Senior reflections

June 10, 2015 at 2:41 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The biggest lie I tell myself is … “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet!

I don’t trip over things, I do random gravity checks!

I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off!

Old age is coming at a really bad time!

Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!

I don’t have gray hair. I have “wisdom highlights.” I’m just very wise.

My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance to idiots that needs work.

Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.

The kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please. I text back “no” which is shorter than “yes.”

I’m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I’ll do that second week.

Even duct tape can’t fix stupid … but it can muffle the sound!

Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.

At my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Milky rain? “Scientists have finally solved the mystery of a milky rain that coated cars and raised eyebrows across a wide swathe of the Pacific Northwest this February. A multi-disciplinary Washington State University team said they had determined that dust from the dry bed of a shallow lake some 480 miles (772 km) from where the rain fell was to blame for the unusual precipitation. The rain left a trail of powdery residue across a nearly 200-mile (322-km) stretch of eastern parts of Oregon and Washington state earlier this year. Sodium levels in water samples offered a clue, WSU hydrochemist Kent Keller said in a statement issued on Tuesday. ‘The chemistry is consistent with a saline source from a dry lake bed,’ he said. That led researchers to consider Oregon’s Summer Lake, which is shallow and often largely dries up during droughts. A storm with winds reaching 60 miles per hour (96.5 kph) struck Summer Lake the night before the milky rain. ‘That would have been powerful enough to lift a good-size dust plume,’ said Nic Loyd, a meteorologist at the university.

Husband returns home from work to find half his house demolished: “A husband has been left living in half his house when authorities bulldozed it down the middle after his ex-wife took compensation to reclaim land for the Rio Olympic Park. Luis Geraldo dos Santos, 52, is one of hundreds of residents of Vila Autodromo, a community situated on the edge of the Olympic Park site for next year’s Games in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Those who leave have their homes demolished on the same day – but father-of-three Luis never imagined what would happen when his estranged wife decided to take the council offer without him knowing and move out of the large family home they still shared. Luis, who separated from wife Edileza more than ten years ago but continued living with her, recalled: ‘I came home from work knowing my ex-wife would be gone and thinking, marvellous, I’ll have the whole place to myself. ‘But when I arrived I saw that they’d chopped it in two. I could hardly believe what I was seeing. ‘The house is exactly half of what it used to be.”

Overgrown village in China: “Vines climb the old stone walls, weave through the windows and doors and creep along the crumpling paths in an abandoned Chinese fishing village which has been reclaimed by mother nature. Time stands still in this village on Gouqi Island – one of almost 400 that make up the Shengsi Islands to the east of China’s Zhejiang province. What was once a thriving fishing hub has been long deserted and naturally transformed into a green jungle of tangled plants and neglected buildings. The island, a few hours east of Hangzhou Bay, is a stark contrast to the vibrant metropolitan skyline of Shanghai – an image conjured up in many westerners’ minds when imagining populous China. Some of the islands at the mouth of the Yangtze river are popular tourist destinations and have been described as a paradise for seafood lover, while others are inhabitable. The seaside village now lies empty because it was more economical for the fishermen to move and work on the mainland where catch could easily be transported and sold.”

Oldster’s blood is worth bottling: “A pensioner who has been donating his extremely rare type of blood for 60 years has saved the lives of more than two million babies. James Harrison, from Australia’s central coast, has an antibody in his plasma that stops babies dying from Rhesus disease, a form of severe anaemia. Mr Harrison has been giving blood every few weeks since he was 18 years old and has now racked up more than 1,000 donations. When he started donating, his blood was deemed so special his life was insured for one million Australian dollars. However, despite being an old hand at donating blood, he says not once has he watched the process. ‘I look at the ceiling or the nurses, maybe talk to them a bit, but never once have I watched… I can’t stand the sight of blood, and I can’t stand pain.’ His blood has since led to the development of a vaccine called Anti-D. Mr Harrison is Rh-negative and was given injections of Rh-positive blood. It was found his plasma could treat the condition and since then it has been given to hundreds of thousands of women. It has also been given to babies after they are born to stop them developing the disease. It is estimated he has helped save more than two million babies so far.

Two suicide bombers blow one-another up: “Two would-be suicide bombers have died in Pakistan after an explosive device detonated as they fought each other, it has been reported. The two men were killed in an explosion near Khayam Chowk in Sargodha, in the country’s Punjab province on Saturday morning. Eyewitnesses claim the men, who were believed to have been wearing suicide vests, were sitting on a bench engaged in discussion before their deaths. It is thought the two men began to fight and an improvised explosive device was triggered. Sargodha Saqib Manan from the Sargodha district police office suggested divine intervention may have saved the city from a big loss, according to ARY News.

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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