Possum Problems

September 14, 2015 at 3:26 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

There were four churches and a synagogue in town: Anglican church, Baptist church, Methodist church, Catholic church and a Jewish synagogue. Each church and the synagogue had a problem with invasive possums and the “scats” that they left around the place.

The Anglican church called a meeting to decide what to do about their possums. After much prayer and consideration they decided that the possums were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s will.

At the Baptist church the possums had taken an interest in the baptismal tank. The elders met and decided to put a water slide in front of it and let the possums drown themselves. The possums liked the slide and knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many possums showed up the following week.

The Methodist church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So they humanely trapped their possums and set them free near the Baptist Church.

Two weeks later the possums were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.

The Catholic Church came up with a creative strategy. They baptised all the possums and confirmed them as members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas, Easter, weddings and funerals.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue, but it’s rumoured that they took one possum and circumcised him and they haven’t seen a possum on their property since!.

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Lonely life of man with the longest donger: “ROBERTO Esquivel Cabrera has just set a world record for having the longest penis. The 52-year-old Mexican measured in at a whopping 18.9 inches (48.2cm), with a tip circumference of 10 inches (25cm), at certification by World Record Academy officials yesterday. Mr Cabrera had been hoping for recognition by Guinness World Records but had to settle for the less famous certifier after Guinness confirmed it had no category for penis size. The World Record Academy stepped in after Mr Cabrera shared his story with a local journalist in an interview that was picked up by the world press over the weekend. He told how his massive member had ruined his life, preventing him from having a relationship and even getting a job. “I cannot do anything, I cannot work, and I am disabled so I want authorities to declare me as a disabled person and give me support.” Women were too frightened to have sex with him, so he had never had a long-term girlfriend, let alone a wife. He has no friends and says people “shun” him wherever he goes.”

Czech club installs chest-high ‘puking toilet’ for party-goers who have had one too many: “A Czech bar has come up with an innovative way to help party-goers who have had a little too much to drink – but be warned, it isn’t pretty. The club has fitted a ‘puking toilet’ at chest-height so drinkers who have had one too many do not have to endure kneeling on a sticky restroom floor. Complete with handrails for tired and emotional revelers, the white basin sits between two urinals – suggesting the establishment is used to men overdoing it. The grim sink even comes with a sign instructing drunkards how to use it, with a graphic showing a stick figure vomiting into the contraption. A picture was posted on Reddit by Czech gamer Vladimír Kincl, who added that the ‘awesome’ toilet in Club Kotelna, Prague, has a flush. There was mixed reaction to the sink online, but most comments were critical of the club for installing it. Similar basins, called Speibecken, are often found in German fraternity houses”

Bamboo socks will stop your feet smelling: “A start-up business has invented a new type of sock which promises to stop feet smelling – made from bamboo. Oh My Sock has created a brand of men’s socks that are made using premium quality bamboo, which stops foot odour and even soothes blisters. The garments also feature a special soft honeycomb design to prevent getting horizontal lines on your legs. Priced at £26 for seven pairs, the socks are made using high quality machines in Europe, and are designed to occupy less space in the drawer. ‘Bamboo socks have the best of both worlds because they wick the moisture away from your feet and absorb up to four times more moisture than normal cotton socks, keeping your feet cool in summer and warm in winter.” ‘The bamboo fibres have a round surface, which gives the socks a silky soft feeling, no more smell, itchiness or irritation, and this material also helps reduce blisters forming while walking.”

Blind people CAN be racist too: “A study that asked visually impaired people about their experiences with race has concluded that even the blind are capable of racism. Asia M. Friedman, an assistant professor of sociology and criminal justice at University of Delaware, asked 25 blind people how they perceived race and how that perception affected how they felt about an individual. Friedman found that, even in those participants who’d been blind since birth, the visually impaired can and do still harbor racist stereotypes. According to her findings, the blind use mental calculations based on non-visual clues about race including voices and names. And those calculations sometimes lead the blind to conclusions about an individual’s socioeconomic status or race. ‘I think blind people are inculturated into ideas about class and race,’ said Friedman, who presented her findings on Tuesday at the American Sociological Association annual meeting.”

Baby koalas saved: “Two zookeepers at Symbio Wildlife Park have put their lives on hold over the last two months to hand-rear a pair of koala joeys. Joeys Imogen and Harry were born at the Helensburgh park, south of Sydney, earlier this year, but Harry’s mother died of leukaemia when he was just 22 weeks old and he did not receive the vital pap – partly digested eucalyptus leaves excreted by mother koalas – he needed to survive. After consulting with industry specialists, the decision was made to hand-rear Imogen, who was a month older than Harry, and try to use her mother, Kelly, as a surrogate for Harry by tucking her into the lone parent’s pouch. The fostering job was a success, with Kelly instantly taking over the role of nurturing mother and adopting Harry as her own. To replicate life in a pouch, over the course of the past two months Imogen has spent her days snuggled inside Ms Elliot’s Jacket in a little pouch to keep her warm. Her movement and heartbeat kept Imogen content as she slept through the day.

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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