Goofy comments from British sportscaster David Coleman

May 14, 2014 at 4:45 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

“That’s the fastest time ever run – but it’s not as fast as the world record.”

“A truly international field, no Britons involved.”

“The Republic of China – back in the Olympic Games for the first time.”

“Don’t tell those coming in the final result of that fantastic match, but let’s just have another look at Italy’s winning goal.”

“He’s 31 this year – last year he was 30.”

“He just can’t believe what’s not happening to him.”

“In a moment we hope to see the pole vault over the satellite.”

“He is accelerating all the time. The last lap was run in 64 seconds and the one before that in 62.”

“It’s gold or nothing … and it’s nothing. He comes away with the silver medal.”

“There is Brendan Foster, by himself with 20,000 people.”

“Forest have now lost six matches without winning.”

“The front wheel crosses the finish line, closely followed by the back wheel.”

“And here’s Moses Kiptanui – the 19-year-old Kenyan who turned 20 a few weeks ago.”

“If that had gone in, it would have been a goal.”

“This evening is a very different evening from the morning we had this morning.”

“I think there is no doubt, she’ll probably qualify for the final.”

“Nobody has ever won the title twice before. He (Roger Black) has already done that.”

“Both of the Villa scorers – Withe and Mortimer – were born in Liverpool as was the Villa manager Ron Saunders who was born in Birkenhead.”

“And the line-up for the final of the women’s 400 metres hurdles includes three Russians, two East Germans, a Pole, a Swede and a Frenchman.” [Frenchwoman?]

“We estimate, and this isn’t an estimation, that Greta Waltz is 80 seconds behind.”

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

‘Call female teachers SIR’, demand feminist academics in bid to end ‘sexist’ culture in the classroom: “When introduced to pupils as ‘Professor’, she may not have expected them to appreciate her academic achievements – but she did expect them to address her accordingly. Instead, Jennifer Coates says she was ‘demeaned’ by the youngsters simply calling her ‘Miss’. Professor Coates described it as ‘a depressing example of how women are given low status and men, no matter how young or new in the job they are, are given high status’. Now the emeritus professor of English language and linguistics at Roehampton University has called for the traditional titles ‘Sir’ and ‘Miss’ to be banished from schools to stop sexist views taking root among pupils. ‘The men on the staff are all in their twenties and they were all called Sir,’ she said. ‘Sire is what you called the king. And Sir is a knight. There weren’t women knights but Miss is ridiculous: it doesn’t match Sir at all.”

Selfless taxi driver finds £16,000 in CASH in the back of his cab but gives it back to the passenger who left it there: “A generous taxi driver has become an overnight celebrity in China after he found a huge bundle of cash in the back of his cab – and promptly returned it to its rightful owner. Zhao Lei discovered 170,000 yuan (£16,200) in a paper bag on the back seat of his taxi after taking a young couple to a car dealership in Harbin, in the north-eastern province of Heilongjiang. Instead of keeping the huge haul – likely to be at least three times his annual salary – he handed it in to the company which he works for. The firm contacted the passengers, who said they had been carrying so much cash in order to pay for a new car, and returned the money. The delighted couple tried to offer Mr Zhao 10,000 yuan as a reward for his honesty, but he refused to accept the cash. ‘It’s what I have to do,’ the driver said after news of his exploits came to light. ‘Anyone who lost such a big amount of money will go crazy. I won’t take advantage of that.’

Dogs are FOUR times better at detecting prostate cancer than traditional tests: “Medical Detection Dogs accurately detect the disease 90 per cent of the time, research has shown. In contrast, traditional PSA tests often give false positives – three in four positive results from the tests turn out to be false and result in unnecessary and invasive tests. The dogs are trained by the charity Medical Detection Dogs, in Buckinghamshire. ‘Over the years, millions of pounds of NHS funding have been poured into the traditional test methods, and yet there has been little improvement in their reliability. The detection dogs provide alternative solution that yields consistently accurate results. If our detection dogs were a machine, there would be huge demand for them. ‘Dogs can pick up a scent in a dilution of one to a thousand parts.”

Storm over smutty cartoon advert designed to get young Danes to vote: “For young people, the upcoming European elections may not be the most exciting event in the world, so the Danish parliament tried to sex-up the ballot in a new TV advert, literally. Featuring a bare-chested hero called Voteman, the advert starts as he is in bed with five women, and follows him as he punches non-voters in the face and interrupts another couple having sex in order to get them to a voting station. The video was posted on YouTube and the Danish parliament website, but was removed after an outcry over its lewd and unprofessional content. Defending the clip, parliament chairman Mogens Lykketoft told news site DR Nyheder: ‘We are trying to inspire the very young. However, in an email sent to members of staff later in the day he conceded: ‘Many people whose opinions I deeply respect have perceived the cartoon from the EU information centre as far more serious and offensive than it was intended – and believe it talks down to young people.”

Return of the Swinging Sixties! Sales of lava lamps, drinks trolleys and decanters soar: “Filled with stylish costumes, decadent lifestyles and sordid affairs, Mad Men has kept viewers gripped for an impressive seven series. But the Mad Men craze has also seen iconic Sixities products such as lava lamps, drinks trolleys and whisky tumblers make a revival, according to research. The hit series, about a New York advertising agency, has prompted a retro revival in online shopping habits, with people rushing to buy not only the furniture in the show, but beauty products to transform themselves into the perfect pin up. Amazon.co.uk revealed that drinks trolley sales have risen by 50 per cent and sales of whisky tumblers are soaring by 24 per cent each week. Decanter sales have also risen by 38 per cent week on week and the ultimate Sixties home accessory, the lava lamp, has increased in sales by 26 per cent. People trying to recreate the Don Draper’s cocktail of choice, the Old Fashioned, have also been buying in American whiskies, with sales up 20 per cent week on week.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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