Teacher Arrested At International Airport

January 20, 2015 at 11:07 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

A high school teacher was arrested today at an International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At the press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious extremist Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the TSA with carrying weapons of maths instruction.

‘Al-Gebra is a problem for us’, the Attorney General said. ‘They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.’

They use secret code names like “X” and “Y” and refer to themselves as “unknowns;” but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, “There are three sides to every triangle.”

When asked to comment on the arrest, the President said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of maths instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.”

Liberal colleagues told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Innocent man arrested and thrown in cell because his new cellphone number had belonged to a fraudulent company: “A father-of-two was arrested in front of his children after a mix-up over his phone number led to him being wrongly investigated for fraud. Robert Turner was thrown into police cells for nearly three hours after a morning arrest at his home in Throop, Dorset last month. After weeks of waiting, he was told he would not face charges earlier this month. He believes the mistaken arrest was due to him being given a ‘recycled’ phone number when he switched to Virgin Media last year. He then started receiving mysterious phone calls from debt collectors for a business completely unknown to him. He says he called Virgin Media a number of times but there were long delays to having his number changed. Mr Turner said police told him his telephone number had been registered to a debit card which had made four fraudulent transactions. However, his name and address were not registered to the card. He said he does not blame police for investigating but was angry with Virgin Media.”

Hitchhiker given lift by Uruguay president: “He has been nicknamed ‘the poorest president in the world’, but the President of Uruguay proved that he has a generous nature, at least, when he recently gave a lift to an unsuspecting hitchhiker. The shocked hitchhiker told a local newspaper that it was only as he got into the car – the president’s iconic 1987 blue Volkswagen Beetle – that he recognised that the elderly couple was actually President Jose Mujica and his wife Sen. Lucia Topolansky. Gerhald told El Observador newspaper in Uruguay that 25-30 cars had already passed him by without stopping when the big-hearted head of state came to his rescue: ‘I couldn’t believe it. The president was giving me a ride. ‘When I got out, I thanked them profusely, because not everyone helps someone out on the road, and much less a president.’ The accommodating president and his wife even allowed Gerhald to take a couple of photographs as a memento during the short journey, which he later uploaded onto his Facebook page. President Mujica and his wife are well-known for their humble lifestyle.

Could curry banish bad memories?: “A spice commonly used in curry could help erase bad memories, according to a study. Curcumin, a bright-yellow compound found in the root of the Indian spice turmeric, prevented new fear memories being stored in the brain, and also removed pre-existing fear memories, researchers found. It is hoped that the findings will help develop treatments for people suffering with psychological disorders. Psychologists from The City University of New York trained rats to become scared when they heard a particular sound. Scientists assumed the creatures were frightened when they froze. Hours later, when the same sound was played to the rats, those who had been given ordinary food froze. Yet the rats fed the curcumin-rich diet didn’t freeze, suggesting their fearful memories had been erased.”

Is this the secret to getting kids to eat their greens? Students let out to play BEFORE eating lunch ate twice as much fruit and veg afterwards: “They can make meal times a battle zone and cause endless tears and tantrums. But US researchers say they’ve found a simple way of getting students to eat more greens: allowing them out to play before lunch, rather than after. A study found that when recess is held before lunch, children ate 54 per cent more fruit and vegetables. There was also a 45 per cent increase in students eating at least one serving of them. ‘Recess is often held after lunch so children hurry to “finish” so that they can go play – this results in wasted fruits and vegetables,’ one of the study’s authors Dr David Just, of Cornell University, explains. ‘However, we found that if recess is held before lunch, students come to lunch with healthy appetites and less urgency and are more likely to finish their fruits and vegetables.'”

Photographer finds forgotten treasure in abandoned house: “A photographer who went into an abandoned house to take pictures of its antiques found almost $7,000 in bundles of cash – and was then able to reunite it with its rightful owners after tracking them down. The man only known as Dave, of Freakotography came across the derelict property in Ontaria, Canada after being tipped off by a friend and was desperate to go inside and capture images. After entering the property, he found a number of antiques and old family photos, as well as a yellow Home Hardware bag rolled up behind a mattress. On opening the bag, the photographer found $6,800 in both Canadian and US dollars in tightly rolled bundles. But despite finding the cash, Dave was keen to track down its rightful owner rather than keep it himself and then eventually managed to reunite the money with a distant relative of the house’s last owner. They later learned that the money was likely collected over decades by the woman’s grandparents from a fruit stand they owned.

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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