Middle-East Primer

November 13, 2015 at 1:47 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

President Assad ( who is bad ) is a nasty guy who got so nasty his people rebelled and the Rebels ( who are good ) started winning ( Hurrah!).

But then some of the rebels turned a bit nasty and are now called Islamic State ( who are definitely bad!) and some continued to support democracy ( who are still good.)

So the Americans ( who are good ) started bombing Islamic State ( who are bad ) and giving arms to the Syrian Rebels ( who are good ) so they could fight Assad ( who is still bad ) which was good.

By the way, there is a breakaway state in the north run by the Kurds who want to fight IS ( which is a good thing ) but the Turkish authorities think they are bad, so we have to say they are bad whilst secretly thinking they’re good and giving them guns to fight IS (which is good) but that is another matter.

Getting back to Syria.

So President Putin ( who is bad, cos he invaded Crimea and the Ukraine and killed lots of folks including that nice Russian man in London with polonium poisoned sushi ) has decided to back Assad ( who is still bad ) by attacking IS ( who are also bad ) which is sort of a good thing?

But Putin ( still bad ) thinks the Syrian Rebels ( who are good ) are also bad, and so he bombs them too, much to the annoyance of the Americans ( who are good ) who are busy backing and arming the rebels ( who are also good).

Now Iran ( who used to be bad, but now they have agreed not to build any nuclear weapons and bomb Israel are now good ) are going to provide ground troops to support Assad ( still bad ) as are the Russians ( bad ) who now have ground troops and aircraft in Syria.

So a Coalition of Assad ( still bad ) Putin ( extra bad ) and the Iranians ( good, but in a bad sort of way ) are going to attack IS ( who are bad ) which is a good thing, but also the Syrian Rebels ( who are good ) which is bad.

Now the British ( obviously good, except that nice Mr Corbyn in the corduroy jacket, who is probably bad ) and the Americans ( also good ) cannot attack Assad ( still bad ) for fear of upsetting Putin ( bad ) and Iran ( good / bad) and now they have to accept that Assad might not be that bad after all compared to IS ( who are super bad).

So Assad ( bad ) is now probably good, being better than IS ( but let’s face it, drinking your own wee is better than IS so no real choice there ) and since Putin and Iran are also fighting IS that may now make them Good. America ( still Good ) will find it hard to arm a group of rebels being attacked by the Russians for fear of upsetting Mr Putin ( now good ) and that nice mad Ayatollah in Iran ( also Good ) and so they may be forced to say that the Rebels are now Bad, or at the very least abandon them to their fate. This will lead most of them to flee to Turkey and on to Europe or join IS ( still the only constantly bad group).

To Sunni Muslims, an attack by Shia Muslims ( Assad and Iran ) backed by Russians will be seen as something of a Holy War, and the ranks of IS will now be seen by the Sunnis as the only Jihadists fighting in the Holy War and hence many Muslims will now see IS as Good ( Doh!.)

Sunni Muslims will also see the lack of action by Britain and America in support of their Sunni rebel brothers as something of a betrayal ( mmm. might have a point.) and hence we will be seen as Bad.

So now we have America ( now bad ) and Britain ( also bad ) providing limited support to Sunni Rebels ( bad ) many of whom are looking to IS ( Good / bad ) for support against Assad ( now good ) who, along with Iran ( also Good) and Putin ( also, now, unbelievably, Good ) are attempting to retake the country Assad used to run before all this started?

So, now you fully understand everything, all your questions are answered!!!!

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Fourth grader threatened with sexual harassment charges for writing his classmate a love letter saying her ‘eyes are like diamonds’: “What started as an innocent love letter passed from a nine-year-old boy to the girl he likes in class has caused something of a scandal at a small Florida elementary school. The fourth grader is now being threatened with charges of sexual harassment because of the note – only he doesn’t know what sexual harassment is. The letter describes the girl as ‘pretty’ and ‘cute’ and says she has ‘eyes like diamonds’, but other kids in the class started making fun of the boy and said that he wanted to see the girl naked. That’s when the principal was notified, and an investigation was launched at the Hillsborough district school in Tampa. The boy’s mother, who asked not to be named, is outraged over how her son has been treated.”

Crazy Norwegian woman: “These incredible snaps show a daredevil climber relaxing as she leans back for a rest – halfway up a jagged cliff. Fearless Rannveig Aamodt, 31, decided to take a break halfway up the rock face at St Photis on the island of Kalymnos, Greece. These nail-biting snaps of Rannveig leaning back high above the crystal blue sea as she lets go of the cliff are jaw-dropping – but it’s just an average day for the brave professional climber. The climber loves the Greek location because the cliff is high up on a steep hillside, above the ocean in a wild section of coastline, The amazing pictures were snapped by her husband, photographer Nathan Welton. The couple, who live in Colorado, spend their winters travelling around the globe in search of new adventures. Rannveig, who has been climbing for 15 years, said: ‘The route is about 98 to 114 feet long and climbs through a cave that is 45 degrees overhanging.”

Rally car breaks in half and drives off in a different direction at Russian motor show: “This is the moment an experienced rally driver shocked spectators at a motorshow with a jaw-dropping trick. The footage shows the race car slowly making its way along the track, before splitting into two and driving off in a different direction. Crowds at the show in Russia were heard gasping as the car suddenly accelerated and snapped in half with a loud bang. Although they were initially unsure if the spectacle was real or a trick, the driver soon reversed back and started to spin to prove it was all an act.

New object found way out in solar system: “A NEW speck found circling at the extreme edge of our solar system has renewed speculation there may yet be a mysterious ‘Planet X’ awaiting discovery. It’s called Object V774104. It’s between 500 and 900 kilometres in diameter. It appears to be a dwarf planet, in the league of Ceres which is currently being surveyed by the Dawn space probe in the asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter. What’s most notable is its distance. And that it shouldn’t be there. It’s currently sitting some 103 times the distance from the Sun as Earth (Astronomical Units). That’s 15.5 billion kilometres from the Sun. This makes it the most distant object ever recorded in orbit around the Sun. “How this object got there is a mystery,” Dr Luke Davies of the International Centre for Radio Astronomy Research in WA.”

Surprise find: Mosquitoes hate Victoria’s Secret perfume: “Popular Science reports that a new study out of New Mexico State University found two fragrances — including Victoria’s Secret Bombshell perfume — work fairly well at repelling two common types of mosquitoes. Researchers compared eight insect repellents, two fragrances, and a vitamin B patch in order to figure out what worked best against mosquitoes, according to the study published last month in the Journal of Insect Science. Among the repellents, the three that included the chemical DEET worked best. According to Popular Science, the most surprising result was that the two fragrances — Victoria’s Secret Bombshell perfume and Avon Skin So Soft bath oil — were actually effective against mosquitoes for approximately two hours. That seems to refute previous research suggesting that flowery scents attract the bugs.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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