Time traveller sends back headlines from the year 2059

July 5, 2015 at 3:18 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest Country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia’s third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica . No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!

Last Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2060.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States ..

Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules any punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet seven inches with only 5 illegitimate children

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2060.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.

..

..

THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Robot kills man at Volkswagen plant in Germany: “A 22-year-old contractor has been killed at a Volkswagen factor in Germany after a stationary robot he was helping to set up grabbed and crushed him to death against a metal plate. VW spokesman Heiko Hillwig confirmed the man died on Monday at the plant in Baunatal, about 100 kilometres north of Frankfurt. He said initial conclusions indicate that human error was to blame, rather than a problem with the robot, which can be programmed to perform various tasks in the assembly process. He said it normally operates within a confined area at the plant, grabbing car parts and manipulating them. The Financial Times said the worker was hit in the chest by the machinery and pressed against a metal plate while standing inside the safety cage that contains the automated equipment. German news agency dpa reported that prosecutors were considering whether to bring charges, and if so, against whom.

A valuable painting from Australia: “Yes, it is still possible to pick up a valuable piece of art at a garage sale, or in this case, at a flea market in the Netherlands. This was where an anonymous Dutch collector spotted a rare painting by avant-garde Australian artist John Wardell Power. He had no idea who J.W.Power was. Thanks to Google he was soon aware that Bonham’s Australia had previously sold a few of Power’s other paintings. He emailed to see if this one was of interest. Yes, replied Bonhams’ Australian Art specialist Merryn Schriever, very much so. And so at Bonhams’ Important Australian & International Art sale in Sydney on June 16, Power’s flea market painting, now identified as Basket of Fruit, sold for $170,800 IBP. Shreiver found that only nine Power paintings have been offered at auction in the past twenty years and Basket of Fruit is the best of them. It was painted circa 1936 and exhibited in Paris in 1945.

Canoeist terrified after man dressed as an undertaker emerges from the mist and paddles past her in a COFFIN: “A man dressed as an undertaker has been spotted eerily paddling a ‘coffin’ through the fog on a lake in Canberra. Locals were shocked to see the undertaker’s vessel – complete with plastic flowers – emerged from the morning mist on Lake Burley Griffin in Australia’s capital. Canberra woman, Jeanne McLauchlan, was one of the right people to see the bizarre boater. ‘In the distance, as we came towards the Carillon we noticed a figure emerge from the thick fog,’ she said, according to the Canberra Times. ‘It was a figure of a man dressed in a tuxedo and top hat on a stand-up-paddle (SUP) coffin, complete with flowers, paddling toward us. ‘We asked ‘coffin man’, ‘Where are you going’? His response was, ‘To Queanbeyan cemetery as I have a 3pm grave site to prepare’.’

Lion refuge: “They are among the most dangerous animals in the world, so it must surely have been a fearsome foe that led an entire pride of lions into scampering up a tree. But it wasn’t a herd of stampeding wildebeests that caused them to take cover – more a swarm of pesky flies. These remarkable pictures of the lions, some of which are perched precariously in the branches, were taken by Australian photographer Bobby-Jo Clow, who stumbled across them while leading a safari in the central Serengeti in Tanzania. ‘It was an incredible sight and was very comical at times as the lions appeared rather clumsy while moving and repositioning themselves. ‘Our guide told us that due to the recent rains, the grass was quite long and that lions climb trees to escape the insects that thrive there.’

Wife Carrying World Championships: “Most men will, at some point or another, complain about getting their wives off their backs – but not these fellows. Indeed, these husbands were very specifically trying to get their other-halves onto their backs as they sprinted around the course of the 20th annual Wife Carrying World Championships. The event, held in Sonkajarvi, Finland, attracts couples from around the world willing to test out their strength over the 253.5 metre (832 feet) course. And training in the run-up to the event can be incorporated into your everyday life, according to the official website. ‘It is possible to train for the wife carrying competition everywhere in the middle of the daily routines: in the bath, in the super market, in the playground or in the body building centre,’ the website advises. But those who think it is going to be an easy run across a bit of flat ground will be sorely disappointed. It includes two ‘dry’ obstacles to contend with – and one wet one to wade through.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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