Seniors: Hints on how to liven up your idle hours

September 1, 2014 at 3:21 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

1. At Lunch Time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. Watch ’em Slow Down..

2. On all your check stubs, write ‘For Marijuana.

3. Skip down the street, rather than walk and see how many looks you get.

4. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

5. Sing along at the Opera.

6. When The Money Comes Out of the ATM, scream ‘I Won! I Won!’

7. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Car Park, Yelling ‘Run For Your Lives! They’re Loose!’

8. Tell your Children over dinner, ‘Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.’

And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity:

9. Pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy, go to the counter and ask where the fitting room is.




Odd news from around the world

Lioness wants a cuddle: “When faced with a lioness clawing at its flimsy cage, most of us would do a runner. But Valentin Gruener calmly approaches the cage – and lets the beast run wild. As he begins to unlock the door, Sirga starts pacing up and down and as soon he opens the enclosure, the big cat springs out and pounces on him. Fortunately, she’s just after a big hug and Mr Gruener greets the lioness with a pleasant ‘good morning’ before rubbing noses with it. Traveller John Hawkins shot the video at Modisa Wildlife Project near Maun, Botswana. He said: ‘Val is a wildlife conservationist that raised Sirga the lioness almost from birth.”

Willy Wonka chapter that was missing for 50 years reveals grisly end of greedy boys: “A lost chapter of Charlie And The Chocolate Factory is to be revealed today – 50 years after Roald Dahl’s most famous book was published. In the missing section from the 1961 draft, mysterious confectioner Willy Wonka took children who won a tour of his factory to the Vanilla Fudge Room – only for the passage to be cut from the published version. But the unused chapter, which introduces two extra naughty characters – Tommy Troutbeck and Wilbur Rice – was found among Dahl’s papers after his death at 74 in 1990. The draft section tells how penniless but kind-hearted Charlie Bucket – who in this version is accompanied to the factory by his mother rather than Grandpa Joe – visit Vanilla Fudge Mountain with the other children. But Tommy and Wilbur ignore Wonka’s warnings and jump on the wagons which enter a tunnel that leads to the Pounding and Cutting Room where the fudge is pounded by a huge machine and cut with knives. Unsurprisingly, nothing more is heard of the two boys.”

Ultra-Orthodox Jews who moved from Canada to Guatemala are forced to leave because the locals don’t like them: “A community of Orthodox Jews have been expelled from their homes in a bitter conflict with hostile villagers. Just a few months after fleeing from Canada amid allegations of child abuse, members of the Lev Tahor community were forced to leave San Juan La Laguna in Guatemala yesterday. The village Elder’s Council voted to kick them out because the group refused to greet or have physical contact with the community, according to a member of the council. Lev Tahor is a radical strain of Hassidic Judaism that believes television and computers are bad and must be avoided. The group rejects the state of Israel because it views the Jews as a people who must remain in exile. Verbal abuse, threats to cut off power and eject them by force were the last straw for the Jews, some of whom have been there for six years. Around 230 members of the Jewish community were living in the lakeside village, the majority moving over from Canada in March this year.

Map of blue-eyed Britain: It is most common in Ireland and Scotland, but least likely in the south: “Blue is the most common eye colour in Britain, researchers found. All eyes in the country were once brown, but a study revealed they are now 48 per cent blue, 30 per cent green and 22 per cent brown. The study, which mapped out eye colour across the UK and Ireland, revealed that the Scots and the Irish are more likely to have blue eyes than others – especially those living in the south. Scientists believe the reason for the increase in the number of blue eyes could be to do with how attractive people find them. South East Scotland reported the highest proportion of blue-eyed residents – 57 per cent – while blue eyes are least common in South West England, where they account for just 35 per cent. Blue-eyed Hollywood stars Angelina Jolie, Daniel Craig, Nicole Kidman, Hugh Grant, Kate Winslet and Paul Newman all support the theory that blue eyes add to a person’s sexual appeal.”

These gruesome ‘alien invaders’ are the bacteria lurking in the plaque on your TEETH: “They may look like rare plants, or perhaps the surface of a far off planet but these gruesome ‘alien invaders’ are in fact the plaque that coats your teeth, providing a stark reminder of the consequences of poor dental hygiene. Enough to make anyone book an appointment to see a dentist, these scanning electron microscope (SEM) images show extreme close ups of plaque, incisors and decay, revealing the effects of bacteria lurking in the mouth. The set includes shots of the pink surface of dental plaque and a blue carpet of bacteria on a yellow tooth, while other images include plaque nestled among the bristles of a used toothbrush. The pictures were taken with a microscope that scans a sample with a focused beam of electrons, and the images are then coloured either digitally or by hand to distinguish the decay and plaque and illuminate the miniscule particles that are not visible to the human eye”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


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