Why Ethel had to find another motel!!!!

July 13, 2015 at 4:25 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Last week, Ethel checked into a motel on her 65th birthday and she was a bit lonely. She thought, “I’ll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages.”

She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony – a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a dime off his well-oiled bum …. She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I’ll give him a call.

“Good evening, ma’am, how may I help you?” . . . Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy!

Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in: “Hi, I hear you give a great massage. I’d like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I’m in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you’ve got in your bag of tricks. We’ll go hot and heavy all night – tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I’m ready!! Now how does that sound?”

He said, “That sounds absolutely fantastic, but first you will need to press 9 for an outside line.”

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Money does grow on trees!: “It is often said that money doesn’t grow on trees. But a group of German hikers were forced to question that wisdom when they found themselves caught in a deluge of 50 euro notes. The walkers were relaxing at a campsite in the Mirow area of north-eastern Germany when the cash began to fall from an oak tree overhead. They dutifully collected as much as they could – and were astonished to find it amounted to around £160,000. On closer inspection, they discovered it had been placed in a plastic bag among the branches. The sack had been tied with an elastic band that then melted in hot weather – sending the notes cascading over the campsite near Berlin last week. Authorities have yet to discover the real owner of the money, although it is suspected that the money could be linked to a fire in a cottage on the site earlier that week. Under German law the hikers are entitled to 3 per cent of their find – but could keep the entire windfall if the rightful owner is not established within six months.”

Teenager collapses on plane after wearing 12 layers of clothing: “FOUR jumpers. Six T-shirts. Two pairs of tracksuit pants. Three pairs of jeans. Two jackets. Two hats. This is the staggering list of clothing that 19-year-old James McElvar wore in a bid to beat the check-in rules, after being told by airport workers to ditch his extra luggage or pay extra. In total, the defiant flyer pulled on 12 layers of clothing after the argument with the EasyJet staff. However, his plan backfired horribly after take-off. The singer from Scotland, who was travelling with his band mates from the group Rewind from London to Glasgow, threw up and collapsed due to heat exhaustion. McElvar told the UK’s Sun: “I thought I was a goner. It felt just like I was having a heart attack. I was so hot I felt I would pass out as soon as I boarded. “An off-duty paramedic rushed to my aid and an oxygen tank was brought to me. Other passengers held my legs and arms to stop them shaking.”

Old City Hall Station: The ‘jewel in the crown’ buried underneath New York City: “IT WAS designed to be the showpiece of New York City’s first subway system, dubbed “the jewel in the crown”, yet thousands of people walk above this beautiful time capsule every day, clueless about its existence. New York’s first ever train station, City Hall, is buried underneath the city’s oldest government building, but since its closure in 1945, few have walked along the station’s elegant platform or glanced their eyes upon its breathtaking design. Architects George Lewis Heins and Christopher Grant LaFarge designed an extravagant reflection of the “City Beautiful” movement, a time when “graceful, uplifting urban settings reflected the civility of a society, and, in turn, helped to strengthen the community’s moral and cultural environment”, according to the New York Transit Museum. Brass chandeliers adorn the tiled, arched, antique ceiling, while on sunny days, natural light floods the space through glass skylights. Oak furnishings and glazed plaques inscribed with “City Hall” rest barely untouched today.”

Australian males more masculine than American men? “OSCAR-WINNER Michael Douglas says American actors are losing out to Australians because they are not as masculine as their Down Under counterparts. The Ant-Man star, 70, says US actors are too obsessed with their social media profile that they are “getting caught up in their image”. “There’s something going on with young American actors — both men and women — because the Brits and Australians are taking many of the best American roles from them,” he told The Independent. “Clearly, it breaks down on two fronts. In Britain they take their training seriously while in the States we’re going through a sort of social media image conscious thing rather than formal training. “With the Aussies, particularly with the males it’s the masculinity. In the US we have this relatively asexual or unisex area with sensitive young men and we don’t have many Channing Tatums or Chris Pratts, while the Aussies do. It’s a phenomenon,” he said.”

Blue honeysuckle berries? “The blue honeysuckle berries, also called honeyberries or haksaps, have been shown by Canadian scientists to contain twice as many nutrients as other berries. A small handful contains 60 per cent of the recommended daily intake of Vitamin C and they have three times as much iron per 100g as a blueberry. They also contain significantly higher levels of Vitamin A and calcium. The native of Siberia and Japan has been grown in Britain for the first time by soft fruit marketer CPM, which supplies major supermarkets. Packets of blue honeysuckle berries will be sold in UK stores from next summer but will only be available for three to four weeks as they have a short growing season, like blackberries. They are being cultivated by farmers who usually grow strawberries in Hampshire, Somerset and Scotland, while supplies will be boosted by Polish producers.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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