HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS….

September 25, 2015 at 2:10 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I mostly avoid posting Irish or Jewish jokes but this is good. It offends everybody …

God went to the Arabs and said, ‘I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.’ The Arabs asked, ‘What are Commandments?’ And the Lord said, ‘They are rules for living.’ ‘Can you give us an example?’ ‘Thou shall not kill.’ ‘Not kill? We’re not interested..’

So He went to the Blacks and said, ‘I have Commandments.’ The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, ‘Honor thy Father and Mother.’ ‘Father? We don’t know who our fathers are. We’re not interested.’

Then He went to the Mexicans and said, ‘I have Commandments.’ The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said ‘Thou shall not steal.’ ‘Not steal? We’re not interested.’

Then He went to the French and said, ‘I have Commandments.’ The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, ‘Thou shall not commit adultery.’ ‘Sacre bleu!!! Not commit adultery? We’re not interested.’

Finally, He went to the Jews and said, ‘I have Commandments..’ ‘Commandments?’ They said, ‘How much are they?’ ‘They’re free.’ ‘We’ll take 10.’

..

..

THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

‘World’s grumpiest old woman’ glues her bottom to shop window in protest at the treatment of migrants: “The self-proclaimed ‘world’s grumpiest old woman’ has staged a bizarre protest on a south London high street which involved her gluing her bottom to the window of a local Debenhams. Kay Bishop dressed in just a nude bra and knickers adorned with a pubic wig to carry out a protest against ‘the treatment of police and migrants’ in Croydon on Thursday. The 56-year-old former stripper claims she had to super glue herself to the department story on Croydon high street to prevent police from stopping her protest. However, Ms Bishop, from Addiscombe, south London, was told by officers attending the scene that her actions were unnecessary as they had no intention to forcibly move her. Ms Bishop, who wore a nude bra with painted-on nipples, a pubic wig, tiara and kitten slippers, said: ‘They said I didn’t need to glue myself because I wasn’t naked so they couldn’t do anything.”

Terrified tourists struggle to walk across China’s new glass-bottom walkway: “A group of brave tourists learnt the meaning of vertigo the hard way as they became the first visitors to cross a new 590 foot high glass-bottomed suspension bridge in China. This spectacular structure, the first of its kind in the world, is situated in the province of Hunan, reported People’s Daily Online. Images have emerged online showing the visitors gripped with fear and frozen in awe while standing on the see-through walkway. One female tourist is seen clutching to the handrail tightly and had to be dragged along by her friend. The bridge had previously been a wooden overpass that linked two peaks of Stone Buddha Mountain in Shiniuzhai Geopark but is now a 984 foot long glass walkway. However, 11 engineers have been working on the bridge over the last few months to replace all the wooden planks with glass panes, transforming the bridge into the world’s first glass-bottomed suspension bridge. According to reports, several visitors were so terrified that they could barely move.”

The ultimate laser cannon: ‘Gatling gun’ can focus multiple beams to create super powerful weapons: “A German firm has revealed a powerful new laser ‘Gatling gun’. At the controversial defense and security expo in London German defense contractor Rheinmetall Defense Electronics unveiled the new sea based system. It says it can be mounted on ships as part of a new sea-based anti-drone laser system. The four 20 kilowatt lasers fire simultaneously, in a technique known as superimposition which combines them into a single powerful 80 kilowatt beam. The firm boasts units can even be combined to give ‘unlimited’ power. The Gatling laser can reportedly shoot down a drone at 500 meters. Lasers can also detonate ammunition, explode artillery shells, blind the sensors of another ship, and even burn holes in smaller ships. New missions, such as the defence of high visibility events, pose unsolved challenges for contemporary air defence systems that will only be manageable with high energy lasers serving as effectors. Commercial off the-shelf fibre lasers were modified for an air defence role.”

Horror prankster gets his comeuppance!: “A serial prankster’s luck has ended in a moment of poetic justice when he was punched to the ground and shot after attempting to film himself scaring a pedestrian. Vladimir Tzapaev runs a YouTube channel which showcases videos of himself dressing up in costume and jumping out at young women walking the streets at night. But his latest prank – all of which was caught on film – backfired spectacularly when a young man refused to be cowed and fought back. Dressing up as a zombie, Tzapaev, from Nizhniy Novgorod, western Russia, positioned himself in a dark and isolated alleyway. Jumping out at a man walking past at about 10pm, his intended victim simply punched him to the ground with a big right hook. Then he pulled out an air gun, and as Mr Tzapaev raised his hands to beg for his life, shot him in the leg to make sure he got the message”.

The scantily-clad girls in neon booths who are not selling sex… but NUTS: “Donning mini skirts and skyscraper heels, scantily-clad females wait in neon-lit glass kiosks by the side of roads for men to pull up so they can totter out to greet them. But there is more to the situation than meets the eye. They may be dressed to grab attention, but it is their tasty betel nuts that stimulate customers. These beautiful and provocative ‘Betel nut girls’ in Taiwan are responsible for peddling the stimulative fruit from around 60,000 booths, many along the main roads. Recently labelled as Asia’s deadly secret, the betel nut is consumed by a tenth of the world and is said to give people a buzz on par with six cups of coffee. Variously used as a cure for impotence, the women make their livelihood by pushing this seedy selling point. The fruit is sourced from the areca palm tree, and chewed wrapped in betel leaves. Flavourings such as tobacco, cinnamon or slaked lime are often used to improve the taste. Although the betel nut is sold across Asia, the unusual marketing method is typically a Taiwanese tradition.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Advertisements

Leave a Comment »

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.
Entries and comments feeds.

%d bloggers like this: