WE HAVE A WINNER, FOLKS

March 2, 2014 at 12:37 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. The women were asked, “How many of you love your husband?” All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?”. Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn’t remember. The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: “I love you, sweetheart.” The women were then told to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received, in response.

Here are some of the replies:

1. Who the hell is this?

2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?

3. Yeah, and I love you too. What’s up with you??

4. What now? Did you crash the car again?

5. I don’t understand what you mean?

6. What the f*ck did you do now?

7. ?!?

8. Don’t beat about the bush; just tell me how much you need?

9. Am I dreaming?

10. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.

11. I thought we agreed you wouldn’t drink during the day.

12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn’t she???

..

..

THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

What does Germany do right?: “I will tell you something that will blow your mind. A man I knew went from India to Germany in 1937. In Berlin, he bought a watch for his fiancee. They were married soon after. In late 1970s, the watch stopped working. Instead of throwing it away, the wife simply kept it with her. A few years later, their son was sent to Germany on training and the mother gave him the watch (in its original case) just in case. Well, guess what? There was a watch shop at that address in Berlin (now West Berlin) and yes, it was run by the same family. He gave them the watch to repair which they did. When he asked about the charges, they said “Covered under warranty”! That, dear boys and girls, is why German products are insane.”

The flying buttocks: “At 302ft, it is the world’s longest aircraft. That’s longer than the Airbus A380 airliner and almost as long as Big Ben is high. But that is not the HAV304’s main claim to fame. It is a hybrid aircraft – part plane and part airship. It is also almost 30ft (8m) longer than the airlift cargo aircraft Antonov An-225, which was until now the longest aircraft ever built. The giant aircraft is being displayed at Cardington in Bedfordshire in the only hangar big enough to accommodate the 113ft (34m) wide and 85ft (26m) high beast. Bruce Dickinson, lead singer of Iron Maiden and a high-profile investor in the aircraft, compared the ship to Thunderbird 2 and described it as a ‘game changer.’ ‘It will be able to cross the Atlantic and launch things right where they need to be,’ he told Radio 4’s Today programme.

The war children who were born YELLOW: “The First World War left a taint on everyone – but for some it happened more literally than others. Now 97, Gladys Sangster is one of Britain’s last surviving ‘Canary Babies’, born yellow because her mother worked on the Home Front pouring dangerous chemicals into shells. She has long since lost her yellow glow, but claims it affected many of the children born where she still lives in Banbury, Oxfordshire. More than 1,500 people there worked in National Shell Filling Factory Number Nine on the outskirts of Banbury during the Great War. As many of them were women, they became known as the ‘Canary Girls’ when their skin became tainted by touching chemicals in the TNT powder they poured into bombs. Traditional gunpowder had been replaced by materials such as cordite and sulphur which were mixed by hand despite being dangerous to human health.”

Boom in free bus passes… but no buses: Perk so popular councils forced to axe services to pay for it: “Surging demand for free bus travel is forcing councils to axe routes and services, it emerged yesterday. Local authorities say cuts in Government support for free bus passes for the elderly and disabled has left them struggling to fund the scheme. ‘Unless the Government commits to fully funding concessionary fares, elderly and disabled people will be left stranded with a free bus pass in one hand but no local buses to travel on in the other,’ warned Peter Box of the Local Government Association. Yhe warning will infuriate ministers who say free off-peak bus travel is enshrined in legislation and cannot be scrapped. But council chiefs say free bus passes will be worthless if cut-backs mean there are no subsidised off-peak bus services on which to travel.”

The bride and groom didn’t make a wedding list ended up on big day with 27 toasters: Wedding guests these days go to great lengths to avoid giving the happy couple identical presents. So imagine the surprise of Mike and Victoria Seymour when they opened their gifts to find they had been given 27 toasters. The couple had not sent out a wedding list before their big day because they wanted their friends and family to choose their own gifts … we said perhaps they could get us vouchers. But then we made the mistake of saying, off hand: “We don’t need anything more… especially not a toaster”‘. They then learned they were the victims of a prank organised by best man Rob Kanok, 40. Mrs Seymour, a nurse, said: ‘The first we knew what was really happening was when Rob got up and said, “Please raise your glasses for a toaster to the happy couple”. ‘We just couldn’t stop laughing as we opened them all up.’

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

Advertisements

Leave a Comment »

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.
Entries and comments feeds.

%d bloggers like this: