Retired Person’s Perspective

March 7, 2016 at 1:04 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

1. I’m not saying let’s go kill all the stupid people. I’m just saying let’s remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.

2. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now.

3. You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she’s probably very unhappy.

4. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you’ve just met? That’s common sense leaving your body.

5. I don’t like making plans for the day. Because then the word “premeditated” gets thrown around in the courtroom.

6. I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes 1,500 days in a row.

7. I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

8. Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers: If you find one, what’s your plan?

9. Everyone has a right to be stupid. Politicians just abuse the privilege.

Old age is not as bad as I thought. It’s a good feeling when you just don’t give a hoot anymore and you feel happy just to wake up in the morning.




Odd news from around the world

Homemade, cardboard license plate lands NY woman in jail: “Authorities say putting a homemade, cardboard New York state license plate on a car has landed a woman in jail. The Erie County sheriff’s office says a deputy pulled over a car Wednesday after noticing it didn’t have a front license plate. Police say the vehicle’s rear plate was actually a piece of cardboard painted to resemble the yellow and blue version of the New York license plate. The bogus plate had three letters and four numbers, with the words “New York” written on top and “Empire State” on the bottom. The charges against the 28-year-old woman from the town of Sardinia include possessing a forged instrument and operating a vehicle with a suspend registration. She’s being held Friday in the county jail on $400 bail”

Two long speedy legs: “This is the moment one of earth’s speediest birds chases after cyclists flying down an open road in Africa, and it manages to keep up the pace. The world’s fastest animal on two legs sprints along behind two riders, perhaps trying to join in with the race. At the start of the video another rider, possibly steering a motorcycle, begins to laugh as he films the two cyclists out in front. Then suddenly an ostrich appears over his right shoulder and starts to run after them. Travelling behind the giant bird the man pursues the animal as it makes its way down the road at high speeds. Feathers flailing the bird ventures off the road into the wilderness before the footage cuts out. The flightless ostrich can reach speeds of over 40mph, and can keep up a jog at 30mph for over half an hour.”

How you can erase painful memories just by moving your eyes: “The small room is quiet, warm and functional. Two women are sitting in chairs. One is moving her right hand backwards and forwards in front of the other’s eyes, which follow her hand intently. It might sound like a budget hypnosis session but this strange eye flicking ritual is an increasingly popular therapy called Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) which is used for a number of serious conditions, including Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), anxiety, depression and common stress. Devotees say simply moving your eyes from left to right between 25 and 30 times can diminish negative memories and, therefore, their impact on your wellbeing. So why does it work? Some believe the eye movements allow you to process memory in the same way as Rapid Eye Movement (REM) sleep, when you dream but your eyes flick around.”

Hero firefighters, who rushed baby suffering a seizure to hospital in their fire engine, are SUSPENDED for ‘breaking protocol’: “Two volunteer firefighters have been suspended for rushing an 18-month-old girl suffering seizures to hospital in a fire engine. Captain James Kelley and Sgt. Virgil Bloom had been the first to respond to reports of a young child suffering a seizure at a McDonald’s restaurant in Fredericksburg, Virginia, on Saturday February 27. Kelley immediately called to see how long medical back-up would take but was informed that the nearest ambulance was at least ten minutes away, Fox 5 reports. Realizing every second was crucial in a medical emergency, the volunteer firefighter made the decision to put the girl on oxygen and transport her to the hospital in the fire engine. But rather than being praised for their quick thinking, Captain Kelly and Sgt. Bloom have been disciplined by the Falmouth Volunteer Fire Department in Fredericksburg for failing to follow protocol.

The chocolate teapot that IS useful: Handmade edible crockery is designed for holding and pouring hot drinks: “An age-old saying has been flipped on its head by a clever online retailer which has created the world’s first useful chocolate teapot. London-based website Firebox has launched the canny gift capable of holding hot liquid to appease chocolate lovers, giving them the chance to enjoy a rich hot cocoa drink before the pot melts away. The creation of the quirky contraption means the adage for useless people or objects being ‘as much use as a chocolate teapot’ no longer holds quite as much weight. It can also be used as a chocolate fondue to dip sweet treats and fruit into, and has proved very popular in the run up to Easter. The teapot – handmade from 58 per cent dark chocolate – can be filled with hot water and cocoa powder and then poured into a cup”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


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