Nun getting into a CabOctober 8, 2015 at 1:45 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
This is an oldie but goldie
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: “I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you.”
She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”
“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”
She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that…
1) You have to be single and
2) You must be Catholic.”
The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I’m single and Catholic!”
“OK” the nun says. “Pull into the next alley.”
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
“My dear child,” said the nun, “why are you crying?”
“Forgive me, but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”
The nun says, “That’s OK. My name is Nigel and I’m going to a Halloween party!”
Odd news from around the world
Women say bad spelling and grammar are the biggest turn off when looking for love online: “If you’re not getting much action on your online dating profile of late you might have to go back to school for some lessons in basic English. Research by The Wall Street Journal has revealed that bad grammar is the biggest turn off for online daters. Messages such as ‘hey how r u?’ and ‘Do you wanna meet up’ may be the putting out the flame of romance before it’s had a chance to ignite. The study looks at cases of singles who had rejected potential dates, not due to boring interests or dodgy profile pictures, but because of incorrect spelling or punctuation. One online dater Jeff Cohen had arranged to meet a woman he met on OKCupid but stopped in his tracks when he reread her message and discovered this error: ‘I will see you their.’ Jeff cancelled the date, for a number of reasons he says, but the bad grammar was a contributing factor. A Match.com study found that a huge majority of women think that good grammar is essential.”
Relaxed cat: “There’s no point in sitting around looking like a sour puss, but if you’re Sir Winston Smushface it’s going to make you very popular. He may look at times like his bowl of milk has gone bad, but it’s these expressions that have set the flat faced Persian cat on the road to social media stardom. The pussy with the surreal features has now got his own Instagram page that has already attracted 1,785 followers. The kitty will be a year old on Thursday and has a habit of sticking his tongue out which makes for some hilarious photos. Mr Atkins explained that it was sheer luck that brought this feline friend into their lives. It was a few months later that they noticed he had to got into the habit of sitting up and he hasn’t stopped since. ‘He started doing it to lick his feet but now he’s doing it more and more, especially in the morning. When we wake up he’s just sitting there at the end of his bedlooking at us,’ he said. ‘His tongue is also nearly always out – it just depends how far. It’s just his thing.'”
FIFTY lane traffic jam in China: “When half of the Chinese population hits the road at the same time, an endless traffic jam seems inevitable – as thousands of Beijing motorists found out yesterday. Aerial footage has captured the horrendous congestion on a motorway leading to the Chinese capital when holidaymakers made their return journey near the end of National Day celebration. The jam began at around 2pm just outside the capital city on the G4 Beijing-Hong Kong-Macau Expressway, which has 50 around lanes. At the time, hundreds of thousands of Beijing residents were attempting to return home from their trips on the second to the last day of the week-long national holiday. Drivers and passengers chose to pass the time by strolling on the motorway. The congestion was caused by a new checkpoint at the other side of the toll, which reduced the width of the road from 50 to less than 20 lanes.”
The ‘death ray’ that can knock out drones: “It could be the answer to the rising threat of drones – a ‘death ray’ that uses radio waves to disable them from up to a mile away. The system is being shown off in Las Vegas amid growing concern over the threat from unmanned vehicles. It uses high powered radio waves to disable drones, effectively blocking their communication and switching them off in midair. The Blighter AUDS system combines electronic scanning radar target detection, electro-optical tracking/classification and directional RF inhibition capability. It uses a high powered ‘RF inhibitor’ to create radio waves to disable drones, effectively blocking their communication and switching them off in midair. ‘If I can see it, I can kill it,’ said Rick Sondag, executive vice-president of Liteye Systems, which sells the device, and who debuted it at the Commercial Unmanned Aerial Vehicle (UAV) Expo in Las Vegas this week, according to the Guardian.”
Chinese school forces pupils to write English letters like a computer: “A Chinese middle school rose to fame this week after its pupils’ English handwriting amazed internet users. Photographs from Chinese social media show the students at Hengshui Middle School, central China, were required to write English letters as if they were printed off from computers, reported People’s Daily Online. They were even told to write each letter in the exactly same way every time. Pictures of the freehand compositions denoting a wide variety of social and cultural topics, from prejudice against female authors to the importance of keeping healthy eating habits. Although the pupils’ grammar needs improving, their handwriting is so neat that they could be easily mistaken for being written on computers. Hengshui Middle School, in Heibei Province, is one of the best in the country. The military-style boarding school has more than 5,000 pupils between the ages of 15 to 18.”
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