A famous answering machine message

May 24, 2015 at 11:39 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

This has been around since 2002 so the pity is that nobody seems actually to have used it. The message allegedly came about because a California school implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children’s absences and missing homework. The school and teachers were being sued by parents who wanted their children’s failing grades changed to passing grades – even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes

The outgoing message:

Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:

To lie about why your child is absent – Press 1

To make excuses for why your child did not do his work – Press 2

To complain about what we do – Press 3

To swear at staff members – Press 4

To ask why you didn’t get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you – Press 5

If you want us to raise your child – Press 6

If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone – Press 7

To request another teacher, for the third time this year – Press 8

To complain about bus transportation – Press 9

To complain about school lunches – Press 0

If you realize this is the real world and your child must be Accountable and responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work, homework and that it’s not the teachers’ fault for your child’s lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!

If you want this in another language, move to a country that speaks it.

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

An expensive round of golf: “A golfer has been forced to pay £10,000 in damages to another player after a mishit ball went ‘out of control’ and struck him in the head. John Ure was on the fairway at another hole at Bellshill Golf Club, in Lanarkshire, when an errant drive swung to the right and hit him in the head with such force it knocked him to the ground. Mr Ure, 46, raised an action seeking compensation against fellow player Stewart Muir following the incident, in which it said he was left feeling nauseous and later needed hospital treatment. Mr Muir argued that he hadn’t expected the ball to swing so far to the right but had shouted ‘fore’ after he struck it, and two of Mr Ure’s party took cover – but he did not. However, Lord Brailsford said that the risk of an errant shot creating a danger to a person in Mr Ure’s position was ‘reasonably foreseeable’ and ordered him to pay £10,000 in damages.

Girl from the sticks makes good — in Britain: “A model who was once dubbed ‘Britain’s biggest chav’ [rube] is having the last laugh after living her very own rags to riches story. Chloe Khan, from Wakefield, West Yorkshire, was ridiculed after appearing on The X Factor, but has since gone on to make a fortune by setting up a profitable webcam business and working as a model. The 23-year-old now travels the world, flying in private jets, driving fast cars and wearing designer clothes – and she is dating Spearmint Rhino founder John Gray, with whom she lives in their mansion in Newport Beach, California. ‘The transformation wasn’t overnight,’ said Chloe, who met John at a party at the Playboy mansion at Halloween. ‘I didn’t go from being a chav clown to an LA princess – it has been a long journey’. Her lifestyle and looks have also led to comparisons with superstar Kim Kardashian…. ‘but people soon realize I’m not Kim Kardashian when I open my mouth – I still have the Yorkshire accent’.”

Carnival in Denmark? Denmark is Lutheran, not Catholic: “Thousands of people from all over the world have taken to the streets in extravagant costumes for the second day of the annual Copenhagen Carnival in Denmark. For three days every year, the city explodes to life in a haze of flamboyant outfits, garish feathers and half-naked dancers. The incredible celebrations are held for three days over the seventh weekend after Easter, as part of the Christian festival of Pentecost. The carnival’s official website says: ‘All carnival groups from near and far gather and show their beautiful colorful costumes and big drums. ‘The parade is a great opportunity to experience all the performing groups, where it is almost impossible to stand still when the music plays up.’ Over the last few years, it has transformed into the largest Danish festival for World Music with with 120 bands, 2000 dancers and more than 100,000 spectators participating.

Gadget throws out bursts of light to shoo away bugs: “They’re the bane of the barbecue season – flies and wasps that descend in droves on your food and drink and leave you thrashing your arms about in fury. But now the irritating insects may have met an unlikely nemesis – a device that confuses them with bursts of light. The new system called Shoo Away, which inevitably has its origins in Australia where outdoor dining is the norm, is designed like a fan, with two flexible blades on the end of which are holographic dots. One or two of the battery-powered devices, which cost £19.99 each, are placed on a table of food or near the barbecue, with each keeping an area of about 4ft across clear of pests. When the blades rotate, the dots reflect random spots of light that flies – which have highly sensitive eyes made up of more than 4,000 cells – interpret as movement that they shy away from. The blades are soft and stop if touched, and also add to the deterrent effect, much like the swish of corks strung from the brim of a traditional Australian swagman’s hat. The flies begin to fly more slowly, as if disorientated or dizzy, before backing off, leaving the sizzling sausages or burgers unsullied.”

Town stalked by giant 6’6″ tall, 200 lb kangaroo: “Residents of a Brisbane neighbourhood are being stalked by a giant kangaroo, taking locals by surprise as it wanders fearlessly around the streets. The 2m tall animal is said to weigh up to 95 kilograms, and has been spotted in playgrounds, walking tracks and even at the local golf club in North Lakes, Brisbane. North Lakes local, Linda Hellyer, came up close and personal to the giant roo when she was walking her dogs earlier this week, according to Seven News. ‘We turned the corner and old mate jumped out he’s very big and I don’t want to take him on,’ Ms Hellyer told Seven News on Friday. Ms Hellyer was able to film the shocking encounter with her phone, a true reminder of the wild bushlands that are surrounding the Brisbane suburb. ‘He’s got massive, massive muscles, big pecs and everything and he stood up because he was obviously a bit frightened of the dogs,’ she said. Even though it’s not uncommon to get visits from kangaroos in the area, this one stands out, not only with its huge size but with the distinctive tear in its left ear.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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