Misunderstandings

August 22, 2015 at 4:29 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and Family values. Bill said, ‘I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?’

Larry replied, ‘I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?’
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A little boy went up to his father and asked: ‘Dad, where did my intelligence come from?’

The father replied. ‘Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.’
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‘Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,’ the divorce Court Judge said, ‘And I’ve decided to give your wife $775 a week,’

‘That’s very fair, your honor,’ the husband said. ‘And every now and then I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.’
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A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, ‘I don’t like the looks of your wife at all…’

‘Me neither doc,’ said the husband. ‘But she’s a great cook and really good with the kids.’
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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, ‘Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.’

The old man says without hesitation, ‘I now pronounce you man and wife.’
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Two Reasons Why It’s So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:

1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
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Moe: ‘My wife got me to believe in religion.’

Joe: ‘Really?’

Moe: ‘Yeah. Until I married her I didn’t believe in Hell.’
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A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.

‘I’m O. K. But I didn’t like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,’ he answered.

‘What did he say,’ asked the nurse.

‘Oops!’
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While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband’s advice.

‘What do you think?’ I asked. ‘Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?’

‘Better get a bikini,’ he replied. ‘You’d never get it all in one.’

He’s still in intensive care.

..

..

THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Affluent South Australian town issued traffic fine to a doctor while he was trying to help dying man: “Unley Mayor Lachlan Clyne has intervened in a dispute between his council and a doctor who received a parking fine while giving CPR to an ill motorist. Mr Clyne today said he would instruct the Unley City Council to waive the $89 penalty given to Dr Darren Molony for parking his car while he tended to the man on King William Rd on Wednesday. Mr Clyne said he also would ask the council to review its policy of issuing parking tickets during medical emergencies. Dr Darren Molony called for changes to the council’s parking fine system after he was told he would have to prove he stopped to provide assistance to the man, who later died. Dr Molony said providing the evidence through ambulance or hospital documents compromise the dead man’s privacy. Mr Clyne today said he would intervene after The Advertiser reported the dispute and his council was savaged on social media.”

Flower grows by 18 inches overnight: “Gardeners at Kew knew one of their plants was having a growth spurt – but even they were surprised by what they saw yesterday morning. The Dasylirion wheeleri, known as the spoon flower, had grown 18 inches overnight, forcing staff to remove a glass pane from its 20ft high greenhouse roof. The flower has grown an average of a foot a day since its initial spurt – its first for 15 years – and could shoot up another 10 feet. Nick Johnson, conservatory manager at the Royal Botanic Gardens, said the shrub’s growth is ‘ridiculous’ and a very rare occurrence. He said: ‘A week ago the flower spike hadn’t even cleared the foliage, then it started growing a foot every day. The spoon flower is native to arid environments in northern Mexico and southern USA, and is housed in the Princess of Wales Conservatory, which recreates ten different climate zones.”

Horny spider?: “Venom from the Brazilian Wandering Spider has been known to give men a long-lasting and painful erection. Earlier this year, scientists began harvest PnTx2-6, the active ingredient in the spider’s venom, to create a natural Viagra that can work in 20 minutes. While this compound has been shown to work on mice, it also has the side effect of congesting major organs, such as the heart. Now, new research has identified another chemical in the venom that is less dangerous – and scientists say it could give men erections for hours at a time. Brazilian Wandering Spiders can cause priapism – a condition which occurs when blood becomes trapped in the penis, leading to abnormally long-lasting erections. The venom contains something called PnPP-19, which scientists say has all the benefits of venom, without any of the damaging side effects. When tested on mice, they found that it induced erections, but without damaging their organs. Separate tests carried out on rats show the venom boosts performance by increasing the release of nitric oxide, a chemical that dilates blood vessels and improves blood flow.

Oldest message in a bottle ever found: “A message in a bottle launched in the North Sea 108 years ago has been discovered on a beach in Germany and returned to Plymouth. It was one of 1,020 launched by British marine biologist George Parker Bidder between 1904 and 1906, and promised a shilling to anyone who returned it to Plymouth. Most were recovered within months, yet this one was at sea for more than a century. Marianne Winkler, a retired post office worker, found it while on holiday on the North Sea island of Amrum, off the coast of Germany. Visible on the message, written in English, German and Dutch, were the words ‘Break the bottle’, but the pair were reluctant as they had started to get some idea of its age. Marianne’s husband, Horst, tried to remove the message carefully but they were unable so they were forced to break it to read the message. Guy Baker communications director at the Marine Biological Association said it caused quite a stir when they received the postcard from the Winklers.

Indian man spent 22 years chiselling his way through a mountain out of love for his dead wife: “The remarkable true story of an Indian man who spent 22 years chiselling a massive gap in a mountain out of love for his dead wife hit cinema screens today. Dashrath Manjhi, an impoverished labourer from India’s lowest caste, embarked on the monumental endeavour after his wife Falguni died in 1959 because she had not been able to receive urgent medical care in time having been involved in an accident. Getting to the nearest town involved going around the mountain, a 55-kilometre (34-mile) journey, and Manjhi didn’t want other villagers to suffer the same fate. Working day and night he chipped away at the mountain in Gehlour, in eastern Bihar state, using just a hammer and a chisel, to reduce the distance to 15 kilometres by cutting a direct path through rocks. It took him until 1982 to create the path, which is around 110 metres (360 feet) long and in some places more than nine metres wide”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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