Jewish jokes

July 22, 2010 at 2:44 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I have always liked Jewish jokes but they can be a bit risky with all the correctness police around these days. Fortunately Jews themselves are very good at telling Jewish jokes — though I gather that not everybody “gets” Jewish humor. It often has a lugubrious or tragic element to it that not everyone relates to. The following joke for instance:

“Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies” — Milton Berle

The joke of course lies in the absurdity of the statement.

I think I have put that one up before but in a slightly different version — something to do with Reuben sandwiches, I think. But I haven’t got the time to track back and find it so if anybody reading this knows other versions of that joke leave them in the “Comments” section. They will amuse me if no-one else.

Anyhow, make sure you have your pastrami on rye — or maybe sourdough if you are having a good day.

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THE NEWS

Odd news from around the world

Man in dog house for writing to wife’s cat: “A man is accused of violating a protective order because he allegedly sent letters to his estranged wife’s cat. Authorities say 32-year-old Ronald Charles Dallas, of South Salt Lake, Utah, was ordered not to contact his wife, who is the alleged victim in a domestic violence case against him. Prosecutors allege Dallas mailed 11 letters from jail that were addressed to her cat Molly Judge and a neighbour, but were intended for his wife. They say the letters asked her not to testify against him. Dallas now faces 11 counts of violation of a protective order and two counts of tampering with a witness.”

Hungry woman: “An American millionaire hopes to land the love of her life by spending a record-breaking $US1488 an hour on a man-hunting vacation. Cheryl Mercuris, a 40-something divorcee and self-made millionaire, from Tampa, told the New York Post she’s splashing out $US500,000 for a two-week summer rental in the Hamptons, because: “The dating pool is much better here (The Hamptons) than in Florida.” The single mother, who made her own fortune in direct marketing, is scouring the international hunting ground for women seeking the world’s most eligible bachelors and spending her time mingling with hedge-fund managers and Wall Street lawyers in their natural lairs – celebrity-studded restaurants and glamorous events. “There are so many career-oriented people here, unlike the west coast of Florida, which is very quiet and laid-back – not great for someone who is single and raising a child,” she said.” [She’ll get herself a great con-man]

Argentine jail guarded by mannequins: “Two men convicted of armed robbery escaped from a prison in southeastern Argentina that was so understaffed it used mannequins to man its watchtowers, prison authorities admitted today. “I admit we have a type of mannequin but in this sector there are cameras that enable us to observe all movements,” said Daniel Verges, the director of prisons in Neuquen province. The two inmates escaped on Saturday by climbing over a wall at Penal Unit No 11 in Neuquen. The watchtower guarding the wall was manned by a makeshift doll. “We made a doll with a ball and a cap so that prisoners would see a shadow and think they were being guarded,” the newspaper Rio Negro quoted a guard as saying. The guard said only two of the prison’s 15 watchtowers have real guards.”

Devoted maid inherits millions from boss: “A devoted Filipina maid has inherited 6 million Singapore dollars ($4 million) from her late employer after more than 20 years of service. “I am the luckiest maid in Singapore, with or without the money,” the 47-year-old single woman – identified only by the pseudonym “Christine” – told The Straits Times newspaper in an interview today. The windfall, including cash and a luxury apartment near the Orchard Road shopping belt, came from the estate of her employer Quek Kai Miew, a medical doctor and philanthropist who died last year aged 66. The maid had also taken care of the doctor’s late mother, and was told that she would be a beneficiary of her employer’s will when it was drawn up in 2008. Nearly 200,000 foreign maids, mostly from the Philippines and Indonesia, work in affluent Singapore, which has a population of 5 million.”

Swiss money too popular: “Switzerland is fighting a losing battle to stop massive inflows of funds from investors fleeing sovereign risk in the euro area and the rest of the world, raising the risk of a violent spike in Swiss franc if global debt jitters return. The Swiss National Bank (SNB) said it lost over 14bn francs (£8.8bn) in the first half of the year in a forlorn attempt to hold down the currency against the euro. “If we have a US slowdown with a fresh financial crisis, everybody is going to want to buy the Swiss franc, along with bottled water, tins hats, and a shotgun,” said David Bloom, currency chief at HSBC. “Now that Japan’s debt is around 200pc of GDP the franc has displaced the yen as the ultimate safe haven.”

And don’t forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.

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