Pondering the problems of the world…

May 26, 2013 at 2:47 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age I don’t really care anymore. ..

If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal. ..

A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat. ..

A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while .. A tortoise doesn’t run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. And you tell me to exercise?? I don’t think so.

Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now that I’m older here’s what I’ve discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

5. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

6. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?

7. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.

8. Some days, you’re the top dog; some days you’re the hydrant.

9. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.

10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

12. It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

13. The world only beats a path to your door when you’re in the bathroom.

14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.

15. When I’m finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

16. It’s not hard to meet expenses . . . they’re everywhere.

17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I’m “here after”.

..

..

THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Scottish garbage collectors are sensitive petals: “A council has ordered its bin men not to go down uneven rural roads because they could suffer ‘whole body vibrations’. Residents in Fife, which recently introduced a new three bin system for rubbish, have been left to drag their own bins, sometimes for long distances, after the local authority instructed refuse workers not to go down roads with ‘too many potholes’. Nearly 500 people have complained about the extra loads they will need to pull so the council workers don’t have to experience the ‘vibrations’. In one road in St Andrews – Prior Letham Road – residents will have to hike 39 bins half-a-mile, to the road-end. Some have questioned the decision, saying postmen travel on the roads every day. Cllr Macgregor pointed out that whole body vibration was a European legislation concept not universally accepted. He said: ‘Tractor drivers, post office workers and others drive up these roads and tracks without any evidence of whole body vibration damage.”

Cyclist pulled over by British cops ‘because he wasn’t wearing Lycra’: “Wearing Lycra has long been considered a crime against fashion. But cyclist Tim Burton was surprised when he was stopped by police who pulled him over for not sporting the stretchy fabric. An officer considered Mr Burton’s preferred outfit of scruffy jeans and a t-shirt not to be the attire of a serious cyclist – and thought he must have stolen the high-end bicycle he was riding. PC Keith James, of Avon and Somerset Police, explained that because Mr Burton was not clad in Lycra or wearing a cycling helmet, he was likely to have pinched the £500 bike. But after checking the serial number on the bicycle which confirmed it did belong to Mr Burton, the officer sent him on his way.”

Damaged Chinese vase still worth £120,000: “A cracked Chinese vase that was delivered by its elderly owner to an auction house in a battered cardboard box has sold for a whopping £120,000. The man, aged in his 80s, had inherited the 11in moonflask vase from a relative many years ago and thought it was of little value because of the damage it had suffered. The top part had once broken off and had been very crudely stitched back together using large metal staples – a technique last used by ceramic specialists in the 1960s. Experts suspected the piece dated back to Imperial China and put a £2,000 pre-sale estimate on it, much to the delight of the owner. Despite the crack and seven staples, Chinese collectors bid on the blue and white vase at Duke’s auctioneers of Dorchester, Dorset, believing if was a rare relic from the Ming dynasty. It was finally bought for £119,500 – but had it not had the hefty crack running through it, it is likely the vase would have fetched £1million.”

Suspect runs away from police… and into a police station by accident: “A man fleeing police ended up inadvertently handing himself in after accidentally running into a police headquarters to hide. The man, who has not been named, was pulled over while driving in Clayton, St. Louis, Missouri, according to television station KMOV.com. Authorities said he got out of his car, pushed a police officer away and ran off. Police chased the man, who was panting heavily and appeared intoxicated, as he ran around the block but were amazed to see him dash straight into the St. Louis County police headquarters. The suspect had run in to hide, missing a sign outside the building that explained what it was. Lieutenant Bryan Ludwig, who was sitting in his office, and colleague, officer Randy Vaughn, jumped up to tackle the man as he sprinted towards them. After a brief chased they blocked him into a corner and arrested him.”

The tallest white elephant in the world: “Reaching more than a thousand feet into the air, The Shard was hailed as one of the wonders of the age when it was completed. Yet Britain’s tallest building is almost entirely empty, as its owners struggle to find buyers and tenants for its offices and luxury flats. As our picture shows, London’s 72-storey skyscraper is largely dark in the early evening, while the surrounding buildings are bright with office lights. Almost a year after it opened at a cost of £500 million, the building’s only occupants are a restaurant on the 32nd floor and a viewing gallery on the upper five floors, which offers visitors stunning views of the capital for £25. Not a single office in the 26 floors devoted to business use has been rented. High rents and economic stagnation have been blamed for the slow take-up – but other experts believe the problem is more fundamental: location, location, location. The Shard is to the south of the Thames, across the river from the financial institutions of the Square Mile who would be its target tenants”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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1 Comment »

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  1. *******Almost empty after a year… The Shard turns into the tallest white elephant in the world********

    Why doesn’t the owner find a rich Saudi who will buy it and turn it into the world’s tallest mosque?


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