Alphabet shenanigans

April 21, 2015 at 12:55 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

A twin-engine passenger plane has an engine failure and the altitude and speed are decreasing rapidly. The pilot speaks over the intercom …. “I’m sorry it has come to this ladies and gentlemen, but unfortunately we are going to have to jettison the luggage in order for the aircraft to remain airborne “.

Baggage is thrown out but still the plane’s altitude continues to decrease. Once again the pilot gets on the intercom, “I hate to do this folks but in order to save the majority we are going to have to start off-loading some passengers. The only fair way is to do this Alphabetically, so we’ll start with the letter ‘A'”.

“Africans? Are there any Africans on board?” There was no answer so the pilot calls, “Black people, are there any black people on board?” Again silence.

“C – coloured people? Are there any coloured people on board?” Still there is silence.

A little black boy sitting near the rear of the plane turned to his mother and said, “Mum, ain’t we African? Ain’t we black? Ain’t we coloured?” She replied, “Yes, son but for the moment we is Niggers. Let them do the Muslims first. If that don’t work we is Zulus”……

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Amorous Italian couple who had such noisy sex the neighbours were forced to move out are fined £9,000: “An amorous Italian couple have been fined £9,000 for having such noisy sex that it forced their neighbours to move out. The pair, who are in their 30s, were convicted of noise pollution and harassment for the ‘raucous screams’ during steamy sex sessions at their apartment in the northern town of San Martino. Their long-suffering neighbours, who first took them to court in 2009, described the wails of passion as ‘deafening’ and said it kept them and their two children awake. The man, who has not been named, was sentenced to four months in prison in 2011, and his fiancée given a noise abatement order. But the couple appealed the sentence and have now been ordered to pay £7,000 in damages to their neighbours who now live elsewhere, and £2,000 in legal fees. The apartment next door to the noisy couple currently remains unoccupied, the Provincia Pavese newspaper said.”

Russian firm selling advertising space on models’ cleavage: “Sometimes, putting up a billboard just isn’t quite enough – so a group of Russian entrepreneurs have come up with a new way to get you message out: on the breasts of a beautiful woman. Companies Tittygram and Titisign have popped up in Russia offering the eyebrow raising service and are, by all accounts, causing quite a stir. Indeed, it has already caught the attention of one big company, which jumped at the chance to advertise its whoppers. Burger King’s Russian branch posted a picture of a woman with ‘I love Burger King’ emblazoned across her chest, courtesy of Tittygram, on its VK page, the country’s version of Facebook. And it has certainly brought them a fair amount of attention, with hundreds of ‘likes’ and countless comments – although they are not all positive. What’s more, as advertising campaigns go, it is incredibly cheap: for as little as $6, or £4, they promise to get your message across”

Family beats the Feds to get back their gold coins: “A FAMILY was awarded the rights to 10 rare gold coins possibly worth $80 million or more on Friday after a US appeals court overturned a jury verdict. US Department of the Treasury officials insist the $20 Double Eagles were stolen from the US Mint in Philadelphia before the 1933 series was melted down when the country went off the gold standard. They argued that Joan Langbord and her sons cannot lawfully own the coins, which she said she found in a family bank deposit box in 2003. Langbord’s father, jeweller Israel Switt, had dealings with the Mint in the 1930s and was twice investigated over his coin holdings. A jury in 2012 sided with the government. However, the appeals court returned the coins to the Langbords because US officials had not responded within a 90-day limit to the family’s seized-property claim, filed in about 2004. Langbord, who’s in her mid-80s, worked in her father’s store on Jeweller’s Row for most of her life”

Chinese statue gets sexuy: “AN iconic statue depicting a piece of fabled Chinese history has been tarnished by tourists, who over the years have been constantly touching an exposed breast of one of the famed female figures, causing it to lose its colour. The statue in Hanyang District of Wuhan, provincial capital of central China’s Hubei Province, tells the story of how an ancient Chinese ruler, Yu the Great, met his wife with the help of a legendary fox. In the decade that the statue has been there, visitors have been touching the hand of Yu the Great, the fox’s back, and also the exposed breast of Yu the Great’s wife. All three places have now become discoloured, exposing the bright bronze layer beneath. Although netizens have accused tourists of lacking discipline and dignity, it does not seem like their curious habits will change anytime soon.”

China building islands: “The Philippine army has released new photographs of Chinese construction work in disputed waters in the South China Sea as it launched giant war games with the United States involving 11,500 personnel that were partly aimed at warning China. The Philippines voiced alarm about Chinese ‘aggressiveness’ in the area as it launched the Balikatan 2015 joint Philippines and US military exercises. The aerial images show intense recent Chinese construction over seven reefs and shoals in the Spratly archipelago of the flashpoint South China Sea. Previous satellite images revealed that China has made rapid progress in building an airstrip suitable for military use on the contested Fiery Cross Reef and may be planning another. Images revealed Fiery Cross Reef virtually untouched by man-made structures in March 2014 but by March this year, it had been transformed into an artificial island.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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