MAY DAY, MAY DAY

May 12, 2016 at 2:34 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

This is the story of a young blond female college student flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.

He has a heart attack and dies.

She, frantic, grabs the mike and calls out a May Day.

May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! The pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don’t know how to fly. Someone help me! Please help me!”

She then hears a voice on the radio saying: “This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I’ve had a lot of experience with this kind of problem.

Now, just take a deep breath, stay calm and everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position.”

She then says, “I’m 5’4″ and I support Hillary”

“O.K.” says the voice on the radio, “Repeat after me: Our Father, Who art in Heaven,”

..

..

THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Dusty old painting found in basement of NJ home turns out to be long-lost Rembrandt worth MILLIONS: “It was just an old, dusty painting found in the basement of a New Jersey home during a clear-out by relatives of a couple who had passed away. The tiny 9-inch picture was taken to Nye & Company, a local auction house, who listed it for $600 – $800. Little did they know it was a long-lost work by Dutch artist Rembrandt van Rijn and worth many, many times the list price. Two eagle-eyed Paris art dealers, however, recognized the piece for what it was. The painting, having been restored, revealed the monogram ‘RF’ on the upper left corner of the canvas, which stands for ‘Rembrandt Fecit’ or ‘Made by Rembrandt’. However, the pair went on to buy the painting – after competing with two other European dealers – for $870,000. The painting, titled The Unconscious Patient (An Allegory of the Sense of Smell), dates from 1624, when Rembrandt was around 18-years-old.

Arrogant British cops: “Two police officers refused to move their patrol car despite being parked at a busy bus stop causing a huge traffic jam. The marked vehicle was sitting in double yellow lines on Kings Road, central London, on Monday afternoon. It was stationary in the outside lane of the traffic heavy two-lane street, at least a foot from the pavement and inches from a marked bus stop. That meant that it blocked half of the road, forcing every vehicle approaching from behind to pull in to the inside lane in their attempts to overtake it. But it meant that the situation became doubly chaotic for those trying to journey up the road. As queues first started to form behind it, pedestrians approached the officers to ask why they were parked where they were. But all their initial pleas fell on deaf ears. The clip also shows that the position of the car meant that double deckers, after stopping at the bus stop, then did not have enough room to negotiate around the vehicle. After much horn beeping, the car eventually moves off without even as much as an apologetic hand gesture to the cars left stuck behind it”

Yoda the cat just loves having his fur vacuumed: “You’d expect most cats would find the idea of being vacuumed purr-fectly horrible, but for this one it is the ultimate treat. While most moggies would run a mile, Yoda hoovers up the high-powered suction clean. The five-year-old Ragdoll from Livingston, West Lothian, was having one of his regular once-overs to deal with his ‘barrow-loads’ of loose fur. Yoda, who has long, white fur, lounges on a sofa while owner John Banks, 50, vacuums his back. He then flips over and puts his paws in the air so that the machine can reach his belly, while gazing contentedly at the camera. The machine is the £160 Dyson DC35 cordless vacuum cleaner, which is designed to remove animal hair from the floor. The Ragdoll, a semi-longhair cat with a soft and silky coat, is one of the largest domestic cat breeds. Their plush fur consists of long guard hairs which need to be brushed regularly to prevent matting. They get their name from their tendency to go limp when picked up.

The milkman is back! Bottles on the doorstep are fashionable again: “Waking up to find bottles on the doorstep and the sight of milk floats trundling through the streets might seem like a distant memory to many of us. But after years in the wilderness, the role of the milkman is on the rise again and hipsters and their fondness for all things retro are to thank. The fashionable modern milk delivery now contains organic produce and non dairy alternatives such as soya, which is a hit with health conscious trendsetters … He added that the younger generation are much more focused on where their milk comes from and prefer produce that’s organic and from smaller dairies. And on his round he delivers multiple non-dairy alternatives, including soya, almond, rice and hazelnut milks. And last month, dairy giant Muller announced it was reversing plans to phase out home deliveries and glass bottles in favour of plastic. The Milk&More service delivers milk and other daily essentials to more than 600,000 homes across the country”

Mystery of the giant ‘surales’ mounds is solved: “Rising above the waterlogged grass plains of northern Columbia and southern Venezuela are strange mounds that stud the landscape and have baffled scientists for decades. Now researchers have found the regularly spaced, densely packed hummocks of soil are made by giant earthworms as they burrow through the muddy Llanos wetlands around the Orinoco river. The spectacular mounds, also known as surales, can reach up to 16ft (five metres) in diameter and rise up to 6ft (two metres) high at regular intervals across the landscape. They cover such a vast area that they can be clearly seen from space. But a new study published in the journal Public Library of Sciences One, has found the mounds are actually the result of intensive activity of one species of large earthworm. The previously unknown worms, which belong to the South American genus Adiorrhinus and can grow up to 5ft (1.5 metres) long, expel the soil from the guts while burrowing through the soggy ground”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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