The proper way to call someone a bastardMay 22, 2016 at 2:31 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
A fellow was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the two-some.
They were even after the first few holes. The second fellow said, “We’re about evenly matched; how about playing for five bucks a hole?” The first fellow said that he wasn’t much for betting, but agreed to the terms.
The second fellow won the remaining sixteen holes with ease. As they were walking off number eighteen, the second fellow was busy counting his $80.00. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers.
The first fellow revealed that he was the local priest. The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The priest said, “You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings.”
The pro said, “Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?” The priest said, “Well, you could come to Church on Sunday and make a donation; and if you want to bring your mother and father along, I’ll marry them.”
Odd news from around the world
Bored builder takes stupidity to new levels by supergluing his EARS closed in daft prank: “Enter Carlos Wood from Barnsley, South Yorkshire. To the extreme amusement of his friends, he was challenged to have his earlobes glued together, and duly obliged. Video footage of his sticky predicament, titled ‘Meanwhile in Barnsley’, has now had more than 700,000 views on Facebook. In it, his mate Chris Rushy is seen applying the powerful adhesive to each earlobe, with Carlos worriedly remarking, ‘You’re putting loads on’, reported the Sun. But Carlos – wearing paint-spattered trousers as he stands in a room filled painting and decorating equipment – plays along regardless, pinching his lugholes to let the glue work its magic. The final result? Carlos resembles a cross between Shrek and a pixie. Just wait till he looks in the mirror”
British Keystone cops blow up a harmless vehicle: “Police were called in to carry out two controlled explosions after a suspicious vehicle triggered a bomb scare at ITV studios. The owner of the car, which was blown up, returned to his vehicle this afternoon and didn’t look too happy as he inspected it by opening the bonnet. All the buildings in the vicinity, including ITV’s studios on South Bank, were evacuated and police cordoned off the area around the car. Detectives used a robot to carry out the controlled explosions and later determined the vehicle as ‘not suspicious’. Pictures showed the car’s windows smashed up and what looked like petrol canisters inside the vehicle”
Naked man is rescued from chimney after getting stuck in it for NINE HOURS: “Jordan Kajewski, 29, was stuck in the chimney of the Carroll Redemption Center in Iowa for nine hours before firefighters broke a hole and pulled him out covered in soot. Brad Sapp was working late sorting aluminium cans when he heard a voice whisper: ‘Get out of here.’ When he told his wife Carrie, she laughed and told him not to be scared of ghosts. But eight hours later, at 10.15am, she heard a man yell: ‘I’m in your chimney, I was playing hide-and-seek with my cousin… Don’t call the cops, I just need some help getting out’ A dozen firefighters initially planned to use a rope to pull Mr Kajewski from the chimney, but eventually opted to hammer a hole where he was stuck 20ft down the chimney. Though naked, Kajewski had his clothes with him. Mr Kajewski was charged with trespassing but denied trying to steal cans saying he earns $800 per week”
Plane passenger horrified when a giant TARANTULA crawls up her ankle mid-flight: “The passengers on a flight from the Dominican Republic to Canada were sent into a panic after it emerged the plane had two very odd stowaways: a pair of giant tarantulas. Catherine Moreau, of Repentigny, outside Montreal, was watching a movie when she felt a wire brushing against her leg during the flight on April 18. ‘I brushed (it) away and it started tickling me again,’ she told CBC News Friday. ‘That’s when I noticed the tarantula. I hit it to get it off me before it bit.’ The fuzzy stowaway – thought to be a particularly aggressive breed of tarantula – scampered off under her daughter’s luggage, where Moreau’s husband was able to trap it in tupperware and asked for a bag to put it in. Passengers screamed and stood on their seats, CBC said, while flight attendents tried to calm them down, telling them to put on shoes and pull up socks to keep the fuzzy menaces from taking a bite”
Crazy Brits act as ‘human pups’: “Around 10,000 people follow the pet play craze in the UK, according to a TV documentary which explores the phenomenon. Channel 4’s Secret Life of the Human Pups focuses mainly on men like Kye but he says: ‘Females who are into pet play are usually into kitten play as they identify more with kittens than pups.’ The programme also features the sad story of Tom, 32, a theatre technician from Tring, Hertforshire, who split up with his fiancee Rachel because of his yearning to dress up as a Dalmatian. He says: ‘You disappear and start chasing puppy toys. You go so deep into the head space, you crave it and want it. It’s just magic.’ ‘I didn’t understand it. I didn’t want to understand it,’ says Rachel, who remains friends with Tom. Tom has spent more than £4,000 over the past 10 years on his canine habit”
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