You Might Be A Redneck If..

November 10, 2015 at 1:39 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Your mother has gotten into a fistfight at a high school sports event.

You cash your checks at the local liquor store.

Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mudflaps.

You only have pants with a boot cut.

You’ve been on TV more than five times describing what the tornado sounded like.

You painted racing flames on the John Deere.

You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

You fish in your above-ground pool, especially if you catch something!

Yer mom calls ya over t’help, cause she has a flat tire…on her house.

Your richest relative invites you over to his new home to help remove the wheels and install the skirt.

You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.

You call your sister, “Dear.”

Your wife’s best pair of shoes are steel-toed Red Wings.

Your car has been towed more than twice as an abandoned vehicle.

You’re moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing “I Will Always Love You”.

Your girl wears a dress that is strapless and a bra that is not.

You’ve painted a car with house paint.

You wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.

You walk your dog and you both use the same tree down on the corner.

You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.

There is a stuffed ‘possum anywhere in your house.

Your mama can back down a biker.

During your wedding, when you kissed the bride, your John Deere hat fell off.

You’re a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.

Your home has more miles on it than your car.

..

..

THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Jewels of the sea: Microscopic images of sand: “A series of microscopic images have revealed the incredible details of sand and marine fragments from five Indian Ocean destinations. Macro photographer Harold Taylor created 21 jaw-dropping photos showing what sand from seven different beaches in the Indian Ocean looks like under a microscope. This is providing the first look at the shapes, colour depth and textures of the sand, which are usually concealed from the naked eye. The photos, which reveal a layer of hidden beauty, compare breathtaking sand samples taken from beaches in the magical resorts of the Maldives, Mauritius, Sri Lanka, Seychelles and La Réunion. Travel company Kuoni initiated the project to refresh people’s perspective of the Indian Ocean destinations. The new microscopic sand photos aim to prove that when explored, the smaller details of the sand can reveal the unique character and personality of each island.”

Big house goes for a song: “The centuries-old saga of Britain’s largest private home has taken a controversial new twist with its £8 million sale to a foreign investment company. The deal by a Hong Kong based family firm to purchase Wentworth Woodhouse in South Yorkshire has scuppered an official British bid involving the National Trust to ‘save it for the nation.’ Backed by £3.5 million of government money, a local trust raised the £7m figure that had been ‘agreed’ with the Newbold family owners to buy the mansion, protected contents and its 82 acres of grounds. A detailed long term plan was in place to open it for the public, carry out the £42m of structural repairs required and run the 18th Century home on a ‘sustainable’ basis. The Wentworth Woodhouse Preservation Trust (WWPT) submitted its formal purchase offer in August and ended up being outbid. On Friday agents Savills revealed the Lake House Group’s offer had been accepted instead. It is believed to be paying around £8m for the enormous stately home, with a colourful history to match its breathtaking size and splendour.”

When an alligator goes shopping: “Authorities in Texas offered some much needed “gator aid” after a large alligator was found wandering behind a shopping mall in Sugar Land, Texas. Police and animal trappers were called to the shopping mall after local business owners spotted the gator wandering near their businesses on Saturday, KHOU.com reports. The alligator reportedly weighed approximately 362kg, and its rescuers needed a forklift to move it onto the back of a truck for relocation. The gator was eventually released nearly 28km away at an alligator sanctuary in Brazos Bend State Park

Mississippi sinkhole swallows 15 cars: “A 15-metre-wide sinkhole has opened up under a car park outside a restaurant in the US state of Mississippi, swallowing at least 15 cars. Witnesses at the scene on Saturday reported hearing a series of booms before the power went out and the sinkhole opened up. Drone footage shot the next day shows the extent of the damage, with the hole running from the front of the restaurant all the way to a creek about 180 metres away. There were no reports of injuries and the cause of the sinkhole is not yet known, but WTOK reported the city had 254 millimetres of rain in the last two weeks.

Man, 74, needs paramedics and an ambulance after taking two Viagra pills for night of passion with a 27-year-old woman: “A 74-year-old retired hairdresser had to be treated by paramedics after taking two Viagra tablets for a night of passion with a 27-year-old. Ray Boddington had picked up the pills from a friend in his local pub after meeting the younger woman. But as he left her apartment, Mr Boddington began having major heart palpitations and feared he was going into cardiac arrest. After calling 999, tests taken by paramedics showed Mr Boddington had a high blood pressure reading of 157/88. A normal reading should not be above 140/90. His heart was also beating at a high rate of 102 beats per minute – above the regular 60-100 beats. The pensioner, from Salford, Greater Manchester and a former contestant on The X Factor, was allowed to stay in the vehicle until his heart rate went back to normal.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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