He was warned

August 29, 2014 at 1:27 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Saint Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates when two guys wearing dark hoodies and sagging pants (with exposed undies) arrive.
Surprised, St Peter looks out through the Gates and says, “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”

St Peter goes over to God’s chambers and tells him who is awaiting entrance. God, irritated, says to Peter: “How many times do I have to tell you? You can’t be judgmental here. This is heaven. All are loved. All are brothers. Go back and let them in!”

So St Peter goes back, looks around and lets out a heavy sigh. He returns to God’s chambers and says, “Well, they’re gone.”

“The blokes wearing hoodies?” asks God.

“No. The Pearly Gates.”

Original story here

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

If you want your relationship to last, marry a short man, say researchers: “Tall men may want to get married earlier, but their marriages won’t go the distance like men with a shorter stature, a new study has claimed. It found the rate of divorce among short men is significantly less than among average and tall men. They were also more likely to marry much younger women, and make more money than their spouse. ‘This further confirms an existence of height-based status exchange in which short men compensate for their lower physical status with higher proportional earnings, while tall men appear more likely to use their status to attract women with higher relative earnings,’ said authors Abigail Weitzman and Dalton Conley of New York University. ‘Studies of online dating suggest that physical attraction is a key factor in early relationship formation, but say little about the role of attractiveness in longer-term relationships,’ the researchers say.

Drive-thru BROTHELS hailed a success after year-long trial in Switzerland: “Zurich’s drive-thru brothels have been hailed a success by Swiss social services, a year after they first opened. The experiment in Switzerland’s largest city began last August when the authorities opened Europe’s first municipal drive-in brothel in an old industrial area. It was hoped the initiative would slash the number of sex workers on the streets, while at the same time offering them a safer space to work. But not all of them are happy with the arrangements. Authorities admitted that some have complained their earnings have fallen since the new initiative began, and that they are too far from city centre bars and clubs. Zurich’s drive-thru brothel opened last August, with sex workers who agreed to move from their traditional haunts in the city centre allowed to ply their trade there safely and with a minimum of fuss. The site to the west of the city boasts helpful signposts and understated wooden drive-in ‘sex boxes’ where customers can be served in relative privacy in the comfort of their own cars.”

Do you accept my ginger discount card? Thrifty red-head saves hundreds of pounds using homemade ID: “A cheeky Scottish red-head claims to have saved hundreds of pounds in the high street – thanks to his home-made ‘ginger discount card’. Richard Macrae, 30, from Aberdeen, was given the fake card by a friend for his birthday and he has successfully used it in bars, restaurants, cinemas and even with taxi drivers. The comic book illustrator claims to have saved more than £200 and said he is constantly asked by people how they can acquire one too. He said: ‘People have always given me stick for my hair colour, but now I’m going out three nights a week and saving a fortune. The joke is on them. ‘It comes out with me more than my bank card. My reputation precedes me and once I was asked by a security guard if I was the “ginger discount guy”. ‘Usually everyone gets the humour behind it, but some people look confused and wonder if it’s real which is always a laugh, but most get the joke. ‘It opens folk up to a bit of banter back and forth but I never try for any specific amount of discount. Any money off is always handy.'”

Give your bike a BROLLY: £30 umbrella clamp keeps cyclists dry – even with 70mph winds: “A Dutch firm based in Delft has invented a simple clamp that fits a bike’s handlebars and holds a windproof umbrella firmly in place to protect a rider from wind and rain. The holder can also be used to store the umbrella when the rain stops too. The umbrella’s asymmetric design is said to help it withstand high speed wind gusts of up to 70mph (113kph). The aerodynamic design directs wind over and around the brolly, which holds its shape and keeps people dry underneath. While its makers, Senz, cautions against riding in high winds, the umbrella design lends itself to coping with the air stream created by cycling. A spokesperson for the Dutch firm said: ‘Ruining your hairdo, ending up with dripping clothes after a quick ride to the shops will be a thing of the past with the Senz umbrella holder. ‘The clamp allows you to attach your umbrella on your bike, while keeping both hands on the handle bars and giving a good sight of traffic.”

A cashmere sweater that cleans ITSELF? Scientists develop a coating that makes stains disappear with exposure to light: “Cashmere not only expensive but also notoriously difficult to clean, but a new invention may well change that. A team of scientists from City University of Hong Kong’s School of Energy and Environment have developed an invisible coating that triggers a chemical reaction when exposed to light. When the mineral, which is made from anatase titanium dioxide, coats the fabric, any stain – from dirt to coffee and even red wine – on its surface will be eliminated after being placed in light for 24 hours. What’s more, lead scientist Walid Daoud says that the finished fabric will only bump up the price of cashmere by one to 1.5per cent. ‘On the one hand, clothes that can clean themselves are regarded as smart material,’ said Mr Daoud. ‘And on the other hand … we also have less consumption of energy, of water, of chemicals.’ The coating was actually first developed in 2002, but applying it to cashmere has proved difficult since the delicate fabric is especially prone to damage.

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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