So why did the chicken cross the road?

August 30, 2015 at 3:55 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he’s a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road?

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where’s my gun?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2014, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2014. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

..

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

British pubs that were supposed to civilise drinking get a reprieve: “These ‘sumptuous’ pubs with Tudor-style fronts, wood panelling and giant gardens were built specifically to attract women and families after decades of debauched excess in Britain’s drinking dens. Between 1918 and 1939 breweries rebuilt thousands of pubs and also gave them games rooms, restaurants and non-smoking rooms to attract more respectable clientèle. But almost 100 years after they were first constructed most from this era have been razed to the ground and today some 19 have been listed or upgraded by Historic England to prevent them disappearing completely. Heritage Minister Tracey Crouch said: ‘These inter-war pubs are more than a slice of living history, they play an intrinsic role in English culture and our local communities. I’m delighted that these pubs and their fascinating history have been protected for generations to enjoy for years to come.'”

The world’s worst airline: “It is known for its lax approach to seating, odd choice of in-flight entertainment and food which is all but inedible. But this week Air Koryo, North Korea’s national airline, added another claim to fame to the list: it was named the worst airline in the world for the fourth year running by airline and airport ratings organisation Skytrax. Kim Jong-un’s airline of choice was deemed worse than Sudan Air, Syrianair – and even closer to home, Ryanair, where boss Michael O’Leary once joked of charging passengers £1 to use the toilet. One aspect of Air Koryo many who have flown with the 65-year-old company can agree on is the quality, or lack of, experienced when eating the Air Koryo burger, which has gained cult status among passengers. Facebook commenter Jim Frisk summed up consensus on the snack by describing it as ‘the worst food I’ve eaten in my entire life’. A more serious quibble was with health and safety standards observed.”

Shapely jailbird: “While many people may lay low after being arrested for allegedly assaulting someone with a glass, Jenelle Evans heads to the beach. The 23-year-old jail frequent flyer, hit the celebrity loved sands of Malibu, California, on Saturday in an asset flaunting bikini. In town for the MTV Video Music Awards, her first time being invited despite being a long time star of the channel, the reality star was getting her sunshine fix. On August 20, the reality star was arrested for allegedly throwing a glass at her ex-fiance’s girlfriend. Which was the 13th time she has been taken into custody since appearing on MTV’s controversial Teen Mom 2 show, mostly on drug related charges…. the mother daughter duo have an explosive relationship which has been duked out on the small screen and in court. While estranged at times, looks like the pair have patched things up for the moment. Perhaps forgetting where she came from, Janelle captioned an Instagram: ‘We are both kid free for once in our life! Cheers.’ [Definitely a bit dim]

Now what would he be doing on his mother’s fire-escape? “Broadway actor Kyle Jean-Baptiste died on Friday after falling off his mother’s fire escape. He was 21 years old. The performer from Brooklyn made history in July when he became the youngest actor as well as the first African American to play Les Miserables’s Jean Valjean on Broadway. The tenor debuted in the show’s lead protagonist role on July 23, appearing for Tony-nominated Ramin Karimloo, according to Heavy. On Twitter he called it his ‘dream role’. Writing on his website, the recent Baldwin Wallace University graduate said he didn’t always know he wanted to be a performer. ‘I decided to audition for Fiorello LaGuardia for vocal performance and got in (miracle) and the rest was history. ‘Getting thrown into the world of musical theatre was terrifying and at first I didn’t know if I could handle it, but through hard work and perseverance it all came together.”

The quirky ice-cream New Yorkers are waiting three hours for: “IN 2013, people became obsessed with the Cronut — lining up for hours just to get their hands on the popular croissant-cross-doughnut pastry. Now there’s another shop in New York City that has foodies, and the curious, queuing around the block. By 6pm on a Wednesday, 10Below ice-cream shop has already sold out of its most popular flavour — I Love You a Latte, which blends cold-brew coffee with chocolate chips, reports the New York Post. Ever since it opened in July, tucked between restaurants and spas in Chinatown, foodies from far and wide have been waiting up to three hours to get a taste of 10Below, which serves an American twist on Thai ice-cream rolls. The frozen concoction is created by pouring liquid homemade ice cream onto a cold plate reaching temps well below zero (-18 degrees Celsius). Employees mix in toppings, flatten it out like a crepe, and then scrape it into ice-cold rolls with a putty-knife-like tool. The result is five cute little rolls with toppings ranging from fresh strawberries to a blowtorched marshmallow and Tiny Teddys.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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