THE TOP 8 WINNERS OF THE DARWIN AWARD

July 6, 2015 at 5:07 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

1.”THE LEAD OFF” AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence.

2. *WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, ‘Please come out and give yourself up.’

3. *WHAT WAS PLAN B? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. *THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. *DID I SAY THAT? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn’t control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: ‘Give me all your money or I’ll shoot’, the man shouted, ‘that’s not what I said!’

6. *ARE WE COMMUNICATING? A man spoke frantically into the phone: ‘My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart’. ‘Is this her first child?’ the doctor asked. ‘No!’ the man shouted, ‘This is her husband!’

7. *NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo…!!!)

8. *THE GRAND FINALE! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

*Now remember, these are all true stories, and these people vote and most have children!*

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Huge jumping fish kills five-year-old girl in Florida: “A FIVE-YEAR-OLD Florida girl riding in a boat has died after a sturgeon leapt from the Suwannee River and struck her. Wildlife officials said Jaylon Rippy died after being struck on Thursday night. Her mother and nine-year-old brother were also injured and taken to a Gainesville hospital. Their condition was not known. The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission said it was the first fatality recorded from a sturgeon strike on the Suwannee River. Four people have been injured by jumping sturgeon this year, including two boaters who were taken to the hospital Friday. The fish are known for leaping more than two metres above the water, and many people boating on the north Florida river have been injured by the large, airborne sturgeon over the years. The large, prehistoric-looking sturgeon have hard plates along their backs. They can grow up to 2.4 metres long, weigh up to 90kg and can cause serious injuries. Biologists aren’t sure why they jump, but they assure boaters that the fish aren’t trying to attack people.

Murder capital of the world: June sees record 677 murders in El Salvador: “The month of June saw 677 murders in El Salvador, more than in any other single month since the end of the country’s 12-year civil war. Miguel Fortin Magana, director of the country’s Legal Medicine Institute, said Friday that June’s total surpassed May’s total of 641 murders. The first six months of this year have produced 2,965 murders compared with 1,840 murders during the same period last year. Violence has surged as the country’s street gangs renewed their clashes with government forces and among themselves. A gang truce lasted for more than a year and saw the average daily murders fall to about six. The average in June was 22.6. Police officials and others blame the worsening insecurity on the breakdown of the truce made between the gangs and the government in 2013. While the homicide rate plunged, critics say the truce gave the gangs time to strengthen, train and acquire heavier arms than they had in the past.”

Lost dog with a difference: “An adventurous Labrador had to be rescued after she jumped in a shored Highlands kayak and floated out to sea. Rosy the dog was playing on the shore of Loch Broom, which leads to the Atlantic, on Wednesday afternoon with Michael and Sean Osborne. The two brothers, 18 and 15, from the highland town of Ullapool in Scotland, were swimming in the loch and had left a kayak lying on the shoreline with Rosy wandering nearby. When they looked back to shore they noticed that the six-year-old, who is frightened of water, had sat down in the kayak as it began to float out towards the sea. The boys’ mum Lisa Osborne, 56, said: ‘Rosy hates water so it just seemed so ridiculous that she was out there on the Loch. ‘It was quite funny looking back. She made no attempt to jump out or save herself, she just sat in the kayak waiting for the boys to come and rescue her. ‘She floated all the way out and basically went as far as the sea. ‘The boys swam back to shore and got a little rowing boat then they rowed out using a paddle from the kayak to rescue her.'”

AUSTRALIAN truffles???: “Aussie truffle farmers are aiming to take advantage of their winter growing season to carve out a niche in a competitive international market. One husband and wife team, Peter and Kate Marshall, grow truffles on their farm at Braidwood, southern NSW farm east of Canberra – Terra Preta Truffles – and are aiming to rival French farmers in terms of quality. ‘We’re already getting world’s best type yields but I’m hoping to get better than that,’ Kate says. ‘We seriously intend to be a world player’. They have farmed the funghi for the last thirteen years but say that quality has only been good enough to export in the last three years. With plantations taking at least four years, but sometimes 10 or more years, to produce truffles, the couple warn it’s tough, year-round work to be a truffle farmer. Like most truffle farmers today, Kate and Peter harvest with their dogs – Shadow and Sal. Australian farmers have one big advantage over European rivals — their growing season is opposite to that of the northern hemisphere – so from June to August they can dominate the market.”

Fourth of July reveler is killed during ‘attempt to launch a firework off his HEAD’: “A man celebrating the Fourth of July died when he tried to launch a firework off the top of his head, Maine State Police say. Twenty-two-year-old Devon Staples of Calais had been setting off fireworks with friends on Saturday night in the backyard of a friend’s home, according to Stephen McCausland, a spokesman for the Maine Department of Public Safety. He says Staples placed a fireworks mortar tube on his head and set it off, injuring his head. He died instantly. Cody said that his brother Devon lived in Orlando, Florida where he worked as a dog walker. Police say the friends had been drinking.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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