You Might Be A Redneck If..

June 13, 2014 at 4:35 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Your mother has gotten into a fistfight at a high school sports event.

You cash your checks at the local liquor store.

Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mudflaps.

You only have pants with a boot cut.

You’ve been on TV more than five times describing what the tornado sounded like.

You painted racing flames on the John Deere.

You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

You fish in your above-ground pool, especially if you catch something!

Yer mom calls ya over t’help, cause she has a flat tire…on her house.

Your richest relative invites you over to his new home to help remove the wheels and install the skirt.

You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.

You call your sister, “Dear.”

Your wife’s best pair of shoes are steel-toed Red Wings.

Your car has been towed more than twice as an abandoned vehicle.

You’re moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing “I Will Always Love You”.

Your girl wears a dress that is strapless and a bra that is not.

You’ve painted a car with house paint.

You wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.

You walk your dog and you both use the same tree down on the corner.

You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.

There is a stuffed ‘possum anywhere in your house.

Your mama can back down a biker.

During your wedding, when you kissed the bride, your John Deere hat fell off.

Your home has more miles on it than your car.

..

..

THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Bird flu viruses could unleash a pandemic as ferocious as the one which killed 50 MILLION people in 1918: “Current bird flu viruses could be just a small step away from unleashing a pandemic as potentially ferocious as the one which killed 50 million people in 1918. The viral proteins making up the 1918 flu strain differ by only a few molecular building blocks from those now found in bird populations around the world, scientists have warned. A handful of key mutations could be all it takes to allow a 1918-like virus to spread freely between humans, they believe. ‘The worst-case scenario is the emergence of a novel avian influenza virus that exhibits high pathogenicity in humans, like H5N1 (avian flu) viruses, and efficient transmissibility in humans, like seasonal influenza viruses,’ said U.S. lead scientist Professor Yoshihiro Kawaoka, from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. ‘Our findings demonstrate the value of continued surveillance of avian influenza viruses and reinforce the need for improved influenza vaccines and antivirals to prepare for such a scenario.’”

Forget inhalers – meet the Indian people who swallow live FISH to try and cure their asthma: “With pinched noses and watery eyes, every year thousands of Indians line up to swallow live fish as a traditional treatment for asthma. Asthma sufferers gather every June in the southern city of Hyderabad to gulp down the fish stuffed with a yellow herbal paste, in the hope it will help them breathe more easily. Administered by the Bathini Goud family, the therapy is a secret formula of herbs, handed down by generations only to family members. But the family will not reveal the secret formula which they claim was received from a Hindu saint in 1845. The herbs are inserted in the mouth of a live sardine, or murrel fish, and the wriggling 5cm fish are slipped into the patient’s throat, often leaving them gagging. The family maintains the fish clear the throat on their way down and permanently cure asthma and other respiratory problems – if the treatment is administered three years running.”

Canadian police dog breaks the hearts of Canadians as he whimpers at his handler’s funeral: “Danny, the police dog of fallen Mountie Constable David Ross, whimpered by the side of his partner’s casket during Tuesday’s emotional funeral, moving many Canadians across the country to tears. Danny didn’t stray far from the hearse carrying the casket of Ross during the funeral procession and was photographed sniffing the Ross’s stetson. Const. Ross’s brother, Olivier Juneau-Rousseau, said he loved working with Danny. “He always wanted to work with dogs and he died doing what he loved,” Juneau-Rousseau said at a news conference last week. The funeral for Ross, along with Const. Douglas James Larche and Const. Fabrice Georges Gevaudan, was held Tuesday as thousands gathered in the Moncton Coliseum. The funeral was also broadcast across the nation.”

Thai man stops charging elephant with a hand gesture: “A Thai tourist faced down a charging elephant and stopped it in its tracks with just a wave of his hand. Tor Bowling, 27, was visiting Phu Luang Wildlife Sanctuary, northern Thailand, when the elephant came charging straight towards him out of the dense jungle. Mr Bowling told Daily News reporter Joel Landau that when he first saw the elephant, a moment not included in the clip, he froze and stared at it for a long time. He tried to edge away, but the elephant tracked his every move, he said. Then the beast charged. Mr Bowling admitted he was afraid. Extending his hand at the animal was merely his first reaction, he admitted – a completely unpremeditated response. ‘But I’m sure,’ he said. ‘It didn’t want to hurt me.’ And indeed it didn’t for, as the video shows, mere inches from Mr Bowling’s outstretched arm, the elephant stops, lets out a fierce shriek, and turns away.

Only 40% of children know the famous names airports are named after: “Airports are often named in honour of famous people to recognise their achievements but a survey has found that a majority of children not only don’t know who the celebrated are but they also think that a number of them had totally different careers. One in ten of the children questioned thought that former US President Ronald Reagan was really Ronald McDonald and footballing legend George Best was the king of Great Britain. Lagging in a number of categories, 11 per cent of London children believe JFK was a famous sailor. Just 16 per cent recognised Pat McCarran from Las Vegas, and only 15 per cent knew that Sydney airport was named after Australian Aviator Charles Kingsford-Smith. Additionally, 10 per cent of adults think Venetian explorer Marco Polo was a fashion designer, 3 per cent think Leonardo da Vinci was the star of Titanic, and 2 per cent believe Mother Teresa founded website Mumsnet.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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