NO PARENT LEFT BEHIND?

July 15, 2014 at 2:57 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Some real notes written by parents in the Memphis school district. Spellings have been left intact

1. My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.

2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.

3. Dear school: please ecsc’s john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.

4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.

5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side

10. Please excuse rayfriday from school. He has very loose vowels.

11. Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. She had the shits. (BEST ONE)

12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.

13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.

15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because i don’t know what size she wear.

16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.

17. Sally won’t be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.

18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.

19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.

23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot lastnight.

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Busker gets a big break: “A man who spent 20 years as a street busker has finally hit the big time with a million-pound recording contract. Crooner Si Cranstoun, 38, started writing his own songs and performing when he was just 16. For years he struggled to make ends meet as he played on London’s streets – where Prime Minister Tony Blair once gave him 30p. But success evaded him until April last year when he finally landed a breakthrough deal with music giants Warner. Music mogul from Warner spotted him on street and signed him up. Si is due to release his debut album this summer after being backed by Radio 2 DJ Terry Wogan and he looks set for success after his debut single ‘Caught in the Moonlight’ was shortlisted on the Radio 2 playlist last month.

Couple find huge fire-proof safe that could be 160 years old buried at the bottom of their garden pond: “A couple have found a metre-wide safe they believe is more than a century old in their back garden, but there’s just one problem. They’ve no idea how to get into it. David and Nikki Maguire found the heavy, rusting box – made by the same firm which supplied the Titanic – sticking out of the earth after they drained their garden pond in Gateshead. Mr Maguire, 34, spent an afternoon tirelessly shifting heaps of soil and was astounded to find the safe completely intact. A locksmith is now due to visit the couple tomorrow morning – but for the moment, they are enjoying the mystery. The safe was made by Milners, which began working in 1814 under Thomas Milner and became famous for developing the world’s first fire-proof safes. On the front of the safe found in the Maguires’ garden is a plaque which reads ‘Milners of London, Manchester and Liverpool’ and ‘Patent fire resisting special safe’. It is likely to date from between the mid-19th Century and 1955, when the Milner company merged with the firm Chatwood.”

The car boot bargain that turned out to be TREASURE: £3 tool revealed as 4,500-year-old ancient Egyptian hammer: “Archaeologists train for years to unearth and identify ancient artefacts, but an ambulance worker from Northumberland has happened upon one at a local car boot sale with no effort at all. Martin Jackson, 50, paid just £3 ($5) for the 4,500-year-old ancient Egyptian wooden maul – a type of hammer – and experts have since valued it closer to £4,000 ($6,800). The maul, which would have been used by craftsmen to create carvings in temples, was among a haul of broken tools at Mr Jackon’s local sale on the quayside at Amble, Northumberland. Mr Jackson said the maul was in ‘a shabby condition’, with electrical tape roughly wrapped around the handle. After removing the tape, Jackson noticed a finely engraved silver band which explained it was an Egyptian maul, and that it had been found at the ancient burial ground Saqqara. It was brought to Ireland in around 1905 by a highly-decorated British officer who is frequently mentioned in dispatches at that time.”

World’s oldest bottle of mineral water uncovered: 200-year-old corked Selters flask found deep within the Baltic sea: “The world’s oldest bottle of mineral water has been uncovered from the depths of the Baltic Sea by Polish scuba divers. The 200-year-old flask, described as in a ‘good condition and still corked’, has the name ‘Selters’ inscribed in its stoneware. Polish archaeologists found the 12 inch (30cm) bottle in shipwreck lying 12.2 metres (40ft) below water in the Gdańsk Bay close to the Polish coast. Produced between 1806 and 1830, the brown bottle is an extremely rare find as most sealed flasks from that period contain either beer or wine. ‘We have not opened the bottle, we are not sure what it contains and what is the taste of the water which is 200 years old,’ said Tomasz Bednarz, National Maritime Museum archaeologist. Selters is a German luxury mineral water brand which gained popularity with Europe’s wealthy during the nineteenth century.

Japanese shrine is dedicated to curing haemorrhoids: “An ancient Japanese shrine dedicated to the curing of haemorrhoids, where people wash their bottoms in holy river water, has seen a resurgence in popularity. The unusual ritual is growing in popularity as more people in Japan are said to be suffering from the condition. According to Japanese tradition, anybody who heads to the shrine in Japan’s Tochigi Prefecture simply needs to wash their naked bottom in a local river, point it in the direction of the ‘holy egg’ and then eat boiled eggs at the nearby temple to find themselves cured. It also welcomes people who do not have haemorrhoids at all, on the premise that if they also carry out the ritual, they will never suffer from the problem later in life. The temple fell into disrepair in the 1980s but more recently after a resurgence in the number of people suffering from haemorrhoids, it has been refurbished and reopened and now has experienced a boom in popularity.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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