The Wisdom of Older Men

May 27, 2015 at 12:50 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall. “Excuse me; I can’t seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”

The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, “Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?”

“I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman with a figure like yours, she seems to appear out of nowhere.”




Odd news from around the world

Islamic preacher warns that men who masturbate will get their hands PREGNANT… and will have to look after their offspring in the afterlife: “An Islamic preacher has made the astonishing claim that those who masturbate will find their hands pregnant and be forced to raise the offspring in the afterlife. Turkish preacher Mucahid Cihad Han made the comments in response to a viewer’s startlingly honest query during a broadcast on live TV. At first appearing puzzled by the caller’s question, he eventually warned him to ‘resist Satan’s temptations’. According to Hurriyet Daily News, Han was appearing on the TV station 2000 TV when a man rang the station to confess that despite being married, he kept masturbating – even during the holy pilgrimage to Mecca known as Umrah. Forced to repeat the question several times to the confused preacher, he was eventually advised that the act was forbidden. ‘Moreover,’ Han said, ‘One [saying] states that those who have sexual intercourse with their hands will find their hands pregnant in the afterlife, complaining against them to God over its rights.”

Chinese man sets new world record as he lets ONE MILLION bees swarm over his body: “A Chinese beekeeper has caused quite a buzz after covering himself in more than a million bees, smashing the world record. Gao Bingguo, from Tai’an, in China’s northern Shandong province, was stung more than 2,000 times during the world record attempt on Monday. But the 55-year-old adrenaline junkie surely thinks the pain was worth it, as he was crowned the new world champion for ‘most bees on a human body’. Gao is well-known in the beekeeping world, and has been nicknamed the ‘nation’s number one bee-keeper’ and the ‘Bee King’ of Taishan – a district in Tai’an – according to reports from the People’s Daily Online. More than 20 beekeepers arrived at the record attempt – held in the Daiyue district – armed with 30 hives full of bees. The only clue to suggest that there was a human being beneath the mass of bees was a cigarette, clamped tightly between Gao’s lips. For such an apparently niche world record, ‘the number of bees on a human body’ is surprisingly keenly-contested.”

The seal who lives in a CAR WASH: “A rogue seal has caused havoc in an Auckland suburb after choosing to make itself at home in a car wash. Unaffected by the stir it was causing among baffled locals and emergency services, the 100kg male fur seal was seen happily lazing around in a Papakura car wash after a quick stroll along the main roads the previous day. Emergency services and the Department of Conservation were soon called in to relocate the happy mammal to a more natural environment while the Accident Compensation Corporation (ACC) issued public warnings about seal-related injuries. After entertaining curious onlookers, the seal was eventually coaxed into a cage and driven to a beach where he was released and pictured making his way into the ocean, but not before making the most of his time in town in typical seal fashion.”

Children urge each other to ‘summon Mexican demon’: “The newest fad for children and teenagers is to try to summon a Mexican demon. The so-called ‘Charlie Charlie Challenge’ is described as a supernatural ritual that allegedly makes it possible to contact a ghost. It involves writing ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ twice on a sheet of paper, crossing two pencils and then asking if the spirit is present – and many are now filming their experiences and sharing them online. Individuals are supposed to first chant ‘Charlie, Charlie, can we play?’ twice, and wait to see if the crossed pencil points towards yes or no. If the pencils point towards yes, they ask the spirit questions. It’s likely this will happen if the pencils are precariously balanced, especially if nervous players are learning on a table and accidentally making it wobble. They must then drop the pencils to the floor so ‘the demon portal to his or her own home hasn’t been left wide open forever,’ reported.”

Experts piece warrior’s helmet and sword back together to unlock life in the Dark Ages: “Experts studying the incredible Staffordshire Hoard have pieced together thousands of fragments to reveal a rare warrior’s helmet and a unique sword pommel. Archaeologists working with the hoard – the largest collection of Anglo-Saxon artefacts ever found – said the two examples of 7th century ‘warrior splendour’ were likely made in workshops set up by some of England’s earliest kings. The silver helmet is not yet completely constructed but includes ear pieces, most of the cap and the crest. And its band reveals etchings of animals and kneeling Saxon warriors, while other parts show men with handlebar moustaches. Anglo-Saxon helmets are incredibly rare in Britain and this is only the fifth to be discovered. The remarkable designs depict kneeling human warriors around the band as well as fragments showing male moustachioed faces, birds, animals and mythical beasts. But Dr Greaves said it’s possible the images are of ancestral or idealised warriors, intended to give spiritual support to the wearer.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


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