Women can multi-task

December 24, 2010 at 11:20 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

A farmer stopped by the local garage to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far away and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at a shop and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped at another shop and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem – how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, “Can you tell me how to get to 160 Partington Lane?” The farmer said, “Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can’t carry this lot.”

The old lady suggested, “Why don’t you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?”

“Why thank you very much,” he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says “Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.”

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, “I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?”

The farmer said, “Bloody hell, love, ! I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?”

The old lady replied, “Put the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens.”

..

..

THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Maine: Anonymous Santa hands out $100 bills: “Christmas arrived early yesterday when an anonymous Santa delivered $100 bills to Mainers in need. A man dressed as Saint Nicholas handed out envelopes with $100 bills at a food pantry in Sebago. He planned to give out $20,000 over three days at food pantries, a Goodwill store, a Salvation Army store, and a bus station in southern Maine to bring joy to those less fortunate.”

China bans English words and phrases: “Chinese newspapers, books and websites will no longer be allowed to use English words and phrases, the country’s publishing body has announced, saying the “purity” of the Chinese language is in peril. The General Administration of Press and Publication (GAPP), which announced the new rule on Monday, said the increasing use of English words and abbreviations in Chinese texts had caused confusion and was a means of “abusing the language”. English abbreviations such as NBA (National Basketball Association), GDP (gross domestic product), CPI (consumer price index) and WTO (World Trade Organisation) are commonly used in Chinese publications. The Global Times quoted an editor at a Beijing publishing house as saying finding translations for globally used acronyms would be time-consuming and confusing. “I wonder how many people understand ‘guoji shangye jiqi gongsi’, when IBM is instantly recognisable,” the editor said.”

British stores put security tags on turkeys to stop shoplifters: “Supermarkets are putting electronic tags on their turkeys in an attempt to beat thefts triggered by hard times this Christmas. The stores have taken the drastic action in direct response to a rise in shoplifting of food caused by the squeeze on family budgets. In the past, stores reserved the tags for high value items such as drink and CDs. However, increasingly, the electronic tags are being put on meat, and the security measure will be extended to turkeys for the first time this year. Turkeys and turkey crowns can cost well over £30, which means shoplifters can get a good price on the black market. Several types of tag are used. Initially, stores relied on bright yellow easily identifiable tags, but now more are using smaller versions, including some that are little bigger than a grain of sand.”

Man faces jail after kissing wife’s bottom: “A Hobart man who drunkenly kissed his estranged wife on the bottom has been warned he may face a jail term. The man pleaded guilty to indecent assault in the Hobart Magistrates Court today. The court heard the unemployed 48-year-old – who cannot be identified – had been drinking when he went to his wife’s Hobart home in June 2009 to talk with her. She was lying on a bed and he twice asked her to turn over on to her stomach. When she refused he forcibly rolled her over, straddled her, pulled down her pants and kissed her on the bottom as she screamed “No, no!”. When the couple’s children ran into the room, the victim explained she had been tickled, but the man made a vulgar comment, the court heard.”

Reindeer eat magic mushrooms to escape winter boredom, scientists claim: “It’s no wonder Rudolph and his reindeer pals can fly: scientists say they have found that the animals regularly eat magic mushrooms to get high, The Sun reported today. Scientist Andrew Haynes says reindeer deliberately seek out the mind-bending fungi to escape the monotony of dreary, long winters. Writing in the respected Pharmaceutical Journal, Haynes said: “They have a desire to experience altered states of consciousness.” “For humans a common side-effect of mushrooms is the feeling of flying, so it’s interesting the legend about Santa’s reindeer is they can fly,” he continued.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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