by the Southern Detectorists Club. Mr Baker, who has only been metal detecting for 18 months, stumbled across the 2ft mining ingot on a farm in Wells, Somerset, with the ancient artefact inscribed with the name of emperor Marcus Aurelius Armeniacus. ‘When the Romans invaded Britain 2,500 years ago, they mined up the lead, cast it into big lead blocks and put the emperor’s name on it and sent it back to Rome. ‘Basically mine got lost on the process back to Rome,’ he said. Sean McDonald, from the club, said the last Roman pig found was in the 18th century. He added: ‘It is such a rare find it’s hard to put a price on it. A minimum would be £60,000 but it could go over that fivefold”

Newlyweds who met at a bagpipes rehearsal 13 years ago could kick off their wedding reception only one way: “Newlyweds who fell in love through playing the bagpipes have piped themselves into their own wedding. Over 3,000 people watched Steven and Claire Boyle, from Falkirk, entertain their guests in Grangemouth’s Grange Manor Hotel. Joiner Steven Boyle, 31, first met Claire, a support services assistant, 25, at a rehearsal night for the Denny & Dunipace pipe band 13 years ago. And members of the band were on hand to mark the celebrations with a mix of traditional and modern songs. Mother of the bride Karen Malcolmson said proudly: ‘We all thought it was a great idea when they said they wanted to celebrate their wedding day by playing the pipes for their guests and it all went off brilliantly. ‘I don’t think Claire or Stephen knew the hotel staff were filming them while they played the pipes”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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