GETTING OLDER

May 23, 2013 at 12:06 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office. “Is it true,” she wanted to know, “that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?” “‘Yes, I’m afraid so,”‘ the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, “I’m wondering, then, just how serious is my condition, because this prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’.”

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. “Yes, Dad , what is it?” “Don’t be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.”

Ageing: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. This is so true. I love to hear them say “You don’t look that old.”

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! I want people to know why I look this way. I’ve travelled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

One of the many things no one tells you about ageing is that it is such a nice change from being young.

Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper; it’s worse when you forget to pull it down.

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Aggressive female driver incriminates herself on Twitter: “A YOUNG driver may have landed herself in trouble after boasting about knocking a cyclist off their bike on Twitter. The woman, whose name is ‘Emma Way’ on Twitter, has been contacted by police in the UK city of Norwich following the ill-advised tweet. “Definitely knocked a cyclist off his bike earlier – I have right of way he doesn’t even pay road tax #bloodycyclists”,” she wrote, according to the Guardian. The furore created by her boast resulted in the alleged victim coming forward. Toby Hockley, 29, and a trainee chef, said he was knocked off his bike while taking part in a race with his bike club. In an interview with the BBC, Mr Hockley said: “She hit me hard, really hard. I am lucky to be alive. But I managed to get out of the hedge and stand up. Norfolk police have confirmed that both parties are now in contact with the police.”

Big sinkhole in China: “FIVE people have died after a 10-metre wide sinkhole opened up at the gates of an industrial estate in Shenzhen, the southern Chinese boom town neighbouring Hong Kong. The Shenzhen Longgang district government said on its verified page on Sina Weibo, China’s version of Twitter, that five people had died and added that it was investigating the incident. The sinkhole formed just outside the Huamao Industrial Park in Shenzhen on Monday evening, at a time when many factory workers would have been changing shifts, according to the website of Beijing-based newspaper the Guangming Daily. The state-run Shanghai Daily newspaper said that rescuers saved one man.”

Dangerous driver not too clever: “AN unlicensed hoon who allegedly swerved – on purpose – at a father and his baby boy on a suburban Darwin street has been arrested. A photo taken by the victim, who wished to remain anonymous, helped police track down the alleged offender. The man said that he was walking near his house on Wilmot St, at The Narrows, on Monday when he heard a loud “screech” of tyres. “There was a big plume of smoke coming from the back of this car,” he said. “I crossed the road and got my phone out. The car sped down the road and started swerving at us in a threatening way when he realised I was filming.” The black tyre marks left from the burnout were about 30m long. The 24-year-old driver did a lap of the block and then parked his white Ford sedan outside a mate’s house close to the scene of the burnout, at the corner of Fleming St, about 6.30pm on Monday. Police found the alleged hoon at the house about 70m from the burnout. It is unknown whether he was the owner of the car, which was impounded. The man has been charged with driving unlicensed and driving without due care, and faced Darwin Magistrates Court yesterday.”

Wedding dress and dog don’t mix: “There was little this bride could do when she was chased down and tackled to the ground by an overenthusiastic dog. The bride, identified only as Morgan, was making her way across a garden after showing off her dress to her grandmother, when the unfortunate incident occurred. A woman filming Morgan from the terrace warns not to let the dog, named Tess, out of the house – but it comes too late. As the overenthusiastic Tess bounds across the lawn at top speed, Morgan flees across the lawn. She is soon knocked to the ground by the playful pet. Despite her pristine white dress being no doubt covered in pawprints and slobber, the bride manages to see the funny side and bursts into giggles as the dog is pulled off her.”

Internet goes bonkers for mysterious male model Ahmed Angel: “Meet Ahmed Angel, the bright-eyed, unabashedly narcissistic male model from Iraq who is conquering the internet one creepy, sparkling selfie at a time. With his flawless (perhaps slightly Photoshopped) porcelain skin, fair Ahmed looks like a cross between Frodo Baggins and post-transformation Michael Jackson. Which can only be a good thing. And boy, what a personality. Ahmed doesn’t bother with the grating false modesty of most small-time celebrities. Just check out this loving video tribute he made to himself. “He is planet.” We have absolutely no idea what Ahmed means by that but hey, with a face this gorgeous, he doesn’t need to make sense. We know you’ve already fallen for those piercing blue eyes. You and the rest of the world. But worry not, Ahmed loves you back. The Ahmed admirers aren’t just on Facebook. Ahmed’s Imgur album has been viewed almost a million times, and his luminescence has spawned a series of threads on reddit. Sigh. So eloquent. The guy doesn’t have a single flaw. Seriously though, we’re totally creeped out.” [Let’s hope he is a Shia Muslim who goes for a walk down a Sunni street in his native Iraq some time]

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.