A helpful senior reports:

September 26, 2010 at 2:05 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I was in the supermarket the other day pushing my cart around when I collided with a young guy pushing his cart.

I said to the young guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

The young guy says, “That’s OK. It’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.

I said, “Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?”

The young guy says, “Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she’s wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?”

I said, “Doesn’t matter — let’s look for yours.”

Most of us old guys are helpful like that.

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Must not eat fish in Britain? “A yob has been arrested after buying a goldfish in a pet shop and swallowing it in front of horrified shop staff. Chris Caswell, 30, was arrested yesterday over the prank that was videoed by his friends and posted on Facebook. He paid £1.99 for the fish and then asked staff to put it in a glass he had bought with him, claiming he just lived across the road. A shopworker agreed and then watched in horror as he downed the fish in one gulp. After Caswell ate the creature, his friend, videoing the encounter, said: ‘Goldfish down the hatch!’ They then walked out of the shop laughing and joking. Police were alerted after the footage was posted on the social networking website.”

Batty Britain again: “A clergyman who caught a squirrel in his house was told he was neither allowed to kill it nor release it into the wild. Douglas Drane, 70, minister of the Mariner’s Church in Gloucester Docks, was told he could be breaking the law if he culled the animal “inhumanely”. However, It is also illegal to release grey squirrels, which are considered an alien species, into the wild, even in areas like Gloucestershire where there are not believed to be any native reds squirrels remaining. “I caught one of these vermin in a humane trap but when I called the RSPCA I was told I could not let it go because it posed a threat to red squirrels, which are not native to Gloucestershire,” he said. “I was also told I could not kill the animal myself and that risked prosecution if I did.”

‘I’ve married my sister – now we’re having our second baby’: “Of course, their wedding day had to be kept as a somewhat low-key affair. There was no church, no function and no amusing tales of how the lovers’ paths crossed. But so determined are they to spend the rest of their lives together that they sealed their union during an intimate civil marriage ceremony last week. And in a further twist, the couple, who discovered they were siblings after they conceived their first child, are expecting another baby. But the pressures of the secret they have shared for years is forcing them to emigrate as they fear that if they remain living in Ireland it will only be a matter of time before the authorities become aware of their identities and prosecute them for being involved in an incestuous relationship.”

Iraqi doctor sues his British university for £300k after flunking his exams: “A doctor is suing his former university for more than £300,000 after failing his degree. Dr Salah Chilab has accused King’s College London of negligence for marking an exam incorrectly and failing to let him take an oral exam. He also alleges it failed to follow its exam regulations. The landmark case could set a major precedent for others whose academic results have blighted their career. Dr Chilab, 56, of Bayswater, West London, claims the errors have left him unemployable, resulting in a loss of income of up to £1.6 million. The Iraq-trained doctor, who was doing a two-year masters in nuclear medicine, scored less than the overall 50 per cent needed to pass but says he was failed wrongly due to errors.”

2,000ft up, the new ‘barrage balloon’ spying on the Taliban: “They may look like something from the days of the Second World War, but barrage balloons have found a new, high-tech role helping British troops in Afghanistan. The 60ft-long drones are being deployed as hugely effective ‘spies in the sky’ to snare Taliban fighters before they mount attacks on British troops. Bristling with sophisticated cameras, radar and electronic listening devices, the large, unmanned balloons – tethered at over 2,000ft – send live film footage of enemy activity day and night to forward operating bases and eavesdrop on insurgents’ mobile phone and radio calls from several miles away. The modern-day drones – known as ­‘aerostats’ – in Helmand ­province are ­operated by the Royal Artillery and cost £5 million each.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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