In brief

August 17, 2014 at 5:33 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Condoms

Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore….. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.

Lance Armstrong

I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, whilst on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn’t even find my f-ing bike.

Drive By

A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn’t take my TV, just the remote. Now he drives by and changes the channels. Sick bastard!

The Agony of Aging

On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended. I stopped in to visit my aging friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.

I said to him, “You better get your hearing checked – You’re supposed to turn your clock back”.

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Seagulls win the ice cream war on British beach: “Swooping down on landfills and rifling through rubbish sacks, seagulls have long had a voracious appetite for our leftovers. In recent years, though, it seems they become bolder, snatching ice creams and sandwiches straight from the hands of families strolling along at seaside resorts. Such attacks are most frequently reported in Cornwall, where locals could be forgiven for thinking Hitchcock’s The Birds was a documentary. As well as chips and pasties, stallholders have seen seagulls snatch spectacles and even ceramic milk jugs. The “infestation” at one Cornish resort has grown so severe the council has conceded defeat in its efforts to control seagulls, admitting that people will have to “learn to live” with the birds. Occasionally people get scratched as gulls descend. “One lady came in with a nasty slash on the back of her neck and a child came in screaming,” she said.”

Murder suspect is let out of British prison by mistake – and AGAINST his own will!: “A murder suspect was released from a high-security prison by mistake – as he waited in line to be taken to trial. Bungling prison officers handed Martynas Kupstys his clothes and belongings and, despite his protests, said he had to leave. The 25-year-old pleaded with HMP Lincoln that he should be joining inmates who were being escorted towards the prison bus to Lincoln Crown Court. But his pleas were ignored and he was shown the door. It was only when the van reached court, and officials found Kupstys missing from the defendants that the astonishing error came to light. A full-scale investigation was launched with police searching frantically for the prisoner. Meanwhile, confused Kupstys had sat unnoticed at a bus stop outside the prison following his release. He remained there for three hours before being found and returned to custody. His release led to the collapse of his murder trial, which had been hearing evidence for three weeks, at a cost to the taxpayer of an estimated £3,000 a day.”

Passengers show gratitude for free baby buggies at air terminal – by strolling off with scores of them : “It was supposed to be a way of helping hard-pressed families with tired children cope as they stepped off their long holiday flight. But the idea of providing a fleet of 150 complimentary pushchairs at the arrivals hall at Gatwick Airport has backfired – after the majority of them were stolen by passengers. Instead of leaving the buggies at the designated drop-off point in the baggage reclaim area when their own pushchair arrives on the carousel, some holidaymakers have brazenly walked off with them before loading them into their car or boarding the Gatwick Express rail service with their newly acquired booty. The Mothercare Nanu Strollers were widely welcomed as part of a family-friendly initiative when they were introduced at the airport in West Sussex in April. The strollers feature a multi-position reclining seat with adjustable calf rest and normally cost £49.99 on the High Street. According to passport control officials based at the North Terminal, only five of the original fleet of buggies remain.”

UFO watchers accuse NASA of cover-up after live feed disappears seconds after sighting: “EXTRATERRESTRIAL fans have slammed the space agency NASA after a live feed was pulled seconds after a glowing ‘flying disc’ was spotted. Furious UFO chasers have accused the National Aeronautics and Space Administration of hiding the truth after the webcam, showing a mysterious small white object, cut out. The Mirror reports the ‘glowing disk’ was spotted on NASA’s live webcam from the International Space Station. Space enthusiasts, monitoring the camera, were the first to report the strange object on August 4. “I took a screenshot of the UFO and enlarged it. It has a long line down its middle and a dome on its top, but is rectangle (sic) on its lower bottom,” Scott Waring, a blogger from UFO Sightings Daily said.”

Man beats malicious traffic fine: “AN apprentice mechanic fined for reversing up one of Adelaide’s busiest streets has had his penalty overturned and police ordered to pay his court costs. Daniel Liemareff took on police — and won — after he was slapped with a $219 fine for allegedly reversing too far up Gouger Street and almost hitting an officer who was heading to a Chinese restaurant. Mr Liemarff, 23, said the officer with an English accent berated him for about 10 minutes, saying “where he was from it is a major offence to hit a police officer’’ and that “people in Australia never look around when driving’’. Mr Liemareff asked the police expiation unit how far was “further than is reasonable’’ and was told by letter in September 2013, a copy obtained by the Sunday Mail, the officer alleged the distance was “approximately 20 to 25 metres’’. However, in a December 6 letter, police expiation unit branch’s Operations Manager said the officer estimated the distance reversed was now “approximately 30-35 metres.’’ Instead of paying the fine, Mr Liemareff elected to be prosecuted and had his day in court last week. At the hearing police withdrew the charge and Adelaide Magistrate Stefan Metanomski ordered police pay Mr Liemareff $2915 in legal costs.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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