Let’s Offend Everybody!

November 26, 2015 at 1:47 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Q. What’s the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat.

Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation ?
A. To a different bar.

Q. What did the Chinese couple name their dark, curly-haired baby? A. Sum Ting Wong.

Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment.

Q. Why aren’t there any Afro-Americans on Star Trek?
A . Because they’re not going to work in the future either.

Q. Why do Driver Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Q. What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal along with a recipe.

Q How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the ‘F’ word?
A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell, ‘BINGO!’

Q. What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A. A northern fairytale begins, ….’Once upon a time…’ A southern fairytale begins,… ‘Y’all ain’t gonna believe this crap.’

Q. Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team? A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Scientists baffled after thousands of dying starfish mysteriously wash up on a Queensland beach: “Thousands of dying starfish have mysteriously washed up on an island in what has been deemed a rare natural phenomenon. Tour guide Rhett Ericsen-Miller stumbled upon the stranded sealife with a tour group near Tangalooma Wrecks, a fleet of shipwrecks, in southeast Queensland’s Moreton Island. The vision shows a long stretch of the island’s shore lined with the fish, making it impossible to throw them all back into the water. A Queensland Parks and Wildlife Service spokeswoman told Brisbane Times it could have been caused by strong winds or a dramatic change in water temperatures. ‘As far as we are aware it’s a natural phenomenon, and at this stage we have no information to indicate otherwise,’ she said.”

Last surviving Royal Mail horse-drawn coach goes on sale for £70,000: “The last surviving Royal Mail coach which was once attacked by a lion that had escaped from a travelling menagerie has gone on sale for an impressive £70,000. The 200-year-old horse-drawn carriage harks back to the golden age of the Royal Mail when town clocks could be set by their arrival, crowds gathered along the route to see them speed by and operators were fined if they were just a minute late. The red and black wooden wagon was known as ‘Quicksilver’ because it was the fastest coach in the country as it travelled its regular route from London to Falmouth in Cornwall. It has been housed in a transport museum in Yorkshire for many years but is now being sold at auction with a pre-sale estimate of between £50,000 to £70,000. The coaches were introduced to British roads in the late 17th century. They were made by coachbuilders Vidler and leased to the Royal Mail who employed the postal workers and security guard on board. The coaches were given the right of way over all other transport of the day and would travel overnight to reach towns across the country.”

Woman with three months driving experience manages to squeeze her Volkswagen into an extremely narrow doorway in the DARK: “Photographs of a Volkswagen parked between two walls of a narrow doorway, with just inches of space to spare, have recently emerged online in China. The driver who managed to pull off the amazing feat turned out to be a 22-year-old woman from Harbin, north east China, reported People’s Daily Online. According to reports, the learner driver, who has been named by her surname Zhao, had just three months of driving experience. However, her instructor had been a former race car driver. On previous occasions when the pair ran out of space, the instructor had backed the car into the tight spot. The stunt has gained her kudos but she got into trouble for blocking the shared entrance. As the space was so tight, she had to climb out of the roof to get out of the car and enter through the boot the next day.

Powder bombs explode when people try to steal booby-trapped bikes in European cities: “Powder bombs and a live band were used to shame people caught attempting to steal bicycles in three European cities in a hilarious video posted online. After picking three cities – Rome, Amsterdam and Prague – the group set about filming the European Bike Stealing Championships for 2015. The bikes were each rigged with powder bombs, which the narrator explains is for ‘thief shaming’. The prank involved leaving a high-quality bicycle on busy main streets in all of the cities before heading for cover and letting the action unfold. Eventually Amsterdam becomes the first city to see action – and take the gold medal – when a man wanders over to the bike and walks off with it after 22 minutes and 40 seconds. As he pulls it away from the tree however the bomb explodes and sends red powder into the air while the cover on the van drops to reveal the band behind it. They start playing and the startled man reacts by dropping the bike on the ground and running away from the area.

1,700-year-old Roman gold ring engraved with nude portrait of Cupid is found in British back garden: “An amateur metal detectorist in the UK has made an extraordinary find – a gold-carved ring depicting a nude portrait of Cupid, god of erotic love. The ring contains a dark onyx and blue engraved nicolo stone and may once have rested on the finger of a man or woman during the reign of the Roman Empire. Cupid is also known by his Greek name, Eros, and can be identified in the 1,700-year-old engraving by his short wings. He is shown leaning naked against a spiral column, legs crossed and carrying a torch in one hand. Discovered near the village of Tangley, the ring is now in the hands of the Hampshire Museums Service and will be put on display at the Andover Museum. Images of the god were popular among the Greeks and Romans, and this particular design is characteristic of the fourth century A.D.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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